by V. Theia
He was moving in with Gia for the duration.
God help him.
******
“I want to make something crystal clear if you're going to live in my house this week,” every time he pulled away from her she felt it in her heart. He left behind a fresh scar and soon Gia's heart would be coated in them.
Year after year of dismissal and rejection and she kept coming back for more. She was a literal failure to her job when she advised the love troubled. If she were counseling herself, knowing the entire miserable situation of never reaching step one with Hawk she'd tell herself to give up, to find a love truly worth her while, a love that was returned.
Knowing her brother wanted her to have a babysitter, oh, she was spitting mad over it. She was being dragged into his MC life when all she'd ever done was keep on the fringes.
It stung less to know that babysitter was Hawk, she'd been thrilled.
Then realization set in. Hawk in her house for a week. With the way she felt.
He might kiss her at odd times, that kiss in the hallway was one of relief, she was sure of it. But it didn't stop her hoping for more.
“I'm attracted to you, Colton.”
That look right there on his face, swirling in his pale eyes was what always gave her a shred of hope. It was pure heat. His nostrils flared while his fists bunched.
He wanted her. He couldn't deny that. And yet he did. Again, and again.
“If you're in my house, you need to be aware of that. You blow hot and cold continuously and it's confusing.” A pause. “Attachment hurts, Hawk. When it's not returned, it's the worse feeling. I was attached to you the moment I laid eyes on you. As though I was waiting and there you were.”
He looked at her solemnly. Could he understand? Did he feel emotions like she did? She hated not being able to easily read him. His scowl could translate to pissed off or happiness.
“You were a baby.”
She'd expected that. “My age was no reflection on my feelings. I had them for you.”
Something twisted on his face and she felt a flicker of...hope?
“Had?”
His eyes were moonlight shining—no, they glowed. Gia had been in his company for all of two minutes while her brother dropped off her school bag. Just two short minutes of staring at the nasty scowl etched on his chiseled face and that was all it had taken. Fifteen-year-old Gia was in love. Something in that second changed and realigned her organs to make way for the fresh, consuming young feelings she was experiencing.
Two minutes and she was never the same again.
It was two more years of unrequited love before Hawk saw her.
“Have.” Her throat tight. “I have feelings for you. My attachment didn't go away, and I don't know what to do about it because as hard as I push, you're pushing back, and I feel like I'm getting nowhere. That hurts me.”
“I don't want to hurt you.”
“I know that, Hawk. Maybe I just need to start listening to you. You've told me plainly enough, brutally so and I didn't hear. You don't want me in the same way.”
He only hung his head. She pleaded silently for him to correct her, tell her he wanted her, to prove it. He didn't say a word. Instead she did what she always did when Hawk rejected her in his cruel way. She pasted on a smile, knocked the dark waves of her hair over one shoulder, and lifted her chin.
The battle was lost. The war was still up for grabs. She played a new tactic.
“Then as my houseguest, I propose something new. Something that might scare you, Colton.”
His eyes narrowed to slits.
She grinned.
“Will you be my friend?”
******
Will you be my friend?
It went around and around his empty skull, crashing into corners of dust.
The back of Hawk's brain was bleeding, he could feel the trauma even as he answered incredulously with his pale eyes glued to her oh, so lovely face. “Yeah.” His voice box sounded like he deep throated nails in his spare time. He cleared it as best as a man could whose body was leaking oxygen. “Yeah, I will.”
Her smile was priceless.
“Then follow me, you're going to die for the sandwich I’m about to make you before we dig into packing my house up and don't beg me for the recipe, Colton, it’s a family secret.” She turned to wink. At this point in the conversation Hawk wasn't even sure he was conscious. Maybe he was dead. He followed behind. Like a puppy in love with its master. “Unless you want to bribe me. I'm open to bribes.” She went on.
She was his friend.
She was his friend.
A friend he wanted to fuck over her nice, neat dining table.
Her dirty minded fucking friend.
The friend who had jacked off all week in the morning shower until his cock was sore just, so he could deal with being so close to her. That kind of friend.
Hawk, as his brain checked back in while Gia pulled condiments from the fridge, wondered if her scent was a hallucinogenic... He inhaled taking it deep into his lungs. Coconut.
Whatever it was his dick liked it, that piece of filth wanted inside her so badly it pulsed to life, the eighth time today.
Pulling out his phone he tapped quietly all the while watching Gia put food together for him.
Hawk: Is coconut a hallucinogen?
Lawless: Are you high on it?
Hawk: Fucking answer the question!
Lawless: If you're huffing it and you start talking to little green men bring some of that shit home.
Scowling, Hawk shoved his cell away. So much for thinking that bastard knew everything. Lawless was as dumb as he was.
The hours went by quickly once he collected packing boxes and they started on the lower level storing up her shit.
He felt like an A-grade predator stalking with his eyes. Wherever she went his eyes followed, stroking her in ways he denied his fingers. God, she was so fucking lovely.
