by Marcy Blesy
Matt comes into the kitchen wearing only a towel. Drops of water still trickle down the front of his chest. My heart skips a beat. I’m so mesmerized by his body that I forget I’m holding the mug, but he sees it.
“Finding everything okay?” he asks. I shake my head yes. “I’m going to get dressed.” He turns toward the hallway.
“Matt, wait.” He looks at me again. “Will you tell me about her?” I ask.
“Mae, you once told me not to question you about your past. I’ve honored that wish. There are some things better left unsaid.” With that, he leaves to get dressed, but I can’t stop thinking about the girl in the picture. Maybe it’s time I was open with Matt. It may be the only way he’ll ever be completely open with me, too.
We watch Good Morning America Weekend while we eat our pancakes. With all the chaos in my world, it’s a wonder I’ve found someone as stable as Matt. We need to have a talk about our relationship, but for now, I’m very content to eat my pancakes wearing Matt’s shorts and t-shirt, eating off a paper plate, and sitting on the floor of a cluttered apartment.
“I think I’m ready,” Matt says.
“Huh?” I ask. “Ready for what?”
“Weren’t you watching that news story?” he says.
“No. I was thinking about what a great time I’m having right now.” He kisses me on the cheek. “So, what’d I miss?”
“The news story about overseas deployment.”
“What’s that have to do with you?” I ask.
“I was offered a three year scholarship by the Army ROTC program that I can use if I transfer to the University of Illinois next year.” My fork falls from my hand, dripping syrup on the carpet.
“What’s that mean? What does the army get in return?”
“Four years of active duty. I don’t really know all of the details beyond that, but it’s all good. I need to put some positive energy back into this world.”
“Positive energy? What on earth are you talking like that for? You’re the nicest guy I have ever met. Matt, you can’t go.”
“Why not, Mae?”
“Because I don’t want to lose you.” He picks up my fork and plate and sets them on the coffee table. He twirls my hair in his fingers as I lean back against the couch.
“To lose me presumes that you have something to lose in the first place, which means that I wasn’t just a one night stand.”
“Oh, stop it,” I say, slugging him on the leg. He laughs.
“Well?”
“Well, what?” I ask.
“What are we, Mae?”
“I don’t know, Matt. I’m scared to say anything out loud lest it’s ripped from my life. The biggest thing is that I’ve got this curse that seems to follow me whenever I let someone into my heart. It’s a full blown prescription for a whole lot of pain for all parties involved. I think you’d better go to U of I and never think twice about what you’re leaving behind.”
“Okay, if that’s what you want.” He starts to stand up, but I pull him back to the floor.
“Are you serious?”
“You are crazy. Of course, that’s not what I want. I’m just messing with you.” He grabs my face and kisses me hard on the lips. “I’ve been falling in love with you for months, Mae. No one has made me feel this way since…I haven’t felt this way in a long time. But you know as well as I do that a relationship built on partial truths is doomed for failure. Look at you and Ty. There was a lot of stuff you didn’t know about him. Hell, he didn’t even know some stuff about his own life that really messed with his head. I know I want to be with you, but if I’m not honest with you…if you’re not honest with me, then you’re right. I shouldn’t look back when I transfer.”
“So, what do you want to do?”
“We could have one hell of a last hurrah this summer, or we could get real with each other,” he says.
“I hardly doubt your secrets are as big as mine.”
“You have no idea how much you may hate me when you know the choices I have made in my life,” says Matt. I have never seen Matt look more serious. I kiss him back, and we sit there on the floor amidst the pillows and newspapers and empty pizza boxes, each lost in thoughts that the other cannot begin to guess.
“I have to get home. Mom will start worrying about me.”
“Okay. Can I see you again tonight?”
“Yes, I’d like that very much.”
“Is it too soon, what with Ty and all that happened this weekend?” says Matt.
