by Moore, Lila
“To my place. I’m renting a house nearby. You’ll be safer there, and if anyone should ask were you were tonight you can tell them you spent the night with me.”
The car pulled into the driveway of a small home. Theo walked around to my side of the car and opened the door. He reached in to help me out, but I didn’t move. I had too many thoughts racing through my head that demanded immediate attention.
“Why would Mrs. Devereaux hire you to investigate me?”
Theo looked around the dark neighborhood. It was clear he did not want to have this conversation here.
“When I was first hired, she told me she thought you were having an affair with her husband. She wanted me to find proof. I was supposed to monitor your every move, keep track of who you talked to, and where you went.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know. When I discovered your husband died under mysterious circumstances I started to dig deeper into the case. I called up an old friend on the force and got a copy of the police report of your husband’s death. It looked suspicious, but the more I learned about you, the harder it was for me to believe you murdered him- at least, not without good reason.”
“What do you mean?”
“I found out he’d been cheating on you for years.”
I took a deep breath and looked away. I knew Tom had cheated, but for years? I wanted to die.
“And there was evidence he had a bad temper.”
“Tom never shied away from a fight but he was never violent with me,” I said, feeling suddenly defensive.
Theo gave me a sad look, like he pitied me. Did he think I was lying? Tom never hit me.
“When I worked in homicide I saw a lot of murders committed by jealous lovers or jealous exes. A woman who suddenly discovers her husband has been living a double life for years has motive to murder. I know now that you didn’t kill him, but at the time... I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
“Don’t say you’re sorry. Just tell me the rest.”
“Maybe we should go inside?”
“No. Tell me now.”
“I became suspicious of Mrs. Devereaux. I couldn’t figure out why she was so interested in you, but it was clear she was paranoid about you. Soon she was demanding I get closer to you. She wasn’t satisfied with my surveillance. She wanted to know exactly what you were thinking. I think she was scared you were on to her. She wanted to learn what you knew about her.”
“That’s why you approached me at Aiden’s school? The whole reason you asked me out was to try and get inside my head. You were spying on Mrs. Devereaux’s orders.”
I shook my head. The pieces slowly fell into place. When Theo insisted it was wrong to sleep with me, it was because he didn’t want to compromise his investigation. But we ended up in bed together anyway.
“I can’t believe I slept with you. Why would you do that? Did you think I’d be more willing to give you information?”
“No. Sleeping with you had nothing to do with my investigation. I swear. If anything, it made it harder. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t have feelings for you. And I definitely would not sleep with someone I thought was guilty of murder.”
“What a relief,” I said sarcastically. “You’re a real standup guy.”
“Sabine, this isn’t-”
“Don’t. I don’t want to hear it. Take me home.”
“I can’t guarantee your safety.”
Theo knelt down beside me and whispered: “You need an alibi. If the police ask, it’s important you tell them we were together.”
“Why? Because you want to protect me, or because you’re trying to protect yourself? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Theo looked at me strangely. “I know that, but the police already suspect you of murder. If a second man turns up dead in your presence, they’ll be less inclined to believe your version of events.”
“What about you? You were there. You’re an ex-cop, right? They’d believe you.”
“I may still have a few friends in law enforcement, but that doesn’t mean I’m on good terms with them. They’d have a lot of questions that I’d rather avoid answering.”
I sat in the car stubbornly.
“Sabine, please, it would be easier if we discussed this inside.”
“Fine.” I brushed away his hand and pulled myself out of the car. “Where are my crutches?”
“They’re in the trunk, but they’re filthy. I’ll help you inside then clean them up.”
“I don’t need your help.”
Using the car for balance, I limped around it then attempted to walk to Theo’s front door. When it became clear I needed his help, he didn’t say anything. He simply wrapped an arm around my waist and helped me inside. I was grateful for his silence, but I didn’t like this at all.
“I’m calling the police,” I declared. “I’m going to tell them everything. They’ll see the truth.”
“Do you ever watch true crime shows? Or read the news?”
“Why?”
“People get falsely convicted all the time. They already suspect you. You’d make an easy scapegoat.”
This was not a secret I wanted to carry around, but what Theo was saying made sense. If the cops suspected me in Tom’s murder there was no reason to believe they wouldn’t suspect me in Mr. Devereaux’s death. I had to protect myself and Aiden. If I went to prison, he’d be all alone.
Theo took my hands between his and stared into my eyes. I was amazed at how calm he was. In fact, he seemed in his element. He knew what to do and how to do it. I wanted to trust him to save me.
“You don’t have to be scared anymore,” he said. “You did nothing wrong. Devereaux was going to kill you so you did what you had to.”
“What do you mean? You were the one who shot him. I just sat there, cowering in fear.”
Theo’s eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it as if reconsidering.
“What do you think happened tonight, Sabine?”
The way Theo was staring at me, frightened me.
“You were there.”
“Yeah, but I want to hear it from you. What happened?”
“Mr. Devereaux drove me out to the lake, then he told me he was going to kill me so I didn’t expose the face that his wife killed Tom and that he was involved in the cover-up. He laid out plastic and a cement bucket.”
