by Mark Roeder
I sat in my afternoon classes steaming. I was angrier at myself than I was at Tristan. It wasn’t his fault if he didn’t find me attractive. Maybe Nate had something I didn’t have. Maybe it was his curly blond hair or his green eyes. Who knew? Maybe my brown hair and eyes were just too ordinary for Tristan. It didn’t matter. If he wasn’t into me as anything more than a friend, I just had to accept it and move on. I was stupid for denying myself other guys when Tristan didn’t want me. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I was stupid for feeling guilty for hooking up with Blake York. I was stupid for not being on the make. I’d been looking for a boyfriend before Tristan came along. Perhaps it was time to begin the search again. Perhaps not. Did I really want to put myself in the same situation all over again? What if I fell for another boy who wasn’t into me? I was only seventeen! Why should I even tie myself down to just one guy at this point in my life? Why settle for one when I could have several—or at least a few?
I thought about Blake and the things we’d done together the night before in Ofarim’s. Damn! That was hot! Blake kind of frightened me. He brought out things in me I didn’t even know were there. Something felt so right about it all, though. I couldn’t imagine myself having sex that intense with Tristan. No, Tristan was too gentle, too sweet. He’d never be able to give it to me the way Blake did.
The bell rang, and I could not get up from my desk—if you know what I mean. Thinking about sex with Blake had me so worked up my excitement would have been obvious had I stood. I lingered for several moments, slowly putting my book and notebook into my backpack. I forced my thoughts away from Blake. My excitement began to ebb and soon I was able to stand, using my backpack to hide the reminder of my arousal.
The only thing that prevented me from calling Blake after school was the fact we’d hooked up only the night before. I didn’t want to appear desperate, although desperate is exactly how I felt. My eyes fell on the counter when I walked into Ofarim’s. Remembering what had taken place there the night before, I grinned. Damn, I wanted to do it again!
A wave of shame hit me. I was turning into a real slut. Last night, I’d felt guilty about getting it on with Blake, and here I was wanting it again. How could my feelings change so fast? I knew how. My dick had taken control. Desire had a way of forcing out rational thought. Besides, why should I feel guilty for making both myself and Blake feel good?
The counter was put to more ordinary uses for the evening, and I settled in to waiting on customers, helping Agnes make sundaes, banana splits and various other items on the menu, busing tables, and cleaning up.
I checked out the high-school boys as I worked. I didn’t find most of them all that attractive. There were a few I would’ve hooked up with, but how could I tell if they were into guys? I was back to the old problem of not being able to tell who was gay and who wasn’t. I wished Casey could come up with a list of gay boys in Verona the way she’d come up with a list of gay boys in Plymouth. Of course, that hadn’t worked out very well, except for Blake. It was too bad there weren’t more names on the list. It was definitely incomplete. Still, I would have given a lot to know the names of a handful of gay boys at VHS.
You idiot, you know the names of several gay boys at VHS. A lot of good those names did me, though. There was Tim, my brother, Dane (Tim’s boyfriend), Tristan (my unrequited love), Brendan & Casper and Ethan & Nathan—both couples—quite likely Nate London, who was probably doing Tristan, and possibly Devon Devlin. Devon? There was a laugh. If he was gay, he was so closeted and so filled with self-hatred he’d probably grow up to be a serial killer or something.
I knew a lot more gay boys at VHS than I did in Plymouth, but what did that get me? Nothing. There had to be others, but who? No gay guys had come out of the woodwork to join our table. Not one had approached me. I was out now. Either the other gay boys in school were too scared to approach me or they didn’t find me attractive. A list of names might not even help. That didn’t stop me from wishing for one. I wanted to meet some other guys like me, guys I could experiment with, and I wanted to meet them now!
The following day at school was frustrating in the extreme. I had half a mind to hit on a few classmates I found particularly attractive, but how could I do that? It’s not that I feared a fist in the face, a distinct possibility if I hit on a straight boy. Suggesting, even in a vague, roundabout way that I wanted to get naked with a guy was just too intimate for casual conversation. Plus, how would I feel if I was a heterosexual boy and a gay boy hit on me? I think the word uncomfortable might describe it best. I didn’t want to make anyone feel like that.
