by Tracy Brown
Jada’s lawyer was on his job. He filed motion after motion to challenge the judge’s ruling. He argued that Jada hadn’t used any drugs after her child was born. Granted, that was due in part to her incarceration, but Jada was giving it a real try. He got Jada’s counselor, Miss Walsh, to testify about the strides she’d made. Jada had given Miss Walsh a hard time when she first got there. But she told Jada point-blank that she hadn’t put her there. She wasn’t the reason Jada found herself locked up and in rehab. Jada had done that all by herself. Miss Walsh said that she wasn’t there just because she was bored at home. She wasn’t there to rub Jada’s back, or to pick her up. She was there to help Jada beat this thing, and to make the transition smoother for her, so that she could reclaim her life. Jada wanted that more than anything. Miss Walsh got through to her because of the raw and uncut way in which she dealt with her. She didn’t sugarcoat the situation, or pretend that it was going to be easy. Jada needed her type of raw honesty, and it helped her to get the monkey off her back once and for all.
Her attorney argued that the judge couldn’t base his decision on whether or not Jada was a current danger to Sheldon solely based on Jada’s past behavior. She hadn’t used any drugs since the day she’d been arrested. He argued that she deserved the benefit of the doubt, now that she had been clean for more than a year. It could no longer be considered neglect if Jada had genuinely changed her life, and was now drug free. The judge agreed, and placed a condition on her future with her son. If she completed the program, Jada was entitled to supervised visits. That drove her to finish the program. She had her baby boy to get home to. Jada took her recovery more seriously than ever. And Sunny was there for her every step of the way. At the end of nine months of rehabilitation, Jada left that program clean, and didn’t pick up a drug afterward. It was like a switch had gone off in her head once she had seen her baby. For Jada, seeing Sheldon fighting to survive made her want to fight, too. It made her want to beat what was weighing her down, and survive, the same way he had. Having Sheldon saved her life. And even though it would take her a long time to get to the point where she could have supervised visits with him, she was grateful to be in his life at all. At first, a social worker came along on her visits with Sheldon, watching how she spoke to him, how she played with him, and observing the way Jada interacted with her son. She was bothered by this, hating the fact that a stranger had to watch her play with her own child. Eventually, she earned the right to unsupervised visitation, and a social worker picked Sheldon up from Jamari and dropped him off with Jada. This was done so that the two of them could avoid any confrontations that may adversely affect Sheldon’s development. Jada preferred it that way. She didn’t ever want to do anything to hurt Sheldon again. He was her whole reason for living. Jada said a daily prayer of thanks that God had given her a second chance—not just at motherhood, but at life.
Jada went to see Miss Ingrid about a month after she came home. Ingrid was so happy to see Jada now that she was cleaned up, and had gotten her shit together. She opened the door, and she smiled so big that you would have thought she was Jada’s mother, and not Born’s.
“Jada, oh my God. Look at you!” Ingrid was obviously impressed by Jada’s transition. “Girl, you look so good!”
Jada hugged Born’s mother, and Ingrid led her into her living room. “Sit down, and let me get you something to drink.” Jada did as she was told, and Ingrid disappeared into the kitchen. Jada looked around at all of the pictures of Born gracing the shelves and tables in the living room. His elementary school picture was the cutest, in Jada’s opinion. Born wore a green polo shirt in the picture, and his two front teeth were missing on the top. He looked so cute, and Jada couldn’t help wondering if their children would have inherited Born’s handsome face. She wished all the time that Sheldon was his child rather than punk-ass Jamari’s.
Ingrid reentered the living room, and sat across from Jada. “When did you come home?” Ingrid asked.
