by Tara Brown
I look around in the dark. My eyes have been doing their thing all night.
The room is jam-packed with old trunks, boxes, and chairs. Dust lingers in the air. I recognize one trunk immediately. I cross the room silently. I kneel at it and run my fingers along the carvings in the oak. A tear slips from my eye. I trace the old-fashioned design. I remember it.
I remember my maid filling it with my things. Her face is hidden from me, but I know I loved her like a mother. So many pieces of my memory are still blocked.
I know I was about to leave for the Americas the next week. I remember so many things upon seeing it.
Constantine was there.
He was with me constantly.
He laughed and told me the lies I needed to hear. He rescued me the first time it happened. The first time I changed. I was in a heap down a long dark alley. I sat there sobbing in a torn gown with a dead man in my arms.
Constantine kissed my fingers and carried me away. He saved me from myself and the hatred I began to feel as I began to understand what I really was. He trained me with the swords and daggers. He taught me to fight using what I was. He loved me and kissed me, and together we plotted the demise of the seven devils. My parents and the five.
“What are you doing in here, Ellie?” I turn, hearing my name from before.
The moonlight coming in the window glints off his eyes. Seeing him standing in a corner the way he is brings it back. The memories flood. The emotions take over. I barely recall who I am now.
The last of the memories filters in slowly, taking its time. It burns me slow and deliberately. Ellie wants me to remember exactly how it felt when Constantine drove a sword in my side and let the Van Helsings take me.
He sees the recognition on my face.
I leap at the wall, but he's gone before I get the chance to rip his throat from him. I slam into the wall chipping my nail on the corner.
The memories merge. The story fills in.
I have the answers I have been seeking.
I turn and walk from the room. I don’t slip through the halls. I stomp and pound my way to our room. Feelings as old as time crush against me.
The monster in me wants to feed and let the pain of others wash away my own, but the girl with the broken heart takes over. I drag my fingers along the wall, knocking the paintings to the floor. I swipe my arms across the desk at the top of the stairs, knocking everything to the floor. I am angry and broken. Wyatt and Constantine. In every life, I have been broken by love. Fitz was right. I never should have fallen in love.
No matter where I run, or what I do, or who I eat, the heartbreak is there.
I am broken.
Tears blind me.
Mona is in the hallway looking alone, small, and frightened. She is scared of me. Finally.
I look at her and drop my gaze in shame. If she knew of the things I'd done, she would run away. She would scream and run and never look back, and I would be completely alone. I deserve to be alone.
She does the thing she always does. She wraps her arms around me and lets me mentally collapse.
“We need to get out of here now,” I whisper into her hair. “He's evil. Like Wyatt.”
She nods and holds me. She doesn’t ask, not yet.
She asks in the car we steal. Of course, I take the nicest of them. It's small and red, and the inside smells too new and clean. It's fast. I don’t think I can control it. Even with my newfound strengths. I stroke the steering wheel and grin. I know he loves it. He always liked the fastest of things. Horses and hounds and women. I flinch at the memories I now have. Him in the arms of women. Women he would always tell me were food. After the sword stabbed me in the side and I was dragged to the tower to be tortured and starved for the devils, I knew. I knew he was a liar and a bastard, and they were more than food. They were conquests. No different than I was.
I steal a look at her. She is fidgeting. Michelle would freak.
She looks at me and watches my face. “What happened?”
I need to get rid of her. She is in danger with me.
“I remember the last time I lived,” I whisper.
She looks confused. “In the Dark Ages?”
I shake my head. “This is my fourth time being born I think. They were all wrong. Besides the first time, I was born in the Dark Ages and the Middle Ages. The last time was the late fifteen hundreds. I was a girl named Ellie. I had a mother and father and they were very rich. They bought a plantation in the New World. I was to take a ship to meet up with them. Traveling with my fiancé and my maids.”
She grimaces. “Fiancé?”
