by Mark Roeder
Jacob pulled me to my feet and kissed me again. I never wanted him to stop. He led me to my bed. He pushed my face down and climbed on top of me. I moaned as white hot pain exploded in my mind. This time, the pain was pleasure. I wanted it. I yearned for it. I needed it. Jacob wasn’t gentle. It was as if he could read my mind and know exactly what I wanted. Yet I knew he wasn’t so much concerned with my pleasure as his. Even that was as I wanted it.
Jacob shoved my face into the pillow as I cried out with joy. I couldn’t hold it in. I’d never felt anything like the sensations I experienced when I was with Jacob. All my sexual experiences before seemed bland compared to what I experienced now. I believed Jacob had not come to Boothe as he had to me. Boothe would not and could not have given up such pleasure.
Jacob went at me harder and harder until the pleasure was nearly too much to bear. I screamed into my pillow with delight as both Jacob and I finished at the same time. Jacob rolled me over onto my back, leaned down, and kissed me.
“I told you I’d make you mine,” he said and grinned.
He turned to walk away, but I grabbed his hand.
“When will you return?” I asked.
“Tomorrow.”
With that he was gone, dissolving as if he’d never been there at all.
I lay on my back. I was completely, utterly satisfied. I closed my eyes and fell into a contented sleep.
***
The days that followed blurred together. I was vaguely aware of attending school, eating lunch with my friends, and occasionally kissing…Tim. What I remembered the most, other than my nights with Jacob, was food. Corn dogs, hot dogs, green beans, applesauce, donuts, cereal, hamburgers, and more. I loved to eat. By all rights I should have weighed a ton, but my intense physical activity with Jacob burned calories at an insane rate. I’d never experienced such intense, passionate sex. With Jacob, sex was a contact sport. Our sessions together left me winded and drenched with sweat.
I looked forward to Jacob’s nightly visits with eager anticipation. Had he failed to show up, I don’t know what I would’ve done, but he was there each and every night, and each night was better than the last. Jacob was my addiction. He’d been right all along. I was his. I only wondered why I’d struggled against him. If it was possible to die from pleasure, I was in mortal danger, but I would have given my life for one night of such bliss. Anyone would have done so.
Sometimes, I felt guilty, as though I was cheating on Tim. It wasn’t really cheating, though. Jacob was a ghost. He wasn’t a real boy. At least, that’s what I told myself. I knew it wasn’t entirely true, but it’s not as if I’d stopped seeing Tim. I still cared about him. It’s just that…he didn’t seem to matter as much anymore.
I began to see Jacob more frequently—on the street, in the hallways at school, and in the school parking lot. The sightings were no longer fleeting. Jacob seemed fascinated with life in Verona and particularly at VHS. Jacob had changed. When he was with me he seemed almost real—so close, in fact, that the difference no longer mattered. I believed, however, that it was my own perception of Jacob that had changed. The more time I spent with him, the more perfectly I could perceive him. Perhaps I possessed some natural psychic ability that was becoming honed with experience. Regardless, Jacob was quite real to me, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.
I first became aware of a new turn of events between second and third period when I overheard two girls talking about the dreamy new boy with black hair and green eyes. I paused for a moment but then dismissed my thought as ridiculous. Just before lunch, however, I spotted Jacob not far from my own locker. It wasn’t the Jacob sighting that was significant, however. Two girls were speaking to him! I immediately felt faint. Jacob looked up and grinned at me.
I just stared at him for a moment. He beckoned me closer. I walked toward him.
“I don’t know many people yet,” Jacob was saying. “I do know Dane. He lives near me. Right, Dane?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“You don’t look so good, buddy.”
“I, um…I just feel…I guess I just need to eat something.”
Jacob went on talking to the girls. My mind reeled. I was accustomed to seeing Jacob myself, but never before had others been able to see him. There was a time when I thought I was losing my mind because I was the only one who could see Jacob. I didn’t know then if he was real or if he was all in my head. I’d known for some time he was real, but up until now he was invisible to everyone but me. I guess my ability to perceive Jacob hadn’t improved. He’d actually become visible, but how?