Had he been too deep in his own psyche-bullshit to notice she'd grown into a smart, amazing woman who could make the choice of which man she wanted? Even now as he swept his dank gaze over her picking through a floor full of her books, carefully wrapping them in bubble wrap and putting them into boxes, knowing he didn't deserve to look at her, she was so soft in her little blue sweater molded to her chest. Hawk pictured sliding his hands under and cupping her breasts, feeling how heavy they'd be in his two palms. Would she protest? Would she cry for more? If ever there was a perfect form of a woman, Gia was it. With her long legs and slim hips that flared just right. Her face was etched in his mind. He both saw her at seventeen and now ten years on. She was ever lovelier, and he couldn't shake the thought that all this time ... what if.
He dug fingers into his eye sockets. Stop being a fucking maudlin pussy, he mentally kicked himself. Long since accepted this illness would go with him to the grave, there was just no shifting Gia from inside his bones, she was in his skin and blood, every slam of his heart was a fucking song of her name.
The monster was in love and he wouldn't accept anyone else.
Only Hawk was smarter than the monster residing in his head.
They said he was evil, they said he was a cancer.
Well nothing bad would touch his little bit of a thing, not while he breathed.
He didn't believe a word of what they'd preached to him. But it still lived in his skin. The dirt. His own filth. There was no amount of washing to make himself good for Gia, was there? Fuck knows he'd tried over the years.
Earn her. Hawk had thought.
Win her.
It was all no good.
Nightmares were a thing of his past. He walked and breathed among them, he didn’t need them in his sleep as well.
Be her friend? Fucking torture. But he’d take it. He’d take it in both hands and cradle it.
And when she got a boyfriend deserving of her? He’d kill him.
Fuck.
No. That’s not what friends do. He’d be happy for her.
>
Fuck that, he growled internally. His blood turning to battery acid at the thought of some lucky bastard with his hands all over Gia.
He’d kill that guy.
CHAPTER NINE
“With this lick I thee own …” - Hawk
He couldn’t even claim a depraved dream woke him.
Not when he hadn’t closed his eyes yet.
It was 2:30 in the morning according to the clock on his cell phone and Hawk was so fucking hard he was clawing at the inside of his own brain for relief.
A flashback of many nights in this situation over the years where a thought of Gia would escalate so fierce and fast he was left to resort to screwing any bitch to expunge the one woman he couldn’t have.
Even if he were at the club, no chick would appeal. No one interested him in months, and even then, it was a stretch to say he felt any true arousal because whoever was bent over for him. They were a means to an end.
It was always Gia. Beginning, middle and the end.
He’d used scores of women’s bodies for his sickness and still here he was in her house, his addiction scratching the inside of his chest cavity.
If he were in the clubhouse he’d find a bottle of whatever liquor was closest to hand. Or he’d smoke until his head was occupied with anything other than his addiction.
He was far too aware she was sleeping just beyond that thin wall. Probably in a pair of shorts with her butt hanging out of them. Or naked. So damn naked his mouth dried up.
Hawk shot up off the bed, grabbed the pair of sweat pants and yanked them angrily over his legs leaving them hanging on his waist.
She was in there now, burrowed in the downy comforter, warm and possibly, gloriously naked. Her skin warm to the touch.
Inviting.
Scraping both hands over his perverted face, he paced.
Needing a bullet to the brain. Or a fucking muzzle for his thoughts.
The room was no bigger than eight feet by eight feet. Perfect for Gia’s office, but not so much for a man of his size to track away his anxious jitter. He could do the full room in a few steps. Still he paced.
2.34am.
Her coconut scent was everywhere. At one point during the night he’d lifted his arm to sniff to make sure it wasn’t embedded in his own skin. The scent was soothing and tormenting at the same time.
Gia has always been top shelf Macallan 25 on gorgeous legs. His own walking, seducing compulsion put on this earth to show just how weak of a man Hawk truly was when every minute of every day he’d wanted to dive head first into her and never recover from the trauma loving her caused.
He was so hard. His dick was aching in heartbeats against his thigh demanding it be taken home inside Gia.
He paced some more.
There was no chance he was jerking off to ease the pressure, not with Gia right next door. The heel of his hand found its own way to his groin, pressing hard, willing the hard-fucking traitor to calm his shit down.
2.37am.
He needed air. He felt like he was choking in coconut. The window pushed wide did nothing to put oxygen in to his lungs.
It was no good. He was climbing out of his goddamn sick skin thinking of her just feet away. He’d wake her real nice. He’d always fantasized about kissing her awake. Just streaking his mouth from one end of her to the other and stopping in the places in the middle to lick full attention right there.
Would she cry out? Would she wake moaning and gripping his hair tight enough he’d be bald? Would she beg him to keep going with his hard tongue-fuck?
Without realizing it, ten deep in his sick fantasy, he prowled over to the bed, plonked his ass and fished out his cock in a tight, craving palm.
Air shot out of his throat with relief. Fuck, yeah. Head cranking down as he folded in on his knees and rolled his hand.
He was stroking before he knew it.
Slow. Easy. Strokes. From tip to base.
Unlike usual, Hawk went easy on his cock. He didn’t punish himself for wanting Gia. Something about being around her freed his desire. Listening to all her stories as they packed her boxes side by side and hearing her laugh over every little thing had been eye opening. She had a story for each book, where she bought it, who gifted it to her, and what it meant to her. He’d hung off her every word like one giant love sapped dickhead.