The burn behind my eyes threatens me. I focus on the dark road. “Constantine. He was a Romanian prince.” A smile crosses my lips. I can't fight it. “We met at a dinner party in the winter. We went on a Prince sleigh ride.”
She laughs. “All vampires must be Romanian princes.”
I roll my eyes. “Anyway, he was to marry me when we arrived in the New World. I was upset about it. I didn’t want to go. I wanted my wedding in England with my friends. I was in a shop buying some supplies to take with us when I smelled something. It was the best smell in the whole world. I ended up in an alley killing a man. They never told me what I was. My parents never even knew. I was in a heap, sobbing, when Constantine found me. He saved me and showed his true nature to me. He, of course, knew what I was. His plan was to help me kill the devils. The seven devils. The five sin eaters and my real parents. He brought me to America. He married me, and we lived in an amazing house, where his house now is. We plotted, and then one day, he betrayed me. He let the Van Helsings take me. I was tortured and starved in the same tower you found me in. I died in that room. Crucified and rotting from the evil of the world.”
Her face looks how my heart feels. “Gross. You for real remember this stuff?”
I nod and sniffle. A lone tear slips down my cheek.
She sighs. “What the hell do we do now?”
I shake my head and wipe my eye. “Not we. Me. I can't bring you into this. I remember how to fight and how to kill the devils. I remember who I am. It's too dangerous.”
She laughs. “I'm coming. Before you say no, hear me out. Firstly, I can guarantee either the Van Helsings or Constantine will come for me and use me as bait against you. It always happens that way in the movies. You drop me at school, and in the middle of the night they come for me, and dangle me like bait for you to come rescue. Bad idea.” I nod. I can't argue with that.
She points slightly savagely. “Secondly, after everything we've been through, I am completely certain I won't last, like, a day. I will be pulling my hair out and squirming in my seat. School is like a distant memory. This life rocks. As scary as this stuff is—and believe me it's scary—it's also exciting.”
I laugh.
She tilts her head. “Thirdly, you're not as smart as I am. You may like languages and all that, but I am actually smarter than you. You need me. Everyone needs someone. Even if I have to sit in the car all the time, you need someone.”
She sits back and that is that. She is coming. Mostly because I don’t want her to be bait.
She grins. “Constantine is hot. You have the two hottest guys I've ever seen, in my life, trying to kill you and sleep with you.”
I sigh. “Yeah. I wish it was just a battle over who to pick for sleeping with, and not for who gets to murder me, slowly.”
We look at each other and both shout, “Constantine.” And laugh.
We drive to Mona's parents’ house in New Haven, Connecticut. I am stunned when we drive into the town. My heart leaps a little bit. It's my dream life. My dream town. Her mom and stepdad are wealthy, obviously. Her house is on a circle street next to the country club. It's stunning and breaks my heart. I don’t mean to be envious, but I have always wanted it. Always. The plan was to get my linguistics degree from Vermont, with honors, and then get into Yale to get my PhD. New Haven is a painful place for me. Her mom is a specialist, and her stepdad is a profes
sor at Yale.
I know she too had dreams of attending there for her PhD. Instead, we will be failing out of Vermont, more than likely due to lack of attendance.
Her mother greets us coldly, and I immediately understand the headband and perfection. It wasn’t a choice, it was the expectation.
Her mother is perfect. She doesn’t look a day over thirty and her stepdad has an obvious roving eye. I'm uncomfortable around him. He licks his lips and hugs both of us for too long.
“Darling, it's fabulous to see you of course, but what about classes?” I hold my glass of red wine and look around. The room is portentous. It matches them. Their life suddenly doesn’t seem as appealing. My home with Willow always felt like a home. This feels like a museum. Their life is obviously minus love. Love is what makes a home from a house. Willow and I lacked so many other things, but love was never one of them.
“So, linguistics?” she asks through her teeth.
I nod. “Yes. I suppose Mona's father will be my professor next year.” I leave out the part where I might not be alive then. And that Mona might not be either.