My voice started to tremble. Theo squeezed my hands.
“Go on,” he said. “What happened next?”
“He came at me with a shovel, but then you were there, in the dark. You shot him before he could kill me.”
Theo dropped my hands and took a step back. He looked away. His eyes were dark and unreadable.
“What is it?”
Fear had returned, giving my voice a sharp edge.
“Sweetheart, I didn’t shoot him.”
A long pause stretched out between us.
“What do you mean you didn’t shoot him? Who else could have?”
“You did.”
Now it was my turn to take a step back. I relived the night’s events in my head again. There was a flash of light from a gun barrel, then Mr. Devereaux fell backwards. No. That wasn’t right. He fell to his knees after being shot in the back. Right? Images melted together in my mind, confusing and dreamlike; Mr. Devereaux’s lifeless eyes staring up at me from the mud; a cherry red blossom of blood covering his shirt; a gun in my hand. I pushed away from Theo.
“No… no… that’s not what happened. You shot him and saved me.”
“I got there too late. I was following your car, but got turned around on one of the dirt roads. When I heard the gunshots, I came running. That’s when I found you standing over his dead body, holding the gun. You were pulling the trigger over and over, but you’d already unloaded the entire clip into him.”
My fingers twitched with the memory. I looked down at my hand; it was filthy. Was it covered in gun powder? No. It was just dirt, I told myself.
“I didn�
��t kill him, Theo.”
My voice cracked; I started to cry. Theo wrapped his arms around me.
“You did what you had to do. It was self-defense. It’s important now that you don’t call the police. They’ll have a lot of questions. I don’t trust them to believe your story.”
“But you believe me, right?”
It was an absurd question. I wasn’t even sure what happened tonight. I couldn’t trust my own memory.
“I know you were trying to protect yourself. If you tell them this confusing story, they’ll become even more suspicious.”
I nodded and buried my face in his chest. I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I breathed in Theo’s scent deeply. He smelled of the woods. I was reminded of lazy Sunday mornings in bed with Tom. We’d lay in bed naked all day, making plans about the future.
It was then I understood that I needed Theo now more than I ever needed anyone in my life. He could be all that was standing between me and prison.
21
I let Theo lead me into his bathroom and clean me up. I stood before him, practically catatonic, as he pulled my filthy dress off. He kept his eyes respectfully- or maybe suspiciously, on me.
He gently cleaned my face and hands with a wash cloth, then slipped one of his shirts over my head. It hung loosely on me, big and comfy and smelling of Theo. After doing his best to wash the mud off me, he led me to his bedroom.
We spent a sleepless night in each other’s arms; his body curled around mine, warm and protective. I closed my eyes and tried, not to remember, but to rewrite the night’s events in my mind. Mr. Devereaux attacked me; Theo saved me by shooting him in the back. I repeated the image in my head again and again, trying to will it into reality.
The more I tried to accept this false memory, the more the truth slipped into my mind. Mr. Devereaux had a gun. I could see it clearly. He pointed it at me wildly. His eyes had been glassy like he was high- no not high; he’d been crying. He didn’t want to kill me, but he had to protect his family. I remembered him saying it over and over: “You can’t take what’s rightfully mine.”
Those words, ‘rightfully mine,’ had made me angry. Mr. Devereaux wasn’t entitled to live peacefully after helping his wife cover-up my husband’s murder. And now he wanted to kill me and make my son an orphan. Who did he think he was?
I could feel the weight of the trigger as I squeezed it. It hadn’t taken much effort; less than I’d imagined. A few seconds later Mr. Devereaux lay dead in the mud, staring up at me with lifeless eyes. Then Theo was there, speaking to me softly, though I have no memory of what he said. He took the gun away from me and helped me to his car.
I turned in bed and rested my head on Theo’s chest. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back. Theo trusted me; he believed I was innocent. I held onto that thought like a lifeline.
22
Early morning sunlight lit up Theo’s small room. I hadn’t slept all night. Adrenaline still surged through my body. I thought about my painkillers. As soon as I got home, I was going to take a handful of them and sleep forever. The thought startled me. I sat up in bed.
“What’s wrong?” Theo asked.
“Nothing. Maybe you should take me home now.”
“It’s still early.”
“I know, but it’s a school day and I need to pick up Aiden from Maddie’s house.”
Theo nodded. “It’s good to maintain your normal routine. It looks less suspicious.”
I rubbed my eyes. I didn’t want to think about what did or didn’t look suspicious. I just wanted to return to my normal life.
“I’ll take you home. You can change and take a shower, then we’ll drive to Maddie’s to pick up Aiden.”
I didn’t have the energy to argue. I tried to stand, but it was impossible. Sharp pain shot through my knee. I felt like a vice was squeezing it tighter and tighter. It was hugely swollen and red. I had the sinking feeling that I’d broken it again. Theo kneeled before me to examine it. He frowned.
“Don’t say it.”
“You need to go to the doctor,” he replied.
I groaned.
