by Rachel Lee
That made her feel foolish. She had no claim on this man, certainly not one that justified a leash on him. Fear had ripped her for hours, and now all she could feel was painful relief. She felt shredded inside, but reason returned. She drew ragged breaths, seeking her voice, finding it. Rustily, she said, “I’m sorry.”
“No need. But where’s Krys?”
Vicki heard the concern in Dan’s voice and it struck her that she had given no thought to what he might fear. Could she have been any more selfish? She sucked in more air. “She’s fine. She went to Peggy’s for the night.”
“That’s a relief,” he admitted. Loosening his hold on her, he raised a hand to stroke Vicki’s hair. “All day long I wondered what you were dealing with when I didn’t get back.”
“Now you know,” she said brokenly. “Krys is fine and I’m falling to pieces. Sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
He shifted his hold and lifted her from her feet, carrying her to the couch, where he sat with her on his lap. For a long time, he simply cradled her, scattering kisses on her head, stroking her arm, letting the storm pass.
Eventually, when her heart stopped aching, she said, “I went off the deep end.”
“I can’t imagine why.”
She scrubbed her face with her sleeve, then leaned back a bit to look at him. Oddly, or so it seemed to her, he looked fairly happy. “You mad at me?” she asked.
“For what? I knew you had to be worrying. I was afraid Krys was freaking out, and I couldn’t even get a satellite connection with my radio. We were in the woods, hunting for this girl, and the storm...well, it killed our comms. We were reduced to tracking each other with whistles.”
“Did you find her?”
“The dogs did. God knows how with all this rain, but they did. Poor kid, she was hypothermic, nearly blue. She’s in the hospital now, but I hear she’ll be okay.”
“Thank God.”
“Yeah. Thank God. Now let’s stop worrying about her and talk about you.”
Vicki shook her head and burrowed her face into his shoulder. “I went off the deep end, as I said. I’m not proud of it.”
“You shouldn’t be ashamed, either. Although next time you want to pound your fists on my chest, could you avoid the badge and the name plate?” He sounded amused.
She jerked back. “I hurt you? I hurt you. Let me see.”
He shook his head. “Just some small bruises. Kinda painful when it was happening, though.”
She felt so ashamed. But that didn’t stop her from reaching for his shirt buttons. Unfortunately, he had a T-shirt underneath. “Damn it,” she said.
He laughed. “Really, do you see any blood? I’m fine.”
“Dan...”
He shifted her off his lap. “Okay, okay. Need to get rid of this damn gun belt, anyway.” He pulled it off, placing it on a table, then shucked both his shirts. “See, I’m whole.”
But she could see the red spots where she had hammered the clasps into him. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I never hit anybody before. I’m so ashamed, Dan.”
“Cut it out. I’m kind of flattered that you cared that much. And believe me, I know what you were thinking.”
“I left thinking behind hours ago,” she admitted. She scrubbed her face again, trying to get rid of the last stickiness from her tears.
He squatted in front of her, clasping her hands. “I need to go over to my place to change. My pants are still full of burrs. And I don’t want my gun in this house whenever Krys comes back. At home I can lock it up. Do you want to come with me or will you be okay for a little while?”
She wanted to go with him. So far she’d never seen his house. On the other hand, she needed to prove something to herself and to him, that she could be okay when he was away. That she wasn’t going to be a constant burden demanding to know his whereabouts every minute of the day.
“You go,” she said. “I think I’ll clean up, too.”
He leaned forward and kissed her. “Not long this time, I promise.”
Back at his own place, Dan locked his gun belt in the armored box he kept for just that purpose, then put it back on the high shelf. It felt good to get out of his wet clothes, and he spent some time pulling burrs out of his pants. Then he tossed them aside, deciding that could wait. He needed to get back to Vicki.
And if today had taught him one thing, it was that his need for her was pretty strong. Being away from her, busy though he had been, had been tough. He’d missed her, and worried about her and Krys damn near every second.
