by Mandy Bee
“Hey, can we talk?” Justin’s voice makes me jump up.
“Shit you scared me!” I let out a deep breath.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean too. I need to ask you what was up with Chris tonight?” We both sit down but I sit a little further away this time.
“It’s a long story, don’t worry I’ll make sure he apologizes to everyone.” I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs and just stare at the floor.
“I’m not asking for him to do that. I want to know if I did something wrong to make him mad at me? The look he gave me tonight sent a chill up my back. It’s like he doesn’t want me talking to you or something.”
“He’s not mad at you, like I said it’s a long story.” One I don’t think you will understand.
“We have all night.” He smirks at me. Fine but I don’t know where to start, how far back do I go?
“You know Chris has raised me since I was seven years old right?” He nods “So he has been not only a big brother but almost like a father to me. He tries to protect me from everything. I don’t like to make friends on the tours we go on because I end up getting hurt. The first friend I made hurt me in the worst way, she was only nice to me because she wanted in Chris’s pants. I never got close to anyone after that. A few girls would try to play nice with me but anytime Chris was in the room they would be all over him. Then they tried to get me to tell him things for them, like their room number and stuff. After that I was done with making friends, I have Chris and that’s good enough for me. We move around so much I wouldn’t see them again anyways.” I take a breath and try to regroup for a minute.
“This still doesn’t tell me why he doesn’t like me.” Justin says.
“I’m not finished, and he does like you, he thinks you’re an amazing musician.” I look over at him and he looks confused. “Justin, I’m a seventeen year old girl who is traveling with one of the hottest bands on the planet right now. Most girls would kill to be in my shoes. But I don’t like being around tons of people all the time. I don’t like people only being nice to me because of Chris and this is why I stay in the background all the time. I like being left alone, well until you came along that is.” I watch as his face changes and his lips curl into a small smile. “You aren’t sitting here talking to me with the hopes of sleeping with my brother, and you don’t have to be nice to me, but you are. I think this scares him, and it scares me a little too. I’m not one to trust or open up easily with anyone but I like talking to you, like we did earlier. This is new to me, and I think it scares Chris because he thinks it may turn into something else…..” I look away from him as I say that last part. I can feel the heat raising in my cheeks, this is all so embarrassing. I just sit and wait for him to respond.
“I like talking to you too, and I now understand why you would rather be sitting on a couch in the corner then partying with everyone else. Anyone can see that Chris is protective of you, but would he really stop you from being friends with someone?” When he asked this I had to stop and think. Would he stop me?
“No, I don’t think he would. But when he looks at you and me he doesn’t just see us being friends. He remembers what it was like being a nineteen year old musician, and it scares the crap out of him that you are trying to be friends with me.” I have to laugh at this, Chris sees Justin as he was all those years ago. I can only imagine a young Chris, playing drums for whoever will pay him and chasing skirts all over town!
“Will you please tell me what is so funny?” Justin is trying not to laugh, but I can see he wants too.
“Just imagining Chris when he was your age, I wonder if he put notches in his bed post?” I’m trying to calm down but now he is laughing with me. I have slid down onto the floor at this point and he is on his back on the couch. When we look up we see John and Chris at the door looking at us like we are nuts! This just makes us laugh even harder!
I watch as John and Chris go sit on the other side of the small room. I try to take a few deep breaths but its hard when the laughter won’t stop. It feels so good to laugh like this, I can’t ever remember doing this before. Once I calm down I glance over at Justin who is trying to catch his breath, we giggle at each other but we are able to control it.
“Would one of you like to tell us what is going on?” John asks while staring at Justin.
“We were just talking.” I say trying not to bust out laughing again.
“Justin mom called you twice and you didn’t answer that’s why I’m back here. Chris is here because he didn’t know you were back here with his sister, I thought we talked about this.” He hissed that last part out, this stops all forms of laughter. Everything goes quiet, it’s awkward in here now. My anger has started, and I can’t stop myself.
“You talked about what?” I stare John dead in the eyes.
“About how having a female on the bus would be different, and how he didn’t need to be too friendly with you and make the others uneasy about it.” John looks over at Chris who looks like he wants to say something but is holding it back.
“I can’t change that I’m a female, but I can make things simple for everyone. From now on I will either be back here, alone if I must or I will be in my bunk. The only time I will go off the bus is for shows and nothing else. Will that do?” I hiss at him. I jump up grab all my things and go to my bunk. I’m glad no one followed me, I don’t think I could hold my anger back. After putting my stuff up I sink into bed, close my curtain and turn off my light. I hide my head under my blanket and cry silently into my pillows.
WHEN I GET UP the next morning, I feel like crap. No one is on the bus but me, I look at the clock and it is almost noon. I have a missed text message from Chris telling me to call him. Let the fighting begin I think as I dial his number.
“Hey, how you feeling this morning?” He asks, I guess testing my mood.
“I feel like crap. Where is everyone?” I yawn and start making coffee.
“We had four interviews today, we are on our way back now. You need anything?” Yeah I need a normal life.
“No, I’m fine.” I roll my eyes, fine is something I’m not.
