by Jamie Summer
“We’re here to help, okay? You don’t have to do this by yourself.” Grace’s soothing, calm voice rang through the haze of what ifs I was caught in, pulling me from the dark place I had ventured to.
I breathed in and out, focusing on the movement rather than the tumultuous thoughts in my head.
“Good,” she whispered.
I opened my eyes, not having realized I’d even closed them. Grace smiled at me as Anna moved to my side, placing her hand on my arm. Without saying anything, they allowed me to calm down, which I appreciated more than I cared to admit. They had seen me fall apart so often, and every time, I promised it wouldn’t happen again…only for the same thing to occur not even five hours later.
I took a deep breath. “My room. There are a few things I want to take.”
They nodded.
“There was a box outside your door when I got here,” Grace mentioned.
My brows furrowed and I let my gaze wander to the door, seeing an empty plastic organizer bin. The kind you used for storage.
“Yours?” Grace wanted to know. I shook my head.
Jake.
I knew it had to be him, though I had no idea how he put it there without us noticing. It was a thoughtful gesture, seeing as I hadn’t even considered how I was going to get everything back with me and had only brought a small bag. That wouldn’t fit nearly all of the stuff. With everything I already caught sight of, I needed this storage box.
Part of me, though, couldn’t help the small stab of hurt at the gesture.
What if it wasn’t meant as a nice gesture but as a way of telling me to leave sooner rather than later? I pushed the evil thoughts and doubts back and focused on the fact I had an actual box to pack stuff in.
“Let’s get started, shall we?” Anna suggested and got up. Her mom and I followed.
It was time to delve into my past.
We worked for hours. I went through every room of my former home, putting aside what I knew I wanted to take with me. The pile grew with every passing minute as I found more and more collectibles, paper, and a lot of other stuff I had forgotten about.
I found pictures of my dad and me, putting them in my jacket pocket. I didn’t want to chance them getting lost. I also packed the pictures from the living room, unable to stomach the thought of my father’s favorite pictures floating in ocean water. I added a few of my dad’s items to the pile. His notebook, cookbook, my favorite fishing hat of his. It was my father in a nutshell. A dreamer, a cook, and a fisherman.
Most of the time, Anna and Grace stayed out of my way, lending a helping hand when needed. There wasn’t much they could do, but I repeatedly told them how much I appreciated them being here. Waving me off, they always found something to do in order to leave me to continue my work.
Grace busied herself with rearranging the kitchen utensils from one cupboard to the next, while Anna’s nose was stuck in my dad’s cookbook. Maybe she wanted to find a new recipe to try. I hoped we’d survive that experiment. A small laugh escaped my lips at the image, and Anna and Grace arched their brows at me. The sight only made me laugh harder.
“Anything we can help you with?” Grace asked.
I merely pointed at the cookbook her daughter held in her hands. It didn’t take her longer than two seconds to join me in my laughter.
“What the heck is wrong with you people?” Anna asked in mock anger. “I don’t know why the idea of me standing at the stove is so laughable to you. I’ll show you,” she threatened, but accompanied her words with a smirk. “Anyway, when you’re done laughing, I’d appreciate it if you could leave me and my book alone. We were having a moment.”
I nodded with a snort, then walked into the living room and searched the area one last time.
The sun had started to set, the light in the living room dimming more and more with each minute. Time had run out, but I wasn’t sure I managed to get what I should. I went through every room twice, surprised I had managed it in the timeframe, yet felt as if I hadn’t looked through everything.
The day would be over before long.
Tomorrow, I’d leave this island again. I might come back to rebuild my father’s treasure, but it depended on how much damage the storm ended up doing. The devastation was hard to imagine.
Would it kill everything? Destroy the interior my dad handpicked? The walls my dad built with his own hands? A sharp pain shot through me as I imagined the storm taking what he always held dear. Maybe taking my dad wasn’t enough. Maybe Mother Nature decided she wanted more than one small human life.
I wanted to forget the approaching storm, but the small sun peeking out from the clouds on the horizon and the ticking of the clock on the wall were a constant reminder the day was ending and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Footsteps echoed along the hallway. I turned to see Grace and Anna return from whatever they’d been doing. Anna came over and hugged me.
“Whenever you’re ready,” she told me, then the two of them left through the front door, leaving me alone in my home. While I took in the living room, the doubts and what ifs, a constant companion these days, invaded my mind.
It was as if two different people warred inside me. One part was ready to throw it all to the wind and stay here, no matter the possible death on the horizon. The other part hated everything this place represented. The pain, the memories, everything surrounded by the very thing that killed my dad.
The raging war in my mind exhausted me, but there was no stopping it. Almost. Anna and Grace were the only people who had put a stop to the constant push and pull within me.
And Jake, my mind helpfully provided.
A certain finality hit me as I brushed off old memories and feelings.
This was it. This was me possibly saying goodbye to the only home I’d ever known.
I grabbed the box off the table. It was filled to the brim, but thankfully wasn’t too heavy to carry. I walked to the front door and stopped, turning, giving myself a moment to grieve for the house that was and the house that now may be destroyed.
