Powchutu shifted restlessly as guilt gnawed at his heart. “When she learned the truth about him, she was like a wounded doe. God, I hope I never see her like that again. She really believed he loved her, that she had won his heart at last. That lie hurt her far more than his lashing did. We’ve got to help her, Joe. She’ll have to face her loss. It’ll be hard for her. She’ll need us.”
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“You mean if she’ll let us help her, don’t you? Alisha is a proud woman, just as proud as Gray Eagle. If you left her here while she is still so ill, how would she feel?”
“Probably think I had betrayed her and deserted her just like he did. But if I thought my leaving was best for her, I would go this very night. She’s the only woman I’ve ever wanted, Joe. I would do anything for her.”
Joe was studying him very closely and carefully. For some reason, he felt that Powchutu was telling the truth, that he was actually willing to give Alisha up if that was really what she needed. It was even tempting for Joe to advise Powchutu to leave. After all, he loved Alisha, too. He could easily imagine what life with her would be like during a long, cold, and lonely winter. He realized that it was too selfish to encourage the scout to leave. Knowing that Alisha might need this special friend, he could not.
“If it helps any, Powchutu, I must agree with what you did for her. It just shocked me to hear that Gray Eagle had captured her and held her for so long. Just isn’t like the warrior I’ve heard so much about. Guess you and Alisha know him better than most whites. Alisha’s suffered too much as it is, Powchutu. I think it would hurt her more if you left her now. The only thing that matters is her health and happiness. We’ll do whatever is best for her, agreed?”
“Fine,” Powchutu replied absently, his dark eyes scanning the direction to the river. “Think she’ll be well enough to travel before the snows hit?”
Speculating upon the reason for the scout’s anxiety and unexpected question, Joe asked, “Do you think he might come after her?”
“Don’t know. Once the truth of her escape is known, no telling what might happen.” His handsome features were lined with worry. But it was not Gray Eagle’s revenge that he feared; it was the furious band of bloodthirsty Sioux warriors which would be headed by Gray Eagle’s loyal friend White Arrow.
“What do you plan to do in St. Louis this winter? Got any money or friends there?” Joe asked.
“As soon as I get Alisha settled in some kind of safe and warm quarters, I’ll find something to do until spring. All we’ll need is food and shelter. I have a little money we found in an old, burned-out wagon along the trail here. It’ll last for a while. Don’t worry. I promise to take good care of her.”
Joe wondered if he should tell Powchutu about the money which Alisha’s uncle had placed in safekeeping with Hiram Bigsley, the banker-of-sorts for this growing area. Uncle Thad had feared the loss of all his wealth from either a storm or from robbers. He had wisely entrusted a large portion of it to Hiram Bigsley of Bigsley’s Mercantile and Trust Company in St. Louis. Joe decided that he would save this news for Alisha, hoping it would somehow solve some of her fears and troubles.
“You could stay on here for the winter. I could use the help and the company. I’d be willing to split the profits from our trapping right down the middle,” he generously offered the scout. “By springtime, Alisha will be strong and healthy again. We could all head down to St. Louis together to sell our furs and hides. We would all have plenty of money by then.”
“I wish we could stay here, Joe. She could use the time and solitude. But I don’t dare risk those Sioux catching up with us. I dread to think they might track us here and harm you after we leave. I did all I could to conceal our trail. I shiver to think what Gray Eagle might do to her if he learns she’s escaped his final vengeance. She’d never survive another lashing,” he shrewdly stated to gain Joe’s approval and sympathy.
Disappointed, Joe offered, “If you do change your mind, the invitation still stands. I’d better get back inside and check on our girl.” He turned and walked back into the cabin with the scout’s gaze boring into his back.
Chapter Seven
Joe and Powchutu ate a light meal of johnny cakes and fish stew later that evening. They had hoped that Alisha would wake up and join them. She had not. She was very weak and pale; she was physically and emotionally drained. These past weeks had been agonizing for her. All she needed for the present was sleep, warm food, and plenty of rest. Her shoulder wound was showing signs of improvement, as were her other injuries. Soon she could join them for meals and light talk.