“I think we’re long past too soon.” I can’t help but laugh. He picks me up and throws me on the couch where he smothers me in kisses followed by a mean tickle attack. “Okay, okay. Mercy! Mercy!” He lets me go, and I stay on the couch staring into his eyes as he hovers over my body. “I don’t want to screw this up, Matt, but I’m scared, really scared.”
“A little dose of fear never hurt anyone.” Matt gives me his hand and pulls me off the couch. “Just don’t let it rule your life.”
Mom is reading a magazine on the front porch when Matt drops me off at home. He’s ready to get out of the car to talk to her, but I don’t let him.
“I have to explain some things to her first,” I say. “You’ll have another chance. Thanks again.” I kiss him on the cheek, grab my bag, and prepare to answer the questions I am sure await me.
Mom waves goodbye to Matt, and pats the seat next to her for me to sit down. I answer all of the questions honestly. She listens without judgment, only asking for the details to be filled in when she needs clarification.
“How are you?”
“Mom, actually, at this moment, never better.”
“Matt seems like the perfect guy,” she says.
“That’s the only part that worries me. He seems a bit too good to be true, doesn’t he?”
“Kind of like Greg,” she says. I don’t mean to laugh out loud, but that thought of Matt standing next to short, mousy Greg defies any possible comparison.
“Sorry, Mom, I am. Really. Yes, Greg’s great. He’s just not…”
“Built like an Amazon?” she asks. I love my mom so much.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I meant.
“Well, I’ve lived enough life to know that what’s on the inside of the person is what really matters. Plus, he’s taking some fashion advice from me now. He’s a work in progress.”
“Sure, Mom. Greg’s great. You seem really happy.”
“I am, Macy. Do…do you like him?”
“Me? Yeah, as long as he’s good to you, that’s all that matters.”
“I was hoping you would say that.” Mom turns to face me. She has a big grin and grabs both of my hands. Her palms feel sweaty. It is then that I look down and see the ring—on her left hand ring finger. She sees me seeing the ring, and her smile gets bigger. “Greg asked me to marry him last night.” My heart falls to the pit of my stomach.
“That’s…wow! I’m surprised. That’s…super news. Are you sure? I mean, isn’t it a little fast?”
“Not any faster than leaving for Chicago with one guy and coming home with another.”
“MOM!”
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Seriously, it’s been six months. We’re older and wiser, Macy. When you know a good thing at our age, you don’t let that go.”
“When is the wedding?”
“Maybe at the end of summer. That would give us a few months to get organized, to figure things out.”
“You’re not leaving the house, are you? Do I have to move out?” The questions pour from my mind.
“You do not have to move out, Macy. We don’t know where we’re going to live, but you are always welcome in our home. Greg knows you are a priority in my life, but you know as well as I do that you aren’t always going to live at home.”
“Uh-huh. Mom, I’m kind of tired. Do you care if I go lay down? Matt and I are going out again later.”
“Absolutely. Greg and I have dinner plans, too. Do you and Matt want to join us?”
“We’ll take a rain check. I promise. Matt and I have some things to work out first.” I get up from the swing and kiss Mom on the forehead. She seems satisfied, but all that runs through my head is the thought of losing Dad again if we move out of my childhood home. All those memories. All this change. I don’t know if I can bear more change right now. I walk to my bedroom, crawl into bed, and pull the pillow over my head, trying to drown out the unpredictability of life.
Chapter 13:
I jump in the shower after my long nap, ready to prepare for my date with Matt. Thinking about being with him again makes me giggly and nervous, like a girl getting ready for her first date. I don’t want to screw this up again. The truths about my past and my family and my decisions that have impacted so many people in a negative way have to come out tonight. We can’t move forward with our relationship if Matt can’t handle my complete neurosis. Ty said he loved me once, but it didn’t last. Sure, his demons got in the way, but he was none too kind about my own issues. What if Matt can’t handle my insecurities?
I choose a pair of skinny jeans and an orange and white striped tank top. While zipping up my knee-high boots over my jeans, my phone dings. Matt is supposed to let me know where to meet him.
