by Mark Roeder
“You were right. I should not have had sex here in the loft with Marc and Blake when I wouldn’t let you do it with Dane.”
“Damn right, I’m right!”
“I shouldn’t have done it, but I just lost control. You know how it is, Tim,” I said as I rubbed my jaw where he’d slugged me.
“Yeah, I know how it is, but I haven’t been doing it here with Dane!”
“I know. I’m sorry I did it.”
“Are you sorry you did it or just sorry you got caught?”
“A little of both. You were also right when you pointed out that you and Dane love each other, while it’s just sex with Marc, Blake, and me.”
“Exactly, which makes what you did worse!”
“Okay! Okay! I said I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t good enough! You expect me to do what you say when you don’t even follow the stupid rules yourself? Dane and I have been as cooperative as possible up until now, but you can forget that! I’m not following rules you won’t follow. Fuck that!”
“I know. I know. You’re right.”
“I know I’m right, but you agree?”
“Yes.”
Tim grew a good deal less angry.
“So what do you plan to do about it?”
“I went and had a talk with Abigail. I told her what happened.”
“You told her you were fucking Marc while Blake was fucking you?”
“Uh, no. I didn’t get that graphic. I did tell her you caught me having a three-way in my bedroom.” I held up my hand to forestall more questions. “We agreed that I can no longer expect you to keep your door open when Dane is here.”
“So Dane and I can make love in my room?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying you can keep your door closed when he’s here and that I will respect your privacy.”
“So we can have sex!”
“I’m not putting it into those words, but from now on, what you do in your bedroom is your business, and what I do in mine is my business.”
“Yes!”
“This isn’t permission for you to have sex. This isn’t to encourage you. I know you need no encouragement.”
“You’ve got that right!”
“So, do you think this is fair?”
“I think it’s the way things should have been from the beginning!”
“I understand, and maybe you’re right, but you’ve got to understand the feelings of Dane’s mom and her expectations of me. I was in a difficult spot. She even apologized for putting me there.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Listen, Tim. She just wants what’s best for Dane. She’s just trying to protect him. I’m just trying to look out for you. I’m sorry I’ve done such a lousy job, but I’m new to this, okay?”
“Actually, you’ve done a pretty good job.”
“Does this mean you don’t hate me?”
“I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. I was just so pissed off. You might call it sexual frustration.”
“I know how that is.”
“Yeah, right. You just had a three-way, whore.”
Tim’s tone of voice indicated he was teasing me.
“For your information Tim, a whore is someone who charges for sex. I wasn’t charging.”
“Okay. So you’re a slut, then. You charge? Ha! You couldn’t give that shit away for free.”
“You know you’re contradicting yourself.”
“Whatever.”
“Listen, I really am sorry.”
“Okay, okay. I forgive you. You can stop kissing my ass now.”
“Blow me, Tim.”
“Sorry, I have a boyfriend. Besides, you have at least two boy toys for that.”
We stood up. I hugged Tim, and he hugged me back.
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you, too, big bro. Now, I’m gonna call Dane so he can come over and we can have sex!”
“Tim,” I said in a warning tone.
“Kidding! I’m kidding.”
“Listen, if you guys do…”
“If? You’re funny, Shawn.”
“If you guys have sex, be safe, okay? I’ll buy you more condoms anytime you need them. No questions asked.”
“Buy a case!”
“You’re horrible, but I just want to keep you safe.”
“You can’t do that, Shawn. No one can keep anyone safe, but thanks for trying. I’m going to try to keep you safe, too. You have your own condoms, right?”
“Of course.”
“Yeah, I guess a slut would have plenty.”
“Tim!”
“Chill out. I’m kidding, but tell me, how many times did you guys have a three-way here?”
“Um, just two.”
“How many times have you had sex with Dane here?” I asked.
“None, like I said, but it’s only from lack of opportunity. You’re like a freaking watchdog.”
I laughed.
“I’m exhausted,” I said.
“Yeah, wild sex takes it out of you.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Shawn, I’m sorry I hit you. I was just so mad…”
“I understand. I had it coming. Besides, I barely felt it. You hit like a girl.”
“Yeah, right!”
“Goodnight, Tim.”
I kissed his forehead.
“Goodnight, Shawn.”
Tim kissed me on the lips, but it was a nonsexual, brotherly kiss. I smiled and headed for my bed.
Dane
I shivered and pulled the blankets up over my bare shoulders. I was dreaming about Jacob, but I knew it was a dream. I was in that twilight state, somewhere between asleep and awake—in both and neither. In the dream, I became Jacob. I was walking along a dark country road in a snowstorm. A truck was headed toward me. It accelerated. It swerved off the road and plowed right into me, sending me flying. I screamed.
I sat bolt upright in my bed, my heart pounding in my chest. I shivered again. Cold air hit my bare chest. I gasped. Jacob!
He was standing beside my bed, slowly shaking his head from side to side. I fought to control my trembling.
“What do you want?” I asked, my voice quavering. “I gave back your coin. I didn’t even know I had it. Boothe stuffed it in my pocket.”
