I turn to Lilly, who’s sitting on the couch, watching us.
“And don’t think I don’t realize what you’ve been up to. Will told me everything, and you’re nothing but a sneaky little liar. You never slept with Will. He turned you down time and time again. I’ve had just about enough of your shit, Lilly. I forgave you for going behind my back once, but I won’t do it twice. If that’s your idea of friendship, count me out. You can find a ride home as soon as possible because I’m not staying here if you stay. Be gone by lunchtime tomorrow.”
Lilly has the good sense to look down at the floor and keep her mouth shut. A smart move, because I’m two steps away from completely snapping.
Exhaustion weighs me down as I climb the stairs. I feel everyone’s gazes on me, but I can’t even muster up the energy to care. I go into my room, change into my pajamas, and sit down on the bed. What am I supposed to do now?
A soft knock sounds at the door. Violet peeks into the room. “Em? Can I come in?”
“Are you alone?”
Violet nods. “Peyton is downstairs reading Lilly the riot act, so I thought I’d sneak up here while I could.”
She closes the door behind her and walks over toward the bed. The sweet expression of concern and worry on her face tips me over the edge, and I crack. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I don’t bother to fight the tears rolling down my face.
“Oh, Em.” She sits next to me and pulls me into a warm hug.
After a few minutes of crying, I finally pull myself together enough to talk. Vi hands me a tissue, and I wipe off my face. I’m a notoriously ugly crier, so I’m sure I look like total shit.
“What happened?” she asks softly.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” I say, wiping at my eyes.
“Wherever you like.”
“I guess I developed a bit of a crush on Will over the past few months. I never told you guys because I thought it was just a silly phase. That it was probably because my relationship with Aidan was going down in flames, you know? But when we got up here, I realized pretty quickly that Will was attracted to me, too.”
Violet raises her eyebrows. “Did you ever suspect he might be attracted to you before this?”
“No. Will’s never even flirted with me. I mean, we joked around like good friends, but it was never anything like what happened over the past few days. We just kept having all of these sparks jumping between us. Eventually…” I sigh. “Things got intense, and we ended up sleeping together. It happened right before you guys got here. Like ten minutes before, no joke.”
Her eyes grow round. “I knew something was up with you. You weren’t acting like yourself. Damn, Em.”
“We tried to act normal around each other with everyone here. Like friends would, you know? We agreed we wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“Obviously that didn’t go so well,” she says, brushing a strand of hair away from my face.
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hands and shake my head. “Lilly’s constant hanging on Will drove me crazy, Vi. He was explaining how she’d lied about sleeping with him when Sully came in and saw us together. Will’s hand was on my face, and I’m sure we looked intimate. Then… well, you saw what happened. Sully freaked.”
“It was scary to see Sully so angry,” she says. “I’ve never seen him like that before.”
My tears threaten again. “I know. I thought he was bad when he threatened Aiden, but he was worse with Will because they’re friends. And I feel so guilty, Vi. Will told me that Sully would never forgive him if he found out. But deep down, I never really believed that. They’re so close, and they’ve been friends for years. To see him treat Will like that…”
Violet sighs. “Em, Sully still believes he has to protect you from everything, including men. I don’t think that instinct will ever go away.”
“He doesn’t have to protect me from Will.”
“True, but he probably figured Will saw himself as a big brother to you, too. Not like a boyfriend. Plus, you know how guys are about dating each other’s sisters.”
“That’s so dumb,” I mutter.
“And, it could get awkward between the three of you if things went bad between you and Will.”
I hug my knees to my chest and fight back a sob. “Too late, because it’s already gone bad. Will told me he’s not only lost Sully, but he’s lost me too. He said we couldn’t be friends anymore. Not after this.” I glance over at Vi. “He was so cold, Violet. The things he said to me? It wasn’t like him at all. It felt cruel. How can he just cut me out of his life like that?”
Her face falls. “Oh, Em. I’m so sorry.”
“How am I supposed to do this? I need him in my life, Vi. I can’t imagine not talking to him every day.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure there’s much I can do at this point.” I cover my face with my hands and take a breath. “I just have to wait for things to cool down a bit, then I’ll try and talk to him again.”
Violet puts her arm around my shoulders. “I hate to say this, but you might have a long wait ahead of you.”
The odds are that she’s right, and that’s exactly what scares me the most.
Chapter Twenty-Two
WILL
Two months later
“Fucking pussy.”
It’s the last thing I hear before getting crushed into the boards. Sully’s check is borderline, so it’s not going to send up any red flags to our coaching staff during this practice scrimmage. But there’s meaning behind that check.
Sully’s an incredibly talented defenseman. It’s one reason I’m glad he’s on our team. He's creative and smart when it comes to this game. But lately, he’s been using his creativity against me.
If he can get away with giving me a shot, he takes it. And he’s crafty, muttering insults that only I can hear.
At first, I accepted my “punishment,” but I’m pretty sure that I’ve paid enough dues since that miserable August night. Having to put up with daily reminders that he considers me a traitor is just the brown icing on my shit cake.