He’d hoped he’d come back to find everything was okay, but he hadn’t. Evidently Krys was fine, but her mother had had a major freak-out. He couldn’t blame her for that, not given what had happened with Hal.
But as he stepped into the shower, Dan realized that he could no longer just let things between them drift along. He knew she was resistant to his job, so he hadn’t really pressed her in any way, but today had written an entirely different story.
Not only had he missed the woman all day long, but apparently she’d been anxious enough about him to turn into a wild woman when she saw he was safe. She must have been pumped on adrenaline and fear the entire day. They had to talk about that, because unless she could deal with this, they’d have to part ways.
The thought speared him painfully. He knew how much he cared about her, but he couldn’t do this to her repeatedly. That would be selfish. Maybe he’d been selfish from the outset. She’d told him about her worries during her marriage to Hal, and he’d been smug enough to wonder if she’d exaggerated them in the aftermath of his death. Well, Hal had died, and Vicki clearly bore the scars of that trauma. How they were going to get past that, he didn’t know.
He showered in hot water, then toweled himself briskly, glad to feel warm again. It wasn’t a cold day, just a cool one, but the rain hadn’t helped. At last, in fresh jeans and a wool shirt, he pulled on a jacket and headed next door. Dread dogged his steps, because the two of them had something to work out, and they couldn’t let it drag on. It wouldn’t be fair to any of them.
He let himself in, and smelled coffee from the kitchen. Like a hound, he followed the aroma and found Vicki seated at the table, with a mug in front of her and a coffee cake. She was freshly showered, with her hair beginning to curl all over her head.
“You must be starved,” she said brightly. “I can make us dinner shortly.”
But he wasn’t deceived. She might be smiling and acting as if nothing had happened, but they both knew better. Something had happened, all right, and it was momentous. Just how momentous remained to be seen.
He grabbed a mug of coffee and sat next to her. “The first time I saw you,” he said, “you peeked out the door to see who Krys was talking to.”
“I remember.” Vicki smiled faintly.
“You looked tired, but that wasn’t what struck me.”
“No?”
“No. I thought you were one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen.”
She caught her breath, then her smile widened. “Wow.”
He wondered if he was going to make a mess of this. His heart began to beat more heavily, and for the first time in a long time he felt fear. Not the fear that sometimes happened on the job. Not the fear he’d felt for that little girl today. No, this was personal. This was Dan Casey’s happiness on the line.
“Vicki, I can’t do this again to you. Today, I mean. I put you through hell. No one has the right to do that. But I’m a cop. I’ll continue to be a cop. This job is part of me. It’s in my blood.”
She nodded, her smile fading. “I didn’t ask you to quit.”
“No, you never did. But I understand why you don’t like it, and if I didn’t get it before, I sure as hell got it this afternoon.”
He thought she flushed faintly, but he couldn’t be sure. “I’m sorry,” she said again.
“Don’t keep apologizing. This is reality, and that’s part of it. You were terrified, and I can’t blame y
ou for that. But neither of us is going to change, so maybe it would be best if I just kind of eased away. I’ll still be friends with Krys. I love her to death. But no matter how hard I try, there are going to be days like this. I can ask the dispatcher to give you a call if I’m gone longer than expected, and explain what’s going on, when I can’t reach you, but this is a big county and there are plenty of places where communications fail. So there will be days like this again. I don’t have the right to ask that of you.”
She nodded and looked down into her mug. Now his heart was sinking. This was it, and today he’d faced the fact that losing her was going to be as hard as losing Callie.
Vicki was quiet for so long, he wondered if he should just get up and leave. But then she sighed and reached out her hand. He took it and their fingers twined.
“I was terrified today,” she admitted. “Then I acted like a madwoman when I found out you were okay. That makes no sense, does it?”
“Actually, it does. But go on.” His heart was already hurting.
“The thing is, Dan, what difference does it make if you walk away for good, or die?”
The question caught him sideways. He was still trying to be sure he understood when she continued speaking.
