by Leanne Davis
If he never left, none of this would have been happening.
If he never left, she wouldn’t have felt so stuck now, and like a stupid, pointless, loser who stayed at home with her children for too long, letting her husband support all of them. Now? She had some security: a house and a vehicle, but that was due to her missing husband’s low-life, crooked actions. She had no income, and was unsure where to look for a job next.
One afternoon, she glanced up and found Donny standing on her porch.
She saw him through the front door relite. He smiled awkwardly, as if to say, “Yeah, it’s me.” Gulping down a swallow, she stared at the closed door, even considering for a moment not to answer it. The girls were not there; they were at school, and that meant Donny and she would be alone. In the house with no one else.
What the hell? So what? Horrified at her own hesitation, she immediately jerked the door open. Who cared if she and Donny were alone in her house? As if it mattered whether the girls were there or not. It’s not like they’d behave any differently either way. Right? Of course not. He was married to her sister, who was presently struggling, rather heroically, through her rehabilitation program to overcome a tragic addiction that was actually a disease… so no, it was no big deal to let Donny Lindstrom inside her house.
Except, she really wished Julia had been in his arms. She made it more legit. But no one, not her kids, her parents, or Vickie even, could say one word about Donny being there. No one should even have questioned it. Then why was she suddenly feeling so desperate?
She swung the door fully open to let in the sunshine, and the bright light of the spring day filled the entryway. Light. Everywhere. Nothing wrong with Donny being there.
They stared at each other for a long time, and neither of them said anything. Suddenly, having no one else between them, it was like they fell right back into the strange connection they formed over the last few months. It was like everything and everyone disappeared, and now it was just Donny and Tracy. She felt like she could almost read his thoughts, and he hers. His gaze started on her forehead and traveled over her body. Neither one smiled. He wore the same slacks he usually saved for work. She wished she didn’t know that kind of detail, but she was now quite familiar with most of his wardrobe. He tended towards neutral or dark-toned slacks with a button-up shirt he normally tucked in. Ties were rare on him. Only when he had a client he was trying to woo.
“How are you?” he finally asked, still standing on her porch.
“I’m okay. You?”
He smiled faintly. “Okay. Yeah. That’s about what I am. I guess that’s better than I was a few months ago.”
“I saw Vickie yesterday. She says it’s going well and she’s still trying hard to stay sober. It’s been much longer than she usually managed to in the past. It might really have worked this time.” There. Saying her sister’s name labeled it official family business. They were connected because of Vickie and Julia, not for that brief, abstract connection they accidentally shared for just a few weeks.
Tracy visited Vickie almost every other day, and spent half the afternoons with Julia. She struggled to keep her heart from longing when she watched Vickie pick Julia up and tend to her. Many times, Julia fussed about this or that, and Tracy wanted to step in and simply solve the child’s problem or make her stop crying. She certainly could. She knew exactly what Julia needed most of the time, and why she was fussing. Vickie fumbled around although she did try. She would nearly have a panic attack while trying to hold her, or show her new toys, or stuff spoonfuls of food into her mouth. Vickie used anything she could think of to appease Julia. It was hard for Tracy to watch and do nothing while Vickie tried to figure it out. Even painful at times. Vickie was not a natural mother. She panicked at the slightest squeak of displeasure from Julia.
Their mother, who was at Vickie’s side now constantly, was also at Julia’s. When Tracy asked her mom why she was now watching Julia, her mother claimed it was because Donny had outright refused her offer to help while Vickie was away. Tracy didn’t know that. Nor that he explicitly told Gayle she couldn’t watch Julia, but Tracy could. And did. It shamed Tracy too when her mother explained it like that, but the thrill that shot through her was undeniable at hearing that Donny had so approved of her.
And she finally understood why her parents both seemed to disappear from her life so abruptly. They were mad she was entrusted with their precious Vickie’s daughter, and they were not.
Vickie spent every morning at her classes and AA meetings. Then, every afternoon, she tried to learn how to be a good mother. By evening, she was exhausted. Tracy didn’t doubt it. It was the most effort anyone ever witnessed from Vickie. She hoped and prayed that Vickie would continue on her path, since that routine was so foreign, and put so much pressure on her.
“Yes. Vickie does anything I ask of her.”
“And?”
He frowned and shrugged, jamming his hands into his pocket. “And what?”
“She has literally changed her entire life and attitude and skills for you. Because you demanded it, she’s doing it. And all you can say is yes, she does anything I ask? You need to praise her and tell her how proud you are. You need to make sure she knows that you notice what she does and how well she does it. She deserves that from you. She did all that for you. Now give her some credit.”
His shoulders sagged. “I know. It’s just, I have so much resentment still inside. It’s hard to ignore. Even in face of everything she does now, it’s hard to forgive what she did leading up to right now.”
“You have to,” Tracy said, her tone more forceful. She almost panicked. “You must give her credit for what she’s done. She’s trying to become a better wife and mother for you. And for Julia. And it’s all to make your family work better. You have to give her a second chance.”
