Will gives me a curious look. “Sometimes what?”
“Sometimes I think Dad’s extra hard on me because I look like her. He gets frustrated at me and then becomes irrational and mean. The last time I tried to have a civilized discussion with him, he told me to get the fuck out of his face. He said that he couldn’t even stand to look at me.”
Tears fill my eyes again, and I brush them away with the back of my hand in a hurry. I don’t want Will to see me break down.
“What? That’s fucked up.” He looks completely stunned. “What were you guys talking about?”
“I’m having a lot of trouble at school. I like New York, but I’ve been there for two years taking classes for a degree I don’t even want. And I miss all of you guys.”
Will pulls me close. “Hey. It’s okay, Em. You’ll get it all figured out.”
I shake my head and cry harder. “No, I won’t. Dad said I need to keep my ass in New York and finish what I started. That tuition is expensive, and he’ll be damned if I give up a good career just because I’m having ‘one of my whims.’ That life is hard, and I need to toughen up. You know, all the clichés.”
“Jesus Christ,” he mutters. “That’s pretty harsh. If you’re not happy now, why the hell would you be happy later? Two years is a pretty fair shot if you ask me. If you don’t like it, then you don’t like it.”
“I tried to explain that to him, and that’s when he told me to get out of his face. He said that I’m just like my mother, that I have no follow through.”
I poke the sandwich iron further into the coals. “I just don’t know if I can stand going back to New York. I miss you and Violet and Peyton and the rest of our friends. It’s going to be even harder next semester. Why did I let him convince me to start out with a degree in physics? I’m taking all of these ridiculously difficult classes, and I keep falling further behind.”
He doesn’t say anything but keeps his arm around my shoulders. It comforts me.
I glance over at him through my tears. “This isn’t quite the type of memory I was hoping to make—me sobbing all over you. I’m sorry.”
He chuckles. “It’s fine. The night isn’t over. Besides, I don’t mind listening. Why didn’t you tell me about what was happening with your dad?”
I wave a hand. “You didn’t need my shit ruining your first season with the Smoke. You’d just moved out of your parents’ house and into the condo, and were getting used to a new team. The last thing you needed to hear was me whining about that. I whine about enough to you. You’ve listened to so many of my problems over the past two years.”
“You can talk to me about anything,” he says, his blue eyes going molten in the firelight. “I mean it, Em. Any time, any place. Just call me. Or text me, okay? I don’t like the idea of you dealing with all of this alone.”
“Okay. The same goes for you. I’ll always be here for you, Mav.”
He watches the fire crackle as I prepare a s'more. “You always have been. I wouldn’t have gotten through my parents’ deaths if it hadn’t been for you.”
“We were all there for you. My parents and Sully, too.”
He shakes his head. “Sully tried, but he's not the best with emotional shit. No one was there for me like you were. When you went away to New York City, I thought I’d go fucking crazy.”
This is something he’s never told me, and it takes me by surprise. “You did?”
“We’d gotten so close, you and me. I got used to spending a lot of time with you. When I wasn’t playing hockey, and you weren’t at school, we were together. I missed you more than I ever thought I could. I still do.”
My heart beats faster hearing this. “I missed you, too. If it hadn’t been for our late-night texting marathons, I’d have been completely lost.”
He stands up and pulls back the tent flap. “Want to head inside with our rations?”
“Okay.”
We get settled inside of the tent, and he zips it up. I peer around for creepy crawlies, and this makes Will laugh.
“Don’t worry, I cleaned it out and kept it tightly zipped while we were at the party. You’re perfectly safe.”
I take a huge bite of my s’more and sigh happily. “This is so damn good.”
“Nothing like a good s’more,” he agrees.
“Except maybe good sex.”
He starts laughing. “Not a fair comparison, Em. Sex wins that round, hands down.”
“You never tell me about your love life,” I grumble.
“Like I said before, there’s nothing to tell.”
“Okay, but what about hooking up?”
“If I want to hook up, I have opportunities.”
“Okay, but do you?”
He puts the s’more down on his plate. “I’ve hooked up here and there, but it’s not what you think. I’m not some hardcore player or whatever.”
I think back to what Lilly told me. About how she said he was hooking up left and right. Why doesn’t he want me to know?
“Well, maybe you should take advantage of your opportunities.”
“Yeah, maybe,” he says. “I’m a guy, and I love sex. But…”
“But?”
“I’d rather have a girlfriend than a bunch of hookups. But there’s no time for that. And besides, I’m not interested in getting close to anyone.” Will pops the top off a beer. “Want one?”
“Sure.” He hands me a bottle, and I take a deep sip. “Beer and s’mores. Food of the gods.”
Will smirks. “You’re too much.”
“Oh, honey. Don’t I know it.” I give him an exaggerated wink, and he snorts with laughter.
We eat our snacks and talk a while before going into the house to change into our pajamas.
Once back inside the tent, we climb inside our sleeping bags. His is an old Toronto Wolverines bag, and mine is, of all things, My Little Pony. I can’t believe I still fit in it. Thankfully I didn’t grow much past the age of eleven.
