by Olivia Fox
"You sure I'm in charge here?" I panted. My sexy man-servant didn’t answer. Ana laughed. She was curled up on the periphery, avoiding the showers, now wrapped in a towel.
Grayson pulled my face back round to face him."Sure, you're in charge - until I say otherwise," he said, staring rebelliously into my eyes, then gliding his hand beneath my buttocks. His fingers moved perilously close to my behind, and my panic reaction was ‘slap’ rather than ‘clench’ though Christ knows if that would’ve done any good either - stupid damn rules. He thrust down harder, then pushed his finger into me a fraction as I groaned out.
“Too much,” I gasped, and he obligingly pulled back a little.
“You know the rules,” he laughed. “If you slap me, I’m gonna push harder. You need to learn to control your slaves.” He began to rock his finger gently inside me, watching me with a half-smile, challenging me to slap him - I wasn’t going to make that mistake twice. I shook my head a little, instead, willing him to take a step back.
“You don’t like the feeling? Or you don’t think you should like it?” he asked, his position still unchanged.
“I don’t know,” I told him, which was the God’s honest truth - I was in no position to deal with his questions.
“Then let’s find out shall we?” He said, devilishly pushing his finger in a little deeper as he thrust his cock into me… and this time I failed - my panic response was the same as before - I slapped his fiendish little butt, only to have him thrust in harder still.
“Whoa! Too much!” I panted, and again, he pulled back a little.
He sighed theatrically. “You make a terrible dominatrix, Lily,” he said. He laid his forehead on mine, laughing, exploring my lips with his tongue. And suddenly, Ana was back beside us.
“You make a terrible submissive, Grayson,” she said, then she grabbed my wrists and pulled them above my head, holding them tight.
“This is for you own good,” she told me. “No more spanking - it just gets you into trouble.”
Grayson looked up at her exhilarated. He had his partner in crime back. “Still remembering that safety word, Lily?” he said.
I nodded. And that was that; he was well and truly back in the driving seat, looking all set to accelerate, full throttle, with Ana holding me down for him to do whatever the hell he wanted.
“You really never tried Anal?” she asked, her face alight with excitement.
I told her - in fragmented, breathy bursts - that I’d tried and failed the real deal (not the finger option…) - Tom was over-keen and it wasn’t an experiment I let him repeat. Yeowzers.
“You just need the right lover,” she told me. This most definitely wasn’t love, though with Grayson doubly inside me, I wasn’t going to start arguing about her choice of words. Maybe a lot gets lost in translation with Ana, or maybe she’s traded lust for love for so long that she just can’t see the difference.
He pulsed his cock deep inside me, filling me, setting my every nerve ending on edge, as his finger moved in further. “I’m going to make you come now, Lily,” he told me. That promise alone, nearly tipped me over the edge. My inner muscles were tightening around him crazily, throbbing out of control as his cock moved deep inside me, his momentum growing. His face contorted, and he was coming. My vision clouded. Ana’s grip tightened. I wrapped my legs around him, holding him inside me as I joined him, coming intensely, an orgasm like no other, as every part of my sex and anus seemed to contract and release exquisitely, in mad, beautiful unison.
Ana kissed my wrists then let them drop, and half drunk with exhaustion, we slowly scraped ourselves off the hard wet-room floor.
Some minutes later we were slightly less disheveled, wrapped in towels, drenching the satin of Ana’s bed with our wet hair.
It was bizarre. I kept waiting for the shame to kick in, but it didn't - I guess, why should it?! - and I lay there laughing with them, our limbs just casually entwined, totally at ease with what had happened. Except, of course for a nagging doubt that Seb could really - really - be totally OK with it. But I made myself ignore that neurosis - after all, this is largely his idea. Anyhow, lying there post-sex , chatting about 'the business', I felt like I was getting an idea of how it must have felt for the three of them, all in the same boat, loving this lifestyle, before Seb decided to opt out. It felt almost sad, in a weird way.