I peered at Jacob. He was dressed as I’d seen him before. The only thing missing was his letterman’s jacket. He was dressed in a plaid, button-down shirt and tan pants. He looked slightly out of place, but perhaps I only thought so because I knew he was dressed in clothing from the late 1940s. The girls he spoke to obviously didn’t notice his odd attire, but then perhaps they were too busy checking out Jacob’s well-muscled body. Jealousy burned in my chest. Jacob looked up at me. He bid the girls goodbye, walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry, you’re the one I want.” His words immediately set me at ease.
Jacob moved on before I had the chance to speak to him. My mind was filled with questions. How was it that others could see him now? What was he doing here? Had he somehow managed to enroll, and if so, how did he pull it off? Was he actually attending classes, or was he just appearing here and there in the hallways? How was any of this even possible? How could he explain not having parents, or a home, or records? I shook my head. Questions were inundating me faster than I could think them.
My astonishment only increased when Tim and I walked down to the cafeteria for lunch. I was so ravenously hungry as I approached the lunch line I took no note of my surroundings, but when I came out of the line with my tray and headed toward my usual table I stopped dead in my tracks.
“What’s wrong?” Tim asked.
“Nothing. I’m just…distracted.”
“You’re distracted all the time now,” Tim said irritability.
It was true. My thoughts were more on Jacob than anyone or anything else. Tim often had to repeat what he said to me. I hadn’t been spending much time with him, and when I did, it was almost as if he wasn’t there. Everything had changed.
We walked on toward the table. Tim and I sat in our usual spots. Casper smiled at us.
“This is Jacob. He’s new. I asked him to join us,” Casper said.
“We, uh, met briefly in the hall,” I said.
“Yeah, you’re Dave, right. No, that’s not it,” Jacob said, pretending confusion.
“Dane.”
I tried not to stare. How had he done this? My mind was reeling.
“Yeah, that’s right. Dane.”
“I’m Tim.”
Tim and Jacob shook hands. Tim gave no indication he had just shaken hands with a ghost. My mind continued to race as it had since I’d spotted Jacob talking to the girls in the hallway. How was this possible? Was I dreaming?
Not staring at Jacob required a continual struggle. No one had a clue they were having lunch with a dead boy, except for me. Was he still a dead boy? He looked plenty alive, and he was sure alive in my bedroom. When I was with him, I didn’t even think about him being dead. I don’t think I could have stomached sex with him if I did. I never thought about it when I was with him, at least not in those terms. I thought about how real he seemed but not the fact that he wasn’t truly alive.
I was pulled away from my thoughts by Shawn’s voice.
“You’ve got to come out for football this fall. We desperately need some talented guys. If you were the quarterback at your old school, you must be good.”
Huh? I pulled myself out of my own thoughts. What had I missed?
“I’ll think about it. I want to get settled in first,” Jacob said.
“Moving can be disorienting,” Tristan said. “I just moved here a few months ago. It took me forever just to unp
ack.”
“Yeah, I have a lot of things to learn. Verona is really…different. It’s a new experience for me.”
“Oh, it’s very different,” Jon said.
“Yeah, for one thing we have the largest collection of gay boys in Indiana,” Brandon said. “You’re sitting with most of them.”
Jacob smiled.
“You don’t seem bothered by that,” Marc said. His voice sounded hopeful. I didn’t like it.
“I’m not.” Jacob grinned. Was he flirting with Marc? I burned with jealousy.
“Uh-oh. I think we’ve got another one on our hands,” Brandon said to Jon. “We might have guessed, since Casper brought him to the table. I think he’s got some kind of gaydar thing going.”
“He can’t be worse than the rest of them,” Jon said.
“Can’t I?” Jacob asked. The mysterious tone in his voice was evident.
“Oh, you sound like fun,” Marc said.
