I ended up sitting down on a bench, watching the cars go by. I sipped my coffee and then threw the cup away. I watched everyone around me go about their normal lives. They didn’t know what pain was. They didn’t understand my suffering.
I ended up sleeping on the couch again that night. I had gotten into another argument with Tess after I brought Lily home. Everything was just so broken. I felt like my life had shattered before me and when I tried to pick up one piece, another three fell from my grip.
I didn’t talk to God that night. I just tossed and turned, my beaten mind refusing to shut up. My heart ached and I wondered where my son was sleeping tonight. If he was sleeping. If he was alive. It had been so long since I had seen him, since I had heard his cheerful voice. I felt tears forming, but I didn’t cry. I didn’t have the energy. I didn’t have anything left in me.
I don’t know what time it was, but the moon was high in the sky, beaming brightly through the windows when I woke. I heard…something.
Voices. Soft, gentle voices down the hall toward my daughter’s bedroom. It sounded like children. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up, making sure I wasn’t imagining it or asleep. I strained my ears in the darkness. There it was again. Was that Lily?
I stood and made my way to her door. Before I opened it, I noticed how hot it was. In just the dozen or so steps down the hall, the temperature had increased significantly. I paused. There they were again. The voices.
Quietly, I opened Lily’s door and my eyes widened, heart freezing in my chest.
There was Justin.
No. Not just one. Three of him.
They all stood around Lily’s bed, one on each side and one at the foot of it. They were all muttering something I couldn’t make out.
As I was about to speak, cry out, make sense of what I was seeing, all three turned toward me and smiled. Dark circles ringed their eyes and their mouths twisted into sick smiles. Their hair was matted with sweat and they all breathed in unison, tiny puffs of smoke escaping their lips.
They spoke as one.
“She’s next, Dad.”
I blinked.
They were gone.
I sat by my daughter’s bed until dawn, bloodshot eyes darting around the room in a daze. I didn’t know what to make of the horror I had seen. I didn’t know if it was a hallucination brought on by lack of sleep or if I had actually dreamed the whole thing. But I was scared.
It was at this point that I began to realize things were very, very wrong.
I took Lily to school in silence, my shell-shocked mind replaying what I saw over and over again. My eyes were glazed over with exhaustion and I had to actively blink to stay awake. My head was swirling, my conscious state beaten to a pulp. I felt dead. Was I losing my mind or was something more sinister actually happening to my family? I couldn’t deny the…dare I say it…the satanic signs that had begun to sprout their wings over my life. My mouth was dry and felt dirty, my unwashed hair was in greasy tatters down my face, and my clothes stunk. I was sinking. I was being eaten alive by depression and exhaustion, their duel jaws hungrily chomping away at me.
I walked my daughter into her school and drove home. I don’t remember a single detail from that drive back. I walked into my house and blinked a few times. I heard my wife crying.
I went to Justin’s bedroom and saw her sitting on his bed, cross-legged, with a bottle of vodka wedged between her thighs. Her eyes were red and tear-streaked as she looked up at me.
“Where is he?” she cried.
I let my body fall, sitting next to her and letting out a long, tired breath. “I don’t know. I don’t know where he is, Tess. God knows I wish I did.” I didn’t mention what I had seen last night, not sure how I would even go about explaining it.
“He’s dead, isn’t he?” she asked, pulling the cap off the bottle.
I placed a gentle hand over hers, stopping the bottle from reaching her lips. “Please, honey…not today. I’m so tired…I can’t even think straight anymore. I need you today, I need you with me.”
She looked at me. “You need me?” She jerked the bottle away from my hand. “You need me?! Why don’t you man up? Our son needs you! You’re supposed to be strong, you’re supposed to be the head of the house. You don’t want me to drink? Why? Because you need me? Grow a backbone and get out there. Get out there and do something!”