As I turned away from it, Anna walked toward me.
“We decided we’re gonna bring your stuff to our house first, then stop by Earl’s again for a relaxing evening. What do you think?”
I smiled. “Sounds great.” Surprisingly, the prospect of spending the evening amongst people excited me. Maybe I would have a chance to talk to Betty once more. Or Earl. Or any of the others who’d been such a huge part of my life. At least I had a chance to say goodbye this time.
Then you will get on that ferry and leave them all here to suffer through the storm. They may not make it. Old Betty... Earl... Anna… Grace… Jake.
My breath hitched as tears welled in my eyes. I held them back, determined to not let them fall. I straightened, hoping that convinced my body I was done crying, while my insides cracked into little shards once again.
I wanted to enjoy this evening with old friends and acquaintances. I would try my damnedest to not let thoughts of impending storms and leveled houses cloud my mind.
At ten a.m. tomorrow, I would be at the harbor, leaving this place behind.
Chapter Ten
Jake
Bridget had called, wanting to talk. I figured it had to do with her mother, so we agreed to meet at Earl’s after my shift and talk there. We could get dinner at the same time, so it was a win-win situation.
I entered the bar shortly after six p.m., not surprised the place was already crowded. I had yet to find a time when it wasn’t.
I spotted Bridget easily, her short blonde bob a beacon within all the long-haired people around. Her bright blue dress also helped in making her more recognizable. I walked over, waving at Earl on the way. When he saw me, he pointed toward the tap in front of him. I nodded.
“Hey,” I greeted Bridget, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek, nothing more. Why do I never kiss her on the lips when we are in public? I had no idea why the thought even crossed my mind, but as it did, I noticed the
truth of it.
Bridget sat with her hands on the table, fingers intertwined. She didn’t look up at me right away, but when she did, I sucked in a deep breath. There was sadness in her eyes, the corner of them tainted red from possibly crying.
I sat. “Is everything okay? Are you okay? Your mom?” I asked, the questions firing out of me.
“Yes, I’m okay. I think. So is my mom. That part I’m certain about. She finally moved into the shelter after one of her girlfriends told her it was ten times better than her house.” She laughed, but the sound was hollow.
“I’m glad she’s finally come around.”
Bridget nodded, but didn’t comment any further.
Something was wrong. Fear gripped my heart at the sight of her in front of me.
“Bridget, what’s going on?” My voice sounded a little harsher than I wanted. Both Scott and Sully had mentioned several times that my fuse seemed shorter than usual, but neither of them took any guesses as to why. Apparently, they valued their life.
“I’m going to the shelter with my mom, then after everything’s over, I’m going to take her and leave the island. I got her a spot in an assisted living home two weeks from now, so we’ll be gone by then. If the storm, and whatever damage it does, permits it.”
I stared at her. She was leaving?
“What about us?” The moment I spoke, I realized I didn’t feel the pain I probably should. I’d miss her, but there was no sharp ache as reality hit me.
“Jake, we both know our relationship isn’t going anywhere. It’s more convenience than anything else at this point. I care about you, and know you care about me, too, but you gave your heart away a long time ago. I’ve just been holding her place until she returned.”
I swallowed, trying to process her words. I wanted to tell her she wasn’t a placeholder but couldn’t. I truly cared for Bridget, but I’d never loved her the way she deserved to be loved. It was like Scott said. It wasn’t fair to either one of us to string this relationship along if nothing would ever come of it.
She scanned the bar as she continued. “I know you’re going to stay here, Jake, and I admire that. But I can’t. My mom needs me. Plus, I like to think there is someone out there who can love me the way you love Madeleine. I want someone to look at me like you do at her. I want someone’s body to gravitate toward mine the way yours does to hers. I’m not mad. Honestly. I knew what I had gotten myself into the very first date we went on. In the beginning, I hoped you could come to love me. You didn’t, and that was okay because I realized the same was true for me.”
I wasn’t able to say anything, my mind still on how she described Maddy and I acting around one another.
“Bridget, I…” My throat tightened, not able to form the words I wanted to say, the platitudes I wanted to tell her.
“Jake, you’re a great guy and I know you did your best. The heart wants who it wants. It’s as easy as that. I have no idea if there is a chance for the two of you, but I hope there is. We may not be perfect for each other, but I still want you to be happy. Being with Maddy does that for you. So believe me when I say I want this to work out for you.”
I stayed quiet as she fumbled with her fingers, clearly not done.
“However, I want to give you some advice. Don’t push Maddy to make a decision too quickly and for the wrong reasons. I want her to be with you because it’s her choice. She needs to have time to process everything. Don’t expect her to show back up and immediately fall in love with you again. She has to return to her childhood home and deal with the demons of her past, something I’m sure she pictured doing under different circumstances.” She shook her head. “I know I’m rambling. What I mean to say is she needs time and space. Don’t crowd her. If you do, it may have the opposite effect of what you hope to achieve.”
There was a smile on her lips as she refocused on my face. “Thank you for the time we had together. I would do the same thing over and over again. I don’t have any regrets.”
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry, Bridget.”