Jada sipped her soda, and said, “Last month. I’ve been staying in Brooklyn with my friend Sunny. She helped me out so much, Miss Ingrid. I had a hard time seeing my baby, because my baby’s father fought me for sole custody while I was locked up.” Jada sat and told Ingrid everything. She told her how it had felt to see her baby limp and helpless, his body frail and bony. She remembered Sheldon as a tiny baby with withdrawal symptoms from the crack. Ingrid listened as Jada told her that watching Sheldon fight for his life had made her want to fight for her own. She briefly explained the long story of her legal battles with Jamari for the right to be a part of her son’s life. Ingrid listened sympathetically. “Sunny and her mother snuck, and took pictures of my son, and brought them to me while I was in jail, and in rehab. They helped my attorney prove that I was serious about getting my act together, and I’m so grateful to them for that.”
Ingrid nodded. “Your friend Sunny sounds like a real friend. You don’t get too many of those in life. You might get one. And if you get one, you should consider yourself lucky. If you get more than that, you are truly blessed. You’ll come across a lot of different people in your life. Some you’ll like more than others. But you gotta learn to differentiate between friends and just plain associates. This girl Sunny sounds like a friend.”
Jada nodded. She thought about Shame, who she had once thought was her friend. Now that she had gotten her life together, Jada realized that Shante had only wallowed in Jada’s misery and misfortune. But what goes around always comes around, and Shante was still getting high, and looking worse than ever. She had teeth missing and a haggard appearance every time she stepped outside. Everybody looked at her, and saw little more than a crackhead who looked twenty years older than she actually was. Jada was happy that her life hadn’t turned out the same way. She had gotten another chance. Ingrid offered Jada a piece of her famous chocolate cake, and that was an offer she couldn’t refuse. They ate cake and drank coffee, and chatted like old friends catching up after journeying down a long and winding road. Ingrid explained the importance of friendship to Jada.
“See, this is how I see it. There are so many young women who depend on the men in their lives for everything. They base their self-esteem, sometimes, on the man they love, and on what he thinks. They think that because he says ‘I love you,’ he’s always gonna be around.
That ain’t always the case. But your friends … your good girlfriends … now they’ll be there. True friends will help you back up on your feet. You hold on to your girl Sunny. Sounds to me like she got your back.”
Jada embraced the wisdom Born’s mother imparted to her. It made it easy for her to talk to her about all the things she’d been through. She told Ingrid about her plans to go to school and take up journalism. She told her that writing had been therapeutic for her during her time away, and that she’d love to pursue it professionally. Ingrid was proud of Jada for turning such a negative situation into such a positive one. Ingrid walked to her closet, pulled out a large shoebox, and handed it to Jada. Jada looked inside and found all of her money. She smiled, grateful beyond measure that Ingrid had been true to her word, and had kept Jada’s money secure. She wanted to cry, because she knew there weren’t too many people who are honest enough to keep fifty-five thousand dollars untouched for close to two years. “Thank you, Miss Ingrid.” Jada’s eyes were misty. “Thank you so much.”
Ingrid smiled back. She sat back in her seat, and folded her arms across her chest. “You did it. You got back up on your feet, and you did it for the right reasons. You did it for yourself, and for your son. I’m real proud of you.” Ingrid smiled. Then she let out a sigh, and looked her in the eyes. “Let me tell you something, Jada. And you need to keep this between me and you.” Ingrid knew that her son would be upset if he knew what she was about to say, but Ingrid trusted Jada to keep this discussion between them.
Jada nodded. “After what you did for me, Miss Ingrid, you know you can trust me.”
Ingrid nodded. “I know my son very well. You know
what I’m saying? And I know that he still cares about you. He talks about you sometimes, and he gets this faraway look in his eyes. You didn’t hear it from me, but I think my son still has love in his heart for you.”
Jada smiled. “Wow. That’s like music to my ears.”
Ingrid smiled, and sighed. “But Marquis is about to be a father.”
Jada’s heart broke into a million pieces. She tried to keep her game face on, but Ingrid could see that she was hurt. “With who? Anisa?” Jada asked.