Ty: I’m coming to c u tonight. Plz be there.
Me: I have plans.
Ty: Plz, Mae.
Me: No. It’s over.
Ty: U need to let me explain.
Me: U already did.
Ty: Be there in an hour. C u soon.
I run out into the living room, almost tripping over the runner in the hallway. These boots were not made for running.
“Mom! Mom!”
“What’s the matter, Macy? You scared me half to death. I was putting a pie in the oven. Greg’s coming back here for dessert after dinner.”
“Take it out!”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ty’s going to be here in an hour. We have to go now.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Did you tell him that you have other plans?”
“Of course I did, Mom. He doesn’t care. He’s messed up, seriously messed up, Mom. Take out the pie, and come with me.”
“Macy, you are over-reacting.”
“When is Greg coming?” I ask.
“Soon, maybe an hour or so,” she says.
“Call him to come get you. Forget the pie.”
“Honestly, you are off your rocker. Ty isn’t going to hurt anyone.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Fine. I’ll take the pie over to Greg’s apartment to bake. Give me a second.” I pull out my phone.
Me: Ty’s coming.
Matt: What?
Me: I’m leaving as soon as Greg picks up Mom.
Matt: I’m coming to get you.
Me: No. I’ll meet you. Tell me where.
Matt: No. Leaving now.
I stare at the clock, willing it to slow down. I don’t need a confrontation between Matt and Ty, and I don’t need my mom getting in the middle of anything. When Greg arrives ten minutes later, I push them out the door and hand Mom her pie.
“Have a great night,” I say.
“We should wait until Matt gets here,” Greg says.
“Nope. He’s five minutes out. I’m good. Bye!” I close the door before they can protest anymore. When they are gone, I click the deadbolt into place and wait. My heart is practically beating out of my chest. I have never been so scared in my entire life. Overconsumption of alcohol will only fuel Ty’s feelings. I fear that things will burst to the surface in an explosion of epic emotions if I don’t get out of here fast. My phone dings.
Matt: Five minutes.
Me: Good.
Ty: I’m here.
Crap! I look out the front window through a slit in the closed blinds. Ty’s car is not in the drive. What the hell?
“Looking for me?” I freeze. Ty is in the house, and he’s standing right behind me. I turn around.
“How did you get in here?”
“Everyone knows you don’t lock the back porch. You really should change that. You never know when a crazy guy might get in the house when you least expect it.” I look past Ty at the mantel clock that sits above the fireplace. Dad was awarded the clock after he earned the most sales for the year at his company. I remember how heavy it is because I dropped it on the floor by accident when I wanted to play with it as a child. I had gotten in big trouble. No doubt that damn clock could crush a guy’s head. I calculate the amount of time it would take me to get to the clock. “We need to talk.”
“We talked yesterday.”
“Yeah, but that was before I knew you’d been banging that beefcake. That changes everything.”
“I wasn’t banging anyone, Ty.” He’s slurring his words. How many people had he almost killed while driving to Andersonville?
“Semantics, aside, you see, I realized something.” I wait for him to continue as I inch along the edge of the couch and toward the mantle. “This relationship failure thing, it wasn’t all my fault. Here I was wallowing in my own thoughts thinking I was to blame for messing everything up, but you weren’t so squeaky clean yourself, so that means I am not all to blame.”
“Why are you here? What do you want?”
“I want an apology.”
“You want an apology? I don’t owe you an apology.”
“You most certainly do. You screwed that guy behind my back and left me to take all the blame for us falling apart. You set us up to fail last weekend. You never intended to make things work again.” Matt should be here any time. I don’t care if I leave Ty alone in my house. I just have to get outside and in Matt’s car as soon as he arrives. That, or grab the clock.
“I didn’t set you up, Ty. I thought I could make it work. I felt like I owed it to you to try. You helped me out of a really rough time in my life, and I…look, it didn’t work. We’re better off apart.”
“No, what you mean is that you’re better off with that asshole.”