Jacob took a step forward, and I scrambled backwards in my bed, which only served to put my back against the icy headboard.
“I’m sorry we disturbed your grave! I didn’t want to, but I was desperate! Please.”
Jacob’s brow furrowed, and he shook his head more violently.
“I don’t know what you want!”
Jacob faded until he was no longer there. The air grew warmer. I slipped back down into my bed and pulled up the covers. He was trying to tell me something. I knew he was. But, what?
Jacob had shaken his head when I mentioned his coin. I supposed that meant he wanted more than the coin. That much was obvious, anyway. He had his coin back, but…
I sat up quickly. My hand flew to my chest. I gasped. I ran to the light switch, flipped on the lights, and then ran to the mirror. Jacob’s coin hung on a chain around my neck. I just stared at it lying on my chest. How…?
I quickly pulled the necklace over my head and placed it on the dresser. I stood there staring at it. How? I was confused and frightened. I shivered and returned to my bed. I needed the comfort and security of my blankets. This new turn of events disturbed me even more than Jacob returning to haunt me. I was going to let Boothe have it when I saw him again.
***
Tim met me at my locker before school.
“So, anything new with Shawn?” I asked.
Tim had come over the evening before, mad enough to chew on nails. I was somewhat ticked off at Shawn, too, but not nearly as much as Tim was. Sure, Shawn was doing it with guys at his place when Tim and I weren’t allowed to mess around there, but come on, I would probably have done
the same if I was he. Tim and I would have made love in the loft if we’d had the chance. Tim was really steamed, though. I think part of that was probably because we hadn’t been together recently. I don’t know about Tim, but I tended to get aggressive and hostile when I was needing it.
“I have big news. Did you talk to your mom this morning?”
“Yeah, I talk to her just about every morning.”
“Did she say anything…especially interesting?”
“No. She said she wanted to talk to me about something after school, but that was about it.”
“That’s it, then.”
“What’s it?”
“Shawn was at your place last night while we were out. He had a talk with your mom.”
“About what happened? He actually told her?”
“Yeah, but that’s not the best part.”
Tim and I began walking toward class. We kept our voices low, so it wasn’t likely anyone could hear us with all the other conversations, locker doors slamming shut, and guys calling out to one another.
“This must be good news. You’re smiling.”
“Oh, it’s beyond good. We don’t have to keep the door open when you’re in my bedroom.”
“Seriously?”
“Would I kid you about something like that?”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. How could Shawn keep insisting that I can’t keep my door shut after what he was doing in his room?”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“It’s probably a good thing I got so pissed and left. Otherwise, I would have tried to talk Shawn out of talking to your mom.”
“Why?”
“Because she might not have let you come over at all.”
“Yeah, now that you mention it, I’m a little surprised that wasn’t her reaction, but I guess we don’t need to worry.”
“No. It’s all cool. If you think about it, everything has worked out perfectly. I was royally pissed off, but now I’m glad Shawn lost control.”
“So, you’re not mad at him anymore?”
“No. I probably shouldn’t have gotten so angry at him, but…well, that’s the past. We’re cool now.”
“I’m glad. I’d hate for you guys to be on the outs.”
“We fight sometimes, but we’re brothers. Even when I say I hate him, I don’t.”
We wanted to talk more, but we were out of time. I’d reached my class. We would have kissed, but the hall monitor was watching. Instead, we just grinned and said goodbye.
I didn’t see Tim again until lunch. We silently agreed to take our time eating and not slip off to the auditorium. We could make love at Tim’s place now, so there was no need for a quickie at school. I’d miss the rush I got from the dangerous edge of our auditorium encounters, but recent events had proven the risk was too great. Only the day before, a couple got caught messing around in the balcony. It was a guy and a girl. Word was they were making out and had their hands in each others pants. Both of them were suspended for three days. That could easily have been Tim and me. It might well have been if we’d been in the auditorium, too, although we might have been hidden well enough in the curtains.
“Jacob paid me another visit,” I told Tim as he sat beside me at lunch.
“Yeah?”
“I actually had a dream about him, and then, when I woke up, he was standing beside my bed.”
So far, I hadn’t mentioned the ghost around any of the guys. That’s the kind of thing you usually keep to yourself. I figured I was among friends, however, and lots of people believed in ghosts. If I was brave enough to come out…
Nathan gave me an odd look.
“A boy just showed up in your bedroom last night?” he asked.
“Slut,” Brandon pretend coughed.
“Well, he’s, uh, not a boy, exactly.”
“Hermaphrodite,” Jon said. “A chick with a…”
“Jon,” Casey growled in warning.
“…with a male reproductive organ. You should’ve just let me said ‘dick.’ It’s so much easier.”
Casey rolled her eyes.
“No,” I said.
“Is ‘not a boy, exactly’, like being a little bit pregnant?” Brandon asked.
“Well, he is a boy. He just…”
“So you checked?” Jon asked.
“Noooo,” I said.
“Then how do you know for sure,” Brandon asked. “I sometimes wonder about Jon. I think he might be a girl.”
“Dude, you’ve seen mine more than my girlfriend has,” Jon said. “Ouch. That didn’t come out right.”
