by Mark Roeder
I didn’t understand, but I was too tired to argue as he pulled Jacob’s letterman’s jacket off me and replaced it with his own. Tim led me back toward the Cutlass as Shawn walked toward Jacob’s body.
“What’s he doing?” I asked after Tim had shoved me into the passenger seat and then climbed in beside me.
I watched through the window as Shawn struggled to put Jacob’s jacket on his corpse.
“It has to be this way,” Tim said.
I didn’t understand. I gazed at Tim. Was I still dreaming?
Shawn glanced around near where Jacob lay and then returned to the car. He slammed the door and looked at me.
“Are you okay?”
“Uh, I’m cold and I don’t feel so good…”
“Let’s get him back to the loft. He’s freezing,” Tim said.
Everything was kind of a blur after that until I was in Tim’s and Shawn’s loft wrapped in a blanket with a mug of hot tea in my hand. I took another bite of a cookie I hadn’t realized I was holding until that moment. The early evening light illuminated the windows.
“Dane?” Tim asked.
“Huh?”
“I think he’s back,” Tim said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You fainted in the car. We brought you back around, but you’ve been sitting here acting as if you couldn’t hear or see us.”
“I don’t remember anything since the…whatever it was.”
“You’re going to be okay, Dane,” Shawn said.
“What the hell happened?” I asked, feeling more myself by the moment.
“Jacob tried to kill you,” Shawn said.
“Why would he do that? We were…” My voice trailed off. I felt horribly guilty, but why hadn’t I felt guilty before? What had I done?
“He was killing you so you’d take his place,” Tim said.
“Huh?”
“He intended to kill you so you’d switch places,” Tim said.
Tim was on the verge of tears. He was clearly shaken by the recent turn of events. I realized how much I loved him. How could I have forgotten that, even for a little while, even for a moment?
“I’m so sorry,” I said. I meant for the way I’d treated him. I think he knew it.
“I don’t think any of this was your fault,” Tim said, but his lower lip trembled.
“I don’t know, but I’m so sorry.”
“We’ll talk about it later, but…I love you.”
“I love you, too!” I said.
I hugged Tim. I never wanted to stop hugging him.
“I thought Tim had lost it when he began talking about Jacob possessing you, but I think that’s what happened,” Shawn said. “He intended for you to replace him. I have no clue how your dying would bring him back to life, but then I don’t understand any of this.”
“I don’t understand,” I said. “I know Jacob pushed me into the road, but…”
“Did you notice anything unusual about that car that came at you?” Tim asked.
“Well, it was old…” I looked up. “All the cars I saw when we were walking were old. There was even a Model A! It was almost as though…but Jacob said there was probably an antique-car show somewhere.”
“No, there isn’t,” Shawn said. “What were you about to say before that?”
“Well, it was almost as though we were in the past,” I said.
“Exactly,” said Tim.
“But that’s not…” the word “possible” died on my lips.
“It was bitterly cold and snowing the night Jacob was killed in 1949,” Tim said. “Remember the newspaper report?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s spring. It could snow at this time of year, but the low for tonight was supposed to be 58,” Tim said. “What’s more, there’s nothing about snow or temperatures in the teens on the TV or the radio, AND the snow and cold started less than half a mile from where Jacob tried to kill you. It was only snowing there, nowhere else. It was only cold there.”
“I don’t think…”
“How else can you explain it?” Shawn asked. “I know what you’re thinking. I couldn’t believe it, either.”
“I can’t explain any of it!”
“We were in the past,” Tim said. “You saw where Jacob was lying after that car hit him. That’s where he was found in 1949.”
“Is that why you put Jacob’s jacket on him?” I asked Shawn.
“Yes, because that’s the way he was found. That’s why I was checking for our tracks, too, making sure the snow would cover them up.”
“Don’t you see,” Tim said. “It’s all exactly as it happened before! But Jacob tried to change the past. He wanted you to die instead of him. That’s why he gave you his jacket.”
“He gave me his jacket because I was cold. What does the jacket matter, anyway? As soon as my body was found it would be obvious I wasn’t Jacob.”
“That wouldn’t matter. You’d be a John Doe in 1949. Jacob would disappear from that time but be alive here. Jacob put his jacket on you because he knew his death wasn’t an accident. He knew that his killer would run down anyone he saw wearing that jacket,” Tim said.
“How can you know that?” I asked.
“I don’t know it, but it makes sense. Why else would Jacob put the jacket on you? Kindness? I don’t think so. Someone wanted Jacob dead. He knew what was going to happen, because it had happened before. He intended for you to take his place.”
“I…I just don’t know,” I said.
“All the pieces fit. If you can come up with a better theory I’m listening, but I’m sure we were in the past,” Tim said.
I had no explanation, better or otherwise.
“If we weren’t in the past, we’ll be hearing about a dead body found on Roger’s Road by the morning,” Shawn said.
I reached up to my chest with my right hand.
“It’s gone! The coin is gone! I was wearing it. I know I was. I haven’t taken it off for days.”
“It all makes sense,” Tim said. “How are you feeling?”