“I know,” he said, his tone quiet and sad sounding. When his gaze met hers, his eyes were full of things she didn’t want to see. Raw emotion. No. No. No. Donny could not have any emotions about her. She was no longer involved in his life or in his relationship with Vickie.
“What are you doing here? I’m invited to your house for dinner tomorrow night, remember?”
“I remember.”
That was even worse. He remembered? Then what was he doing here now, when they were all alone?
“I wanted to ask you something.”
No! Her brain was screaming at her that he could not ask her anything. Not today. Not alone at her house. Not a question that he left work and drove clear out to her house to ask her while they were alone. No, she could not hear that question. Nor could she actually answer it.
Her fingers squeezed the door she gripped as if she had to make sure he did not try to barge his way inside. “What?” she finally whispered.
“Would you consider coming to do my books? I know you didn’t finish your program, but taking what you did learn, I can teach you all the rest. I’m buried right now. I can’t keep up on them. I’m barely keeping my bills paid, and now with Vickie home, I’m trying not to work such long hours.”
“Why me? Go hire a real bookkeeper.”
“That would be kind of stupid when I know you’re looking for a job. And you’re half trained in the position I’m looking for, right?”
“Hardly.”
“Well, you have a foundation in it. I know you’re not stupid. I know you can pick up the rest.”
“No, you don’t. I might be completely stupid. Outside of being good at wiping up spit and changing diapers.”
He sighed and rolled his eyes as he shook his head. “Okay, what’s the attitude about?”
“I can’t believe you would ask me that.”
“Why wouldn’t I ask you? You’re broke. Your husband is a fugitive from the law. Why wouldn’t I offer my sister-in-law a job? It kind of seemed like the most decent thing to do. Now that my parents have flushed some of their hard earned money into my business, I have a little cash to run the goddamned thing. And as part of
that, I need some administrative things taken care of. So why wouldn’t I ask you?”
“Because—” She quickly snapped her mouth shut. What could she say? Because they kissed? Because they connected? Because, for a few weeks, they nearly forgot he was married to her sister? Because it was wrong, wrong, wrong to forget that? Because of her feeling… things. Weird things that stirred her gut and heart around him. That was why he should not have asked his sister-in-law to take a job in his small business.
“Because I think you understand why. That’s why you didn’t wait until tomorrow night to ask me in front of your wife. Or my sister and my parents.”
His gaze narrowed and drilled into hers. “Why would that be, Tracy? Why do you think I wouldn’t ask you in front of them?” His tone was soft, almost taunting her to say something.
What could she say? “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“Would I be asking you if I didn’t?”
Good point. He was now half scowling at her impatiently. Okay, maybe she just made way too big a deal out of what happened while Vickie was away. Maybe he was just being nice. Maybe…
“Tracy? I won’t be coming on to you if that’s what you’re worried about. I thought we agreed that one night went wrong. It meant nothing. Now you can’t be alone with me? I stopped by because… I guess it felt more like business to me. Think about my job offer. Or don’t. But acting like we’re both figuring out how to hide a clandestine affair? Not appreciated. I have enough damn drama in my life with Vickie. I really don’t need it at work too. So take the job. Or don’t. If you do, all that will happen is: I’ll train you. You work at your desk, paying bills and handling my accounts, and I’ll be trying to fit in as many clients as I can each day to keep my business afloat. End of story.”
Her ensuing blush was fierce and burning. The heat of it would surely have scalded anyone who touched her skin. He was so bold. So forthright. So out there with it all. She did not like the way he said it. It sounded so much worse than her somewhat embarrassed avoidance of him and the topic.
“Are you sure you can afford it?”
“I’m sure I can’t afford not to. I need to put more time into making money. But I legally, and literally, have to do the bookkeeping, so I’m sure. It’s better for me to work as a consultant, so I can bill clients, versus spending it on paying bills, taxes and insurance… there is a lot more to it, of course, but you get the general idea.”
“What about Vickie?”
He scoffed. “What about her? You think she can do this? She has her hands full and can barely manage the house right now.”
She frowned. “Did you tell her about almost losing the house?”
“I did. I told her everything. The money is tight and almost gone. I told her where we are in every way.”
The blush again. He didn’t mean everything, did he? As in…
“Everything… within reason,” he added after observing her reaction.
“Are you sure that was a good idea?”
“Why are you so sure it wasn’t? Besides, Vickie and your mother were all for it. Who do you think suggested you when I mentioned I needed to hire additional staff?”
They knew? Crap! Now it would look weird if she said no, when only yesterday she was bemoaning to both of them that she could not figure out where to find work or what to do. She was torn between finishing her school program, just so she’d have something to put on her resume, and the sense of urgency that she needed an income now, not a year from now. “Who else are you hiring?”
“No one. You would handle office admin stuff. You’d be kind of in charge of everything else office-related. What do you think?”
He was now talking the way he used to. Brisk and blunt and to the point. His gaze was fixed on hers as one eyebrow rose while he waited for her answer. His impatient manner was real and seemed like he didn’t have any issues about being near her.