“When’s it ever going to be enough, Sul?” I ask, turning around.
“Never,” he replies, skating off.
After practice ends, I head into the locker room, sit down at my stall, and begin stripping off my gear. My thoughts drift to Emmy, as they usually do.
Every day I wake up with chest-crushing guilt over the things I said to her at the cottage. Even though I try and remind myself that it was only a means to an end, it doesn’t make me feel any better. I know how much that had to hurt her, and I don’t know if I can forgive myself for it.
It’s two months to the day exactly since the night I left the cottage, and there’s been nothing but radio silence from her—no texts, no calls, nothing. And though it’s what I wanted, it’s the longest we’ve ever gone without talking in years. I miss hearing her voice and getting her silly texts. I miss our late-night video chats.
I miss it all.
For the first time, I have no idea what’s going on in her life. Is she back at school? Is she here in Toronto? Is she seeing someone new?
Despite the fact that we can’t be together, I’m nowhere near over her. Not even close. And I don’t think I’ll be interested in going out with anyone else for a long, long time.
Dylan sits down next to me at his stall and wipes off his face with a towel. “We’re going to the Firkin for food. You in?”
“Oh, sure. Sully will love that,” I say, raising an eyebrow.
“Sully’s not coming. He’s got a date. C’mon man, you haven’t hung out with us in ages. This shit with you and Sully is stale and dragging us all down. You’ve been a fucking hermit for the past two months.”
I run a hand through my sweaty hair. I could use some time out with my friends, and I need to get my mind off of Emmy.
“That’s the most words I’ve ever heard you string together at one time,” I say dryly.
Dylan sno
rts with laughter and unlaces his skates. “Have you talked to Emmy lately?”
“No.” Just hearing her name makes me ache. “Not since everything went down. I don’t even know if she went back to New York.”
Dylan shakes his head. “No, man. She’s here in Toronto.”
“What?” My heart begins to pound. “Really?”
“She’s in the city according to Sully.”
“Where’s she staying? Any idea?” I’m guessing she wouldn’t be staying with her Dad, considering what had gone on between them, and I don’t know if she’s talking to her mom after the whole cheating fiasco.
“Don’t know,” he answers, shrugging. “So… dinner?”
I pull off my skates. “Yeah, I’m in.”
“Good.” Dylan claps me on the back. “Meet us over there in an hour.”
“Yep.”
I head for the showers and let the hot water ease my sore, aching muscles. Knowing Emmy’s back in Toronto makes me feel a little lighter. Despite everything that’s happened, at least she doesn’t have to go back to school and pretend she wants to be a lawyer someday. For her sake, I hope she’s here permanently. I know that’s what she wants.
God, I fucking miss her.
“Just stay the fuck out of my way, Maverick.” Sully pushes open the door to our hotel room and stomps inside.
Coach caught on to Sully’s little games and reamed him out. So when Sul asked for a new roommate assignment a few days ago, it didn’t go over well.
Coach ended up taking us both aside and warned us to “work out our fucking differences, whatever the fuck they are” or “we would have to answer to him for it later.”
So here we are.
“How am I supposed to stay out of your way in a fucking hotel room?” I snap, following him inside. Christ, I’m so over this shit. He’s like a dog with a bone, and I’m weary. If things don’t start to improve between us soon, it’s going to be a long fucking season.
He tosses his suitcase on the floor. “Whatever. Just leave me the hell alone. Don’t talk to me.”
“Like you’d even fucking answer,” I mutter.
I grab my pajama pants and toothbrush from my suitcase and go into the bathroom. It’s late, and I just want to go to sleep and be done with this day.
When I come back out into the room, Sully’s already in the other double bed with the light off.
I climb into my bed and set the alarm on my phone, wishing Coach would have at least considered Sully’s roommate change request. Even sharing a hotel room with the team’s overbearing, talkative eighteen-year-old rookie would be better than this. It’s either insults or silence with Sully. Right now, I’m not handling either one very well.
I roll over onto my side and close my eyes, thoughts of Emmy drifting through my head.
The pain I’ve felt since that night hasn’t eased up one bit. In fact, the longer we go without contact, the worse it gets. Add this shit with Sully into the mix, and it’s totally fucking horrible.
I thought if I cut off all contact with her, it would be a little easier for me to move on. Out of sight, out of mind, so to speak. But it’s not working out that way at all. Not even close.
Instead, I’m stuck in neutral. I’m not able to go back, but I can’t seem to move forward, either. It’s a shitty—and lonely—place to be.
Chapter Twenty-Three
EMMY
My phone vibrates across my desk, and I jolt awake, wondering how long I’ve been asleep. Long enough for the fashion magazine I was browsing to get stuck to my face, apparently. I’ve been editing a new makeup tutorial for my ZeeTube channel and must have dozed off during my snack break.
Grabbing the phone, I peel the page off of my cheek to see a text notification from Sully. I shove the phone away and lay my head back down on the desk. I’m way too tired to deal with him right now.
