Specious

by Berkstresser, Robin

  “I don’t want to move too quickly,” I finish lamely.

  She grabs her messy hair and pulls it behind her neck to place it on the side. My heart beats emphatically and reminds me of the importance of this moment.

  “Elliot, there is just you and me right here. Forget everything else. For tonight, it’s just the two of us and that’s all the matters. That’s enough.”

  She grabs my hand and places it on her heart. It threatens to burst out of her chest.

  “Are you sure?” I repeat, my defenses crumbling down.

  She responds nonverbally and gently comes forward for another kiss, silencing me from voicing any other questions. While our last kiss was more frantic in a need for each other, this one is tender and gentle. I run my hands through her hair. Slowly, I move them down her back.

  I slip one hand under her shirt and she flinches. She smiles against my lips.

  “Your hands are freezing, Elliot.”

  “Sorry,” I blurt out and move my hand away automatically.

  She leans back with another smirk. Her eyes light up in amusement.

  “I didn’t say I wanted you to stop,” she clarifies as she replaces my hand on her back.

  I smile back and use my other hand to lift her shirt off. Her hair flows down her shoulders and cascades down her chest.

  With mischief in her eyes, she says, “Fair is fair,” and places her hands on my stomach.

  I lean forward so she can take my shirt off. Very deliberately, she leans back down and kisses the scar on my chest.

  Her acceptance overwhelms me. Our lips meet again and I rotate her so I’m on top. She’s right. It’s just the two of us. Nothing else matters.

  ------

  Afterward, once conscious thought returns, I kiss Jess on her forehead.

  She rolls over and looks around.

  “My book fell off the bed,” she says. “I lost my place in it.”

  Her brown eyes stare at me in joking accusation.

  “Please accept my most sincere apologies. I’ll try my best to make sure that never happens again,” I say.

  She grabs her book off the floor and places it on the nightstand. She turns back into me and I wrap my arms around her.

  “I guess I won’t mind if it happens again,” she says.

  “What’s the book about?”

  “It’s just a story. Honestly, I’d rather focus on reality right now. It’s seemingly perfect.”

  “Yes, it is,” I agree.

  The two of us fall asleep intertwined, physically and emotionally. As my mind drifts off, I’m excited for what the new day will bring.

  ------

  Sometime in the middle of the night, the sound of vomit hitting the toilet startles us awake. Jess and I look at each other in revulsion.

  “The joys of pregnancy,” Jess says. She automatically eyes the contraception package we opened a few hours previously.

  I chuckle nervously at her apparent thought process and say, “She hasn’t been sick in awhile. Should we check on her?”

  “I could think of a couple other things we could do instead.” Jess nuzzles closer to me.

  I jump when her cold feet curl on my legs but pull her tighter anyway. Before I can kiss her, the sound of vomiting interrupts us.

  Jess leans away and sighs. “I’ll go check on her and make sure she doesn’t need anything.”

  She smiles at my disappointed expression.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  I watch as she gets out of bed and puts a robe on. Right before she walks out of the room, she winks at me. I lean back on the bed. The memories of last night replay in my head and I can’t help but smile to myself. After a bit, my eyes get heavy and I close them.

  Jess’s oddly calm voice brings me back to reality. “Elliot, come here, please.”

  I furrow my eyebrows at her tone. She probably just wants me to go grab water or something for Allison. I get out of bed, grab some shorts quickly, and join them at the bathroom.

  My scar is visible, but Jess helped me work through that insecurity. In fact, she’s helped me with almost all of them.

  A much larger figure surrounds the toilet than I was anticipating. Allison whispers soothing words and rubs Matt’s back as another round of nausea hits him.

  Jess has put on her mask to hide her thoughts. My heart drops with worry.

  I wait for Matt to get himself under control again until I walk closer. I pat his shoulder to let him know I’m behind him. Even with his shirt on, I can still feel the heat radiating off of him.

  “What’s going on, Matt?” I ask.

  “Fancy meeting you here, brother,” he whispers weakly. If I didn’t see his mouth move, I wouldn’t have recognized it as his voice. It’s so hoarse and cracked.

  “He wasn’t bitten,” Allison says. Her voice is tense and she speaks even quicker than normal. “I know that’s what you’re thinking, but he wasn’t bitten or anything. You can check his body if you don’t believe me. He wasn’t bitten. He just has a bug or the flu or something. It happens all the time. He’ll be fine once he gets this out of his system, but he wasn’t bitten.” She adds one more time for emphasis.

  “We know he wasn’t bitten. We just want to make sure everything is okay.” I say.

  I glance around the room in desperation for anything to do to help. With the four of us crammed into the small room, it’s very crowded.

  “Thanks, everyone, but you really shouldn’t stay up for me. I’ll be fine. I’m starting to feel better,” Matt breathlessly says as he closes his eyes.

  “We’ll go get you some water and crackers.”

  I know Jess is trying to whisk me away so I nod and follow her across the house.

  Once we’re out of earshot, she says, “He looks exactly like my father did before he turned. He’s infected.”

  Fear shoots through my body.

  “He wasn’t bitten. He could be just sick.”