I really wanted to call up Blake after school, but it was just too soon. What were the rules about that, anyway? When was someone going to write a guide book!
I headed for my after-school job at Ofarim’s just like the day before. Jon and Brandon came in and gave me a hard time. I guess they had to take a break from going off on each other now and then. I didn’t mind. My crazy friends made my job more enjoyable. There was often someone I knew in Ofarim’s. A lot of the kids from school showed up during the hours I worked there.
About 8 p.m., I looked up to see Blake York enter. He wasn’t alone, either. I recognized the boy with him. He went to VHS. I didn’t know him. I’d just seen him around—and checked him out a time or two. He played soccer, I think. I wondered what he was doing with Blake. How did they know each other?
If there was something going on between Blake and the blond boy, I could see why Blake was interested in him. Blondie was extremely good looking—slim and yet muscular—and almost too pretty to be a boy. I just stared for a few moments, entranced. He had long blond bangs that gave him a skater look. His build was a cross between a skater and a soccer player. It was a damn nice combination.
Blake and Blondie eyed me momentarily before taking a booth. I wanted to talk to Blake, but even if he had been alone, there were too many guys from school in Ofarim’s at the moment. It’s too bad we didn’t have some time alone like last time. It would have been the perfect opportunity to tell him I wanted to hook up again. It was probably still too early to call, but since he was here… Damn, why did he have to bring someone with him? I suppose that alone should have been enough to tell me he wasn’t looking for a hookup tonight (unless Blondie was a hookup), but I wanted Blake so bad I could hardly stand it.
I approached Blake’s table hesitantly. Memories of our last encounter filled me with desire, but I fought to rein in my sexual needs. Blake grinned at me, and our eyes locked for a few moments. There was a sense of sexual tension in the air.
“Hey, Shawn. What’s up?”
“I’m just having a blast here in Ofarim’s,” I said with the slightest sarcastic tone.
Blake laughed.
“Yeah, I bet. This is Marc.”
“Hey, Marc. I’m Shawn. I think I’ve seen you around school,” I said.
“Yeah, I’m on the soccer team. You play football,” Marc said.
“He’s pretty good, too,” Blake said, “for a VHS player.”
“Ha! We kick Plymouth’s ass regularly,” I said grinning.
“We’ll see about that this fall,” Blake said. “We’ll just see how good Verona plays without its star quarterback.”
“Yeah, yeah, so what would you guys like to drink?”
I found it difficult not to stare at Marc, especially since he was surreptitiously checking me out. How could I have missed this hot boy who was practically under my nose? Of course, there was no guarantee he was into guys. I thought Marc was checking me out, but maybe that was just wishful thinking. It could be that Marc and Blake were just friends. I wondered how they’d met.
I walked away from the table with their drink orders, fighting the arousal in my pants, but only partly succeeding. Thankfully, the counter hid my lower half from view, and I got myself under control before I returned with their Cokes.
Blake and Marc eyed me and whispered conspiratorially as I worked behind the counter and waited on other customers. I had
the distinct impression Blake was telling Marc all about what we’d done on the counter of Ofarim’s. Both Blake and Marc looked back at me a couple of times and then laughed together as if sharing some big joke, and I had the feeling the joke was me. Anger welled up in my chest, especially when Blake locked eyes with me and gave me a smirk.
Oddly enough, I was aroused as well as angered by the thought that the blond hottie was hearing all the intimate sexual details of my encounters with Blake. Did he and Blake have something going, too? Or, did Blake just bring the cute soccer player to show him the rival football player he’d seduced? I felt naked under their gaze.
I was uncomfortable to say the least, but I sucked it up and returned to their table to take their orders.
“I’ll have an Ofarim Burger with large fries,” Blake said.
“I think I’ll have chicken fingers and onion rings,” Marc said.