Even smiled a time or two when she wasn’t looking his way.
Jesus. Oh, fuck. Electricity climbed through him. It felt too good. He couldn’t have these filthy thoughts in his head about her, could he? Stroke it out. Stroke it out. Thoughts of watching her wrap her pink lips around the tip he was powering through his hand. Watching her give him the suck until he hit the soft part of her throat.
Now wouldn’t that be something?
Heaven in his own part of Hell.
Would she suck hard with a bit of teeth?
Would she lick tentatively at him? He’d never wanted a mouth on his cock before.
He’d let her, too. Just let her explore even if it meant she drove him to his knees. What in the good Hell was he lying to himself for? Hawk would beg for it. Oh, baby, suck me in hard.
As much as he had always quarantined himself from Gia, he’d known one thing.
One thing never changed. His body would always belong to her.
He could screw a thousand women and that fact wouldn’t change. Because while he got a fast release that was as empty as it was unfulfilling, one smile from Gia was surmount to an all over body climax. He felt it days later whistling through his blood, making him higher than any amount of weed could match.
Noise whirred in the back of his skull.
The dirty bastard part of him wanted her to hear him groaning low in his throat, to walk in here and watch. Watch how incredibly hard his cock was for her. How it dripped from the tip into his fingers, he used the wetness to pull tighter and picture that image.
Oh, fuck. That was good.
If he closed his eyes he could see the younger version of Gia. Wide eyed. Perpetually happy. Innocent. Too beautiful for her own good. The girl he’d had sick fantasies about were put to shame compared to the woman she was now at twenty-seven.
Stunning.
Breath-taking.
The most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Maybe if he didn’t think she was so perfect he could have her. But he did, and she was.
Too perfect for him.
And his thoughts only become filthier with age.
The fastest climax hurried through his spine, tightening his balls to two hard rocks, he pulsed streams of come over his hand, spurting up his torso. Hawk groaned keening noises, chewing on the inside of his cheek to stop from calling out her name.
When the spasms worked through him, he took a long breath almost falling over his lap.
He cleaned up fast, and knowing he was no more relaxed than he was two minutes ago he rifled through his holdall, found the rolled spliff and a box of matches, he opened the bedroom door lightly, creeping through her house he took the stairs, unlocked the back door and stood out in the yard.
Melancholy in his unrequited love he tugged hard on the smoke, feeling the weed shunt straight to his lungs and spread the manufactured happy gene into his bloodstream. Tossing the blown-out match into the yard he didn’t hear the porch door opening until he did.
The object of his jerking not ten minutes ago was standing right there.
And he was goddamn right. She was wearing teeny booty shorts that shaped everything. Standing like a sweet innocent rubbing her eyes. Thank Christ it was dark out there and she hadn’t popped on the yard light or he feared he’d take one look at what the cloth was cupping at the apex of her legs and fall to his knees and lick her furiously.
Leaning a shoulder on the porch post, teeth gritting to keep his dickhead-self in check he looked her over, eyelids hooded with a massive surge of lust, greedy for any sight of Gia she’d allow him. He was one monstrous motherfucker to grow hard again.
Fuck. She was so love
ly. Her hair swinging over her shoulders and as she approached she brought the scent of coconuts with her.
Her voice was husky from sleep. “Couldn’t sleep?” Had she awoken and come looking for him? Pleased heat inflamed his torso with a deep breath.
“Too wired.” He told her truthfully. “You should be sleeping.” His fingers twitched to carry her right back to her bed and crawl in with her.
“Yes, daddy.”
Hawk’s head came up fast. Fire and acid burned in his belly. He shouldn’t like her sassy words.
She saved him from answering by walking closer. “Are you going to share that?”
“Since when do you smoke pot?”
“Not since college.” She boldly plucked it from his lips and he let her. Curious if she would, he watched her.
She took a bigger toke than she should have and coughed up a lung in front of him. Hawk sprang into action and rubbed her back, a grin twitching the corner of his lip. “Breathe, that’s it. Give me that back, little girl.”
“It just surprised me, I got it.” She told him and placed it back in her lips. This time she didn’t die.
They shared the spliff between them.
“When did you smoke in college?”
Their fingers brushed as she handed him the joint. On the second sweep when she lingered he knew she was doing that shit deliberately.
“A few football frat parties.” Under the moonlight Gia began to smile. He could see the pot loosening her up. Her warmth invaded him. She was the sun. “It was at one of those parties I lost my virginity.”
Hawk’s blood turned to dust. “Jesus, you went to college at fifteen.” He didn’t know what she found so funny. Who the fuck was this punk? He’d find him. “Relax, Dad. I only took a few college classes then. I didn’t go to the dorms until I was eighteen. I was nineteen by then.” Blowing smoke in his face, her smile lit up the darkness. “It wasn’t even good. I couldn’t even party right.”
“Keep calling me dad and watch yourself put over my knee,” what in the fuck was he saying? Shut up, dickhead.