Ingrid nodded. “Yeah.” She shook her head in disbelief. “When he was locked up, she forgot all about him. She was there for him at first, but it didn’t take Miss Thang long to hit the road. I wasn’t surprised, and Marquis said he wasn’t either. But I think he was kinda hurt by it, even though he tried to act like he wasn’t. Marquis contacted her when he got home to ask her why she had played him like that. Next thing you know, she’s pregnant. I can’t say she trapped him. I don’t know that for sure. But I do know that Marquis will make a good father. I’m sure that Anisa knows she got a good man. And I’m not just saying that because he’s my son. Marquis has a big heart, and he’s gonna be good to her, and to his child. He won’t let her and the baby go without, and for that reason alone Anisa does her best to keep my son happy.” Ingrid looked at Jada. “He’s about to have a son, and he’s real excited about it. But I can tell that Marquis don’t care for her like he cared for you.”
Jada felt relieved hearing that. Surely the man’s own mother wouldn’t lie.
“He will probably never love another woman the same way he loved you. But you hurt my baby.”
Jada looked at the floor, feeling so small and so guilty. “I know I did. That’s something I will regret for the rest of my life.”
Ingrid shook her head. “Don’t regret it, Jada. Regret ain’t nothing but a waste of energy, because you can’t fix nothing by regretting it. It’s better to have loved and lost than to live with regret.” Ingrid patted Jada reassuringly on her hand. “All I want you to know is this: You hurt Marquis, you hurt yourself, and you hurt your son. But now you got yourself together, and I think that your situation with your son will work itself out. You got a second chance with him. Now I don’t know if you’ll ever have a second chance with Marquis. But just know that, even though he moved on and you moved on, somewhere deep inside my son still cares for you.” She smiled. “And for the record, I like you a whole lot more than that chick he’s with now.”
Jada laughed, and gave Miss Ingrid a high five. She was glad that Ingrid liked her more than Anisa. It didn’t change the fact that Born was with the other woman, and that she was about to have his baby. But knowing that she had gotten the stamp of approval from the woman who meant the very most to the man she loved—his mother—made Jada feel like she was the winner after all. Ingrid liked her, despite her struggles and mistakes, and Jada was happy about that. She hoped that someday Born would forgive her as well, and that they could have a chance to at least be friends. She still missed their friendship, and hoped to salvage that, even if there was no chance for salvaging the relationship. “Miss Ingrid, the way I feel for Marquis is everlasting. It don’t matter who has his kids, or who lives with him. I know that what we shared is more special than any of that. And I don’t think real love expires over time. I don’t know if me and Born will ever even be in the same room together again. But when you speak to him, please tell him that I miss him, and that I think about him all the time.”
Ingrid smiled, and agreed to do just that. By the time they finished talking and eating, it was almost one thirty in the morning. Ingrid offered to walk Jada out to her car, since it was late, but she insisted that she would be fine. Her car was parked right downstairs, and it was a cold winter night. No one would bother her. As Jada left her house that day, promising to keep in touch regardless of whether she and Born ever spoke again, Ingrid felt like a proud mom seeing her baby girl succeed. Jada had made it through her darkest days, and Ingrid was happy for her. She hoped that Born would get the chance to see how well Jada had fought her demons, and how she had come through the storm, still wearing a smile. And as she watched Jada leave, Ingrid realized that she still believed in second chances. She hoped that Jada and Marquis would have a second chance someday.
36
A VOICE IN THE DARK
Jada left Ingrid’s house and headed for Sunny’s silver Jaguar, which was parked in the lot behind the building. She pulled the keys out of her pocket and disabled the alarm with the remote. She noticed that a black Suburban was parked beside Sunny’s car, and wondered why anyone would park so close to her in a nearly empty parking lot. As she got closer to the truck, she heard a voice behind her that made her stop dead in her tracks.
“You know, I never thought you would really be dumb enough to show your face in Staten Island again.” Jada spun around, and stood face-to-face with Jamari in the darkness of the deserted parking lot. Her heart beat rapidly, and she clutched her bag tighter. The money she’d come back to get was in there, and she’d be damned if Jamari would get his hands on it.