We talked for maybe half an hour. My body wanted to sleep but I was too pumped - poor choice of words - must everything I say or write come out like some lame euphemism?! What I mean is, my mind was restless - invigorated. Though, when Ana started yawning mid sentence, I decided to turn in for the night. Of course, Grayson had other ideas. As I rolled away to stand, it was clear to see he was ready to go again.
"Turns out some men do know how to make a good thing last," he told Ana.
She joke-shoved his shoulder. "You took one of my pills!" she accused.
He shrugged. "Friends share," he said. He then rolled off of the bed, and reached out for me to join him.
I took his hand warily, having no idea at first that they were talking about Viagra - I mean they were her pills, and Viagra's a guy thing, right?! Well apparently not exclusively. Anyway, Ana offered me a half of one of her 'little blue pills'. I'm curious, I won't deny it. But… I dunno. Maybe another time. And as for more sex with Grayson - I doubted my aching body parts would survive another pounding. I told him as much. He insisted he just wanted to give me a personal tour of the dungeon 'for educational purposes', but clearly that was bullshit so I told him to put that thought on hold.
"Allow me to walk you back to your room then," he said. Yeah right, I'm not that green. I said 'sure' but made it clear I was going to bed alone.
My clothes were half soaked, strewn between the wet-room and Seb's room, so Ana lent me a slinky dressing gown and I resigned myself to being just one more Hatherly hussy. Screw it, I thought, the staff must have seen enough kink combined to last several life times. I was hardly headline news.
We said our goodnights to Ana and headed out, Grayson's arm draped around my waist, with him trying to walk as slowly as humanly possible, and me trying to walk ten to the dozen, to minimize the chance of being seen by staff - and yes I know that kind of goes against what I just said about being fine with it, but I still wasn't wanting to advertise my hussy-ness.
I pushed open the door as Grayson lent in the doorway. "Aren't you going to invite me in?" he said. Erm... No (was my first response). I put it more tactfully. Just. "It's Seb's room," I said. "It'd feel weird." To which he responded: "I've had his dick in my mouth. I doubt he'd care if I came in his room." And that was me dumbfounded. What could I say?! I pushed open the door and stood back to let him in.
Seb : If you ARE reading this, I'm just reporting the facts.
I managed to garble a few ‘when/why/how’ type words as I parked up on the end of the bed, and Grayson grabbed one of many leather bound photo albums from the shelves. He brought it over to me and told me to go ahead and look.
“I don’t think so,” I told him. This was Seb’s private stuff, surely. But he assured me Seb wouldn’t care. And, yes, if I’m honest, I had my doubts about that, but I allowed my curiosity to convince me Seb really wouldn’t mind, and I went ahead and opened the album. I guess I knew what was coming - page after page of sex shots. Some of the players I recognised; Ana and Grayson were there among the porn-star-ish bodies (how is it they only know beautiful people for fuck sake??), as well as Kay and maybe one or two of the other party guests I’d seen. There were countless others I didn’t know. Most of the photos involved some kind of freaky furniture; benches, crosses, suspension devises… with bodies strapped in, collared, constricted… butts being whipped, scary metal vibrators - yeesh! My head was spinning. I knew Seb was experienced - and I knew he’d been with a lot of women - but yikes.
“Why are you showing me this?” I asked.
“Because you seem so damn shocked. If you knew Seb - knew what he was into - you wouldn’t be
. He likes control. We have that in common. Difference is, Seb likes - liked - to record his conquests. I picked this album at random - it’s pretty mild - you should check out the rest,” he said.
I wasn’t going to be doing that any time soon.
He went on, “And these are just the ones he can risk leaving lying about - there’s a whole bunch of disks locked away in the safe - maybe forty or fifty albums worth.”
I had to ask ‘why?’ though I doubted I wanted to know the answer.
“Some of the photos are a little darker than this stuff. Some feature folk with a public profile. That kinda thing,” he said.