Ever since I confronted my dad (with the help of his new girlfriend) about quitting school and abandoning my plans to be a lawyer, I’ve thrown myself 110% into my ZeeTube channel and blog. To say my dad wasn’t happy at all in the beginning is the understatement of the year. But he agreed to let me try, and that’s all I really wanted.
To show him that I’m serious, I enrolled at a professional makeup school for the January semester. And next fall, I’ll be working on getting my business degree online. It’s a solid plan and one that I’m excited about because I’m finally living my life—not a life that someone else designed for me.
Plus, if I show him a profit by the end of the spring semester, he agreed to pick up the bill for my business degree, as long as I let him choose the university.
The good news is that I’ve already made a profit, albeit a small one, from advertising revenue on my channel. It’s all coming together, slowly but surely.
Staying super busy helps keep my mind off of Will, at least for most of the day. The second my hands are idle, though, I’m back to missing him like crazy or dreaming about his kisses. I’m also angry and hurt over the way he left things between us. I try and tell myself that it wasn’t him that last night at the cottage. It was just the situation and how traumatic it all was. Regardless, it’s left me pretty rattled.
Throwing myself into my work has been the only way to cope with his exit from my life.
My phone buzzes for the second time, and I struggle to sit up. Sully’s name pops up on my screen again. It’s one a.m.—what the hell does he want at this hour? I ignore the phone and boot up my laptop.
We haven’t talked since that awful night. Every time he makes an attempt to reach out, I shut him down. I’m still so angry with him. Angrier than I thought I could ever be at my own twin. Will didn’t want me to take sides against Sully, but if it weren’t for my brother, none of this would even be happening.
Apparently, Sully can’t take a hint, because the phone rings a few minutes later.
I grab it and press the answer button. “What the hell do you want?” I mutter, exhausted. “It’s late, and I’m working.”
“Hey, Em. I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”
“How do you think I’m doing?” I ask bitterly. “Next question.”
“How’s your work going?”
I get up and close my bedroom curtains. “Fine. Anything else?”
“C’mon, Emmy. Don’t I get a little credit for making an effort?”
“You want credit? Forgive Will and let me lead my own life. Then I’ll give you credit.”
He lets out a long, suffering sigh. “You could have had your choice of any guy. Why did you have to pick him?”
“Sully, you act like I did this to spite you. We’re grown-ups, okay? When you make a decision to have sex with a woman, do you worry about what the hell I think about it?”
“I would if that woman was your best friend!”
“You’d be lucky to get with Violet. And honestly Sully, I’d be thrilled if you picked an awesome woman like her to go out with instead of running around with a bunch of puck bunnies.”
“Don’t drag Violet into this,” he warns. “Besides, I never thought Will would look at you like…”
“Like a woman?” I finish. “A woman with needs and not your sister?”
“Ugh. Well, yeah.”
“Sully, if you could hand pick any one of your friends for me, I would think that you would have chosen Will above everyone else.”
“I wouldn’t choose any of them! Fuck. Do you think I want to hear one of my buddies talk about his sex life when I know he’s sleeping with my sister?”
“Will would never talk about me like that to you, Sully.”
“Okay, but what if you guys did get together, and then later on you end up breaking up? Then what? Whose side am I supposed to take? I can’t choose between my sister and my best friend.”
“And I’d never ask you to! Look none of this even matters, so just forget about it. Will hasn’t talked to me for two whole months.”
Sully falls silent for a few heartbeats.
<
br /> “What do you mean he hasn’t talked to you?” he asks finally.
“That night at the cottage, he told me he couldn’t be my friend anymore after everything that happened. So all of your worrying is for nothing.”
My throat aches with unshed tears. This is the most I’ve talked about Will since that awful night, and it’s obvious I still can’t handle any of it.
“Look, I’ve got to get back to work. I can’t talk about this anymore.” I don’t wait for him to answer before I end the call.
Over the past two months, I’ve picked up my phone to call Will so many times that I’ve lost count. But his harsh words on that August night still chill me, and it’s been enough to stop me from following through. I hoped he’d realize that he made a mistake and contact me, but so far, he hasn’t.
Sometimes, late at night when I’m lying in bed, I can’t help but replay our night together over and over again in my head. I guess he was right all along. I’m not the kind of girl who can handle hooking up, because no matter how much he told me it was just sex and nothing more, it seemed exactly the opposite.
It was the first time in my life that I ever felt like I had made love with someone. I felt whole. Complete. And so, so cherished.
When I slept with Aidan, especially during the last month of our relationship, that felt like just sex. There weren’t any soft words or gentle touches, and no consideration. Just wham, bam, slam, not even a thank-you-ma’am, we’re done here.
How can I be so wrong about this? And how could Will cut me out of his life so easily?
Staring down at the phone, I take a deep breath and press his name in my contact list. I need to hear his voice. After six agonizing rings, he finally picks up.
“Emmy?”
Yeah, he definitely doesn’t sound like he wants to hear from me.
“Hi, Will.” My voice breaks along with my heart again, and I quickly clear my throat.
“Why are you calling?” His voice is flat and emotionless, and I’m not sure what to do.
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