“However I lose you, it’s going to be hell,” she said. “I figured that out. And I figured out that you were right when you once told me that you wouldn’t have traded a single minute with Callie to avoid the pain. I wouldn’t give up a single minute with Hal. So why should I give up a single moment with you? If you want me, that is. Because loss is inevitable for everyone. The end comes. And I finally realized that what matters is the journey. A week, a month, fifty years. It’s the journey, not the end.”
She lifted her gaze, meeting his. “I don’t want to trade any moments with you to avoid what could happen tomorrow or what might never happen.”
His grip on her hand tightened. “You’re sure?”
“I had plenty of time today to relive hell. I may have to do it again. But... I don’t want to lose you, and certainly not for that reason.”
His voice cracked a little as he said, “I love you, Vicki. I am so hugely in love with you. You can handle that?”
She smiled. “I hope so, because terror taught me a lesson today. I’m so in love with you that it hurts. I don’t want to live without you.”
He watched the joy grow on her face, and felt the answer in his own heart. “Just promise you won’t hide your fears from me,” he asked. “That would be bad for both of us. I can handle it if you can.”
“Okay.” But she was still glowing. He hoped he never caused that glow to vanish. But another need was growing in him.
“I want to take you upstairs,” he said. “Make love to you until neither of us can move.”
“Oh, yes,” she breathed, leaning toward him. Then she startled him by straightening. “Krys. I’d better phone her and make sure she still wants to spend the night. Otherwise she might call when...”
Vicki’s blush enchanted him and heightened his hunger for her. “Call,” he said, much as he didn’t want to wait to sweep her to bed, where he could show her in the best way possible how much he adored her.
So Vicki got the phone and soon was speaking to Krys. She had to hold the receiver away from her ear, and even Dan could hear the excitement and words tripping over each other. Then Vicki handed the phone to him.
“Hey, pumpkin,” he said warmly. “How’s it going?” He wound up laughing as he listened to Krys talking about tents and blankets, and a movie and...well, pretty soon he lost track of it all. It was wonderful just to hear her so happy.
When he said goodbye, there were no words about him not going away. Relief swelled his heart even more.
Thunder rumbled hollowly as he led Vicki upstairs. There was no moonlight tonight, so she turned on the small lamp beside her bed. In its golden glow, they made love slowly, learning each other as they hadn’t the last time, savoring every touch and kiss and newly discovered delight.
She was perfect, he thought, and he ran his hands along her, from her breasts to her thighs. Perfect. He wouldn’t have changed one thing about her, not even the mole he found on her hip. Her hands traced his contours in the same way, building the fire between them until everything vanished.
When he entered her, he knew he’d come home. And when he toppled over the summit with her, the explosion seemed to sear him, wiping away old scars and leaving him whole again.
*
They slept fitfully that night, making love lazily or desperately as the mood struck. But finally Vicki awoke from a dreamless sleep to see the sunlight of a new day filling her room.
“Good morning.”
She turned a bit and found Dan watching her with a smile. She stretched and smiled back.
“You keep doing that and we’re going to still be here when Krys gets back.”
She sat up. “Krys!”
“Janine’s bringing her in a few minutes. I was trying to decide whether to let you sleep, but the fact is, if I answer the door, the whole town is going to be talking. Which isn’t a big deal, if you want to marry me.”
Her breath lodged in her throat. Joy exploded in her chest like a million fireworks. “Is that a proposal?”
“Seems like,” he said. “You don’t have to answer right now. Just think about it.”
Then he swung out of the bed and began to toss clothes to her. “I guess there’s another lady I need to ask, too. Assuming you say yes.”
Her hands were shaking as she donned the jeans and blue T-shirt he’d found for her. He pulled on what he’d worn last night. How could she not say yes? Of course she was going to say yes. She couldn’t imagine life without Dan anymore. Her heart overflowed with happiness, and as long as Krys didn’t have a problem...