Unable to sleep that night, Powchutu left the stuffy cabin for a long walk in the chilling night air. He realized that there were many things which he had to settle within his own heart and mind. Yet, he felt helpless and guiltridden where Alisha was concerned. He had set a plan into motion which had cost two lives so far, nearly costing both his and Alisha’s too. If only he could be certain that he was right…
While he was out walking and thinking, Alisha came to for the second time. Once again she was temporarily confused by her weakened condition and the unfamiliar surroundings. Before Joe even realized that she was awake, she had fully come to her senses. Her soft weeping alerted him to her wakefulness. He went to her side to comfort her. He tenderly stroked her mussed hair and spoke quietly to her, trying to lighten her dismal spirits.
“Why, Joe?” she cried in anguish. Still a little feverish, she rambled, “Why did it all happen? Hatred is such a destructive emotion. I’ve lost everything, and I do not understand why. How can I comprehend a situation that makes no sense? One day the world is a beautiful place, and I am free and happy; the next day, it is ugly and cruel, and I am the captive of another person. Can you imagine what it is like to be the slave of another person, one who hates you deeply, one who has complete control over your life in every way? Why me, Joe? What did I do to warrant this vile destiny? How could he hate me so much? How, Joe?”
There was no explanation he could give her. “I’m sorry, Alisha. Who can explain hatred or violence? I surely can’t. I have always known Gray Eagle hated the whites, but with some just causes, I must admit. But there is no excuse for what he has done to you. I cannot even come up with a good reason for why he captured you in the first place. It just isn’t like the man I kn—I’ve heard about. From what I’ve learned about him, he’s a man who rewards courage and generosity. It seems strange for him to harm someone who’s saved his life. He is a smart man; how could he not know what you’ve done for him?”
She was staring at him wide-eyed and open-mouthed. “You know about us? Powchutu told you…every-thing?” Her lovely face flushed with humiliation, feeling naked to his gaze. Tears sprang into her lucid eyes. “He had no right to tell you or anyone such personal things about me. I can imagine what you must think about me now.
“Powchutu loves you, Alisha. He’s been worried sick about you. He blames himself for all of this. He’s hardly been able to eat or sleep since you’ve been here,” he stated softly, feeling compelled to defend the scout’s confessions to him. “He only wants what’s best for you. I told him you and I are old friends, so he felt it was all right to explain those matters to me.”
Remorse filled her. “I know… If it wasn’t for him, I don’t know what would have become of me. In truth, Joe, he’s the only friend I’ve had since our fortress was destroyed.”
“He wants to marry you when you two get to St. Louis. He seems like a good, honest, strong man, Alisha,” he offered, hoping that she might shed some light on this unexplainable feeling of suspicion which gnawed at his heart. He was also hoping to learn of her feelings toward Powchutu. He would not interfere if she loved him and wanted to marry him; but if not, then the door was still open for his own pursuit…
“You and Powchutu are the only friends I have left, Joe. I can’t even begin to tell you all he’s done for me. If not for him, I would be dead right now. Did he tell you…how he found me?” she stammered, not
knowing just how much Powchutu had related to him.
“Yes, he did. I’ve never thought of Gray Eagle as a vile coward, but that is certainly a coward’s way out. Powchutu says he did it for revenge.” Joe paused, then asked, “What do you think, Alisha?”
There was such naked pain in her green eyes that Joe instantly wished that he had not asked such a tormenting question. She swallowed with great difficulty, bravely forcing back unbidden tears. Emerald eyes met sky blue ones.
“He’s partly right,” she painfully agreed. “But there was more to it. When he looked at me, all he ever saw was white skin. He saw his avowed enemy, someone to be killed or tormented. He never permitted himself to look at me as Alisha, or even as a woman. As to his real motives, I cannot venture a truthful guess. All I know is that he wanted me dead. Do you know how much hatred it takes to want someone dead, Joe? Do you know how it feels to have someone actually want you dead, want it enough to do it himself? He had so much hatred bottled up inside of him. For some reason it kept pouring out on me. It just kept coming and coming and there was no end to it.”
