“She must be smarter than I gave her credit for,” Dominic kneels and whispers in my ear. “She was all too willing to leave you, she didn’t even look back. How does that make you feel, Joe?”
I don’t want to think of those implications so I turn the conversation around and gasp, “What would Mother say to you right now?”
His face betrays nothing. No emotions shine through. “I don’t care what you think she would say. She’s dead.”
His indifference somehow manages to upset me even more. I didn’t think that was possible. “She’s your mother. How do you not care?”
“She was my mother,” he corrects. “And why would I care? From the moment you were born, all of her attention was on you. While I was succeeding in everything I attempted, she focused on you. When I got assigned the genetic engineer career path, she didn’t even care. Not once did she ever truly support me. I never had a real mother or father. You made sure of that,” Dominic says.
My mother was always there for me. She supported me in everything I did. She’s the reason I had any amount of self-worth. Did we not grow up with the same mother?
For the first time, anger leaves my voice and I say, “She may have treated us differently, but that doesn’t mean she loved you any less.”
“Careful, Joe, your idiocy is showing. That’s exactly what that means. She clearly chose you and a life of mediocrity over one of brilliance and success. What a waste of a life.”
I instantly stop feeling bad for him. There’s no point in talking with him. He isn’t going to be reasoned with. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of beating me down. I return to my feet to join Andrew and Chris.
This is the first time I’ve been able to really focus on them. A small film of anxious sweat covers their faces.
“I’m sorry,” I say only to them. “I couldn’t let him get to her.” I don’t regret my decision, but I do wish I didn’t have to make it.
“I’m not gonna lie, this sucks,” Chris mutters. His voice breaks in emotion.
As always, Andrew continues. “But it had to be done.”
“I’m not saying we’re happy about it.”
“But we understand why you sent her away. At least we’ll stay together,” Andrew finishes quietly.
All the times I felt sorry for myself and felt truly alone, I was so mistaken. Growing up, I had two great friends and I never truly appreciated it. Maybe I’m finally realizing this because our friendship is about to be torn from us.
No words come to mind that can appropriately convey the emotion I’m feeling. Rather than stumble through some words that won’t do it justice, I reach toward them and the three of us hug. I try and put all of my appreciation for a lifetime of friendship into the contact.
Dominic says, “This is not good-bye for the three of you. You will still hear plenty of each other. In fact, Andrew, I will turn you first and let you bite Chris to infect him. Rather fitting, is it not?” Dominic and his friend laugh.
I look at my brother in disgust. How could I have ever envisioned him as someone I wanted to be? I’m grateful I’m not Dominic. It isn’t just him that’s wrong. When presented to my classmates, almost all of them agreed with him. Our society’s values were completely shot. A small part of me is thankful for the infection. At least it destroyed a system that was already broken.
I square my shoulders and harden my tone. “I’d rather be dead than be you, Dominic,” I say.
“There are things worse than death. You will discover that soon enough,” Dominic says. His eyes narrow and his hatred for me has never been so evident. I return a portion of that hate to him but still a small part of me wants to believe that there is hope for us to become the brothers our mother always wished for us.
A smell hits my nose. My eyes widen in alarm and I look over to the forest opening and see a horde of Letum coming toward us. Dominic curses under his breath. He motions for Phillip to join him and they move toward the group and start shooting.
“This way,” a voice whispers from behind me. I’ve never been so relieved to hear Jess. I look behind me. Jess motions for the three of us to join her. She must have released the traps and guided all of them to us.
I turn back around to grab my gun. Just as I pick it up, I step on a branch and it cracks. I hold my breath, hoping in all of the excitement, it will go unnoticed. But luck has never been on my side.
This time, it’s Jess who curses. I look to Dominic just in time to see him turn his head. Understanding and hatred fill his face when he spots Jess. He raises his gun and aims right at her. I’m about fifteen feet away from them.
“Don’t you even think about it!” I yell. I raise my gun and point it at my brother.
While Phillip is busy killing off some of the swarm, one of the Letum sneaks by and closes in on Dominic. Andrew and Chris focus their attention on Dominic, both of their faces alight with desperate determination. At the same time, they step in front of Jess to protect her.
“Behind you,” I try to warn as it gets closer to him.
Dominic smiles at me, “I’m not unintelligent. I won’t fall for that. Step aside, boys. She had her chance to get away.”
The Letum is just feet away from him. “I’m serious.”
“No, I’m serious. Step aside. Little brother, you’re never going to shoot me,” he grits through his teeth.
In my mind, my grandfather’s calm voice reminds me to hold my breath before I pull the trigger. I take a deep breath and fire my gun. Dominic’s eyes widen in disbelief and he fires back.
The Letum behind my brother falls forward onto him and pins Dominic down, weapon falling out of his hand at the impact. From the ground, he turns his head to bring his focus back to me, my gun still raised at him, shock covering all of his features.
“No!” A terrible scream full of pain and agony pierces through all the moaning of the Letum. I forget all about Dominic and face the scene behind me. Andrew supports the limp body of Chris. Dominic’s aim was perfect. The bullet went through Chris’s head. I stumble over to his lifeless body.
