Her lunch arrived, an enormous casserole of ground lamb and mashed potatoes with a steaming plate of cauliflower and chips on the side. Brians order, mushroom soup and a cheese and tomato sandwich looked spare in comparison.
His eyes twinkled. I see you havent lost your appetite. Will you be eatin all of that, Caitlin?
Every bite.
He signaled the barman. Youll need another Harp to wash it down.
The relaxed glow was still upon her and she didnt protest when another drink appeared at her place. I dont blame Sam for his faults, she observed. Growing up an only child with a mother who believed he was perfect, and all that money, it would have been a miracle if hed turned out unspoiled. I shouldnt have married him. The cottage pie burned her tongue. She swallowed a healthy measure of Harp.
Brians eyes were narrow blue lines in his dark face. You have Annie and Ben, he said gently.
Caitlins mouth softened. I do and Im grateful. Sam wants them back, you know. He has a great deal of money and I dont.
An Irish court may see it differently.
It doesnt matter. The children are American. Theyve lived their entire lives there.
What will you do if the children are ordered back to Kentucky?
Caitlin looked surprised. Ill go with them.
Brians soup was cold, his sandwich untouched. What about the horses?
I havent figured it out yet, she admitted. I didnt count on Irish Golds condition.
Brian finished half his sandwich. What if the foal hadnt survived? Its always a possibility. You must have taken that into account.
I did. But Kentucky Gold would have been in foal again by that time, not by Narraganset but definitely by another horse with champion bloodlines. What I didnt count on was a defective colt and a mare who couldnt be covered.
His eyes were clear as glass. Im sorry, Caitlin. Truly I am.
She believed him. I know you are. I dont blame you. I just hope youre wrong about Kentucky Gold.
So do I, he said grimly, more than you think. Leaving his soup and most of his Guinness, he stood and pocketed the bill. Ill be leaving now. Enjoy the rest of your holiday.
Later, after shed drunk several cups of strong black tea, gathered her belongings, and braved the wet to climb back into her mothers car, a thought occurred to her. Today was the first shed seen of Brian since their night in Rob Fowlers cottage and he hadnt mentioned it. She hadnt really expected him to. That would have been too awkward. What nagged at her was that hed behaved as if nothing had happened between them. Why that bothered her, she couldnt say. She didnt really want anything to happen with Brian Hennessey, or did she?
Pulling down the shade she glanced into the small clipon mirror and made a face. Youre absurd, Caitie Keneally, she said out loud, absurd and juvenile. You dont want to fall in love with him, but you would very much like him to fall in love with you.
18
He looked dreadful. What had she ever seen in him? Was it possible that hed always been like this and her six-month absence had opened her eyes, or had he gone to seed after shed left Kentucky? Worse still, was she comparing him to someone else, someone whose days were filled with the kind of labor that discouraged excess, someone without a whiskey and rye belly, a loose neck and broken veins spidering up his nose, someone whose voice wasnt the grating rasp of metal on sandpaper and whose breath didnt smell like kerosene. There was no sugar-coating it. Sam Claiborne was an alcoholic and it showed.
Im taking the colt back to Kentucky, he said, cutting to the chase.
Annie and Ben are well. So nice of you to inquire, she said sweetly.
Damn it, Caitlin. Dont twist this into something its not. Were going to settle this once and for all.
Is that what were doing, settling it?
What else?
Slowly, methodically, she picked up a dust cloth and moved it in even circles on top of the wooden bar. Settling implies something that both parties agree to, she said carefully, a bit of a compromise for each of us. It sounds to me as if youre issuing ultimatums and Im supposed to accept them.
Angrily he stalked to the bar and sat down on a stool. Have you got any bourbon?
She lifted her chin and looked him straight in the eye. Its early and I know youre uncomfortable, but lets not confuse this by adding alcohol to the picture.
I dont expect anything on the house if thats whats bothering you.
