by Tara Brown
I nodded, but I saw the pain on her pretty face. Children were given a home near their parents if they did a similar job. Many of our neighbors saw their children daily. My brother would come every now and again, but the only way we knew was when we would find a trace of him in the house. It would make us smile for the day we found it. Then we would see it in the collage of things he had left us that Mom pinned to the wall. Mainly, he was forced to live apart from us. It was better for him. He had to remember everything, and less was always more with memories. They were always a burden.
“I can’t believe my time at school is up.”
My mother nodded. “I know. It has flown by. Do you feel like you are ready?”
I shook my head. “No.” My answer made them smile hopefully.
My father laughed. “I agree. I don’t feel ready for you to go. Are you still against getting married and having kids, and being anyone who gets to keep their memory?”
I nodded.
My mother frowned. “You need to be open-minded about things. I’m going to add that to your dailies.”
My father folded his hands together. “I think it’s acceptable to be who you want to be.”
I grinned at him. “Thanks, Dad.”
“With a husband and some kids.” My mom pointed.
We all laughed. It had been a daily discussion since I was a child.
I turned in early to make the appearance of being tired. I didn’t know how to sneak out of the house. It was making me anxious.
I would have read, but my books were all from school and nearly all memorized. Memorizing the history of us got old fast, even when you couldn’t recall reading it right away. I tapped my fingers and then sat up. I found the spot at the back of my bedpost with the lines. Feeling fear and apprehension at the fact that I’d made marks, I dragged my fingertips over the rough wood. There were many marks: twenty-six. I wasn’t positive, but I imagined it was a lot.
Was each one a night spent having fun and being crazy? Did I go to the club and dance my heart out?
Was each one spent doing unsavory things I would never do in normal circumstances or the light of the day?
I didn’t know how brave I was or what I was capable of, but it didn’t feel like it was a lot. I never went to meet the green-eyed boy after school. I wasn’t that brave.
Finally at 10 pm, I decided to start getting dressed. I fingered through the few outfits I had, shaking my head at all of them. There was nothing spectacular to wear. I looked at the few dresses I had in the back and pulled one off the rack. I never wore dresses. I hated the feel of air moving around my legs. I slipped it on and looked at myself in the mirror. My shoulder-length blonde hair was wavy, with a bit of frizz sticking up. My eyes were a tired shade of blue—exhausted even. I was on the verge of not going, when I remembered she would be waiting for me. I couldn’t leave Amber to go alone.
The plain dark-green dress was simple but pretty. There was nothing about it that was amazing, but I knew everyone else would look the same. None of us had anything different. Our good clothes were all made the same way and out of the same materials. It was done at factories, where it was easier to keep things simple. Tee shirts and light-cotton pants for spring and summer, and heavier jeans and sweaters for fall and winter. Our coats were nearly all the same. Variety was something we didn’t really have, except in housing. My eyes caught my commencement dress. That was the one fancy thing I would own, unless I was moved to Lyle’s area or the city. Then every day would be extravagant.
I gave myself one last look and made my decision to find Amber and go home.
My heart was beating rapidly as I walked to the door. I placed my hand on the knob, taking a deep breath.
I turned the knob and snuck out into the darkness of the house. I tiptoed barefoot to the front door. I picked up my sandals and slipped out into the cool night. When I closed the door, I pressed the code and waited for the nearly silent beep to signify it had locked.
I turned and ran to the tram station in my bare feet. When I got there, she was already sitting. Her pretty face lifted when she saw me. “You came.”
I frowned. “Of course. I wouldn’t have left you here alone.”
She gulped. “Well, I almost left you here alone. Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”
I nodded. “Agreed. Let’s just go home. Maybe the notches for us have been the times we almost went.”
She nodded. “Maybe.” She stood to leave with me when a few girls we knew came running toward us. “GWYN! AMBER!”
I smiled weakly. “Hi, Brooke! Megan!”
Amber gave me a look and whispered, “Guess we’re going.”
I nodded. “I don’t want them to think I’m scared.”
She sighed. “Me either.” They joined our little huddle, excited and bewildered the same as us.
The sounds of the tram made the rumbles in my stomach worsen. They lessened a bit when I saw Lyle was on the tram already. He gave me a weak and uncertain smile. I waved and went to where he was sitting. “You got the invite too?” I asked.
He smiled, blushing nervously. “I guess so.”
Amber plopped down next to me. “Fancy meeting you on the late-night tram.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “I could say the same about you two.”
It made me smile for a moment, but then I whispered, “Do you think anyone knows where we’re going? I mean the Gas District? Who has heard of that?”
He murmured, “I do.”
I furrowed my brow, leaning into him to whisper, “But you’re from farther out than us. How could you remember the city? I know your dad works there, but when do you go there?”
He shook his head, still looking at his feet. “I just know the city fairly well.” It made me feel safer, knowing he would be able to lead us there and home.
Amber smiled at him, making me blush more. She had always been part of the group of girls who loved him. I couldn’t say I blamed her. He was perfect. If I ever had to marry, I prayed it would be to someone like him.