Again, Marc furtively checked me out. I was maddeningly turned on by his gaze but felt slightly embarrassed at the same time because Blake had probably told him all about bending me over the counter and making me moan his name. I was still more than half pissed off, too. I’d never specifically told Blake that what we did was a secret, but I assumed he’d keep it to himself. I definitely didn’t want anyone from VHS to know the intimate sexual details of my life. I could feel my face growing hot as I left the table, and I heard Blake laugh as I walked away. Was he laughing at me?
I worked behind the counter, trying and failing not to think about what Blake might be saying about me. I don’t think I would have minded quite so much if Marc wasn’t so damned sexy! Visions of making out with Marc and running my hands over his no-doubt smooth and firm body just about drove me out of my mind. Did older guys have to go through this? I prayed I wouldn’t be this horny all my life. I didn’t think I could stand it.
Marc laughed really loud for a moment. I looked up and caught Blake staring at me as he laughed, too. I could feel my face growing hot with embarrassment again, so I quickly turned away.
Blake and I were going to have words when we met next. I was as pissed off as I was embarrassed. He had no right to share the intimate details of our sexual encounters with anyone else, and he definitely had no right to embarrass and humiliate me in front of a hottie like Marc. If that was the way he was going to be, Blake and I had hooked up for the last time.
The bell on the door rang and I looked up. Great! Just what I needed. Devon entered, and he wasn’t alone. Zac Packard was with him. I didn’t see much of Zac, and that was fine by me. I heard all about how he tried to blackmail Ethan into throwing the wrestling championship back in ’80. Zac wasn’t as overtly hostile to gays as Devon was, but he was no friend to them, either. He was also rather intimidating. Ethan had kicked his ass in the wrestling championship, but Ethan was probably the only guy who could beat him.
I sighed as I walked toward their table. This was obviously my day for being shoved into uncomfortable situations. Devon came into Ofarim’s frequently, and he’d grown increasingly hostile as he’d become more and more certain I was gay. Now, Zac was with him. I didn’t like the possibilities of the Devon/Zac combination at all.
“What can I get you guys?” I asked, in professional-waiter mode.
“I’ll have a Coke,” Devon said. He gazed across the booth at Zac and smiled.
“Same here,” Zac said.
“So, I hear you broke up with your ‘girlfriend,’” Devon said, making quotations in the air with his fingers.
Here it comes. So far, Devon hadn’t talked shit to my face. He’d merely been antagonistic in attitude. I knew about Devon, though. The more backup he had, the bolder he became.
“Casey wasn’t my girlfriend, and we’re still friends.”
“Yeah, but you sure let on she was your girlfriend, didn’t you?” Devon said. “Why was that, Shawn?”
“Because you didn’t want everyone to know you’re a fag?” Zac asked. “I hear your brother has a boyfriend. What’s wrong, Shawn? Did your little brother get tired of you sucking his cock?”
“Shut up,” I said.
“Ohhh, we’ve struck a nerve,” Devon said. “Incest at the Myers. You know Shawn and Tim share an apartment.”
“Shut up, Devon!”
“Are you going to make him?” Zac asked, standing up. “Maybe you better make me shut up then, too.”
Were these guys for real?
I stood my ground. The only sign of fear that escaped from me was a quick swallow. I was strong, but Zac could rearrange my face with one punch.
“So, which one of you is the pillow biter?” asked Zac. “You? Your brother? Or, do you switch off?”
“I don’t have sex with my brother.”
There were other guys from school in Ofarim’s, and we were beginning to draw attention.
“Sure you don’t,” Zac said as insincerely as humanly possible.
“Just knock it off,” I said.
“You want to make me? Do you, fag?” Zac asked.
He stepped closer. He was in my face now. I could feel his hot breath on me. I held my ground. I couldn’t believe it. I was actually going to have to fight Zac right there in Ofarim’s. I wondered if Agnes would fire me. I knew for sure Devon would jump in as soon as Zac swung at me. I was going to get my ass kicked for sure.
“You’re a really big man, picking on guys smaller than you,” Blake said, stepping up beside me. Marc appeared on my other side.
Zac looked at Blake.
“Ha! I’m just having a little fun. Shawn would be too easy to beat up. It’s no fun punching out a pussy boy.”