Staring off into space, the words spilled forth as Alisha tried to purge herself of her grief. “Do you know what it’s like to love someone more than life itself? To believe this same person loves you too, only to discover it was all some cruel and spiteful joke? He has paid a great price for this honor he prizes above all else: the life of his firstborn son. I will never forgive him for this evil deed. To vent his hatred for the whites upon me is one thing; to pay the life of our child is another.”
“Powchutu said Gray Eagle married you. Is that true?” he inquired softly, not wanting to further upset her.
“Married?” she repeated the word, as if she did not understand the meaning of that word. She closed her eyes and mentally envisioned the night of their joining. His image was as clear in her mind as if he were standing before her that very minute. She could almost feel his strong arms around her; she could almost smell the manly odor of his powerful body. She could picture his captivating smile; she could hear his deep laughter. Her mind’s eye saw the stygian eyes which could lock with hers and hold them prisoner at will. Her beautiful daydream ended abruptly when the smile in his eyes and upon his full, sensual mouth turned into a jeering smirk.
She finally answered him, “I suppose you could say we are married. There was a ceremony in Black Cloud’s village which joined Gray Eagle with the Blackfoot princess Shalee. But since I am not Shalee, I guess we are not truly married. I didn’t know what was said during that ceremony until later. Gray Eagle told me that morning he caught up with me in the wilderness. He claimed we had pledged our hearts and lives as one. He told me he loved me. He said he wanted me for his wife, no matter who I was. My acceptance as this Shalee seemed to give him the excuse to openly claim me as his wife and love, but it was all a lie. Every word he spoke that day was a lie.”
“If you didn’t understand the joining ceremony, then how did you understand his explanation? Do you speak Oglala that good?” Joe curiously inquired in confusion.
Without thinking or caring anymore, Alisha unwittingly replied, “Not really. He speaks English. Of course that was the first time he had ever spoken to me in English, but he did it very well and very easily. All those months I had been his captive, he never once talked to me in my tongue. From that very first day we met, he knew every word I had spoken and never let on that he could. He waited until he knew I could not ever reveal his dark secret, then told me. He wanted to make certain I suffered as much as possible before I died. He wanted me to know what it was like to taste his love and acceptance. God, how he lied and betrayed me! I must be the most gullible, naive person in the world! I truly believed him. I trusted him completely until he left me in the desert and never came back. Two whole days and nights I waited for him and worried about him. I was a stupid, blind fool, Joe. I didn’t have any food or water, and no horse or weapon either. He didn’t even care enough to allow me a quick and easy death. He said, ‘I love you, Alisha,’ and then rode away forever. I believed him; I trusted him….”
Her eyelids gradually closed. Soon, she was asleep with glistening teardrops still wet upon her ashen cheeks. Joe studied her face for a long time. He finally stood up and turned to move away from the bunk. His gaze alighted on the scout standing in the open doorway, a tormented expression etched on his face. Their eyes met and fused, each seeking some secret knowledge that the other might possess. Powchutu was the first to glance away. Joe continued his intense scrutiny.
Powchutu walked over to Alisha’s side. He gently caressed her tear-stained cheek with the back of his hand. For the first time in his life, tears came to his own eyes; they unknowingly eased down his tanned cheeks and slowly dropped to her right arm. In a voice filled with sorrow and remorse, he murmured, “What have I done to you, my love? Even in all that danger, would you have been better off with him? If only we had known about his child…”
Seeing the highly emotional state that Powchutu was in, Joe quietly left the cabin. He himself now felt in need of some fresh, mind-clearing air. He was angered and baffled by all the facts which were being thrown at him so unexpectedly. He wanted to understand how the man whose life he, too, had once saved could be the same man who had tormented Alisha for months, finally trying to kill her. It just didn’t add up to him. Either Gray Eagle had drastically changed in the past year, or there was more to this mysterious situation between him and Alisha than anyone but Gray Eagle knew.