  She shakes her head adamantly. “You have to trust me on this, he looks exactly like my father did.”

  “He also looks like my brother did when he had a stomach flu last year.” I pull her into an embrace and say in her ear, “I know why you’re worried, but he hasn’t been bitten. Everything is going to be okay.”

  Jess pulls away and crosses her arms in stubbornness. “I can’t ignore my gut feeling.”

  I run my hands through my hair. “What can I do to make you less nervous?”

  She considers the question and then says, “Tie him up and help me keep Allison away from him.”

  “You want me to tie him up?”

  My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. I glance around the room for inspiration on anything that would even work.

  “You asked.” The mask that was completely dissipated just minutes ago is in full effect and I can’t get a feel for what she’s thinking and how worried she actually is.

  I sigh and nod at her request. I kiss her on the forehead.

  “Let’s go get the water and crackers and we’ll talk to both of them. You get Allison away and I’ll talk to Matt. She really should stay away anyway. I don’t think any of us want a sick pregnant lady on our hands. Take her back to our room and I’ll stay with Matt tonight.”

  “Be careful and let me know immediately if you need anything.”

  Jess kisses me one last time and walks down the hallway back to our friends.

  I follow a couple steps behind her and contemplate the situation. He’s just sick. I don’t understand why Jess is so convinced he isn’t. Whatever this disease is, being bitten transfers it somehow. I agree with Jess that Allison should keep her distance from Matt for the time being, but not for fear of him turning. He wasn’t bitten.

  Jess gently pats Allison’s shoulder. “Let Elliot stay with Matt for a little bit. You need to get some rest.” She reaches out to guide her away.

  “What? No, I should stay with Matt.” Allison shakes her head at the idea and continues to rub Matt’s back while he hunches over t
he toilet.

  “They’re right. You should go get some rest. Go take care of our kid. I’ll get some quality guy time with Elliot. It’ll be fun.”

  Allison considers the offer. Despite her exhaustion, she doesn’t want to leave Matt.

  “It’s best for your baby,” Jess says.

  Finally, Allison agrees. “I’ll be right down the hall. If you need anything, come get me.”

  She leans down and kisses him on top of his head. Matt responds by dry heaving. With a look of concern on both of their faces, Jess and Allison leave. I sit down closer to Matt.

  “Do you want any water or anything?” I ask him.

  “Not now. I would just throw it back up. Maybe in a little bit.”

  Now that I’m closer to him, I can see him shaking. Sweat covers his body. I don’t have any words that will make him feel better so I sit by his side in silence.

  As I sit there, I begin to worry about the future. If Matt had gotten sick within a territory, he could have gone to a doctor, received treatment, and been fine shortly after. That’s what happened to Dominic last year. If such a simple bug can leave someone like this, how are we supposed to deal with things more serious?

  Allison’s due date is getting close. She’s about seven months pregnant now. What if the baby comes early? What if there is any sort of complication? Jess is our best chance at delivering the baby safely, but she had only just started her medical training. Almost all of her knowledge is from reading books. She’s going to need all the help she can get.

  My stomach drops at all of the uncertainties on the table right now. Once Matt gets better, Jess and I will have to go into a territory to find some medicine and get supplies for the delivery.

  Matt is clearly on the same line of thought as he says, “We’re going to have to go get some stuff for Allison. What if she goes into labor early?”

  “I was just thinking the same thing. I can leave in the morning to go look for some medicine. Jess will come with me,” I say with confidence. That’s what Jess has become, my certainty.

  “I appreciate it, brother, but I can’t have you do that.”

  I expected Matt to react this way. “You would do the same for either me or Jess. You just need to focus on getting better.”

  A little bit of strength enters his voice. “You don’t understand, you can’t go off and leave me here.”

  He clenches his jaw in determination.

  I take a deep breath and choose my words carefully. “I understand you want to be the one getting medication and the supplies for Allison, but we don’t know how long you’ll be sick and I’m not comfortable waiting any longer to start our search. With luck, Jess will be able to identify some medicine for you,” I say. Now isn’t the best time for his ego to be wounded.

  Matt leans back against the pink wall and looks at me fiercely. “What did Jess want to talk about when the two of you went to the kitchen?”

  The turn of conversation surprises me. “Why?”

  “I saw the way she was looking at me. What does she think?”

  I owe Matt more than lies.

  “She thinks you might be turning. But Matt, you weren’t bitten.”

  “I know I wasn’t bitten. That’s beside the point. What if I am?” Matt asks. I’ve never seen him scared before. It raises my own anxiety level in reaction.

  “It’s impossible. If the sickness were airborne, we would all have caught it. You just have a bug, but it’ll get out of your system soon.”

  “What if it isn’t though? What if the two of you leave and when you come back, I have turned and killed Allison and our child?” His voice breaks.

  “And what if tomorrow you feel completely fine?” I say.

  Matt studies me as if trying to decide if I’m being genuine or not.

  “I hope you’re right. I’m so worried that you’re not. I need you to promise me something.”

  I nod in agreement and he continues. “If anything ever happens to me, I need you to protect and look after Allison and our child—just as if she were Jess and your child.”