I clenched my fists. I wanted to punch Zac in the face so bad!
“I don’t think I like your idea of fun,” Blake said.
“Yeah, well, we all have our own hobbies, don’t we?” Zac said, looking at me with a smirk.
Zac sat back down. It was only with a struggle that I kept from sighing in relief. Suddenly, I wasn’t so pissed off with Blake anymore. He gripped my shoulder with his hand for a moment. When I turned to face him, he nodded, and then he and Marc returned to their booth. I turned back to Devon and Zac.
“So, what would you guys like?” I asked, as if nothing had happened.
I walked away trembling slightly after taking their orders. Despite his words, I knew Zac would have punched me if Blake and Marc hadn’t stepped in. I would have fought back, but I would’ve got my ass kicked. I was kind of embarrassed that everyone in Ofarim’s had been watching, but at least I had stood my ground. I was no coward. I’d rather take a beating than slink off with my tail between my legs.
Blake and Marc looked in my direction now and then, but they’d stopped laughing. Blake looked over at Devon and Zac a few times, too. I think he would’ve liked to tangle with Zac. Damn, I hoped Zac wasn’t going to be on my ass from now on. I had enough problems. Devon, I could handle, but about the only way I could beat Zac was to kick him in the nuts. If it came down to it, I would.
I grinned for a moment as I pictured Zac doubling over, grabbing his nuts. Yeah, I wouldn’t hesitate to kick him in the nads if he attacked me. I wouldn’t kick a guy in the balls in a fair fight, but if Zac was going to pick on me, I’d make him pay the price.
Despite the recent drama, it felt good to be out. I hadn’t made any big announcement, but word gets around about things like that. I felt better about myself now. Letting everyone believe Casey was my girlfriend was no better than lying. I had my reasons for keeping my sexual orientation a secret, but I hated lying. It was such a relief not to have to lie anymore.
Blake and Marc lingered over their supper and then ordered shakes. Devon and Zac departed, and the place slowly cleared out. Finally, there was a lull, and Ofarim’s was empty except for Blake, Marc, Agnes, and me. I walked over to their table.
“Thanks for helping me out earlier. Zac would have rearranged my face if you hadn’t stepped up.”
“I kind of wanted to see how well you’d do against him, but you were obviously
outmatched.”
“No kidding. I might have got a few good punches in, but there’s little doubt the fight would have ended with me lying on the floor, groaning in pain.”
“That took balls to stand up to him,” said Marc.
I slid in beside Blake. It was time for a break, anyway.
“I have balls.”
“I know,” Blake said and smiled. “Is your brother going to be around this evening?”
“Yeah.”
“Think you could get rid of him? Or maybe we could use this place?”
“I might be able to get rid of him. I don’t know. As for Ofarim’s, Agnes will be here at closing tonight.”
“Damn. Well, Marc and I wondered if you wanted to get together, but we need a place.”
This was definitely getting interesting.
“Yeah?” I said, looking at Marc.
“Yeah,” he said. “I noticed you at school, and when Blake told me that you guys…get together...”
It seemed far less likely now than Blake and Marc had been laughing at my expense earlier. I was just being paranoid. I needed to learn to stop assuming things. I was too turned on to think much about that now. Marc was steaming hot, and I wanted him! There had to be a way to get rid of Tim for a few hours—if not tonight, then soon. I wanted it to be tonight, but I didn’t get off until 9 p.m., and it was a school night. I couldn’t send Tim to run around that late, especially when he had to be up early the next morning. My dick fought to do my thinking for me, but I had to be mature about this. I had to be a good parent.
“I’m off on Fridays. We can meet sometime after school. Tim will probably go out. I’ll do what I can to make sure he stays out for a few hours. We can use the loft. I’ll call you with the details.”
Blake nodded.
“This is gonna be hot,” he said.
The hungry leers Marc was now shooting at me excited me even more than Blake’s words. He wanted me bad, almost as badly as I wanted him. It was all I could do to keep from jerking him out of the booth and kissing him. I wondered if he was into making out. I guess I’d find out soon enough, but soon enough definitely wasn’t soon enough!