If only Powchutu had attested to this cowardly Gray Eagle, Joe would challenge him. But Alisha agreed with the scout. Far worse, she had added even more vile charges against Gray Eagle. She stated he spoke English, and spoke it well. She would have no reason to lie about such a matter. Yet, why had Gray Eagle never spoken to Joe, his friend, in English? They had always conversed in Sioux, for Joe had an excellent command of many Indian tongues. There was nothing he could do at the present but accept Alisha’s version of the truth. But the next time his path crossed with Gray Eagle’s, he would demand the absolute truth of this matter concerning Alisha. He would not rest until he heard Gray Eagle’s explanation of their relationship. In fact, he would head up that way next summer and check out this disturbing matter. If he did not have some good reason for her brutal treatment, then he would be forced to make him pay for it. He reluctantly returned to his cabin. He found the scout sitting at the table, obviously in very deep thought. “Powchutu,” he called out, not wanting to startle him with his sudden return. He did anyway. Powchutu jumped up and knocked over his chair. Both men instantly glanced over at the sleeping Alisha to see if the loud crash had disturbed her. It had not. In her state of near exhaustion, she slept on. Powchutu leaned over to upright the chair, placing it back near the table. He sat down and motioned for Joe to come and to join him. First, Joe went to look for something in his small pantry. He came back shortly with two tin cups in one hand and a bottle of Irish whiskey in the other. He sat down and poured out two half-cups. He handed one to Powchutu and placed the other one before himself. Grinning jovially, he declared, “I think we both need a stiff drink, Powchutu. This has been one helluva week. To better days ahead,” he toasted, clinking his cup with Powchutu’s. Both men promptly emptied their cups as if they had only been filled with cold spring water. Joe hastily refilled them. “Been saving this for a long time,” he murmured.
About five cups later, both men found it easier to get to sleep. They had been sleeping on bedrolls in the middle of the cabin floor. It was but minutes later when both were sound asleep, lost in much-needed slumber.
Alisha was the first one to awaken the following morning. She observed the two men sleeping peacefully upon the floor, like two brave cavaliers guarding a queen. It warmed her heart to realize how much they were doing for her. Recalling the power of the hunter’s sixth sense that both men possessed, she remained very still and quiet. She did not want to interrupt their rest. No doubt they were both exhausted after taking care of her night and
day for a week. She lay back against the feather pillow and let her mind roam at will.
She knew that she could not hide from the painful truth for much longer. It was past time to face it and deal with it. She could not go on mourning a lost love for the rest of her life. The sooner she came to grips with reality, the sooner her heart could mend, and the sooner she could begin a new life without Gray Eagle.
She added up the facts: she still loved him; their child was gone; she was on her way to freedom; he did not love or want her; she had two valuable friends who really cared about her; she had lost everything, but was still alive; surely she could survive this new tragedy as she had done others; and the last fact was that she could change none of these other facts.
It had become clear to her that crying would not help matters. In fact, she had already cried too much in the past months. Weeping had gained her nothing. She came to the conclusion that hatred was a two-edged sword which could hurt her far more than it could ever hurt him. She recognized the terrible pain and emptiness within her heart; yet, she determined to not allow it to destroy her.
From now on, she thought fiercely to herself, you will not be used by any man. You will not permit Wanmdi Hota to ever hurt you again. If it takes the rest of your life, you will forget him.
Even as she vowed forgetfulness, she feared it might take the rest of her life. Still, she would honestly try with every fiber of her being to get over him. She could only pray that his vivid memory would fade with the passage of time and distance. Those two elements were her lifesavers: time and separation. Surely it was impossible to love someone that you never saw again or to love someone forever without any reciprocation.
As her gaze passed over the two sleeping men, she also determined that she would not give them any more trouble. She had been far too much trouble as it was. She would show them her appreciation by being a good patient and a fast healer. As her misty gaze settled on Powchutu’s proud features, she hoped that one day she could love him as much as he now loved her, more than she now loved Gray Eagle.
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