The tram started with a rumble. I looked down the car to see a man in a suit with a mask on, carrying a basket. He handed out masks to the ten of us in our tramcar. When I took mine, I frowned.
The man gave me a sly smile from behind his mask. “Rules of the club—never remove your mask once it’s on. It stays there until you get back on your tramcar.” He glanced at Amber longer than I was comfortable with. “What happens in the club is monitored. This is for your safety. If you remove your mask, your actions will be recorded, and you will be uninvited.” He turned, speaking slightly louder, “The main goal is to have fun. Do what you want but harm no one else in the process.”
With that, he turned and walked out of the car to the back of the tram. I swallowed and glanced at Amber. Her eyes looked like mine as she slid on her red mask with pale-pink gemstones stuck to it.
I looked down at my black mask with white feathers along the sides of it and nodded as I pulled it on.
Lyle looked unsure as always as he pulled on the plain black one. Instantly, he was transformed into the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. He looked mysterious and handsome. It made me feel things I didn’t understand. He wasn’t just Lyle that I went to school with. Well, not until he spoke softly, “So tomorrow is the big day then?”
I looked up at him, trying not to stare at the way his mouth looked in the mask. “What?”
“We get job designation.”
Amber groaned, “I don’t think I want to grow up.”
We both laughed at her.
She shook her head. “Seriously, I think I like living with my parents and being in school. It’s easy.”
I rolled my eyes. “We have to be of purpose.”
Lyle nudged me. “What do you think you’ll do?”
I shook my head. “I always wondered about being a memory maker but my brother works there, so I can’t see us both going. Not to mention, my poor parents. Besides, I don’t know if I want a yesterday.”
> He shrugged. “You never know.”
“No, I never do. I won’t even know we had this conversation tomorrow.”
He winked at me. “Very true.” It made me shiver with excitement. Him in a mask, winking at me seemed so different. He never winked.
The tram slowed, letting more of us on from the different stops but our tramcar never opened for them. Only the ten of us from our stop and Lyle’s rode in this one. When we reached the apple orchards, the weirdest feeling dropped into my stomach. The memory of the green-eyed guy made my stomach hurt. He was linked to the memory of the smell of the apples. In a small way, I was excited about going to sleep that night. I would forget about him and the memories he made.
When we reached the city I was in awe. Amber took my hand and pulled me through the arched walkways and beautiful architecture behind Lyle. It was stunning. I glanced at her. She was buzzing with excitement and nerves. She couldn’t have smiled wider.
Lyle walked with us down streets lined with tall buildings. Everything looked as if it glowed in the dark. The stones of the buildings and roadways were a pale color. The few streetlights made it look mysterious and frightening. There were shadows filled with the actual unknown. None of us would have recalled much of the cities, except Lyle. I didn’t understand that. He knew where he was going. He stopped walking so quickly when we rounded a corner. A gasp slipped from my lips. I stood still staring.
It was magnificent.
The dark of the night and dimly lit streets ended as we came to the crest of a hill where at the bottom sat two huge torches. They sat at the sides of the entrance to what I assumed was the Gas District. The buildings beyond the torches were more like boxes or crates placed on the ground on the shore of a huge lake. The massive lake glistened in the dark at the far side of the box buildings but stopped glistening where it reached the giant silver wall. The whole view was stunning and surprising.
“It’s incredible,” Amber muttered.
I nodded. “Incredible.”
Lyle smiled at me. “You excited?”
“I think I am. That, or I’m not feeling well.”
He laughed and started down the large hill to the bright torches burning in the dark skies. “This section of the city is very old. The ruins of the old city are down here off to the right. You can still find things if you dig in the rocks next to the water. The lake is actually an old crater, an explosion site.”
I shook my head. “How do you know that?”
He gave me a sideways glance. “I forced myself to memorize things about the city.”
Amber beamed. “Well, that was smart of you. We don’t have to worry about getting lost.”
My eyes were locked on the torch next to me as he pulled me through. I wondered if I’d ever seen it before. Did I act that way every time?
The buildings that had seemed like small boxes up the hill were massive. They boxed us in, literally.
The bright torches lit behind us made strange shadows on the ground in front of us. My sandals were silent but the footsteps behind us, where the rest of them followed, made a thundering sound. We walked, masked and excited, toward the club.
Lyle smiled down at me as we rounded the corner. “It’s too bad we won’t remember this tomorrow.”
I smiled. “Maybe it’s for the best.” I believed in the promise of a new day, maybe more so than the rest of the people I was schooled with. It was better to be new all the time, instead of being haunted by the past filled with unchangeable moments. The freshness of a new day kept our minds pure and our souls clean.
Amber pulled her hand from mine, wiping it off on her dress. I blushed. “Sorry.”
She laughed. “It’s fine. My hands are sweaty too.”
Lyle gave me a look. “I get sweaty hands when I’m nervous.”
I frowned. “How do you know that?”
He shrugged. “Just remember it.”
He was mysterious. I wondered if he was one of the people who secretly kept logs and journals of his days. It was frowned upon, severely frowned upon. We discussed journals and memory keeping in class a lot. We all agreed it was a way of letting yourself and your fellow citizens down. You weren’t letting every day be a new one. You were harboring the old things in your mind and allowing your brain to work with imaginations.