“Matt is not…I mean, I’m not with anyone else. That guy from yesterday….”
“Matt?”
“Yes, Matt. He’s a good friend. Nothing more.”
“You always were a good liar.” I stand with my back to the mantle now. Ty has rotated in rhythm with my movements and now stands by the front door, a waltz around the room, with no more rhythmic chemistry. I see Matt pull into my driveway. He has no idea that Ty is here since who knows where he parked.
“Please go. I don’t want any trouble, Ty. Just walk out through the porch. Nobody has to know you were here.”
“I’m not leaving without an apology.”
“Okay, fine. I’m sorry. There, are you happy?”
“That’s not an apology, and you know it. He stumbles and rights himself, but not before the lamp on the end table crashes to the floor. The sound startles him long enough for me to grab the clock off the mantle.
“Go, Ty. Go!” I am frantic as I see Matt approaching the front door, but I am too late. The doorbell rings. Ty smiles, curling up his lip on the right side and spitting out his next words.
“You called your boyfriend. Predictable.” Ty ignores me and opens the front door leaving the new screen door shut and most likely locked.
“So nice to see you again, Matt, isn’t it? I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced.” Matt’s face looks white as a ghost.
“Let Mae leave, Ty.”
“Why? Do you control her now?” He’s screaming. “She’s a big girl, and she’s not done talking to me. Isn’t that right, Mae?” I hear him talking, but I am gone, slipping into the back screened-in porch. I reach for the storm door at the same time that Ty grabs me from behind.
“Where are you going, bitch?”
“Let me go!” He grabs my legs so that I can’t move, let alone kick him in the groin again. He is dragging me across the porch and back toward the house. I still grasp the clock, which is killing my arms under its weight. I can hear Matt trying to kick in
the storm door in the front of the house. “Please, Ty. Don’t do anything stupid. Think of your family.” At the mention of the word family, he releases my legs. I immediately try to get up, but he kicks me hard in my upper left thigh, and I fall back to the ground.
“Now, how about you give me that proper apology?” he asks. I am so angry I could burst. There is a crash at the front of the house. I know the door is down, and soon Matt will confront Ty. I can’t let that happen. Ty is like a wild animal. As Ty starts toward the living room, I raise the clock over my head and throw it with all my might. It crashes into his back, between his shoulder blades, dropping him to the ground. Matt tackles him, though my blow seemed most effective. Ty is lying in a fetal position and crying, rocking back and forth like a baby. Matt stands ready to deliver the next blow, though neither of us knows what to do next. We hear sounds coming from the living room.
“Mae! Mae!”
“Back here!” I yell. To my surprise, Mr. and Mrs. Barber find us in the hallway, followed by Carmen.
“Are you okay?” asks Mr. Barber. Mrs. Barber doesn’t wait for an answer and hugs me tight. Carmen drops to the ground to talk to Ty. She whispers into his ear and rubs his back. He stops rocking back and forth.
“MAE!”
“Mom, I’m fine!” It’s quite the party in our narrow hallway as Mom and Greg join us, though a celebration of any kind is not on the agenda tonight.
“Oh, my goodness. What is going on? When you didn’t answer your phone, I made Greg bring us home. Then I saw the front door, and…oh, Macy!” She hugs me, too. “Should I call the police?” she whispers in my ear. I shake my head no.
Carmen and Mr. Barber help Ty up from the ground and to the couch. Mom brings him a glass of water. I can tell she wants to throw it in his face, the way she is folding and unfolding her free hand into a fist, but she restrains herself.
“Can someone please tell me, again, what is going on here?”
Mr. Barber explains. “Ty’s been on a binge since yesterday. When he left this afternoon, we suspected he was coming to see Mae. Ty is quite passive when he’s sober and told us everything that happened in Chicago. We tried to get here in time, but that didn’t happen.” I wish I could find the right word to describe the look of anguish on Mr. Barber’s face, a mixture of grief and nausea.