Vicki looked at Dan. “I’ve got to ask Krys first.” Not that she really wondered how Krys would react. Her attachment to Dan was as plain as a neon sign.
He nodded. “I guess that’s an indirect yes from you.” Then he grinned.
Vicki struggled with the zipper on her jeans. “I can’t believe I didn’t hear the phone.”
“I can. You were zonked. If I weren’t programmed to wake up from a coma at the sound of the phone, I’d have missed it, too.”
He grabbed her and spun her around quickly, saying, “I never thought I’d be this happy again.” He gave her a quick kiss before turning toward the stairs. “Mmm,” he said. “Trouble’s brewing if we stay here. Let’s go.”
She was laughing as she hurried downstairs. She could hear Janine’s car pulling into the drive.
“I’ll make coffee,” Dan said.
Vicki answered the door and found Janine standing there with Krys, who was pulling her small overnight suitcase.
“They had a wonderful time,” Janine said. “I don’t think they slept two winks.”
“Want to come in for coffee?”
“Another time. I’ve got one very tired Peggy, and I’m hoping that when I get home we can both have a nap. We’ll do this again soon.”
Krystal entered the foyer with somewhat less energy than usual. Vicki waved at Janine as she pulled away, then closed the door and looked at her daughter, taking in the obvious signs of fatigue. “Good fun, huh?”
“Yup,” Krys answered. Her T-shirt looked rumpled from being slept in, and her hair was only partly brushed. Her eyelids drooped a little before suddenly widening. Then she cocked her head, dropped the handle of her suitcase and beelined for the kitchen. “Dan!”
When Vicki entered the room, she saw Krys in Dan’s arms as he stood at the counter. He held out one arm, inviting her into the hug.
Nothing could be more perfect, Vicki thought as she leaned into him and hugged her little girl. Somehow one move and one man had brought her a joy she had thought she would never know again. The painful past seemed to recede more with each moment.
Krys looped one arm around Dan’s neck and the other around Vicki’s. “I was lonesome for yo
u.”
“I was lonesome for you, too,” Vicki said.
“Me, too,” Dan agreed. “But you had a lot of fun?”
“Yup.” Krys beamed. “Peggy’s great. She still has a daddy and he’s funny.”
Vicki’s heart lurched. She looked at Dan and found him watching her. He seemed not to want to step on her toes or something. That had to change.
“Let’s sit on the sofa,” Vicki said. “Dan and I want to ask you something important.”
Soon they were sitting with Krys between them. She looked from one to the other. “Was I bad?”
“Heavens, no!” Vicki said. “You weren’t bad at all. This is about something else.”
“Good.”
But how to begin this conversation? Once again she sent a silent appeal to Dan. He tilted his head a bit, as if he were reluctant to start, but realized the duty had fallen to him.
“Krys?”
She turned to him.
“I want to marry your mother. Do you like that idea?”
Krys surprised Vicki. “Does Mommy want to marry you?”
“Yes,” Vicki said. “I do.”
“Does that mean Dan will be my daddy?”
Vicki’s heart nearly stopped. Her throat jammed up, leaving her unable to speak. Dan reached out and lifted Krys onto his lap. “I will be your daddy if that’s what you want. Is it?”
Krys didn’t hesitate a beat. “Yup,” she said decisively. “You’re a good daddy.”
“Wow,” Dan murmured. “Um, just wow.”
Krys then looked at Vicki with a tired but happy smile. “I picked him, Mommy.”
Vicki guessed she had. She dissolved into laughter, and Dan joined her.
“So can I have a baby brother or sister, too?”
Dan’s and Vicki’s gazes locked. “That’s entirely possible,” they both said at the same moment.
“And I want to be a flower girl.”
Dan hugged her tight. “You’re going to be one very special flower girl.”
“Good.” Then, between one breath and the next, she dozed off in Dan’s arms.
Vicki felt tears of happiness prickle her eyes, and thought Dan’s eyes shone, as well.
“That was easy,” he murmured.