“Um. Okay? I don’t know what else to say.”
“I’d like you to take this job. We get along well. Why not take advantage of that?”
Get along well? Sure. Great. That was one way of looking at it.
“So what? I just show up tomorrow?”
“Yes. If you want to.”
“I guess, I want to. I mean, I want to. I’m just surprised and confused and unsure… you know?”
His gaze drilled into hers. “I know what kind of person you are. And I have no issues with hiring you for this position.”
She nodded. “Okay. Thank you. You know…”
He smiled with only half his mouth. “Yeah, I know. The same things I feel. See you tomorrow.”
She shut the door behind him. He did not even step one foot inside. He offered her a job. A job in the field she had some training in. She was his sister-in-law. She was looking for work. She needed an income. He was right, of course, he had to offer it to her. Naturally, Vickie suggested it and her parents endorsed it.
So why the heck wouldn’t she do that?
She would. She was definitely going to.
Chapter Thirteen
TRACY HAD NOT HAD a job in a decade. Prior to that, she temporarily worked as a receptionist at the local community swimming pool. She had no marketable skills. After she got the girls off to school the next day, she drove straight to Donny’s office. It was located in downtown Calliston. It was a small office on the main street and set among other shops and businesses that ranged from a lawyer to an insurance broker to a small coffee shop next door. The front was brick with a deep overhang that provided a covered walkway up and down. She had been there before although she couldn’t remember the reason, and recalled that it was small, but neat and orderly. She could see the waiting room and what would be her desk from the storefront windows that offered a view into almost the entire office.
Gretchen’s former practice was only one block over, and a few blocks behind Donny’s present location. Tracy used to go there often to take Gretchen to lunch and occasionally, dinner. Her heart tugged with nostalgia. She missed Gretchen living in town. Especially now. She would know just the right thing to say to Tracy today. It was hard to contemplate working in the real world when she never really did it before. Even if her “boss” was Donny, it was still venturing out into the real world for her. Further than she’d maybe ever been. Her hands were slick with sweat as she parked her mini-van into a slot nearly right in front of Donny’s office.
Gretchen could have talked her through this. Gretchen had been supporting herself for many years, and made a good living. Tracy’s lack of work experience had not bothered her before this year. She was content with her daily life. Her babies were born almost back to back. For many years, she was so busy tending to them, she had to give up showering some days. Being that busy in her early twenties, it would have been a joke to say she didn’t “work.” She knew she worked as hard as anyone, being the mother of two kids who were only fifteen months apart. Kylie came as a bit of a surprise. She and Micah wanted another kid, just not back to back. But it wasn’t that big of deal to them in the end. Micah had just gotten hired at a finance company and was about to make a decent living. They had also moved from their first tiny apartment together, into a two-bedroom, little house. The girls shared a room.
At twenty-three, when she crossed the threshold of that small, two-story house, she felt like the queen of a castle. She felt like the richest, most lucky girl in the world. She never regarded it as a small, unfancy, starter home. To her, it symbolized all her dreams coming true.
She missed that house, the place her kids were just babies in. Things were simple, on a small scale, and wonderful. Her world existed within the confines of that house and the well-being of her babies. Micah was her only conduit to the outside world. Gretchen was well entrenched in med school and finally moved to South Carolina with her then, husband. Vickie was off being Vickie. For many years, it was just Micah and she and the babies. Her kids, however, drew her parents to visit her more often than they did before, simply bec
ause there were no other grandkids. Despite how ho-hum they were about Tracy, they were really good grandparents. She saw them almost everyday then, especially after her dad retired, when Ally was five.
Micah eventually started making real money. Money that allowed them to move to the lake house, and buy vehicles and furniture and take fancier trips.
She never worried about money from that day forward. Micah never acted as if he, alone, earned the money. He always talked of their money, their stuff, their life. She never considered that he was the breadwinner although she didn’t technically have a penny of her own. But Micah never acted like he controlled it all. It was always both of theirs.
Until the day he decided it was all about him.
But now? She was on the verge of working at a job for real. She frantically put together an outfit she must have gotten for someone’s funeral or wedding. It was about the only business-like attire she owned. She’d have to get some new clothes if the job worked out.
She opened the storefront door and entered Donny’s place of business. This time, it felt like she was a complete stranger. She took it all in with fresh eyes. It was a small space, with three tiny offices that converged on the rectangle-like reception. There was a little waiting room on the left, and a desk with shelves behind it and office paraphernalia. Potted plants perked up the interior almost as much as the blue paint job.
Donny glanced up when the front door chimed at her entrance. His office was all glass and faced the reception. Half-pulled mini-blinds gave him some degree of privacy. He rushed into the entry.
“On time, as usual,” he said, glancing at the clock. He indicated for her to follow him to the desk on the other side of the reception. “Nervous?” he asked as he rolled another chair next to the one that was already there.
She nodded mutely, but had no idea what to say. Here, in this environment, Donny seemed like a total stranger. The other programmer was named Xavier, who merely glanced at her with a blank look. Donny waved for him to come over.