“I can’t believe I found these sleeping bags. They were buried in the back of the linen closet. Don’t worry, though. I washed them earlier today. No creepy crawlies to worry about.”
I sigh happily. “You really do think of everything.”
He stretches. “Well, after last night’s mutant spider incident, I didn’t want to risk it.”
I shiver and move closer to him. “Oh man, I can’t think about that right now. Just knowing those beasts are out here with us? Ugh.”
“We’re safe in the tent. No holes. I promise.”
He reaches over and turns down the lantern until we can barely see each other in the darkness.
“You said earlier that you don’t want to get close to anyone. But Will, we’re close.”
He rolls over to face me. “It’s different with us, Em. It’s always been different. I can’t compare what we have to anything or anyone else in my life.”
My heart beats faster in the darkness as he studies me. I want so much to reach out and touch his face. To pull him close and feel his lips on mine.
“Today, after we went for a ride on the quad, I thought that you were going to kiss me.” My voice nearly disappears. “I wanted you to.”
He lets out a long sigh and rolls over onto his back, away from me.
“Why didn’t you?”
“You know why.” His voice takes on a hard edge. “Don’t go there. Please.”
“We have a few more days alone. It’s getting harder to ignore the sparks flying between us. And it’s really hard for me to not want you to kiss me. How can we fight this?”
He covers his face with his hands. “Because we have no other choice.”
“Don’t we?”
“No. There’s no other choice for me.”
I settle back in the sleeping bag, but unfortunately, I just can’t drop it.
“I wish things were different. I wish that we could… that you didn’t feel like you had to steer clear of me.”
“I know, but I can’t, Emmy. Please underst
and.” The anguish in his voice makes my heart hurt.
“Okay,” I say softly. “I’ll try.”
He takes my hand in his, almost as if in apology, and gives it a squeeze.
I think when you reach my age, you start learning that everything isn’t black and white, and life isn’t fair. It definitely doesn’t feel fair right now.
I stare up through the clear plastic skylight in the tent at the cluster of twinkling stars in the night sky. I’d make a wish, but that’s nothing but a fool’s game. All of the wishes in the world aren’t going to change my reality.
Chapter Nine
WILL
Birds have been chirping like crazy for the past half an hour, and the sun hasn’t even peeked over the horizon yet. I stifle a yawn and look down at Emmy. She’s cuddled against me, with her head pressed into the crook of my arm and one hand draped across my stomach. She’s plastered to my body, and it’s pure heaven.
I press my lips against the top of her head, and she lets out a contented sigh. I love that she’s so relaxed with me, even in sleep. I fucking cherish it. There’s an implicit sense of trust that exists between us that’s been there for the past three years. It’s unbreakable.
The sweet, light scent of her perfume—honeysuckle and violets—lingers in the air. I bury my face in her hair and pull her closer.
If I could have things my way, I’d wake her by kissing along her neck. I’d slide my lips along her jaw and over to that full, lush mouth. We’d get into it, kissing softly and deeply. It wouldn’t take long for our kisses to spin out of control, and we’d need more.
I’d slip her panties down those sexy legs and slowly ease myself inside her body. She’d open for me, bringing me closer until I’m buried balls deep inside of her, right where I need to be. I’d find a slow rhythm that drives us both crazy, and she’d whisper my name in that sweet way she has as I run my hands all over her body. I’d—
I open my eyes and cut that fantasy off. Cut it off right at the knees. I can’t hold her like this for another second, because I don’t trust my heart or my hands. I’m going to give her exactly what she wants if I stay here. I’m too turned on to fight these feelings.
Reluctantly, I gently extract myself from her grasp. She rolls over with a sigh, blissfully unaware that I’m exiting the tent or of the birds that are currently singing the song of their people as loudly as fucking possible.
I zip up the tent (I don’t want her waking up with another mutant spider nearby) and head inside the house to shower and jack off. I can’t handle holding her like that without inflicting a severe case of blue balls, and I need a little relief.
Later, when I’m downstairs making a fresh pot of coffee, it doesn’t take long for me to realize my desire is back in full-force. I’m like a horny teenager around her.
If I thought I could fuck Emmy out of my system, I’d have hooked up with a thousand different women by now. But after sleeping with a few, I quickly realized that things just don’t work that way. At least, they don’t for me.
I don’t want a substitute for Emmy. I want the real thing, and no one else will do.
Needing to work off some more nervous energy, I gather up all of the products I’ll need to give the kitchen a thorough cleaning. I mop the floors, scrub the counters, and wipe down every surface. Doing this kills an hour as well as my hard-on, so I switch gears and get to work making us breakfast.
Emmy opens the side door around 9 a.m. and gives me a sheepish look.
“I’m sorry, Will. I didn’t mean to sleep so long. I guess I was really tired.”
“No big deal. I made breakfast. Do you want to eat outside?”
Her face falls. “Oh, shit. I’m supposed to have breakfast with Jackson at ten o’clock.”
Fuck, that’s right. Breakfast with Crew Cut. I try hard not to let my disappointment show. “That’s right. Forgot about that.”
She smiles at me. “Do you want to come?”
Nope. No. Hell, no.