“I’ll help you with Aiden, then take you to the doctor.”
“Thanks.”
Having Theo around was comforting. Life felt a little less ominous when we were together. Still, I had the impression he didn’t want me out of sight. He probably didn’t trust me. I couldn’t blame him. He must have thought I was nuts. Hell, I am nuts. I’m not sure of what’s real anymore.
Theo scooped me up into his arms and carried me to his car.
“My dress…”
“Leave it. I’ll throw it away later.”
“But, it’s one of my favorites.”
“I don’t know if it’s salvageable. It’s caked in mud.”
It made me sad to think I’d never wear it again. It was one more thing I’d lost forever.
~
After taking me home and getting me cleaned up and dressed we drove to Maddie’s house. I waited in the car while Theo went to the door. I couldn’t hear what was said, but Maddie looked thrilled to see Theo standing on her doorstep. I’m sure she found it juicy. She loved gossip more than anything. Hopefully she’d tell everyone in town about it. It would help with my alibi.
Theo collected Aiden and helped him into the car. Immediately, Aiden started asking rapid fire questions.
“Why is Theo here?”
“Will he be picking me up from now on?”
“Can I go to Bella’s house?”
“Is Theo your boyfriend?”
“You’re going home to get dressed for school. We’re running late,” I replied, ignoring all his questions.
“I don’t want to go to school today.”
I was tempted to let him stay home, but like Theo said, it was important to maintain my normal schedule.
“You’re going to school today. No arguments.”
He started to protest, but bit his tongue. He wasn’t used to me being so short with him. I’ve never been temperamental where Aiden’s concerned. It’s bad enough he’s growing up without a dad. Life had dealt him a bad hand; I wanted to make things as easy as possible for him.
“You’ll see Bella at school,” Theo added. “I’m sure she’s eager to see what you’ve been working on.”
“What have you been working on?” I asked.
Aiden pulled a water color painting out of his bag and handed it to me. A red lake full of purple, psychedelic swirls sat between two black houses. Mr. Devereaux’s dead eyes flashed through my mind. A wave of nausea washed over me. I handed the painting back to Aiden quickly.
“You don’t like it?” he asked, sounding hurt.
“No, it’s great,” I said with little enthusiasm. “You’re a talented artist just like your dad.”
Aiden smiled weakly. I could see Tom’s work in Aiden’s painting. They both had a thing for psychedelic, nightmarish landscapes. Fitting, considering I appeared to be living in one.
When we reached home, Aiden jumped out of the car and raced inside.
“Get dressed and get your school work,” I called after him.
I wasn’t sure he’d heard me, but was pleasantly surprised to see him emerge fully dressed, his hair combed and his backpack hanging from his shoulder. He’d managed to accomplish it all in the amount of time it took for me to get out of the car and limp to the house.
I frowned and glanced back at the car.
“Don’t worry,” Theo said. “I’ll take him to school. You go inside.”
“Thanks.”
Exhaustion was starting to catch up with me. Nothing was more appealing to me than lying down and letting sleep take away the events of the last twenty-four hours.
I watched them pull away, then went inside and collapsed on my bed. I’d just drifted off to sleep when I was awoken by a hand, furiously shaking me. I jumped up and looked into the wild eyes of Jillian.
“You have to get up now,” she said.
“What’s wrong?�
�
“You have to come with me. I’ve discovered something about your husband that you’re not going to believe.”
“What? If this is about the Devereauxes I already know.”
“This is much bigger than the Devereauxes. Come with me and I’ll show you.”
I jumped out of bed and followed her. The pain in my leg was gone. I was too eager to find out what Jillian knew to be bothered by it. I grabbed my crutches and followed her out the back door of my house.
“How did you get here?” I asked.
“I walked. Stop asking pointless questions and follow me.”
“I’m not sure I can. My knee is-”
“Do you want to know the truth about your husband, or not?”
“Can’t you just tell me?”
“No. I have to show you.”
Jillian walked through the back gate and into the alley. She never stopped to see if I was following her. She marched off with determination, like a woman on a mission.
I bit my lip and looked back at my house with indecision. It was a bad idea to leave the house alone. Theo would return, find me missing and worry. My instincts told me to stay home and wait for Theo, but I was dying to know what Jillian had uncovered.
I ran after her as quickly as I could. When I reached the alley, she was already turning onto the main road.
“Hey, wait!” I called.
Jillian didn’t stop, or acknowledge me. She continued down the road. A sinking feeling twisted in my guts.
By the time I reached the road, a light mist had started to fall. The morning was chilly. I pulled Theo’s coat around me tightly. Jillian disappeared into the fog ahead, but there was no doubt where she was headed. I shivered inside my coat, then set off for the bridge.
23
I was startled by how calm the water was. I walked to its edge and stared out over the distance. Mist hung over the surface like a phantom apparition. Visibility was limited; I could only see about fifteen feet ahead of me.
I stood on the shore and listened hard. I had the feeling I wasn’t alone. I craned my head and closed my eyes. I was met with silence as if the world around me was holding its breath.