We both have lawyers, she said patiently, refusing to be drawn into an argument. What are you doing here?
I told you. I came to pick up my colt and take my children home.
A cold fist closed around Caitlins heart. The custody hearing isnt for another month.
If you bother to show up for it.
His remark didnt deserve an answer. She stared at him, a slim straight figure in wool slacks and an Aran sweater, dark hair curling around her shoulders.
He stared at the dust cloth she clutched in her fingers and looked around. I cant believe youd actually prefer to stay here, working as a barmaid.
Im not a barmaid, but thats splitting hairs so Ill bite and ask, instead of what?
Instead of living at Claiborne.
Believe it, she said evenly.
Where are the kids?
In school.
I wont have them here, Caitlin, he said vehemently. You cant possibly believe theyre better off than they were at home. Good God! My children, Claibornes, living above a pub.
Im better off, Sam, and Im their mother. Besides, were moving shortly. Ive rented a house with a barn. I cant live with you and your she hesitated, your outside interests.
He snorted. As if you cared.
Maybe not, she conceded, not any more, but it wont be long before Annie and Ben know what youre up to. I dont want my children thinking our relationship is normal.
Have you got something going on here, Caitlin? Is that the normal relationship youre referring to?
She flushed, mentally cursing the tendency of her fair skin to color at the slightest provocation. This may be difficult for you to understand, but sex doesnt determine my direction.
It isnt difficult at all. You never were very interested.
Stung, she snapped back. You never were very good.
I havent heard any complaints.
Youre hearing one now.
He slid off the stool and walked to one end of the bar, stuffed his hands into his pockets, turned, and walked back again. Were getting nowhere. I want the colt. You arent going to stop me.
Her fists clenched. It will be handled legally, she said struggling to remain calm. If youre the rightful owner, you can take him home.
When are you registering him?
She frowned. Whats that got to do with anything?
Damn it, Caitlin, just answer the question.
Throwing down the towel, she stood, hands on her hips, eyes blazing. Dont swear at me, Sam Claiborne. This discussion is over. The children will be home at four. You can come to the house if you want to see them. She pointed at the door. Now get out.
His mouth twisted strangely and his hands shook as he approached her. You stupid little fool, he growled. You have no idea what this is all about, do you?
Frightened, she stepped back.
The door opened and a wash of sunlight momentarily lit the pub as a tall man with a Roman collar passed through the door. Caitlin? he said uncertainly, his eyes adjusting to the dimness.
Martin. There was no mistaking the relief in her voice. Come in. This is my husband, Sam Claiborne. He was just leaving.
Martin looked confused but following Caitlins cue, he stretched out his hand to meet Claibornes. Its a pleasure to see you in Kilcullen, Mr. Claiborne. Will you be staying long?
My plans arent definite, Sam replied, withdrawing his hand.
Well now, perhaps we can convince you to lengthen your stay. Im sure Annie and Ben will be pleased to see you.
Sams eyes rested on Martins collar and narrowed. What did you say your name was?
OShea. Father Martin OShea of Saint Patricks Church.
OShea, Sam repeated slowly, Martin OShea. Where have I heard that name before?
Caitlin and I grew up together Perhaps shes mentioned me.
Sam shook his head. Caitlin never talks about her early years in Kilcullen. He smiled pleasantly. Im sure itll come to me. A pleasure to meet you, Father. He nodded at Caitlin. Weve unfinished business. Ill be back later to see the children.
She didnt answer and he walked out.
Martin waited until the door closed. He seems a decent enough chap.
Does he? Caitlins smile was brittle. How can I help you, Martin?
He laughed self-consciously and again the thought occurred to her that when it came to men, her judgement had been seriously impaired.
This is a bit embarrassing, he began.
Now she was curious. Go on.
The purpose of my visit may no longer apply.
Let me be the judge of that.
He fidgeted with the change in his pockets. May I sit down?