“What he means is he’s a virgin,” Brandon said, “and he thinks I’ve seen his in the showers.”
“I’m not a virgin, and you have seen it!”
“I don’t recalling seeing anything like that,” Brandon said.
“I can’t believe you guys are having this discussion,” Casey said.
“I can,” Ethan said.
“Anyway,” Brandon said. “Just how is this Jacob not exactly a boy?”
“He’s dead.”
“Dead?” Casper asked.
“Oh, man, Dane offed some boy last night in his bedroom!” Jon said.
“I did not. He was dead when he got there.”
“Why don’t you just tell us what you’re talking about?” Tristan asked.
“Jacob is a ghost.”
“A ghost?” Ethan asked, raising an eyebrow.
Now, everyone was looking at me—Marc, Shawn, Tristan, Ethan, Nathan, Casper, Casey, Brandon, Brendan, Jon, and Nate. Tim already knew about Jacob, of course.
“Yeah, a ghost, so he’s not exactly a boy.”
“I guess that’s right,” Brandon said. “I think a dead boy is still a boy, but when he’s gone all the way to ghost, he’s not quite a boy anymore.”
“You actually saw a ghost?” Marc asked.
Jon made a circular motion with his finger at the side of his head.
“I’m not crazy!”
“That’s what all the crazies say,” Jon said. “Honest, officer. I’m not crazy. Satan really did tell me to kill all those people and eat their livers.”
“Hey! Lay off my boyfriend!” Tim said.
There was an angry tone to Tim’s voice. He meant business.
“Dude, chill!” Jon said. “You’re so protective. You know we’re just jerking his chain. ”
“Yeah,” Brandon said, “like you jerk my…”
“Are you serious?” Tristan said, cutting off Brandon. “Or are you just jerking us around?”
“No, I’m serious. I’ve seen him twice now. It all started after Boothe came back.”
“What?” Ethan asked.
“I guess I should start at the beginning.”
I did just that. I told them about being kidnapped by Boothe, what he said about a ghost pursuing him, and finally about Jacob and the stuff Tim and I had looked up on him.
“Then, there’s this,” I said, pulling the coin out of my shirt.
“That’s the coin you told me about,” Tim said. “The one Boothe slipped in your pocket and that you gave back to the ghost.”
“Yes. Last night, after he left, I found it hanging around my neck.”
“Dane’s got a new boyfriend,” Jon chanted.
“Shut up,” I said.
“You found it hanging around your neck?” Tristan asked. “He didn’t put it on you?”
“No. It was just there when he’d gone. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I thought he came for the coin the first time. Boothe stole it from his grave.”
“Fascinating,” Tristan said.
“You believe him?” Jon asked.
“Yes,” Tristan said. “I don’t think he would have carried a joke this far.”
“Dane wouldn’t joke around about Boothe,” Ethan said.
I nodded. Ethan was there the night Shawn rescued me. Really, he’d rescued me, too, although it was Shawn who pulled Boothe off me and punched him out.
&nb
sp; “I swear I’m not making this up,” I said. “It’s okay if you don’t believe me. I’m not sure I’d believe any of you if you were telling me the same story. It is true, though, and I’ve got a ghost who has showed up in my bedroom twice already. I have a feeling he’ll be back.”
“Yeah, after he gave you his necklace and all,” Brandon said. “He’s bound to be back. You guys are like…dating now.”
“Kinky,” Jon said. “Dane is dating a dead boy. I’d be jealous if I was you, Tim.”
“Is he cute, at least?” Nathan teased.
“Well, yeah. I’ll bring in the yearbook tomorrow and show you. He was cute, although he doesn’t look so good now. He’s kind of purplish-blue.”
“Yeah, I hear being dead does nasty things to your complexion,” Jon said.
Jon looked across the table at Brandon, who didn’t look as if he felt so well. He almost looked as if he might cry.
“Excuse me,” he said.
Brandon stood, picked up his tray, and quickly walked toward the garbage cans to dump it.
“Shit,” Jon said. “I’m so stupid sometimes.”
Jon got up too and hurried after Brandon.
“It’s about Taylor and Mark, isn’t it?” I asked no one in particular.
“Yeah,” Ethan said. “Brandon has taken it harder than any of us, and it’s not easy for anyone. You’d think it would get easier, but…”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I wouldn’t have told you about Jacob if I thought it was going to upset anyone.”
“No, it’s okay,” Ethan said. “It’s not you or talking about your ghost. It’s not your fault.”
Ethan got up too and followed Brandon and Jon.
“I still feel horrible,” I said.
“Don’t,” Tristan said. “It’s okay. Taylor was my cousin. Ethan meant what he said. It’s not you or what you said. It just happens sometimes.”
I nodded.
I noticed Shawn watching Tristan with a concerned and compassionate look on his face. He was still in love with him.
“Was it really scary?” Casper asked.
“The first time I about crapped my pants, which would’ve been especially bad considering I sleep naked.”
“Too much information,” Casey teased.
“Last night wasn’t so bad. I was scared, but I guess the second time is easier.”