I wanted to slap Marc. Could he be any more obvious? He was practically drooling over Jacob. I had half a mind to jerk him to the side after lunch and tell him to knock it off, but I couldn’t do that, could I? I couldn’t tell him to back off because Jacob was mine. I was supposed to be dating Tim, after all. I glanced at Tim for a moment and felt a momentary pang of guilt. Tim just didn’t seem as important to me anymore. He was still the same Tim, but Jacob was…so much more.
“You want this?” Jacob asked me, pushing his tray forward. “I’m just not hungry today.”
I looked down. I’d finished my own lunch without even realizing it. Jacob had moved his food around so that it looked as if he’d eaten some of it, but I couldn’t remember him taking a single bite. Did he eat?
“Um, yeah, thanks. I’m really hungry today.”
“Today?” Brandon asked.
“Blow me, Brandon.”
“Go for it, Brandon!” said Jon. “You know how you love cock.”
Brandon flipped him off, but what I noticed most was the smirk Jacob gave me. A chill ran up my spine. I glanced at Tim and then looked back at Jacob. There was something about the smile on his lips that made me uneasy. Warning sirens went off in my head. I needed to talk to Tim. I needed to let him know what was going on, but how could I? I definitely couldn’t tell him everything, but what if Jacob tried to hurt him? No, I was being paranoid. Jacob had only pretended interest in Tim so he could get me. He had what he wanted now, so Tim was in no danger. If that was so, why did I feel uneasy?
Perhaps because a ghost is hanging out with your friends, and they don’t have a clue.
I was in the Twilight Zone. Jacob joked and laughed with the guys as Tim and I carried our trays away from the table. I gave one backwards glance to see Marc gazing dreamily at Jacob. I wanted to punch him in the face. Jacob was mine!
“Are you okay?” Tim asked.
“Huh? Yeah.”
“You seem angry.”
We dumped our trays.
“Whatever.”
“Dane, have I done something to make you mad?” Tim asked as we walked toward our lockers.
“No.”
“You act as though…kind of as if you don’t like me,” Tim said.
I looked at him. The pained expression on his face was clear to read. My old feelings for him rose briefly to the surface, but how could I explain? Doing so would only hurt him. I technically wasn’t doing anything wrong. Jacob was a ghost. Whatever I did with him didn’t count.
“I like you. You’re my boyfriend.”
“You haven’t seemed much like a boyfriend lately.”
“I’ve just been busy, Tim.”
“You still seem mad.”
“I’m not mad! Okay?”
“You’d be a little more convincing if you didn’t shout when you said it,” Tim said.
“I’m sorry. I’m just…well, I am angry, but not at you.”
“Who, then?”
“It’s no big deal. I’ll get over it.”
“You know, I’m here if you need me, Dane.”
I turned and looked at Tim.
“Yeah, I know and thanks.”
I hugged Tim. We parted to go to our lockers, and I promptly forgot about him. I had to find out what was going on with Jacob. I had to figure out the Marc situation, too. If he thought he was going for Jacob, he was sorely mistaken. I’d make him very sorry if he tried anything.
I kept my eye out for Jacob after school. I didn’t spot him until I was outside, and sure enough, Marc was talking to him! I eyed Marc angrily as I approached.
“Dane,” Jacob said.
“Hey, Dane,” Marc said in a cheerful voice, as if he wasn’t trying to steal my boyfriend. I paused for a moment, realizing what I’d just thought. It didn’t matter. Marc needed to keep his hands off Jacob!
“Marc, I need to get going,” Jacob said. “Dane promised to help me catch up in a few of my classes. I’ll see you tomorrow, though, okay?”
“Oh. Yeah, okay. You can count on it.”
Could Marc be any more obvious? What a slut.
“Later, guys,” Marc said.
I waited until Marc was out of hearing range and then turned to Jacob.
“Why are you being so friendly with him? You saw how he was looking at you!”
“That’s your first question?” Jacob asked. “You don’t want to know what I’m doing here and why others can see me?”
“Well, yeah, but I don’t like the way Marc flirted with you!”
“Dane, relax. I told you before, you’re mine. I don’t need anyone else. I don’t want anyone else. You belong to me. I have no physical interest in Marc.”
