by Mark Roeder
“You know what you want, Shawn. You want Tristan.”
“Wanting isn’t getting. Listen, I’m really sorry. I asked you out, and here I am sitting here talking about another guy.”
“It’s okay, Shawn, really. I don’t know if we’d work out as boyfriends, but that’s not the way things are going right now, anyway. I have a feeling we can be friends, though, friends with benefits. The hookups with you were hot, but I like that you’re interested in just hanging out with me, too. I’m into having all kinds of fun. That’s what life is all about.”
“You’re being really cool about this.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? You’ve been honest with me. You haven’t promised me anything you can’t deliver. You haven’t misled me. It’s not as though you’re saying things just to get into my pants, either. You can get in my pants any time you want.”
Marc wiggled his eyebrows, managing to be funny and sexy at the same time. If I had any sense, I would have completely forgotten about Tristan and dated Marc. My feelings weren’t a matter of choice, however. At the moment, I wished I’d never met Tristan so I could date Marc, but then again I didn’t wish it. I was in love with Tristan.
“Damn it,” I said.
“What?”
“You’re really cool and sexy and funny. I wish I could just shut off my feelings for Tristan and ask you to be my boyfriend.”
“No can do, stud. Feelings do not work that way.”
“Tell me about it.”
Our pizza and Cokes arrived. We dug in.
“Mmm. Extra cheese was a good call,” I said.
“Of course! I would never lead you wrong.”
We were too busy eating for a while to talk much. Pizza is pizza, after all.
“You should sit with the guys and me at lunch—that is, if you don’t mind sitting at the homo table. Everyone is really cool. Brandon and Jon are hilarious.”
“Are they like, a couple?” Marc asked. “I always see them together, and they’re always arguing like they’re jealous or something. They crack the guys up in the locker room after practice.”
I fought back the laugh that assailed me. I had a mouthful of Coke, and I’d spray the table if I didn’t get myself under control fast.
Dead pets. Dead pets, I thought to myself.
As it was, I still nearly choked. I felt foolish coughing and going on in front of Marc, but I ended up laughing.
“What?”
“That’s hilarious,” I said. “Unfortunately, you caught me with a mouth full of Coke. You very nearly received a Coke shower.”
Marc grinned.
“What’s so funny about Brandon and Jon being a couple? They look good together. I’ve always suspected they had something going.”
“I almost forgot you know them. You’re all soccer players.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait for the next soccer season.”
“Brandon and Jon are the homo table’s token straights,” I said. “Neither of them has any interest in guys, or at least so little it doesn’t matter. They’re always going off on each other, and most of the time they’re accusing each other of homosexual acts.”
“You know what they say: methinks thou doth protest too much.”
“Nah, they aren’t down on gays. I mean, they sit with a whole table of us, and they stand up for us whenever anyone gives us trouble.”
“Maybe so, but still, don’t you think there might be a little latent homosexuality there?”
“You’re just hoping there is.”
“Well, yeah. They’re hot! I love hot guys, but I’m just saying…”
“I really don’t think either of them is interested in guys. If they were, they’ve had plenty of opportunities to experiment. Hell, I’d give either one of them a blowjob if he asked.”
Marc laughed.
“You give many guys a blowjob?” he asked.
“Not many.”
“Who?”
“You.”
“I remember. I was there. It was fucking fine, by the way. And?”
“Blake.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“My brother’s boyfriend.”
“What?”
I laughed. I wouldn’t have told Marc about Dane, but I wanted to see his reaction, and I knew Dane wouldn’t care.
“It was before he was my brother’s boyfriend. Tim and Dane hadn’t even met yet. Dane and I messed around a couple of times. Then he met my brother, and it was love at first sight.”
“Aww.”
“It was like watching a movie. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they ran toward each other in slow motion.”
“Were you upset?”
“A little. Dane is a hottie, after all, and it’s not as though I was getting any elsewhere. I knew there really couldn’t be anything more than sex between Dane and me. It was obvious Tim and Dane could have much more. I wanted them to be happy.”
“You’re almost sickeningly perfect,” Marc said.
“Hardly.”
“That’s still so sweet of you—and selfless.”
“It really wasn’t much more than bowing to the inevitable. Besides, there is no way I could deny my brother what I so desperately sought.”
“Then along came Tristan,” Marc said.
“Yeah, and filled my life with unfulfilled longing and torment.”
“Now you’re being dramatic.”
“Only a little.”
“Hmm, I think I might just join your table. If your friends are anything like you, it should be a blast. Maybe we can make Tristan jealous.”
“How?” I asked. “Tristan already sits at my table.”
“Hello! We make him jealous by dating. Maybe if he saw you with me, he’d start thinking about what he’s missing.”
“Yeah, right! He’s got Nate London, and Nate is way hotter than I am!”
“He’s hot in a different way, but he’s not hotter.”
“Whatever.”
“What have you got to lose?”
“I don’t want to be dishonest. I felt like a big liar when I was pretending I wasn’t gay. I had a damn good reason, but I still felt guilty.”
“Who said anything about being dishonest? You like me, don’t you? You want to spend time with me, don’t you? You want to have sex with me, right?”