“Chris…” I look around in desperation for something to reverse what just happened. Andrew sobs and cradles his brother’s limp body.
“We have to run now,” Jess reminds us. I take my eyes off of Chris’s fatal gunshot wound and put my attention on her. She’s staring beyond me at Dominic.
He’s pushed the Letum off of him and returned to his feet. His gun lies two feet away from him. His voice pierces through my shock as he rushes forward to pick it up.
“Don’t make me kill another one of your friends, Elliot. Put down your weapon and come with us.”
I look at the stream of blood running down Chris’s dead body and feel the familiar numbness returning—my escape from the pain.
Slowly, I look back to my murderous brother and ask, “How did it come to this?”
Dominic raises an eyebrow at this statement and turns his eyes down to look at Chris. His gun moves down a fraction of an inch.
Just as we make eye contact, Phillip grumbles, “What are you doing, Dominic?” as he continues his struggle with the Letum.
Another one is getting closer to Dominic. He eyes the impending attack and fresh determination returns to his face and his gun aims again.
“Ya’ll run. I’m not finished with him,” Andrew says, shaking with hatred.
“No, run. Come with us,” I beg.
“Take care of Elliot.” Andrew addresses Jess as he gently sets Chris down. He turns to face Dominic. “Now, run.”
He marches over to Dominic. Dominic looks at him, amused.
Jess pulls at my hand and we break into the forest. Dominic grunts in annoyance. There’s a quick bang followed by a scream of pain. I freeze, mid-motion and Jess pulls harder at my hand to keep me moving.
My survival instincts kick in. I dig my heels in the ground and ignore the pain in my foot. I push off into the unknown.
Chapter Seventeen
Pain shoots through
my right foot with every step. The dampness in my sock lets me know I reopened my wound. Every once in a while, I’ll step on a rock that will hit the exact same spot and press through my shoe, causing sharp pain.
We’ve been walking nonstop through the forest since we escaped Dominic, and it’s midafternoon the next day. When we hit a paved road, we hid within the trees to avoid the sight of anyone driving by. With no real reason behind it, we choose north and have been walking in a daze.
We’re wearing clothes suited for physical labor, as we were working on the fence that will never be. Unfortunately, they leave our legs and arms exposed and we’ve been bitten by mosquitos and cut from branches more times than I can count.
Every attempt I’ve made at starting a conversation with Jess has been shot down. Finally, I can’t take the silence anymore.
“Jess, I’m sorry that Dominic is my brother. I wish more than anything he didn’t come back. I need you to talk to me,” I say. I duck to avoid a tree branch.
When a few minutes go by and she still hasn’t given any indication that she heard me, I try again. “Please, Jess. Let me know what’s going on inside your head. What are you thinking?”
She stops and turns to me. “What am I thinking? I’m furious.” Her hands shake.
“I know, it’s all my fault. I’m the reason he came back,” I say. I drop my eyes to the ground. “It’s my fault they’re dead. He wanted me.”
Her tone softens. “You think that’s why I’m mad? You think I’m mad at you?”
I nod, dejected. “It’s my fault.”
“Elliot, how could I be mad at you?” She stares at me in confusion. “I’m infuriated because shitty people like Dominic exist. I’m upset because we had found a home. We finally had a system going and we were making it work. Yes, we lost Carly, but we were on the road to recovery. I’m mad because some people place such a higher value on themselves than others. It’s ridiculous that people who are genetically planned view themselves as being on such a high pedestal.” She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “I’m upset at the way society is, not at you.” She squeezes again. “Never at you.”
“I’m the reason he came back,” I say. “He came looking for me.”
“If you weren’t there, he still would have come for them. You’re not responsible or accountable for Dominic. You’re not him.”
I want to believe her, but my actions toward Chris and Andrew haunt me. “You don’t think I’m a horrible person?”
“Of course not,” she says. “Why would you ever think that? Especially now, after seeing that display of human nature.”
“I’m just as bad as Dominic,” I exclaim. “I was willing to let my friends die. I did end up getting them killed. It’s my fault.” Their loss has punched yet another hole through my heart. It’s not fair that I’m still alive while everyone else is dead.
“Listen carefully, because I’m only going to say this once. We don’t have time for you to feel sorry for yourself.” She takes a deep breath and continues. “Your actions are nothing like Dominic’s. You were given a horrible choice to make and Chris and Andrew agreed with you. When the time came, you tried to save all three of us and sacrifice yourself. Dominic would never do that.”
Her tone softens again. “What happened to them is terrible and unthinkable. I’m genuinely going to miss their quirkiness and I can’t imagine how hard the loss is on you. But not for one second can you think that it’s your doing.”
Her eyes lock in on mine. I take a deep breath and take in some of her strength. I try to believe her words. She raises her left eyebrow in question and I very slowly nod in acknowledgment.
“Please don’t shut me out like that. I don’t know how to interpret it when you do.”
She lets go of my hand and continues walking. I’ve fallen back to a couple of paces behind her.
After several minutes, she surprises me by responding. “It’s just what I’m used to. In my experience, every time I get close to someone, they leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Jess,” I say.