“Okay, see you soon. Love ya”
“Love you too.” I hang up and want to sink to the floor. I know he is playing nice because people are around him but I have a feeling we are going to get in a big fight today. I eat breakfast as fast as I can, take my meds and head back to bed. I’m curled up on my side reading when I hear them get on the bus.
“Flower?” Chris yells.
I stick my hand out of my curtain “Right here.” I yell back.
“Get out of there now!” He snaps at me. I slowing exit my bunk and see that John and Justin are up front, I can’t see Dave or Scot. Crap, what is going on now?
“I don’t want to fight Chris.” I whisper to him.
“We’re not fighting, we all need to talk.” His nice guy voice is back.
“Flower just come here please.” Justin says. I look over at him and he is smiling at me, then I look over at John who is just staring at me. I can’t tell if he hates me or just doesn’t like me. I walk over and sit in the booth.
“Sis, John has something he wants to ask you. But since I know how you may react to the question I need you to promise me you will think twice about hitting anyone or breaking anything, okay?” Chris is sitting by John, while Justin is sitting on the couch connected to the booth. I just nod my head, I’m freaking out now.
“My mother would like me to ask you if you would like to go stay with them until the tour ends.” John smiles and my heart stops. They found a way to get rid of me! My eyes go to Chris who is giving nothing away, I look over at Justin who is just staring at the damn floor!
“Chris...” His name is all I can get out, I feel like I can’t breath.
“It’s up to you. You know I don’t want you to go, but if you really want to leave the tour……… and this is a way that I know you will be safe….” He closes his eyes.
“I’ll go to S
acramento, I’ll go home but I won’t stay with strangers!” I scream and run off the bus. I think Chris is behind me but I don’t care. We are already at tonight’s arena, I look around really quick and see there is a small park across the street I start running over there. When I reach the park I fall to my knees by a big pine tree. I can’t believe this is happening! I feel someone sit beside me and take my hand, at first I think it’s Chris but when I look I see it’s Justin! I try to take my hand back but he doesn’t let me.
“Please don’t, just listen to me okay?” He wipes my face with his free hand, but the tears don’t stop. “I didn’t want them to ask you, I begged John just to give you some space. He talked Chris into it by saying that it would be better for both of you, and mom would be happy to have you but I know you couldn’t stand to be that far away from your brother. Chris thinks if he doesn’t go along with this then John will try to get him fired. Well that can’t happen, I say who goes and who stays and I will get rid of John before I get rid of Chris!” I don’t know if he is still talking to me or if he is just talking out loud but I’m still angry.
“Why the hell does everyone kiss your ass!? You can fire your own brother and no one has a say in it?” I try to take my hand back but he just grips it tighter then looks me dead in the eyes.
“This is my band, I am the lead singer the fans know my voice no one else’s. I write ninety percent of the songs. I started Freak Street and it would be nothing without me. I brought my brother along with me, he would be nothing if it weren’t for me!” He growls at me. My eyes are wide with fear, he is gripping my hand tighter and tighter.
“Justin you’re hurting my hand.” He looks down at it then releases it. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know this is your band, I do research on all the bands we tour with before I step on the bus. You had your first number one single when you were sixteen, now you have two double platinum albums and are heading lining a sold out world tour. The same tour your brother wants me off of.” I can tell we have both calmed down a little but not much.
“I am the head of this band, and what I say goes. Not only in the band but on that bus too. I don’t care what John says, I know Chris doesn’t want you to go and I don’t want you to go either. And if you look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want to go, then I’ll make sure you stay with us. And I promise it will never be brought up again.” I lock eyes with him, we are sitting so close that I can feel he is shaking just as bad as I am.
“I don’t want to go.” I say but my voice is cracking.
“Then it’s final you are not leaving us.” He wraps me in his arms and I fall a part.
Twenty minutes later this is how Chris found us. Justin holding me while I cry into my hands. Chris reaches for me and pulls me up and hugs me hard saying ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. Justin asks Chris to keep me here for a few minutes while he speaks with his brother. I watch him running back over to the bus. Chris just holds me as I start to clam down. We go and sit down on a bench close by.
“I will not let them make you leave, I will quit before that happens.” He says still holding me to him, I pull away so I can look at his face.
“You won’t need to do that, Justin won’t let you quit.” I half smile then shake my head.
“Do you know something I don’t? Because John is serious about this.” He’s mad but not at me.
“I want to wait till we talk to Justin again before I say anything. But just know that we are not going anywhere, and that I have made my first true friend other than you.” I smile up at him. He just pulls me back into a hug and doesn’t ask any more questions.
We are both watching the buses, I don’t want to go back until we talk to Justin. I see a black cab pull up to the buses and John comes out with three bags! He gets in the cab and yells something at the bus but I couldn’t hear what it was, then the cab pulls off. I look at Chris and he is as scared as I am. When I look back over at the buses I see Justin waving at us to come back over.
As I walk back onto the bus I’m not sure what to do. I just sit on the couch close to the door. Did he fire his brother? Oh God what is going on?