For pitys sake, Martin. You dont have to ask. This is a pub, not a sitting room. Its a bit early but do you want something to drink?
No, thank you. He sat down at a small table and fell silent.
Say it, Martin, she said, exasperated. It cant be all that dreadful.
It isnt a good idea to go away with a man overnight, Caitlin, he burst out. This is Kilcullen. Ireland isnt America.
Her eyes rounded with surprise and the corners of her mouth twitched. She would make him say it out loud for the sheer pleasure of teasing him. Surely she was allowed that much. After all, theyd grown up together. I dont know what youre talking about, she said innocently.
Martin spread his hands in a gesture of supplication or perhaps it was a plea for guidance. He could barely get the words out.
Im talking about you and Brian Hennessey, he said miserably. You went away together for the weekend. Dont tell me you didnt, Caitlin. Brian told me himself and hes no braggart.
Brian Hennessey told you we went away for the weekend together?
Aye.
Did he tell you the reason?
Hes not a man to volunteer his words and I didnt ask.
Didnt you? Caitlin sat down across of him. What did you do, Martin?
His forehead wrinkled.
Did you lambast him as well or did you pat him on the back and rush over here to take me to task, a fallen woman with two children and no husband who lured the poor innocent man into evil ways?
Martin protested. It was nothing like that, Caitlin.
What was it like, Martin, or should I say Father OShea?
Lana told me first, he confessed. I was having a bite to eat when she saw Brian through the window and called out to him. She asked how the two of you had gotten on. He said the weekend was a satisfactory one.
Thats it?
Aye.
Thats all he said and you left it at that?
Martins fair skin was stained a dark red. I couldnt very well question him in front of Lana.
She was beyond angry. A cold rage froze and shortened her words. So you ran over here to accuse me.
Not accuse you, Caitlin, warn you.
Caitlin pushed back her chair and stood, two flaming streaks of color beneath the sharp edges of her cheekbones. Thanks for the warning, Martin. If thats all, Ive work to do.
He took a long time to stand, rearrange his chair, button his coat. Finally he looked at her. When I saw your husband here, I wasnt going to speak at all.
Why is that?
I thought hed come because there was a chance of your reconciling. But I was wrong, wasnt I?
Yes.
It would be better for the children, you know, and for you.
She was weary of the conversation. If only he would hurry and be done with it. Why, Martin?
You dont really belong here, Caitlin. You arent happy in Kilcullen. You never were.
You dont belong here, Caitlin. You dont belong here, Caitlin.You dont belong here, Caitlin. The words drummed in her head and the repressed rage shed carried for years, ever since Lucy came to her after Sam announced their engagement, broke. She was tired of people telling her that she didnt belong. It was time to fight back, to cry out that she did belong, that she must belong somewhere.
I do belong here, Martin, she said gently, reaching out to smooth the bright hair back from his forehead as if he were no older than Ben. I didnt before, but I do now. Im going to have a stable of racehorses. Thats always been my dream.
Its that bad for you in Kentucky with your husband?
Caitlin nodded. Had he always been so childlike or had the priesthood stunted him, kept him inexperienced, innocent, at the place where theyd been as children?
Well then, Im sure Brigid is happy to have you. It cant be easy on her with all her daughters gone.
Im sorry about your mother, Martin.
Quick tears sprang to his eyes. She went quickly but I miss her. Da isnt the same now that shes gone. Id only been back a short while before she died. He looked hopefully at the bottles lined up behind the bar. Something smells grand. Would you have a bowl of soup and a bit of the spirits to go with it?
She felt lighter somehow, as if things were settled between them. Its mushroom soup today. Would that bit of something be whiskey or ale?
He sat down again. Ale, please.
She walked back to the kitchen where the huge caldron simmered appetizingly in preparation for the lunch hour to come. Ladling out two bowls, she carried them out to the table along with several slices of bread and sat down across from Martin.
He bit into the bread and his eyebrows lifted. This is delicious. Ive never tasted anything like it before. It doesnt even need butter.