She watches her feet as she walks and says, “What people promise and what people actually do are two different things. That’s what my father said and he would leave that night to go get drunk. That’s what my mother would say and she would check out mentally and leave me to care for my brother.” Her voice breaks. “And I never thought my little brother would leave but he was taken from me as well.”
“I know you have had a lot of terrible things happen to you, but that has made you who you are today. We’re both damaged.” I motion to my foot for a literal example of what I just said. “At the end of the day, though, we’re a team and in this together.” I hope she picks up on the sincerity in my voice. “Please don’t shut me out.”
She shrugs. “Okay, I’ll try.”
A little bit of dread leaves my chest. At least we’re in this together.
Jess holds a branch away and waits for me to walk through before letting it go. I speed up. She eyes my limp and looks questioningly at me. I ignore the pain and walk even faster to reassure her that I’m okay.
More time passes—the only evidence being the shifting of the sun. Despite Jess’s trying to convince me otherwise, I can’t erase the feeling that I caused Andrew and Chris’s deaths. Everyone around me keeps dying and I’m the common factor.
I don’t know how to function in such a world where death is a common occurrence. With the exception of the children deaths, everyone in my life was healthy. When someone would pass on, it was a result of a life that had run its course. I was never able to relate to the stories of the sufferings that used to exist before our society established itself. Was this truly how life used to be?
Jess’s voice breaks through my train of thought. “You need to get out of your head.”
I blink and my eyes refocus on the surroundings. Jess stares back at me, worry creasing her brow line.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt. You’re all I have left,” I say.
Jess has a particular expression on her face that I don’t know how to interpret. She stops walking. Unable to maintain her eye contact, I take a deep breath and push ahead.
Very quietly, she says, “Elliot…”
The sound of her footsteps catches up to me and her hand gently touches my back. I stop moving and freeze. Her arms wrap around me and her forehead leans on the back of my head, her steady breathing on the back of my neck.
I close my eyes and take another deep breath. I let her comfort me. I’m not sure how long we stand there in that position together. In the middle of the forest with the trees surrounding us, we find a temporary peace.
I come back to reality when the pressure of her head moves and she kisses the back of my neck. I take another deep breath and prepare to face her.
Before I can, her entire body tenses and she abruptly turns around. A familiar scent is in the air. I jerk around to face the danger. A group of about fifteen Letum are walking toward us. Despite being ripped and covered in aged blood, it’s not enough to hide that they came from the territories. The one closest to us is in the green outfit of food distribution, like my mother.
My eyes dart between all of them. “Jess…there’s too many. What do we do?” I ask.
“How many do you think you can take care of without being overwhelmed?” She questions, clearly calculating our chances. We both take a step away.
“I’m not exactly an expert killer. Maybe we should just run?” I say although I know it isn’t a good option. We’re already exhausted from walking through the night and all day. It’s starting to get dark again, and my foot slows us down more with each step.
She deliberates for a second and nods. We take off. The fading light makes it harder to avoid all of the nature surrounding us and I’m afraid one of us is going to fall and hurt ourselves.
Okay, to be honest, I’m worried I might fall.
“Let’s move to the street,” I manage to say to Jess as I run onto the road. I w
ould rather take my chances with Dominic and the rest of his crew than the Letum coming up behind us. Besides, breaking an ankle tripping over a fallen branch isn’t exactly going to help our situation.
For a while, the only sounds are our feet hitting the pavement, our ragged breathing, and the sound of the Letum chasing us. While they seem to be maintaining a steady, albeit distressed, pace, the two of us are slowing down. The pain in my foot is getting progressively worse.
I stumble as my foot gives out. Jess grabs hold of me to help take some of the pressure off of my foot.
“You need to leave me,” I say through clenched teeth. “I’m slowing you down.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see her shake her head.
“No, we’re in this together, remember?”
I look back behind us. It’s hopeless. “We’re not going to make it together.” I try to pull away, but she holds on and keeps pushing me.
She shakes her head again in stubbornness. “That’s exactly how we’re going to make it.”
I don’t believe her. We should have taken our stand before we got tired.
The distance between them and us shrinks rapidly due to our exhaustion. They’re about fifty yards behind us. I push through and try to gain my speed to keep up our unsustainable pace. Thirty yards. Their moaning is getting louder. Twenty yards. It feels like my side is on fire. Fifteen yards. Jess and I make eye contact. The same dread I feel is echoed in her face. The sounds of their dead weight shuffling is directly behind us. This is it.
They say when you’re about to die, your life flashes before your eyes. I don’t completely agree with that. It’s more like an explosion of memories that you have no control over.
I’m five years old. My parents are fighting. I don’t know what about, but I know it isn’t good. Dominic comes up and hits me. He tells me it’s my fault they don’t like each other anymore.
Two years later. Father tries to help me with homework. He storms out of the room screaming how dumb I am. I cry. Mother tells me not to listen to him and that she loves me no matter what.
It’s the night my father left. Mother is in the kitchen making dinner, sobbing. Dominic walks toward me with his hand behind his back. Wordlessly, he shows me the knife and lunges. I turn my body and cry in shock. Mother runs into the room in a panic.
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