She smiles like she wants to cut me. “I suppose he will. How interesting.” It doesn’t sound interesting the way she says it. It sounds like I'm offering poison, instead of conversation.
Richard watches me like a predator. His evil is so thick I can feel the low burn in my belly every time I make eye contact with him.
He watches me. I know exactly what he will taste like. I know why he is a professor at a university. He is a bad man. The dead whisper things about him. Not good things.
Her mother takes her into the kitchen to get another bottle of wine, and also to lecture her for cutting classes, no doubt.
Richard's eyes sparkle when we are alone. He sits back and spreads his legs. He looks like he's daring me to look between his legs. Testing me. “So, is that a roadster I saw you pull up in?”
“I have no idea.” I shrug. “My boyfriend's car.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “It must haul. Is it the twelve cylinder one?”
I laugh. “I wouldn’t know. It drives very fast and uses a ton a gas.”
He laughs. “I think I did see it was. Wow, that's an impressive car for someone so young. What does his family do?”
I shake my head. “Blood-sucking leeches, I think. Fanged and evil.”
He smiles and tilts his head. “Must be acquisitions and mergers or something like that. Investment lawyers.”
It makes me laugh that he assumes I was talking about lawyers.
I drink from my near-empty glass and take the opportunity to lean over to Richard and smile. “I know your secret, Dick. I know what makes you tick. I know what you are.” His dark-blue eyes flare. He attempts a sneer, but I suck him from the one-foot distance. It's just enough of a suck to weaken his spirit.
Mona walks into the room with a new bottle of wine and a frustrated face, hidden behind the plastic smile that matches her mother's. Richard gets his own plastic smile, and we play pretend for the evening. Richard seems to be in a daze for the rest of the night.
I sleep like the dead with Mona by my side. In case Richard gets any funny ideas.
Before we leave, Mona steals bags of stuff from the house. Extras of soap and conditioner and shampoo. We each pack an ass-ton of clothes and coats. Unfortunately, the car doesn’t have a large trunk. But what it has, we stuff with warm clothes, kitchen knives, food, water, Gatorade, toiletries, boots, and runners.
Her mother walks us to the car. She looks different in the light of the day. “Cold up there, is it?”
Mona nods. “More expensive too. Everything costs more. It's cheaper for me to steal it from here.”
Her mom rubs her arms. It's the first motherly act I've seen yet. “You take care of yourself, okay? You're looking thinner and more tired than I've seen in a while.”
Mona kisses her cheek and hugs her. “I will.”
Richard watches us from the front window. I wave to him. He just watches.
I smile sweetly. “Thank you, Dr. Watts.”
She blushes. “Felicia. I told you. Take care of my girl for me, Rayne.” She says my name like it tastes bad.
I nod. “I will. Thanks for dinner and the bed.”
“No, thank you for bringing her for a visit. It was nice. See you in a few weeks for Christmas, darling. Hopefully not sooner.”
Mona just smiles. She has no intention of coming back for Christmas. We have devils to kill.
We get into the car.
She gives me the death stare. “What did you do to Richard? He seemed weird last night.”
I frown. “Who, Dick? We got on famously.”
She rolls her eyes. “He didn’t perve on you, did he?”
I laugh. “He didn’t get the chance.” The car leaps forward when I press the gas.
She looks around the crowded car. “You know if we had been smart, we would have taken the SUV and left him this stupid car.”
I smile. “I know, right? This damn thing is ridiculous. I don’t understand the need for something so impractical. It guzzles gas and holds nothing. Not practical for questing.”
She glances at me. “So let's just say you succeeded and killed them all, and can live a normal life—what do you think you'll do?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know.” When I look at her, I see the panic and worry. Her mom got to her.
“You want to go back to school?” I ask.
She swallows hard. “Can we do classes and do the demon killing part time?”
I am relieved. “I want that too, but I'm terrified of the way things have turned out. I have Constantine and Wyatt trying to kill me or abduct me, and my father to contend with. Every minute on campus, I will be looking behind my back. I'll be a sitting target.”