“Chris, we need to talk.” Justin says while coming to sit beside me. Chris is sitting across from us. “Look John is out of the band. What he pulled today was uncalled for. He has been acting like big shit for a while now, I couldn’t stand it any longer. I need you to stay with us, I need you both to stay.” He looks over at me and smiles. “Chris I like your sister, I like how easy she is to talk to, and I think she may like me,” He nudges my leg with his “but I don’t want you to be uneasy about this. All I can give anyone in my life right now is a friendship, my life is too crazy for anything else. You will see in the next few months what I am talking about. If you stay I would like your permission to hang out with Flower whenever I can.”
“I’ll stay, and you have my permission as long as you promise to never hurt her.” Chris gives Justin his best ‘I’ll kick your ass if you hurt my sister’ face.
“I promise.” Justin jumps up and hugs Chris then pulls me into a hug.
“What about the show tonight? How can you do it without a bass player?” I ask when we ended all the hugging.
“Scot and Dave are on stage right now with a roadie who helps test all of John’s guitars. He says he knows all the songs, so they are going to run him through the list for tonight’s show. I called them while John was packing.”
“I can’t believe this is happening, everything is so crazy.” I’m grinning like an idiot at both of them.
“I didn’t fire John just because of what happened today. This has been coming for months now. We will need to have a band meeting tonight, I’m hoping the roadie will cover for John until we find a new member.” He shakes Chris’s hand then looks over at me. “I’m so glad you wanted to stay!” He pulls me into another hug, I can see Chris is shocked that I’m hugging Justin back but I don’t care. I just close my eyes and lay my head on his shoulder.
Chris went to help Scot and Dave work with tonight’s bass player. Justin had to make some phone calls but is taking me to lunch in an hour! I have showered, dried my hair and put it up in a clip. I only have one really nice outfit with me, it’s a black flowy skirt and a dark purple button down shirt. It’s nothing fancy but I still look cute. I’m putting on my black flip flops when Justin gets on the bus.
“Hey, are you….whoa!” He stops dead in his tracks when I stand up. “You look…great!” He says as I spin around giggling.
“I’m guessing you like my outfit.” I walk up and stand right in front of him.
“Yeah,” He looks me over again “come on, lets go before Chris sees you and tries to tag along.” We both laugh while walking off the bus. There is a white car waiting for us, he holds the door for me then slides in after me. After telling the driver where to go he looks over at me and smiles.
“Okay this is kind of cool.”
“I don’t get to drive very often so this is how I get around most of the time.”
“So where are we going?” He gave the driver an address not the name of a place.
“A private pub that is owned by a friend of mine. Don’t worry we aren’t going to be mobbed by fans.”
“I hadn’t even thought of that, but thanks for putting the thought in my head!” I laugh and hit him playfully on the arm. When the car stops, we look to be in a back alley. Justin jumps out and reaches for my hand, as he is helping me out I see a big metal door open and it looks like it leads to a kitchen.
“Justin!” I hear a girl scream, my first thought is shit a fan saw us, but then the woman walks up to us and he hugs her. I don’t know what to think. She looks to be in her late twenties, her light red hair is cut into a bob to fit her face. She is pencil thin, and is wearing a dark green wrap dress and white high heeled sandals.
“Sara this is Flower, Flower this is Sara the owner of Joe’s Pub.” We shake hands but I can see she is surprised to see Justin here with a girl.
“It is nice to meet you Flower, I love your name, it’s so fun!” Her voice is so peppy, like a perky cheerleader that you want to hit. I have never liked perky people, don’t know why but I just don’t. I just nod and smile at her, not really sure what to say.
“Is it safe to go in yet?” Justin asks her. Safe? What does that mean? I look up at him with a puzzled look. “They are clearing out one of the smaller dinning areas so we can dine alone. This is one of the ways I know we won’t get mobbed by fans.” He says as puts his arm around my waist. He starts talking to Sara but I’m not listening, all I can think about is how he is holding me close to his side. This is all new to me, new and scary and exciting!
A man yells at Sara that it’s all clear and she walks us to our table. The room is small, I’m guessing it is mostly used for private parties. We are seated in the back of the room, I think this is because you can’t see this table from any of the windows in the room. Sara tells us to enjoy our meal and to yell if we need her.
A young man comes out to take our drink orders, he hands us a wine list and I roll my eyes at him then order a sparkling water, as does Justin. We start looking over our menus and I can’t believe all that they serve here. They have burgers, steaks, lobster, oysters, catfish, and so much more. Their menu is so diverse, it is making it hard to choose.
“Well, what looks good to you?” Justin asks after the waiter brings our waters.
“I am having trouble picking, you’ve been here before what do you like?”
“I like the salmon with green beans, but I always get oysters to start with. What type of food do you like?”
“I like all different types of foods, to be honest I love to cook and I try to be creative when I do. Salmon sounds good for lunch, but can we skip the oysters?”
“You don’t like oysters?”
“I do like them, its just they are more suited for dinner then lunch.”
“Okay, well how about the cheese fondue then the salmon with green beans and something with chocolate for dessert?” My mouth is watering.