“A whole lot better. I felt as if I was dying, even before Jacob shoved me in front of that car. I was so cold. I swear my heart was barely beating. I was so weak I could hardly move.”
“Jacob was sucking the life out of you, like some kind of vampire,” Tim said.
I thought for a moment.
“Maybe that’s why I was eating so much but not gaining weight.”
“He got stronger while you got weaker,” Tim said. “Dane, you would have died if that had gone on much longer.”
I knew he was right. I had the feeling Shawn and Tim were right about everything. It was all too crazy to believe, but then so was Jacob’s coming back from the dead. The world would never be the same to me.
“Guys, can you take me home? My parents will wonder where I am. I don’t want to have to explain any of this to them.”
“I think that’s best,” Shawn said. “I think it’s best if we don’t tell anyone about this. Who would believe it anyway? I barely do, and I was there.”
I was soon back in my very own bed. I slept like the dead, if you’ll pardon the pun. I awakened strangely refreshed in the morning and felt better than I had in a long time. I even went to school.
There was no mention of a dead body being found that day nor any day after. Shawn, Tim, and I even drove out to the stretch of Roger’s Road where it had all happened. We weren’t exactly sure where Jacob was killed, but there was no sign of his body anywhere. Tim was right. Somehow, we’d strayed into 1949.
Tim, Shawn, and I kept our secret until many years later. Even if we wanted to talk about what had happened, who would have believed us? I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been there.
Jacob troubled me no more. We’d put him back in his grave, and he stayed put this time. I was glad to be rid of him. I didn’t even miss the sex. It was like nothing I experienced before or since, but it wasn’t natural. Maybe it wasn’t even real. I didn’t know what Jacob
had done to me, but I saw things much more clearly after he was gone. He’d gained control of me somehow and possessed my thoughts. If Tim and Shawn hadn’t stepped in, I would surely have died.
I never saw Jacob again—except a few days later I could’ve almost sworn he passed me in the hallway at VHS and grinned at me. It was just a glimpse, and when I turned around to look, there was no sign of him. I was sure my mind was playing tricks on me—hopefully.
Tim forgave me. In fact, he said there was nothing to forgive. He laid all the blame on Jacob. I knew Jacob had controlled me. Maybe he’d even largely controlled my thoughts. I wasn’t so sure I was blameless, but thinking back, I did almost feel as though it wasn’t me. I intended to be on my guard, in any case. I’d never allow myself to slip. I’d never go back to being the old Dane. I loved Tim more than anyone or anything else, and I swore to myself I’d die before I ever hurt him again.
Shawn
Taking orders, making sundaes, and wiping off tables was a welcome normality after the strange events of the evening before. I knew those things had actually happened, but everything all seemed like a dream now. Tim and I haven’t spoken about it, and I’d just as soon we didn’t. The only indirect mention was made by Dane at lunch when Brandon asked why Jacob wasn’t sitting with us. Dane told him he’d heard a rumor that Jacob had moved. The guys thought it weird he’d move again so soon after he’d just arrived in Verona and without so much as a “goodbye.” If they only knew the real story…
I had an uneasy feeling all day. Who wouldn’t after going through that? Dane was mostly back to his old self. I don’t mean the old “evil” Dane, but rather the pre-Jacob Dane. Tim and Dane smiled at each other a lot at lunch. Both had that goofy, I’m-so-in-love look, too. Neither Brandon nor Jon gave them a hard time about it. Everyone at the table knew there had been some tension between them. Mostly, everyone seemed pleased Tim and Dane were back to their old selves. I had little doubt Brandon and Jon would start in on them again soon. Then everything would truly be back to normal.
There was a part of me that feared things were not truly over with Jacob. I’d been half afraid he’d be sitting there at our table at lunch as if nothing had happened. I kept expecting him to cross my path in the hallways. There was no sign of him, however. I almost didn’t dare to hope it, but he did appear to be truly gone. I sure hoped so—for Dane’s sake, Tim’s, and even my own.
The bells on the door jingled. I looked up and grinned. There stood Tristan, looking just as handsome as he did the first time I set eyes on him.
I crossed the short distance between us, pulled him to me, and kissed him.
“Let me finish up here, and then we can go to the loft,” I said. “I have a few things to tell you about Dane’s ghost.”
Twenty minute later, Tristan and I were sitting at the table in the loft, sipping cups of hot blackberry tea. I told him everything I could remember about the night before, including my theories. Tristan didn’t bat an eye, but then, unlike most, he’d had his own brushes with the supernatural.
“I wonder who killed Jacob and why?” Tristan said.
“According to Tim, Jacob was killed by his boyfriend. Jacob threatened to out him to keep him from breaking up with him. Tim isn’t so sure it’s the truth.”
“It’s plausible, at least.”
“I guess we’ll never know. Did Jacob ever reveal why he was so interested in Dane?”
“No. Maybe because Dane lived in the school where Jacob had once been a jock. Maybe because Jacob preferred him over Boothe. Who knows? Jacob left a lot of unanswered questions behind, but I don’t really care as long as he’s gone.”
“Do you think he is?”
“I don’t know. I hope so.”