  “Of course, Matt. I promise.” I’m relieved that’s what he needed a reassurance on. I thought that went without saying.

  Matt smiles weakly at me. “One more thing. If I do turn, take care of me as well. Don’t let me hurt anyone.”

  “You’re not going to turn, Matt, there is no—”

  “Promise me.”

  I hesitate before agreeing. He lets out a deep breath and clearly looks relieved.

  “Maybe I’m starting to feel a little better. Can you help me back to my bed?”

  I nod again and stand up, offering him a hand. He stumbles up and the two of us walk down the hallway.

  “Wow, Matt,” I say when he places more of his weight on me so I can help support him. “You need to lose some weight.”

  “I’m working on it. Give me a couple more days of this new diet and I’ll be bikini ready in no time.”

  I chuckle under my breath. Matt startles me by stopping. He takes his weight off of me and opens the closet door and starts rummaging.

  “What’re you looking for?”

  He ignores me and continues his search. He finally pulls out of the closet. He holds something in his hand, but it’s too dark for me to make out what he’s carrying.

  “What’s that?” I hope for a response this time.

  Instead of answering, Matt grabs my arm with his free hand and motions for us to keep walking. It must be something important, so I support him as the two of us make it to the doorway of his and Allison’s room. No one is in there. Jess must have taken Allison to our room.

  “I thought Jess would keep Allison out of here,” Matt says.

  Our short walk has exhausted him. His breathing is shallow and quick.

  I reach over to turn the lamp on so we can see better. I block the light from hitting Matt.

  His face is in a shadow so I can’t see his expression as he says, “Tie me to the bed.”

  In his hand is a coil of rope. I’m glad I don’t have to be the one to bring it up. I merely help him into bed.

  His eyes get really big and his hands go to cover his mouth. Quick on my feet, I rush over and grab a trashcan to hold under him. He dry heaves for a while before expelling some bile from his stomach.

  Matt leans back, fatigued, and closes his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says.

  “Nothing to apologize for.” I gently grab his left hand and tie the rope around it. “Is this too tight?”

  “Tighter,” he says through his teeth.

  I frown and tighten the rope. I don’t want to hurt him. I make sure I can slip a finger under the rope and once I’m satisfied he’s going to be able to maintain circulation in his hand, I tie the other side to the bed. I give him enough slack so he can be comfortable.

  “I left you enough extra rope so you can lean down and grab the trashcan if you need to. Don’t throw up on yourself—that’ll be your baby’s job when he or she gets here,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.

  “I can’t wait.” He pauses for a beat. “Thanks for helping me get into bed. I’ll feel better knowing if worse comes to worst, I can’t hurt anyone.”

  “Nothing’s going to happen, but I’m glad you feel safer in here.”

  “Talk to me for a little bit to take my mind off of things,” he says.

  “What do you want to talk about?”

  Matt’s eyes are still closed, but he smiles as he says, “Did you have a good time with Jess earlier? I heard the two of you.”

  “What? Well, I mean…” I stumble and am unable to articulate my thoughts. What did he hear?

  Matt opens his eyes and an echo of his normal laugh escapes him. “I was completely messing with you. I didn’t hear anything, but we’ll catch up on that later.” He sighs and it’s so obvious how poorly he feels. “Protect her and keep her safe, no matter what.”

  “I can’t imagine not having her in my life. She’s the part of me that I never thought I would
deserve,” I say. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in our new world, but I know that she will be with me and that’s enough.”

  Matt takes in my words. “Remember your promise to me. That feeling of protectiveness you feel with her, please make sure to extend it to Allison and our child if anything happens to me.”

  “Of course. No matter what. And likewise for you.”

  “Don’t worry, if the Hungry come for Jess, I’ll just throw up on them and they’ll be so disgusted they’ll run away.”

  We both chuckle quietly and Matt says, “Do me a favor and go check the barriers. I missed the last round when I got sick.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to stick with you?” I told Allison I would stay with him, but the barrier does need to be checked.

  “I feel a little better after that last episode. I’m going to try to get a little rest. Don’t sacrifice the group’s safety just because I’m sick. I’ll be here when you get back.”

  “Don’t tell Allison I left. I don’t want a pregnant lady’s wrath upon me.” I cringe in mock horror.

  Matt shudders. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I grab a flashlight and long knife and head over to let Jess know I’m heading out. Allison’s head is resting on Jess’s lap while she strokes her hair. I go into the room, careful not to make any noise, and grab my shirt off of the floor to put it back on. Jess offers me a questioning look. I hold up the flashlight and weapon. She nods in understanding.

  I head outside and the cool air greets me. Away from the smell of sickness, breathing in seems so much fresher. I close my eyes and recollect my thoughts. Even though Matt is sick, everything is going to be all right. I enjoy another deep breath and open my eyes.

  It’s a full moon tonight so I walk through the patio without my flashlight on. My eyes adjust enough for me to see fairly well and I make my way to the fence.

  The sound of insects fills the air and the solitary moment is actually quite nice. My body turns to head down the trail, but my mind remains back in the house.