“Nah. I need to get in a workout after I eat. Gotta work out more this week since I’m not eating clean.”
She walks toward me with her arms outstretched and wraps me in a big hug. “I can’t thank you enough for yesterday. It was wonderful.”
I return the hug but release her quickly. It’s better not to linger close to her—that’s when I get into trouble. “I’m glad you had fun, Sunshine.”
Emmy steps back and peers up at me through her mussed hair. “Well, I guess I better go get ready.”
“Yep yep. Hey, if you have anything that needs to be washed, bring it down, okay? I’m going to do some laundry.”
Emmy nods. “Oh, thanks. I was going to do a load later.”
She turns and hurries up the stairs, disappearing into her room.
I’m beginning to hate Crew Cut. He’s taking Emmy away from me too damn much, and I’m jealous.
Emmy breezes into the cottage a few hours later and plops down on a chair next to me. I’m lounging on the couch in the living room, exhausted from my workout. I went a little nuts trying to work off all my frustration, so for the last hour, I’ve been fucking around playing video games.
“How was breakfast?” I ask.
“The food wasn’t that great. We went to that little diner near the west end of town. Very disappointing. We made up for it by going to some of those little shops on the other end of town, though.”
I set the game controller down. “So what are you up to for the rest of the day?”
“Nothing this afternoon. I’m going over to Jackson’s later tonight for dinner. We’re going to watch a movie on Netflix.”
I guess tonight’s the night Crew Cut’s going to make his move. Son of a fucking bitch.
“Uh-huh,” I say curtly. “A movie. Right.” I hit the power button on the video game system a little too hard and sink back against the couch cushion.
She gives me a sharp look. “What’s wrong with watching a movie?”
“Give me a fucking break,” I snap. “Jackson just wants you naked on his goddamned couch.”
Shit. The second the words are out, I snap my mouth shut. That was way out of line, and I know it.
Emmy gets up and stalks into the kitchen, and I hurry to catch up with her. “Look, Em—”
“No, you look. You don’t get a say in who I get naked with or not. You could have had a say, but you’ve effectively taken yourself out of that equation. That means you don’t get to weigh in on who I fuck. Understand?”
Her words are a slap in the face. I narrow my eyes. “Fine. But level with me. Are you seriously into this guy? For real?”
She takes a long drink of her soda and then shrugs. “I want to have fun. I’m not looking for some grand love, okay? It’s just about sex. About hooking up and blowing off some steam.”
“You’re spending a lot of time with him.”
“I’d rather spend time with you. I’d rather spend all of my time with you.” She gives me a meaningful look. “But obviously, that’s completely off the table.”
“We can still spend time together, Em.”
“Can we?” she asks, her voice soft. “I’m not so sure anymore.”
To be honest, neither am I. Emmy was right when she said the sparks are getting harder and harder to ignore. It’s like we’re dodging electrical currents left and right.
“How about we head down to the lake for the day?” I suggest. “We can go swimming. I was going to put on my trunks and take a dip.”
She gives me an incredulous look. “You want to go swimming?”
“Sure. Why not?” It’s the least sexy thing I can think of doing at the moment. Then again, so was four-wheeling, and look how that turned out. But I’m willing to give anything a shot to spend some time with her.
“Swimming. Okay,” Emmy says slowly. “I have a few things I need to do first, can we go in like an hour or two?”
“Let’s make it two. I’m going to go take a nap first.” I got up way too early today.
I’m trying to figure out why I thought swimming would be the least sexy activity we could do together. Emmy, glistening in the sun, water droplets beading off her skin in a barely-there bikini?
Christ, I’m such a fucking idiot.
Emmy walks down the dock as I float nearby in the water. Her long brown hair is pulled back into a low ponytail, and she’s wearing a tiny, pink two-piece bikini. The bottoms are tied together by bows that rest at the curve of her hips. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen her wear.
She places her bag down on the dock and begins applying sunscreen to her arms and legs, and I can’t fucking look away.
“Will, can you put some sunscreen on my back?” she asks. “I don’t want to burn. I got way too much sun yesterday.”
Shit. How many X-rated movies have started out with this exact fantasy? The thought strikes me funny, and I let out a strangled laugh.
She frowns. “Are you okay?”
“Uh, yeah. Just something caught in my throat.” I make a big show of coughing before hauling myself up onto the dock. She hands me the bottle and turns away as I pour lotion into my palm. My fingers glide gently over her soft, warm skin, and it sends my pulse into overdrive. She’s got a tiny, heart-shaped birthmark on her left shoulder, and I’m tempted to press my lips there.
Fuck. Focus, Will.
I hurry through the rest of the application and clap her on the back heartily when I’m done to try and eliminate the sexual tension from this moment.
Unfortunately, I think that sexual tension is mostly one-sided right now, because she winces.
“Ow.” She looks over her shoulder at me with her eyebrows raised.
“Shit. I’m sorry. Guess I don’t know my own strength.” I cringe at the slight red mark on her back. “C’mon let’s get in. The water’s fantastic.”
I dive back into the lake while she dangles her feet off of the dock and tilts her face toward the sun.
I tread water in front of where she sits. “You sure you want to be lounging on the dock?”
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