I felt my eyes fluttering, my chest heaving with sorrow and desperation, “Tess, I’m so beaten down. I’m so weary of this. I’m so, so, so weary of this. I need my wife…I need…” I felt tears begin to form. “I need you to tell me everything is going to be OK…I need you to love me today…please…” I was crying now, unable to stop the floodgates of sadness and defeat I felt.
Tess shook her head at me, disgusted. “I’ve never met a more pathetic man. Wipe your face, you look a mess. Why did I marry such a spineless child?” She took a long pull from the bottle. “I’m not going to tell you everything is going to be OK. Not until it is. Not until you do something to find our son.”
I looked at her, pleading, eyes red and puffy. “I don’t know what else I can do! You have to believe me I’ve tried everything! I…I just don’t know what happened to our little boy and I hate myself so much for that.”
Tess stood up, taking the bottle. “Good. You should.” She walked out of the room without looking back. I crumbled in Justin’s bed and lay there, crying silently, wishing it would end.
I was in my bed. The clock read two AM. Tess was asleep beside me, stinking of alcohol. Despite my body screaming for sleep, it just wouldn’t come. I lay there in the darkness, listening to the tiny snores from down the hall. At least Lily was sleeping well tonight. My little angel. What a trouper she was. She didn’t understand any of this, didn’t know the true extent of turmoil her family was in. So innocent.
I turned over on my side toward the dark open doorway, exhaling. Please fall asleep, I thought, I can’t go through another day without sleep. My eyes had heavy, dark bags drooping from them, looking like I had been punched in the face. I decided to take a shower and shave tomorrow, clean myself. Maybe that would make me feel better, if only a little.
I closed my bloodshot eyes and let my thoughts wander on their own. I don’t know how long I stayed like that. I told myself I wouldn’t open my eyes until I felt the morning sun on them. Ever so slowly, I began to feel the warm blanket of sleep cover me. My breathing steadied, my mind slowed, and the world started to fade.
“Daddy.”
Groaning, almost crying, I forced my eyes back open. I had been so close. I rubbed my face, tearing away the grip of exhaustion. It was Lily, standing in my doorway, her little frame nothing but a dark shadow against a darker black.
“What is it, baby?” I croaked, reaching out to her.
She padded closer and I saw she was dragging something behind her. She stopped a foot away from the bed and held out what she was holding.
“Daddy, Justin said to give this to you.”
I jolted awake, a spark of adrenaline igniting my mind, and then horror clawed its way up my throat and I bit back a scream.
Lily was holding a severed goat head.
Blood ran down her arms and stained her pajamas as she held it out for me to take. “He told me you would like it. Do you like it, Daddy?”
I steadied my breathing, forcing myself not to yell, not wanting to scare my daughter. I was amazed she wasn’t crying at the sight of it, disgusted by the gore.
Heart thundering, I took it from her, glancing over my shoulder at my wife who remained unconscious in a state of drunkenness. Good. I looked down at Lily.
“When did he give this to you?” I asked, a tremble entering my voice.
Lily wiped her hands on her chest. “Just right now. I was asleep and dreaming about him and when I opened my eyes, he was sitting on my bed. He said he had a present for you and gave me that. He said he has one for me, too, but I have to wait.”
Jesus Christ, I’m losing my mind, I thought, what d
o I do here? What the hell do I do?
I nodded and forced a smile. “Wow, what a neat present. Hey, why don’t we clean you up, huh? Let’s get that nastiness off your hands and clothes, OK?”
She smiled. “OK, Daddy.”
I got off the bed and walked her out of the room, closing the door behind me. I held the goat head away from me by one of its horns. Its fur still felt warm. I breathed through my mouth, eating the outburst of terror I felt in my gut. Just stay calm, don’t scare Lily, I told myself.
“Honey, go into the bathroom and start washing your hands,” I said, nodding down the hall. “I’m going to…go put this someplace special.”
I watched her pad down the hall and turn on the light in the bathroom. I waited until I heard the water running before I sprinted outside and threw the head into the trashcan by the side of the house. I slammed the lid closed and put my hands on my knees, bent over and gasping.