“Don’t talk to me,” she said. Jada hadn’t spoken directly to Jamari in over a year. There was a court-appointed professional who coordinated her visits with Sheldon, so that contact between the two parents would be nonexistent. But now she’d had the rotten luck of running into him on her first trip back to Staten Island since her release. “You grimy muthafucka! You stood up there in that courtroom and told them that I was a monster—”
“You are a monster. You’re a fuckin’ crackhead, and you made my son a crack baby. But you really got a lot of nerve coming back to Staten Island after you stole my money. Wizz’s money …”
“I didn’t steal shit from you. Or Wizz. You didn’t have to pay for that shit. You were working on consignment, so you didn’t take a fuckin’ loss!”
“I did take a loss, bitch! I had to pay Elliot back bit by bit for that shit before he died.” A cold and evil expression flashed across Jamari’s face. “I had to rat that nigga out, just like I did to your boy Born.” Seeing the surprised expression on Jada’s face he smiled sinisterly. “I swear to God, I’m gonna see you dead before I see you in my son’s life. Everything you love, I’m gonna take it from you! I swear I’m gonna get you back for everything I ever lost.”
“What you lost! Listen to you, you selfish bastard. I don’t owe you a fuckin’ dime. And I don’t owe you any explanation. I’m living my life, and I’m going to be a damned good mother to my son. You can’t control me anymore. Whatever power you had over me is gone. And now I see why Born hates you so much.”
At the mention of Born’s name, Jamari seethed. He looked at Jada, venomously. “Is that who you came looking for?” he asked, motioning toward Ingrid’s building. “You came looking for Born?” Jamari grinned. “I hope you know that he got somebody else now. She’s having his baby, and everything.” He smiled at her menacingly, and waited for her reaction.
Jada didn’t give him the benefit of seeing her sweat. She was glad that she knew already, so that he hadn’t caught her off guard. “I know about that, and I’m happy for him. At least he has the pleasure of having a baby with someone he really cares about. I got stuck having my son with an asshole.”
Jamari stepped toward Jada, and she stepped back. He was pissed, and it was visible on his face. “Fuck you!” he said. “You’ll be back on that crack in no time. Once a crackhead, always a crackhead.”
Jada didn’t show it, but those words cut deep. She thought back to what Born had said to her when he found her high in their house that day. ‘Once a fiend, always a fiend, huh, Jada?” Those had been Born’s words to her. She still remembered the tone in his voice, the look on his face. It made her heart break all over again, as Jamari said similar words to her now. She ignored his remark, and said, “Well, your mama was a crackhead, Jamari, and look how well you turned out.”
Before she knew what happened, he was in her face, and the barrel of his .40-caliber
gun was pointed at her temple. Jamari had her back pressed up against the driver’s side door of the Jaguar, and Jada was frozen with fear. “You got a lot of mouth for somebody out here all alone in the dark in the dead of winter. I should kill you right here, you stupid bitch!” Jamari was so mad that the vein in his neck was throbbing. “You think I’m gonna let you be around my son when you had him breathing through a machine, and throwing up every fuckin’ thing he ate? You had my son addicted to that shit. You dirty bitch! Coming through here in your fuckin’ Jag looking for Born. I should kill you just for that shit!” Jada was scared as hell, and he loved the helpless look on her face. “Oh,” he said, “what’s the matter? You scared?”
Jada nodded, and looked around hoping to see someone she could call out to for help. Jamari saw this, and let out a sinister laugh. “You should be scared. ‘Cuz, ain’t nobody out here but us. And I want an apology.” Jamari cocked his gun, and stared coldly into her eyes.
Jada’s whole body trembled, and it made Jamari feel powerful. “Apologize to me, Jada. Tell me you’re sorry.”
She felt her heart racing in her chest. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was barely audible.
“Say it like you mean it,” he said, still smiling wickedly.
Jada wanted to cry, but she held herself together somehow. She spoke louder, and said, “I’m sorry, Jamari.”
He nodded his head, liking the return of the power he’d once had over her. “Very good. That’s more like it. Now, what did you do with the money?” he asked. “You didn’t smoke all that money up. Not that fast. Where’s it at?”