She shakes her head. “We can do this. I know we can. I just don’t want you to succeed, and then we have to start college all over again.”
I agree. “I know. I still want my life. Maybe not linguistics, but I want something more than working at Target and stressing over what I will be. I can't keep stealing cars, money, and food.”
She gives me a hopeful look. “Our future is school.”
I agree. I bite my lip. “We need to go get Michelle.”
Mona laughs. “I tried calling her and some bitchy nun said Sister Rosaline wasn’t allowed to take calls. Then, like an hour later, Michelle sent me a text. Listen, I'll read it to you. She is nuts.”
She pulls out her cell phone and reads, “Miss you tons. Kick Rayne in the arse for me. Make sure she doesn’t wear rubber boots all winter, for the love of God. Oops—I mean gosh. So I'm staying. I think this is my jam. This God business is making me feel whole. I rock the nun outfit. I'm a sexy nun. I'll have my own rich viscount in no time, and we'll be running in the hills and singing with his four little rugrats. Peace, ladies. Sister Rosaline.”
I furrow my brow. “God has no idea what has hit him. His followers will be running for the hills all right.”
She snorts.
I shrug. “She's safe.”
She laughs. “No one would predict that’s where she would hide. I bet Wyatt walked right past her and never had a clue.”
“Sister Rosaline. She probably picked it because of The Da Vinci Code. What a weirdo.”
We drive, following the coast back. I put the top down a few times, but it's freezing.
We get close to home, and I find myself taking a detour.
She is asleep. I drive up close to the mansion. The air sparkles and the dead try to convince me it's a bad idea, but I need to. I need to see him. I don’t know why. I know he'll sense me, but my car can outrun his car. Hopefully.
From the highway, I can see the slightest glimpse of the house through the trees. The white mansion is lit up. They're having a party. I slow the car down and unroll Mona's window. I can hear the party.
She wakes and looks at me. “Where are we?” She stretches and rubs her eyes.
I point. “Wyatt's
parents’ house. The epicenter of sin, as far as the Van Helsings are concerned.”
She looks at me confusedly. “You have a death wish?”
I nod. “Yup. Think we should go see what that party is all about?”
“No. No, I absolutely do not.” She looks horrified.
I look at her, my mind is made up. “I do. I think it's about me. Let's go peek. Just a peek.”
She sighs. “No. No, this is a bad idea. We need to go back to school.”
I turn onto the gravel road just before the house and drive down it. I turn the headlights off but the running lights still shine. I turn the car off and hope no one saw me.
I climb out and flip the trunk. In the dark I can see perfectly. Everyone at the house is coming in the front door, dressed to the nines and shaking his mother's hand. There is a man beside her. He must be Wyatt's father. He looks like the man from the boat the day I met the nixie.
I pull a black coat and some runners out of the trunk. I pull them on and zip up the jacket.
She crosses her arms. “I'll wait here. If there is trouble, I'll honk and drive to get you, okay?”
I nod.
I'm faster without her anyway. My body isn’t fit like it was in my memories, but I know I have some push inside of me.
I run through the woods silently. Not as silently as Ellie could, but silent enough. I run past the house, down near the beach. The lights are lit in every room. The mansion shines brightly against the gray seas and cloudy night.
I can watch them and see everything in the windows.
I see the little girl. She walks around looking bored. She seems to stand out amongst the rest. She is in a dress, but she looks like she would kill for her skinny jeans and hoodie. She might kill, just because. She has a dangerous look on her face. I remember it well.
I sneak along the grass and trees, closer to the house. When I get close enough to look up into the whole back of the house, I slide my body against a tree. It's amazing what I instantly know how to do, thanks to Ellie. Looking in the windows is painful for Ellie. Her hatred is thick and her memories are vivid. It's like she—we remember things but can't see them. Not completely. One thing I remember, without doubt, is Wyatt's mother.