“What the hell is going on?” I said, letting myself feel the stomach-churning fear I was keeping locked up. “What is happening, what is happening, what is fucking happening?”
I took another few seconds to calm myself and went back inside. I needed to throw Lily’s clothes away and instruct her not to say anything to anyone. The last thing I needed was for Tess to find out. God knows what she’d do.
I closed the front door behind me and paused. I didn’t hear the water running. I didn’t hear anything. I walked toward the hall and looked down it. The bathroom light was off.
Heart racing, I walked toward the bathroom door. “Lily? Honey, are you done washing your hands?”
I turned the corner and looked inside.
Justin was holding Lily up by her ankles, drowning her in the toilet face-first.
“She had a little blood on her face,” Justin said, grinning, his voice deep and manly.
“STOP IT!” I screamed, darting forward and knocking him away from his sister, back into the shower. He fell with a thud, hitting his head against the wall.
I grabbed Lily and pulled her up. She came out of the water screaming, gasping for air as water splashed around us.
I quickly wiped her face, hands shaking uncontrollably. “Baby! Lily! Are you OK? Breathe, baby, breathe!”
She threw up a mouthful of murky water and sobbed into my chest, her whole body shaking like a rag doll. “Why did he do that?” she screamed.
I looked up and saw Justin stand in the shower, not smiling anymore. He looked different; he didn’t look like my son. I stared into his face and I was overcome with fear.
A dark, twisted horn protruded from his left eye, curving up past his forehead. Blood leaked from where it had punctured through and the black bone shined with it. Another horn snaked out of his forehead above his right eye, the skin bloody from where it had exited his head.
He put one foot up on the bathtub’s rim and leaned forward. “Come down with me, Dad. It’s so much better down there.”
“You’re not my son,” I said shaking, my voice weak.
Justin stood up straight, shock cracking his face. “Why would you say that, Dad?” His voice was his own again, innocent and young, “Don’t you love me, Dad?”
Chest heaving, still stroking my daughter’s crying face, I nodded, “Of course I do! Of course I love you! I love you so much. Please…come back to me, Justin…come be with us again.”
Justin threw his head back and laughed, his voice dropping back into that horrible deep rumble. “You don’t love me like he loves me.” He reached out and patted my face. “I’ll be waiting for you, Dad.”
I blinked. He was gone.
I spent the next twenty minutes trying to calm my daughter, trying to wrap my shaken mind around what had just happened. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know whom to go to. I didn’t know what was happening. I just sat there on the floor, stroking my daughter’s tear-stained face, telling her it was OK over and over again.
What was I going to do? Should I leave? Would it matter? Should I go to a church and talk to a priest, beg him for help? I knew the police wouldn’t take me seriously. This kind of thing didn’t happen. This kind of thing didn’t exist. My reality bled from a dark, beating heart and I felt chaotic terror seep from its open chest.
Eventually, I picked Lily up and brought her back into her room. I laid her down and curled up next to her. I didn’t know what else to do. I kept stroking her hair until she fell asleep, her little body shivering against mine. I had to protect her. I had to stop this. I needed to do whatever I could to make this nightmare stop.
As I lay there, I began to feel myself fall asleep. I fought against it, but I had long surpassed the point where I could fight it any longer. I drifted off into a light sleep, my fleeting dreams plagued with dark and bloody shapes moving just out of sight.
I woke two hours later, morning’s first light sneaking in through the windows. I groaned and forced my eyes open. I wasn’t ready for today. I wasn’t ready for the choices I had to make. My mind was a cloud of dark haze. I felt dirty, unwashed, and hot. My head was killing me, a thick throb pulsing against my forehead. I felt as if my head would split open from the pain. I shifted on Lily’s bed, forcing my body to move, forcing blood through my dead muscles.
Something wasn’t right.
Lily was gone.
I sprang up, my body howling in revolt, my head hurting so bad I thought it would explode. My sleep-crusted eyes stared at the empty bed.
She was just…gone.