I pointed to a black door in the side of a box-like building. “That’s it.”
It had a huge silver 23 above the dark door. My stomach gurgled with excitement.
I fumbled with the stupid mask, glancing at the crowd of people that had amassed behind us. Young men and women filled the streets, each masked and dressed nicely.
People came from around another corner and started to file into the dark doorway ahead of us. It was exciting and frightening to see so many of us out, secretly. There were no other people besides us on the streets. Everyone was home. The adults were tucked away, and we were about to live a night of excitement and secrecy—something our society frowned upon. I didn’t feel guilty for it. It was like it was needed and the group made it acceptable.
Lyle climbed the stairs, holding the door open for us. We walked in, gripping each other. Amber’s damp fingers clenched around mine.
Beyond the black door was a long dark corridor. I could not only hear the music, but I could feel it, like it was pounding inside of me. It made worse the feelings of fear and suspense from not being able to see anything beyond the hallway. Amber’s fingers dug into my skin farther with every beat of the music and step we took toward it.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
I nodded as a female’s voice sang over the beats and filled the air with a beautiful melody. “Me too.”
I looked behind us to see Lyle still holding the door for the onslaught of young people now funneling down the hallways after us. He gave me a look. I pointed just ahead of us.
“What if bad things happen here?”
I looked at Amber’s terrified face and shook my head. “We stay together. We wait for Lyle.”
The hallway opened into a huge room. Strange lights hung low from wires high above in the roof. They each had glass and beads that looked like jewels and six small lights. The jewels, glass, and light made a sparkle in the air. Other lights flashed around to the beat of the music. On something high at the back—a platform maybe—a group of younger people played instruments. A girl with long dark hair and all-black clothing sang into the microphone. She was intense and hard looking. Her arms were bare, with designs drawn on them in swirling lines of color. One side of her head was shaved close to her pale scalp. She was the most frightening, and yet intriguing, person I’d ever seen.
Her voice was deep and made a sound that was haunting. It made my skin react with a shiver. A guy in a white mask with dark hair and beautiful dark eyes approached us with a smile that perhaps mocked our clutching to one another. He gave Amber a discerning look. “Will you dance with me?” His voice was soft and deep simultaneously.
She put her hand out, looking at me. I nodded. “I’ll wait right here.”
He winked at me. “I’ll bring her back, I promise.” I instantly believed his words to be untrue, and yet, his eyes mesmerized me. The way he smiled at Amber made my insides melt.
I felt warmth behind me. I turned expecting Lyle, but it was a larger person with a dark-blue mask and the greenest eyes I’d ever seen. He smiled. “You came.”
I turned quickly, but he took my hand and pulled me into the crowd. Their strange movements and exotically masked faces swallowed us up. He stood over me. “You have a drink yet?”
I shook my head, trying to look angry instead of hopelessly frightened.
“Good. Don’t drink anything in the club, ever.” He nodded toward Amber. She placed a glass goblet to her lips, drinking the amber liquid in tiny sips at the encouragement of the dark-eyed boy. His wicked smile made me nervous. “Will he hurt her?”
He shook his head. “He won’t, not in the club. It’s under heavy surveillance.” He grinned, l
ifting my hand. “Speaking of which, we should dance.”
He moved my arms, making my body sway to the sound of the soft drums and the haunting girl. He moved me like the puppets we had played with as children. I let him move me, but I never took my eyes from Amber. I watched her start to move on her own. The goblet was gone, passed on to another person. The guy with the dark eyes stepped close to her as the music was soft but when it changed, exploding with sound, he ran his hands down her sides. My entire body clenched, stiffening so the guy holding my hands couldn’t move me. He stepped in close to me, touching my chest against his ribs. He moved his hands over my sides, but my eyes never left her. I was formulating a plan. I needed Lyle.
My jaw hung open as Amber started to move into the guy, swaying her body to match his, moving his hands over her waist for him. Her head dropped back as she laughed like she was free of everything. She was uninhibited and loose. I rushed away from the green-eyed guy and grabbed Amber’s arm. She smiled at me lazily. “This is so amazing.”
I shook my head. “We need to find Lyle. I don’t like this.”
She shoved me back. “Relax. We came to have fun. That hot guy wants to dance with you. Have fun.”
I felt my hand grabbed and pulled back away from the brooding dark eyes watching me try to steal his date.
I looked up at green eyes. “What has he done to her?”
His face bent into my neck. “We are being watched. If you are not having fun, you can be forced into it. Relax and look like this is fun. If you fight this, they will take you from here. Relax, please.”
I tried to step back but he pulled me into him, making me move with him. A sob escaped my lips. What a mistake we’d made. We never should have come. I needed Lyle. Why hadn’t I stayed with Lyle?
I made a horrifying decision as I looked up at the green-eyed guy. “I don’t know what you want or what he’s done to Amber, but if you don’t hurt me, I’ll do whatever you’d like.” I was trembling but at least I wouldn’t remember. It was better for it to be gentle.
“Whatever I want?” he asked with hot breath against my nape. I nodded against his warm face. “After that, you let me go find my friend.”