It was like he was trying to lure me in; like he wanted me to go snooping. Well, I wasn’t going to bite. I decided then and there NOT to go pursuing those photos. Screw that. If it turns out I’m not enough for Seb then fine - I’ll deal with that - but I don’t need to go torturing myself trying to be like these hard-core women.
OK, I thought, you’ve got your reaction from me - how exactly does any of this fit in with you sucking Seb’s dick?
“So,” I said, getting to the point, “Are you guys bisexual?”
Grayson laughed. “We both like women,” he said. “But sometimes the ‘wrongness’ of sex is what gives it that rush. I mean - you liked Ana going down on you - don’t deny it. It’s the same thing - don’t let it bother you. Some time, honey, I’m going to show you round that dungeon - show you just how ‘wrong’ I can be.”
He was clearly still hard, sitting there on the bed next to me, a poster-boy of male perfection, and all I wanted was to be on my own.
I told him ‘another time’… that phrase was getting to be my tag line, and he kissed my cheek, taking the album from my lap to return it to the shelf. As he took it, a photo fell out. This photo was more intimate. The others hadn’t featured Seb in any way - he’d taken them, of course, but I’d been left to imagine his part in proceedings as he’d been well out of the frame. But here - here he’d taken the photo, looking down, while some wide-eyed vixen of a woman sucked him. My stomach tightened into a knot. This was definitely one picture too many.
“Ah, that’s Maria,” Grayson told me, tucking the photo back into the album. Maria the ex. Maria the high-flying, gallery-owning, with-Seb-now, ex. Freaking fantastic.
I showed Grayson to the door, and again he kissed me goodnight. I’d meant to email Seb before going to sleep - I’d told him I would - but I couldn’t face it. Too much had happened - too many thoughts were rattling around my head, and I needed sleep to help me process it all.
I lay awake, naked under Seb’s heavy covers, for maybe an hour before my brain quietened down enough for me to sleep. And I woke up disoriented though feeling lighter than I had the previous night. My phone rang in my bag; Ana, phoning to ask if I wanted breakfast. My clothes had all been neatly laundered and piled on the chair by the door (amazing staff!) so I joined her and Grayson for a coffee, before Ana called me a cab back to the station.
I feel closer to them both - I guess that was inevitable - but the whole photo thing makes me feel further from Seb than ever (again, Seb, if you’re reading this… oh screw it - you’re NOT reading this). I know it’s not logical; I entered into this relationship eyes open, knowing he had a past. But knowing something and seeing something are two very different things.
I promised I’d let him know how things went at Hatherly. Yet here I am, home; it’s 2.35pm, and I’m choosing to write this instead of replying to my boyfriend. I guess I should stop putting it off.
Yours,
L x
15
Lily finally tucked her diary into her undies drawer, grabbed her clunky old laptop, and headed for the living room. Seb had tried to buy her a smart phone, so they’d be able to email on the go, but she’d insisted she was always glued to her laptop, so it’d just be a waste of money. She was now wondering if she’d been a little too quick to dismiss the idea. She could probably stretch to a new contract herself, without his paying for it.
When she finally switched on her laptop (which she had in no way been glued to), Lily saw the emails had been mounting. She was irritating herself now. So the photos had been pretty hard-core. So what?! The guy has a past, she told herself. Get over it. She sat back in the sofa, bolstering herself with cushions, and started reading:
FROM: Seb Harper / TO: [email protected] / Feb 11 / 23:59
Hey Gorgeous, still awake? How’d it go??
S xx
FROM: Seb Harper / TO: [email protected] / Feb 12 / 10:23
Lily, what’s the news?
Major jet-lag. It’s like 5 something in the morning here. Hope it all went OK.
Seb x
FROM: Seb Harper / TO: [email protected] / Feb 12 / 13:01
OK - starting to worry now. Are you OK?? And why isn’t your phone working?
Sx
My phone? It hadn’t occurred to her that he might try to call. But her phone was working just fine, wasn’t it? Then she remembered.