“Yes.”
“So where’s the dishonesty? We will date. It just won’t be exclusive. If either of us wants to hook up with Blake or anyone else, together or separately, we’ll do it. The only teensy bit of possible dishonesty will be in not telling anyone we have an open relationship. That’s not even dishonesty. It’s just holding back information.”
“When you put it like that, it doesn’t sound bad.”
“Doesn’t sound bad? I’m hurt. I’m offering to date you. So, you want me or not?”
“I want you.”
“I thought so,” Marc said, grinning. “We’ll have a blast together, and if it makes Tristan jealous, so much the better.”
“Okay, let’s say it does make him jealous. Let’s say he wants me so bad he comes begging to be my boyfriend. What then?”
“Then you say yes!”
“What about you?”
“You tell him we’re about to break up, anyway. Then, you and I can still be friends. We just won’t be able to have sex unless your new boyfriend is into three-ways. I’d definitely be up for that with you and Tristan, by the way.”
“My mother warned me about boys like you.”
“Sure she did.”
There were still a few slices of pizza left when Marc and I were both full. We had it boxed up.
“Let’s go to your place,” Marc said.
“My brother is home.”
“So?”
“So we can’t have sex while he’s there.”
“What kind of boy do you think I am?” Marc asked. There was that puckish grin again. “Not everything has to be about sex, Shawn.”
“I just figured you
meant…”
“You are a horny boy, aren’t you?”
“Well, yeah, especially around you.”
“I’m sure you can control yourself. I just thought we could hang out, talk, and maybe make out a little.”
“Now, who’s the horny boy?” I asked.
“You know you love it.”
“Yes.”
“So, let’s go.”
Marc and I walked across the street, then up the stairs.
“Tim! You want some pizza?” I called out.
My brother appeared in the living room/kitchen.
“Hey,” he said.
“Marc, this is Tim.”
“I’ve seen you at school,” Tim said. “So, you’re Shawn’s new fuck buddy?”
“Tim!”
“Just what have you been telling him?” Marc asked. His eyes gleamed with mischief.
“I…uh…kind of told him about last night. I didn’t think you’d mind, and he won’t tell anyone.”
“Ha!” Tim said. “I already called half my friends.”
“Tim!”
“I’m kidding, Shawn. Kidding! Damn! Loosen up!”
“Right after I wring your little neck.”
“Aww, brotherly love. To answer your question, Shawn and I are thinking about dating.”
“Thank God!” Tim said.
I opened the pizza box and shoved a piece in Tim’s mouth to shut him up. It worked.
“Um, want some tea or coffee?” I asked.
“Tea would be great. I never cared much for coffee. It’s too bitter.”
“That’s whaff suffer and creamar isf for,” Tim said, with his mouth full of pizza.
“Try to forgive him. He was raised in a cave,” I said. “He’s also a coffee fiend.”
Tim shot me an amused sneer.
I put the kettle on and then showed Marc around the apartment. He’d seen it before, of course—well, my bedroom, anyway—but Tim didn’t know that.
The kettle was simmering away when we returned to the kitchen. I placed tea bags into two cups and then filled them with steaming water. The clear water immediately began to turn a golden brown. I carried the cups and saucers to the table, and Marc and I sat down. Tim had already returned to his room with a fist full of pizza.
“I like your brother,” Marc said as he stirred sugar into his cup.
“You don’t have to live with him.”
“You know you love him.”
“Yes, but I still want to beat him sometimes.”
“He looks a lot like you: very sexy.”
“Am I about to lose another guy to my brother?”
“No, I like you better. Besides, he has a boyfriend. Of course, if they wouldn’t mind a third…”
“Don’t tell him that. I have a hard enough time with him as it is.”
Marc laughed.
We sat and talked and drank tea. I enjoyed hanging out with Marc. I’m glad he’d become more than a hookup. Hookups were okay, but they were finished too quickly, and then what was left? Steaming memories, yes, but not much more.
After we finished our tea, Marc and I moved to the couch. We made out, of course. Our hands roamed everywhere while our lips and tongues entwined. I was hard as a rock and wanted Marc in the worst way, but there was something intensely sexy about not being able to take our clothes off. Thoughts of bribing Tim to leave crossed my mind, but the boy wasn’t stupid. He’d either refuse to go in an attempt to blackmail me into letting him use the loft for sex with Dane or he’d return a few minutes after leaving to catch me in the act. Somehow, not being able to have sex made making out with Marc that much more intense. There was something to be said for not always getting what you want.
I drove Marc home, and we shared a kiss just before he got out of the car. I liked the direction things were headed with Marc. Maybe I didn’t even need Tristan anymore. Only time would tell. For the moment, I was still very much infatuated with Tristan Graham Cole.
Dane
“Guys and Casey, this is Marc,” Shawn said as he set his tray on the table.
“Hey,” Marc said.
“Finally got kicked out of your place at the skater table, huh?” Jon asked.
“Nope, it was just time for a change of scenery.”
“And you chose to sit where you can see Jon? Not too bright, are you?” Brandon asked.
“I am so much better looking than you that it’s not even funny,” Jon said.