“Lily!” I screamed, pulse quickening. No, no, no, please God I beg of you, not her! Lily, where are you?!” I yelled again, searching under the bed, in her closet, tearing her room apart in a panic. She wasn’t there.
Chest heaving, I ran through the house, screaming her name, searching every nook and cranny, tearing apart every room. Nothing.
Finally, I burst into my bedroom. Tess sat up rubbing her eyes.
“What the hell are you screaming about?” she asked, her voice hard and irritated from being woken up.
“Tess, it’s Lily! She’s gone!” I yelled, my body contorting against the heavy grip of fear and utter exhaustion I felt.
Tess bolted up. “What do you mean she’s gone?”
“She’s gone! She’s disappeared!” I screamed, pulling at my hair.
Tess shook her head, eyes wide, and stormed out of the room. She went to Lily’s room and when she came up empty she searched the house just like I had. I followed her, wringing my hands together, feeling myself die under an avalanche of sorrow and terror. Not my baby girl. Not her. Please.
After we had gone through the house a second time, Tess stopped in the kitchen, facing me. “How did this happen? Where’s my daughter!?!”
I swallowed, putting a hand to my head, and tried to rub away the sharp pain. It was so bad I felt dizzy. My limbs felt like they were made of stone, dragging me to the ground.
“She had a nightmare last night and I got up with her,” I lied through my teeth. “I put her back to bed and stayed with her. I woke up this morning and…and she was gone!”
Tess stood there, breathing hard. Her hands balled up into fists and I saw fire in her eyes. She took a step toward me, slamming her hand down on the countertop. “You mean to tell me that someone came and took her away right out from under you?”
I was helpless before her, beaten and defeated. I started to cry, just staring at her with big wet tears running down my face.
Tess grabbed a coffee mug off the counter and threw it at my head, screaming, “Stop crying, you fucking worthless piece of shit! How could you let this happen!? How could you let them take our children?!”
The mug hit me full in the face, shattering across my nose. I reeled, hands clutching my face as the glass cut my skin. I felt warmth trickle through my fingers and I blinked back blackness.
Tess grabbed another mug, shaking it at me. “You lay there sleeping as someone stole our daughter away from us! How could you be any more pathetic!?” She threw the mug and I managed to stu
mble and avoid it, wiping away the blood on my face.
“Someone out there has our babies!” she continued, now snatching a plate off the counter. “Someone has our children and you stand here crying about it!” She advanced on me. “Crying about it instead of getting them back! You’re a worm, you’re a dirty fucking worm!” She spit in my face. I flinched away as it hit my eye.
A dark murderous fire erupted in my chest.
This. Fucking. Cunt.
I caught her wrist as she swung the plate at my face.
Surprised, she let out a yelp, my grip like iron.
I pulled her close, spittle spraying her face as I hissed through gritted teeth, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” My head howled and I felt like my brain was going to split my skull at the seams. My vision swam and the weeks of exhausted, depressed, crushing sadness all came collapsing down on me in that instant.
Tess saw my tired, beaten eyes and her mouth twisted in hatred. “Or what? You’re a worm.” And she spit in my face again, spraying me.
Without even wiping it off, I cocked my fist back and blasted her in the face. She screamed and fell back against the counter, holding onto it for support. She looked up at me, her eyes wide with shock, her nose bleeding profusely.
“I warned you,” I said darkly, my whole body trembling with years of suppressed rage and hatred for this miserable bitch. I felt the weight and misery for my children crush my senses. I had taken the brunt of this whole ordeal on my own shoulders, desperately trying to keep sane, fighting every ounce of my being to not just curl up and die from the sadness.
“You just made the biggest mistake of your life!” she screamed, the fight still burning in her. “I’m going to make your life hell for that!”
I sprang forward and grabbed her by the throat, squeezing with fury. “You want to see hell?” I whispered, my face inches from hers, raw and burning. “I’ll show you the Devil.”
The Worst Kind of Monsters Page 19