Tristan and I moved to the couch. I pulled him close and pressed my lips against his. We made out and forgot all about Jacob and the weirdness of the past days. I thought about pulling Tristan toward my bedroom, but I knew the time wasn’t quite right. It didn’t matter. I could wait. I was with the boy I loved, and I had a feeling we’d be together for a good long time. In the end, that’s all that mattered.
The End
Information on Mark’s upcoming books can be found at markroeder.com. Those wishing to keep in touch with others who enjoy Mark’s novels can join his fan club at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/markaroederfans.
Books by Mark A. Roeder
The Gay Youth Chronicles
The Gay Youth Chronicles is a series of novels about growing up, discovering one’s self, coming out, and falling in love. Set primarily in the fictional towns of Blackford and Verona, Indiana, and spanning a period of 55 years, the more than 20 novels explore the lives of a group of interrelated characters as they deal with the issues of prejudice, hatred, violence, and teen suicide.
Listed in suggested reading order
Outfield Menace
Outfield Menace is the tale of Kurt, a fifteen-year-old baseball player, living in a small, 1950s, Indiana town. During a confrontation with Angel, the resident bad boy of Blackford High School, Kurt attacks Angel, earning the wrath of the most dangerous gang in town. When Angel finally corners Kurt, however, something happens that Kurt wouldn’t have imagined in his wildest dreams. As the murder of a local boy is uncovered, suspicion is cast upon Angel, but Kurt has learned there’s more to Angel than his bad boy image. Angel has a secret, however, that could get both Kurt and himself killed. Outfield Menace is a story of friendship, love, adventure, and perilous danger.
Snow Angel
Angel rescued his boyfriend, Kurt, from a hellish existence, but at the cost of exiling himself from his hometown of Blackford, Indiana. Fifteen-years-old and on the run, Angel must make his way until he can fulfill his promise to return to Kurt. Along the way he faces loneliness, hardships, and a brutal blizzard, but makes new friends and finds acceptance he didn't expect.
Kurt's life is nearly back to normal, but the love of his life is gone. Kurt is determined not to let Angel's sacrifice be in vain, but how can he wait three long years for the return his boyfriend had promised him? What will happen when they are reunited at last? Can they be together, or will Kurt and Angel have to run for their lives?
Snow Angel is a tale of lovers parted, of survival, and a love that cannot be diminished by distance or time.
Ancient Prejudice Break to New Mutiny
(see also Soccer Field is Empty)
Mark is a boy who wants what we all want: to love and be loved. His dreams are realized when he meets Taylor, the boy of his dreams. The boys struggle to keep their love hidden from a world that cannot understand, but ultimately, no secret is safe in a small Mid-western town.
Ancient Prejudice is a story of love, friendship, understanding, and an age-old prejudice that still has the power to kill. It is a story for young and old, gay and straight. It reminds us all that everyone should be treated with dignity and respect and that there is nothing greater than the power of love.
The Soccer Field Is Empty
The Soccer Field Is Empty is a revised and much expanded edition of Ancient Prejudice. It is more than 50% longer and views events from the point of view of Taylor, as well as Mark. There is so much new in the revised edition that it is being published as a separate novel. Soccer Field delves more deeply into the events of Mark and Taylor’s lives and reveals previously hidden aspects of Taylor’s personality.
Authors note: I suggest readers new to my books start with Soccer Field instead of Ancient Prejudice as it gives a more complete picture of the lives of Mark and Taylor. For those who wish to read the original version, Ancient Prejudice will remain available for at least the time being.
Someone Is Watching
It’s hard hiding a secret. It’s even harder keeping that secret when someone else knows.
Someone Is Watching is the story of Ethan, a young high school wrestler who must come to terms with being gay. He struggles first with himself, then with an unknown classmate that hounds his every step. While struggling
to discover the identity of his tormentor, Ethan must discover his own identity and learn to live his life as his true self. He must choose whether to give up what he wants the most, or face his greatest fear of all.
A Better Place
High school football, a hospital of horrors, a long journey, and an unlikely love await Brendan and Casper as they search for A Better Place…
Casper is the poorest boy in school. Brendan is the captain of the football team. Casper has nothing. Brendan has it all: looks, money, popularity, but he lacks the deepest desire of his heart. The boys come from different worlds, but have one thing in common that no one would guess.
Casper goes through life as the “invisible boy”; invisible to the boys that pick on him in school, invisible to his abusive father, and invisible most of all to his older brother, who makes his life a living hell. He can’t believe his good luck when Brendan, the most popular boy in school, takes an interest in him and becomes his friend. That friendship soon travels in a direction that Casper would never have guessed.
A Better Place is the story of an unlikely pair, who struggle through friendship and betrayal, hardships and heartbreaks, to find the desire of their hearts, to find a better place.
The Summer of My Discontent
The Summer of My Discontent is a tapestry of tales delving into life as a gay teen in a small Midwestern town.
Dane is a sixteen-year-old runaway determined to start a new life of daring, love, and sex—no matter the cost to himself, or others. His actions bring him to the brink of disaster and only those he sought to prey upon can save him. Among Dane’s new found “friends” are a young male prostitute and the local grave robber who becomes his despised employer.