“Well, he’s sure interested in you! He’d drop to his knees for you in an instant if you snapped your fingers.”
“Perhaps, but I won’t snap my fingers, Dane.”
I smiled. Take that, Marc.
“So, what is going on? I didn’t think anyone except me could see you.”
“They couldn’t—until recently. Thanks to you, Dane, I’m getting stronger.”
“Thanks to me?”
“You’ve heard of the power of love. You’re bringing me back, Dane.”
“Is that even possible?”
“I’m standing here, aren’t I?”
“Yes.”
“Well, there it is. I was never really dead, Dane. Close, but not dead. You’re bringing me back.”
“I don’t understand. The newspaper said you were hit by a car. You were walking along the road, and a car accidentally struck you and killed you.”
“It wasn’t an accident.”
“Not an accident?”
“No. My boyfriend ran me down on purpose.”
“Your boyfriend?”
“Not much of a boyfriend, huh?” Jacob asked as we walked further away from the school.
“No. Why did he run you down?”
“He couldn’t deal with what he was. He wanted to break things off. It was partly my fault. I threatened to expose him if he broke up with me. I would never have really done that. I was just trying to keep him with me. I loved him, but he was a coward. He lived in fear of being found out. He didn’t have the courage to stay with me, so I tried to make him. I thought he’d be able to deal with the situation if he gave it a little time. I made a mistake, obviously, but a well-intentioned mistake. He needed me, and I needed him. Back then, well it wasn’t like now. I thought I’d never find someone. I knew how hard it would be to find another if I let him get away. I know how hard life would be for him, too. I pushed him too far, and he tried to kill me.”
Jacob’s voice seemed sad.
“He ran you down and you didn’t die? I don’t understand. I saw you in your grave. You were…decomposing.”
“That was just my body, Dane. What I am now…this is a new me. I’m almost fully alive again, thanks to you.”
“Almost? Does that mean you can become completely alive?”
“Yes. Would you like that?”
“Yes!”
&nbs
p; “How much?”
“More than anything!”
“You’ll help me, then?”
“Of course! I’ll do anything!”
Jacob smiled.
“That’s what I’ve been waiting to hear. Soon, very soon, we can be together forever.”
Jacob hugged me, and we walked on.
“How did you manage to enroll in school?” I asked. “How about records and all that?”
“I didn’t enroll.”
“You just…showed up?”
“Of course. Where’s the fun of attending classes?”
I laughed.
“But when you’re really alive again…what will you do? How will you…”
“Let me worry about all that,” Jacob said.
I nodded. I felt really tired. I noticed the Jacob looked over his shoulder now and then. He’d been doing so since we left school.
“What do you keep looking at?” I asked.
“Not what, who. Tim is following us.”
“Shit. Jacob, listen. I need to talk to Tim soon. I haven’t been fair to him. I guess I’ve been cheating on him. I haven’t thought of it as cheating because you’re not…well it was as if you’re not…real. That’s not really true, though, and once you’re alive again…well, I’ve got to tell him.”
“Why? Are you saying you prefer him over me? Has Tim ever made you feel the way I do? Even once?” Jacob asked angrily.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying! No one has ever made me feel the way you do. It will still be like that when you’re truly alive, won’t it? When I’m with you, it seems almost magical. We won’t lose that, will we?”
Jacob grinned.
“You like that, don’t you?”
“How can you ask? I’d almost sell my soul for that! Anyone would! If I died while being with you, I’d die happy.”
“It will always be the same, Dane. I’m concerned about Tim, though.”
“I’ll break up with him. I’ll do it right now if you want. I’ll do anything you want. I’ve got to be honest with him about this. Well, not completely honest. He doesn’t need to know that you’re a ghost. Soon, you won’t be, anyway. I just mean that I can’t see you behind his back. I know that’s what I’ve been doing. I told myself it wasn’t really cheating when I bothered to think about it at all, but it is, and I can’t go on hurting him. Tim has been good to me.”