Caitlin sipped at her soup. Its rosemary olive bread.
Where did you find it? I wouldnt mind having a loaf or two around the rectory.
I made it this morning.
He stared at her in amazement. I would never have imagined you this way, Caitlin, not after knowing you as a wee girl.
Why not?
He finished his bread before speaking. You were always with the lads. It seemed to me that you resented being a girl.
Is that the way you saw it?
It was. He dipped into his soup. People change, dont they.
I suppose. She stirred her soup to cool it. It might interest you to know that I didnt at all mind being a girl.
Didnt you?
No. She pushed away her soup, crossed her arms and looked directly at him. What I wanted, Martin, more than anything in the world, was to train thoroughbreds. Girls can do that.
He scooped up the last of his soup, swallowed it, and nodded. Would you have that ale for me now, Caitlin?
She walked back to the bar, poured a pint of Guinness from the tap, let it stand for a minute and then filled the glass to the brim and brought it back to him. You loved horses as much as I did, Martin. Why did you become a priest? Didnt it bother you to give it all up?
He picked up his glass and drank half of it down. I never loved the life as much as you did, Caitie. No one did. You were so taken with the idea that you couldnt see what the rest of us were suited for at all. I was bothered that you might be disappointed in me until my mother made me see things differently.
How did she do that?
She told me you were too smart to let a mere person stand in your way. She said you would get what you wanted no matter what I or anyone else did. She was right, wasnt she, Caitie?
This was Martin, the boy shed grown up with, confided in, the boy she once thought she knew better than her own sisters. He was very simple after all, but hed been blessed with a wise mother. They all had. Yes, Martin, she was right.
He smiled. Ill be leaving now, Caitlin. What do I owe you?
Therell be no charge this time. Dont tell Mum.
He laughed and headed for the door.
Martin?
Aye? He turned expectantly.
Brian and I went to Galway to see a vet. Thats all there was.
Martin looked down at the floor, hesitated, and then walked back to where she sat. Taking her hands he pulled her to her feet searching her face intently.
He was very close. What is it? she asked uneasily.
His mouth tightened briefly and then relaxed. He released her hands and stepped back. Perhaps thats all it was for you, Caitie, but it may have meant more for Brian.
She did not pretend to misunderstand. How do you know?
Brian Hennessey is my friend. There isnt a great deal I dont know about him.
Are you warning me again, Martin?
He shook his head. Im appealing to you. If youre not in this for the long term, dont toy with him.
Ive never toyed with anyone.
He smiled sadly. Perhaps not intentionally, but there were a few broken hearts when you left Kilcullen.
She flushed angrily. Dont be absurd. I was a child.
And now youre a woman, a beautiful woman.
Caitlin was torn between exasperation and amusement. One minute he disapproved of her and the next he flattered her. Go away, Martin, she said, waving him off, or Ill be ranting at you again.
He grinned. You were a hellion, Caitie, do you remember that?
Surely thats a bit harsh.
Not the way I remember it. Give my love to your mum. Perhaps Ill see you at Mass come Sunday.
She groaned. You know you will. Im actually quite reverent now that Annies attending Saint Patricks.
His smile faded and the serious look came back to his face. Youre a good mother, Caitlin Keneally. No one can deny you that.
Hed noticed. She was deeply touched. Thank you, Martin.
It wasnt until after Kirsty arrived for her afternoon shift that Caitlin passed the locked post office and thought of her mother. The store was never closed on a weekday. Where was Brigid?
She crossed the street and stepped into the cafe. Lana was sweeping up after her last customer. Have you seen my mum, Lana? Caitlin asked.
Not today. Lanas voice was unmistakably frosty.
Kathleen Finch came out from the kitchen. I saw her this mornin. She had breakfast here after you drove Annie to school.
Has anyone seen her since?
Kathleens eyes widened. Has she been gone all this time?
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