FROM: Lily Wilde / TO: [email protected] / Feb 12 / 14.54
Oops. Sorry. Think I set my mobile to block calls from unknown numbers (was getting junk-calls)- are you on a diff phone? I’ll sort it. And sorry for slow response.
Yesterday went fine. Better than fine. All quite crazy really, but had a good time. How much do you want to know?…
L x
As she pressed SEND, Lily hoped and prayed he wouldn’t ask her for a blow by blow account - even a vague synopsis was going to be fairly excruciating. It wasn’t that she felt she was being unfaithful - it was more that she didn’t want to rub his face in it. And she definitely didn’t want to be getting into the whole ‘Grayson’s got a whopping great dong’ conversation.
Within minutes, his reply landed in her inbox.
FROM: Seb Harper / TO: [email protected] / Feb 12 / 15:03
That would depend. If you’re wanting to talk about it, go ahead. If not, I’m fine with not knowing. I’m trusting Ana and Grayson not to push you too far. So I guess, unless you’re uncomfortable with anything, you don’t need to report the details. I’ll leave it for you to decide.
S x
Lily mulled this over. She’d been so anxious about the sex last night, when in actual fact, that side of things had been - well - pretty great. Her discomfort, if she could call it that, was entirely to do with Seb. She contemplated asking him about the photos. Was Grayson really so sure that Seb wouldn’t mind them snooping? She remembered how violated she’d felt when Tom had read her diary. Wasn’t this the same thing?
FROM: Lily Wilde / TO: [email protected] / Feb 12 / 13:20
No, I’m fine with not going into details. But the same goes for you - if there’s anything in your past you ever want to talk about, go ahead. Anything.
She read that back. Not exactly subtle. She may as well have written ‘Hey Seb, I’ve found out some juicy stuff about you - anything you want to confess? Freaky bondage tables? Boy/boy blow-jobs?’. DELETE DELETE DELETE…
No, I’m fine with not going into details. Is the show going up today?
L x
And that was it. Topic closed.
Lily felt empty. She told herself it was the distance - that, when they were face to face she’d be able to navigate her way smoothly through these kinds of conversations. When she was with him it was all she could do not to bare her soul. Emailing him felt different - stilted, somehow. But it was just for a month. As soon as he got his butt back to England, her ‘discomfort’ would no doubt just melt away into nothingness. Until then, well - she was a big girl - she’d just have to get a grip.
16
The following working week was a struggle. She'd not told Cayley that she and Seb were now a thing - the fewer who knew, the easier it was for him and Ana to keep up the marriage pretense. However, this meant that every time Cayley made some little wink-wink nudge-nudge comment about Seb, Lily had to play along. Each day felt like one long lie. Every time the masquerade was mentioned, ie ever
y other sentence, Lily had to act cool, calm and professional as though it were just any other job, suppressing her growing anxiousness about actually attending the damned thing. On top of this, she was getting text after text from Emma, wanting to know how things were going with 'the American' and/or the 'married mystery man'.
She'd had to tell Emma some of what had happened previously - albeit an extremely vague, pared down version - after all, Emma knew all about the resolution and wasn't going to stop harping on about it til Lily got some action. Emma, thank heavens, had agreed to say nothing to Cayley. But, this left the three friends oddly disconnected. Lily found herself constantly fretting, trying to remember what she'd said to whom. And, as a result, she could feel herself growing more and more guarded.
Work brought its own pressures. The masquerade preparations were now coming together. The centre-piece of the show was to be a twice-scale gondola, pimped up with red leather upholstery, chains and shackles. A chequered dance-floor (or fuck-floor, as Cayley liked to call it, not realizing she was giving Lily palpitations each time she said it) was to be laid out in the huge dining hall. Two gold thrones were to be placed in the entrance hall, enabling the hosts to greet their guests in style. By some small miracle, Lily had managed to source a pattern cutter/ designer, willing to work overtime (for the right money) to complete the dress commission. And, in order to clothe the remaining guests, Lily had placed large hire orders with two high-end costume supply stores.