She nodded. “I know. So am I. Thank you, Jake. Life has been better with you around.” She reached out and gave my hand a squeeze, then got up. “I’ll still see you around.” She bent to give me a kiss on the cheek, then left the bar.
“Hey, boy.” Betty’s face appeared in my vision. “That looked intense. You need a drink.”
I nodded. A drink sounded about right.
She sat down, a soft smile on her lips. “She’s right, you know. Women never like to be crowded, no matter the reason. Maddy is a gentle soul. If she loves someone, she does so completely and without doubt. Feelings like those don’t vanish. They may get buried under a lot of pain and heartbreak, but they are still there. Give it some time.”
“Is it weird I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel right now?”
Betty shook her head. Relief, guilt, and elation rushed through me, making it hard to focus. I felt relieved we were able to finally put an end to the picture of our relationship we had built for ourselves, surrounded by made-up promises and lies, but then the guilt and shame seeped in and dimmed it.
“I think it’s safe to say this has been a long time coming.” I arched a brow at her comment, but the elderly lady only continued to smile at me. “Bridget is a great woman who deserves exactly what she told you.”
My brow arched higher. “How long have you been listening?”
Betty laughed, patting my arm. “Longer than you want to know.”
I smirked. “Probably.”
Earl brought my beer over, put one in front of Betty, and clapped me on the shoulder before walking away again. He never clapped me on the shoulder before.
Brows furrowed, I looked at Betty. “What was that?”
“His way of saying you got this.”
I shook my head. “Does the whole island know?”
She shook her head and leaned forward. “Not everyone. But we were all there when she lost her dad, when you were there to pick her up.” She took a quick breath before continuing. “We tried to be there for you after she left, but I knew there was only so much we could do. When Bridget came along, I thought we’d finally see the smile back on your face. A true smile, not the fake one you gave us when passing by. It worked for a little while, but even though I know you both tried your best, Bridget wasn’t Maddy. I knew she realized that, but still continued to work on your relationship. As I’m sure you did, too. It wasn’t meant to be.”
She waved her hand through the air. “Look at me, blabbering on and on. I didn’t mean to bore you to death.” She took a sip from her beer and leaned back. I watched her for a while before refocusing on my own drink.
Voices drifted to me from the bar, several I knew to be colleagues. I could go over and have a drink or two with them. Get my mind off everything swirling around in it.
When the door opened, Betty glanced up. “Ah, there’s my date for the night. I'm gonna leave you to nurse your broken heart. I’ll see you later, Jake.” She got up and walked off. I watched her join the mayor, who had just entered. The crowed quieted for a second, which they always did when he entered a room. He had the type of aura that made you notice. I smiled at the image of the two of them together, realizing they were a perfect fit.
“You look like a mix between a lost puppy and someone who’s received the best news of their life.” Scott joined me, followed by Sully and a few other colleagues I had heard talking before.
“You’re just jealous of my looks,” I replied, making him laugh.
“And have to ward off the advances of old Betty? Thank you, but no thank you. I like my body intact. If you ever step out of line with that one, you’re in deep trouble.” Scott was right. Once you got on Betty’s bad side, it was very hard to get out of there.
“Jealous, I'm telling you,” I joked, feeling lighter with every second of banter. It was natural, easy. Just like things used to be before Maddy returned and threw my life completely out of order again.
&nbs
p; “I’m here if you want to talk,” Scott whispered, the others talking about something or other. “I saw Bridget sitting with you. It didn’t look like the lovey-dovey talk you guys usually have.”
I nodded. “It wasn’t. It was more of a breakup.”
Scott’s eyes widened for a second, but he recovered quickly. “That would definitely explain the mixed emotions all across your face right now. Do you need another drink?”
I glanced at my half-filled glass, then nodded. Why not?
The door of the bar opened again as I put my glass to my lips, about to take a sip. I caught sight of Maddy walking in, Anna and Grace with her, smiles on their faces. Maddy was laughing, a sound I had almost forgotten. I felt my own mouth curl up at the corners. There had always been something intoxicating about her laugh. It was natural, infectious. The kind that made your mood rise instantly.
God, this is all kinds of messed up. I should be sad with everything that happened. Instead, I’m sitting here grinning like an idiot.
“I’ll get that drink now,” Scott said, oblivious to the newcomers.
Maddy hadn’t seen me yet, so I sank lower in my chair, wanting to have a few minutes to watch her in peace. Bridget and Betty said I shouldn’t crowd her, but it didn’t mean I had to keep completely away from her. Or stop looking at her when I wanted to.
She wore a dark cardigan over her blue shirt, paired with ripped blue jeans. I usually hated that look, yet it worked with Maddy. It made her seem more real. Not that it made any sense.
I studied the guys for a second, realizing they were all talking about the shelter, the storm. These days, it was rare for people to talk about anything else, but I wanted to stay as far away from the topic as possible. It reminded me too much of what I stood to lose. Again.
Maddy, Anna, and Grace made their way over to the bar where Earl greeted them all with hugs. He took their order, then pointed them toward one of the few empty tables toward the back. I would still be able to see them, but not as unobstructed as I could now.