“You wish.”
“Don’t you guys ever stop?” Marc asked.
“You know them?” Casey asked. “I pity you.”
“We’re soccer teammates.”
“Soccer players? Aren’t they those guys who can’t cut it in a real sport like wrestling or football?” Ethan asked, looking at Brendan.
“Yeah, I’ve heard of those guys. Isn’t their nickname The Pansies or something like that?” Brendan asked.
“You’re just jealous because soccer rules at VHS,” Jon said. “Yeah!” Jon stood up and flexed his arms over his head. He had some nice biceps.
“Are you sure you want to sit here?” Shawn asked Marc.
“Oh, yeah,” Marc said. “I’m used to them.”
Did I catch a dreamy gaze as Marc looked at Shawn—or was it merely a horny stare? I looked at Tim across the table from me. He stuck his finger in his mouth and poked it at his cheek—sign language for blowjob. Tim and I cracked up.
“You’ve already met Tim, so you know he has mental problems,” Shawn said. “Just in case you haven’t met, the other mental case is Dane.”
Marc smiled at Shawn. Yeah, there was definitely something up between those two. Tim might just have been kidding around, but Marc and Shawn had the look of two guys who’d been naked together. I wasn’t the only one who picked up on it, either. Tristan looked at the pair curiously. Both Brandon and Jon had a shared, “What do we have here? Butt buddies?”, look on their faces. There wasn’t anyone who didn’t look as if he, or she, thought there was something more than friendship between Shawn and Marc.
Tim and I finished our lunches quickly and slipped off to the auditorium for a lunchtime quickie. As soon as we hit the darkness between the curtains, our lips joined and our hands slipped into each other’s pants. We slipped off nearly every single day to hook up in the auditorium. I was getting used to my daily lunchtime blowjob. It was so much easier to concentrate in my afternoon classes after Tim and I had gotten each other off. If the school board was serious about academic performance, they really should arrange an oral-sex period for everyone instead of a study hall.
Tim and I finished up just before the bell rang, ending our lunch period. We sneaked out of the auditorium and back into the hallway once again without being spotted.
“So, spill it. What do you know about Shawn and Marc?” I asked.
“They went out for pizza last night. The night before, they gave each other car head. They may have last night, too, for all I know,” Tim said.
“So, Shawn is finally getting some,” I said.
“Yeah, maybe he’ll chill out now. I’m also hoping he’ll want to get it on with Marc bad enough we can cut a deal about sex in the loft. He can do it with Marc if I can do it with you.”
“I wish,” I said. “Slipping off is exciting, but I’d rather have more time—much more time.”
“We will. We’ll find a way.”
“You know, if I could get away sometime when your brother isn’t going to be home…” I suggested.
“Yeah, but can you? Aren’t your parents kind of keeping a tight leash on you?”
“A leash—kinky.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, but I figure they’ll let their guard down soon. If they weren’t both around so much at home, we could find a place to do it there. Maybe we can, anyway.”
“We need to do something, or I might explode.”
“Mmm, I want to be there when you explode.”
I wanted to slip off with Tim after sc
hool, but I was expected home. My parents weren’t stupid. They knew Tim and I were just dying to get into each other’s pants. What they didn’t know was that we were getting part of what we wanted at school, but what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt us.
I was determined to find a way to be alone with Tim at his place or mine. Sooner or later, both my parents would disappear while Shawn was working. When that happened, Tim and I were going to get it on. I’d been watching for my chance already, but no luck. Mom and Dad were often both home, and not once had they both been gone at the same time. They were putting far too much effort into keeping me from getting laid. In a just world I could have had all the sex I wanted.
I wondered if sex would be as exciting if it was easy to get. What if parents just didn’t care? What if no one preached against it? What if I could just say, “Hey, Tim and I are going to my room to fuck. We’ll be down for supper later?” Would sex be such a big deal then? The forbidden nature of my encounters with Tim definitely made them more exciting, but wouldn’t sex feel just as good if it wasn’t forbidden? Would I do it so much it would no longer be thrilling? I guess I’d never know the answer to my questions. There was no way my parents would ever be okay with me having sex. If I told my mom I was going to my room to fuck, she’d probably slap my face for being vulgar and lock me up so I couldn’t see Tim. Why did life have to be so difficult, and why was the good stuff always so hard to get?
Tim walked me home. We kissed now and then, but the kisses only fueled my passion. I forgot all about passion, however, when a pickup drove by. Was that…? No. It couldn’t be.
“What’s wrong?” Tim asked. “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”
“It’s…it’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing.”
“I just…it can’t be, but I thought I just saw Boothe.”
“Are you sure?”
“No, I’m not sure. Actually, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t him. I’m just seeing things is all. Boothe is still wanted for a whole list of stuff. He wouldn’t be caught dead within a hundred miles of Verona.”
Tim knew the whole story about Boothe, the graverobber and my former employer, so I didn’t have to go into it.
“Do you think he’ll be after you if he comes back?” Tim asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe. It’s probably nothing. I’m just seeing things. You know, like when you think you see a monster when you’re walking alone in the dark.”