by Dia Cole
“That’s a pretty thought, but no one can compel Ambassador Steele. No one,” Gabe said, emphatically.
I nodded, thinking of the hundreds of times I’d witnessed Tasha try to compel Nathan. No matter how she wielded her power, the Beast had never gotten into the Alpha male’s head. It might’ve gone easier for Nathan if she had for Tasha had resorted to torture and threats when compulsion failed.
“Not true.” Havana chewed her lower lip. “I just compelled him a few hours ago.”
Doc, who’d been strangely silent, piped up. “Havana is telling the truth. When she found Nathan he was near death, she compelled him to shift and he did.”
Havana gave Doc a grateful smile.
Gabe looked as stunned as I felt.
I gave him a quick look over Havana’s shoulder. “Does this mean what I think it means?”
“Havana is more powerful than the Beast,” he murmured through our link. “Fuck, she can challenge Tasha and if she does and wins, Havana can become our ruler.” His mounting excitement gave me pause.
“She’s already our ruler,” I said, reminding him of the oath we’d made to serve Havana and give up our old faction. “And she’s been an Alpha female for barely a week. You really want to put her up against a century-old killer?”
Gabe paled. “No. Fuck no. You’re right. I got carried away for a moment. We need to keep her away from Tasha at all costs. But perhaps someday, Havana will be strong enough to take her on.”
“Someday.” I agreed hoping that day never came.
“What are you two talking about?” Havana said, looking between Gabe and me.
Surprised she couldn’t intercept our telepathic conversation, I pressed my lips against the top of her head. “We’re just intrigued you could compel Nathan.”
“Oh,” she said looking down at her toes. “I feel terrible about doing it.”
I tilted her face up and kissed her nose. “Don’t feel bad at all. Nathan had it coming. Do you know he compelled the three of us to rescue you from the club the night we all met? Gabe didn’t want to go.”
Gabe shot me a dirty look. “Liam didn’t either.”
“I wanted to rescue you, love,” Doc added, wagging his eyebrows.
“The hell you did, Mason,” Gabe snarled.
Havana chuckled, but it sounded strained. “I’m not sure that’s the same. I, um…” She looked down at her toes. “I didn’t just compel Nathan to shift into a wolf. I also—”
“Vana!”
The war bellow would wake any zombies we hadn’t obliterated.
“That’s Nathan,” Havana announced, stating the obvious. “I better go deal with him. You guys stay here.” She braced herself as if expecting another argument.
She wouldn’t get one from me. “Yes, my Alpha.” I bowed my head.
Gabe opened his mouth.
I gave him a hard look. “Trust her judgment, brother.”
My friend pressed his lips together, looking none too happy. “Fine.”
Doc nodded and the three of us watched her walk through the door.
As it snicked closed behind her, I hoped with every fiber of my being that nothing Nathan said would make her change her mind about him… or us.
14
Havana
Heart in my throat, I speed-walked through the lobby of the hotel. Each wet slap of my flip-flops on the red carpet seemed to rebound off the vaulted ceiling.
Emotions crashed through me with dizzying intensity. Worry, anger, excitement, guilt, and confusion, so much confusion. My feelings and thoughts tangled with Nathan’s in an invisible twister-game leaving me unable to separate my emotions from his.
What I didn’t reveal to my mates back at the pool was that my bond with Nathan was different from my bonds with them. Once my connection to the Alpha male had come online, it seemed to swallow me up whole. With the smallest bit of effort I could read every thought he had and feel everything he was experiencing.
Where is he now? I closed my eyes, and focused on our bond.
The freezing air seared his lungs as he stalked through the snow to reach me. Anxiety choked him as he reached the doors to the hotel and flung them open.
Is Vana safe? Is she alone? Will she forgive me?
He spied me standing by the lobby desk. Relief pumped through his veins along with a feeling of love so intense it took my breath away. He strode across the lobby, his arms outstretched. “My little wolf!”
I opened my eyes.
Nathan stopped a few feet away. He looked different. When I’d saved his life earlier, I hadn’t had time to notice the gauntness of his cheeks or the salt-and-pepper beard he now wore. These changes in his appearance made him look wilder, more savage. “You are an Alpha. I-I thought I’d imagined that. How is that possible?”
His deep rumbling voice carried with it countless memories.
Nathan patiently reading Mira her favorite bedtime story every night.
Nathan telling Mira and me captivating tales of his international trips over our lunches.
Nathan singing softly to us both while we lay cuddled in his arms watching the flames in his giant fireplace.
Nathan professing his love as he thrust deep inside me hitting the spot that always made me unravel.
Nathan shouting at me that horrible night three months ago, “You meant nothing to me.”
With the memory of those agonizing words ringing through my mind, I summoned a thick mental block between him and myself. As if I’d switched a radio off, I immediately stopped receiving his thoughts and feelings. Finally, able to take a deep breath, I answered his question, “It’s a long story. How is Mira?”
“She’s still sleeping with the other children.” Nathan looked at me as if he was starved for the sight of my face. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to see you. When I woke, you weren’t there. Liam and Mason said they would go get you, but they didn’t return. I—” he thrust a hand through his untamed silver-streaked hair “—I thought something might’ve happened to you and—”
“And if I die you die,” I finished for him.
“No. Yes. Fuck.” Nathan’s massive chest rose and fell with each breath. His beautiful golden gaze arrowed straight into my heart with the force of planets colliding. “I’ve missed you, Vana.”
Ah, hell. He wasn’t alone. How I’d missed seeing those beautiful eyes that could lighten to the color of sunlight or deepen to amber depending on his mood. And that’s not all I missed. I dipped my gaze lower.
Since he wore only a blanket tied low around his waist, all his bronze skin was on display. He’d lost a significant amount of weight to where his ribs were stark against his smooth skin, but that didn’t detract one iota from his attractiveness. In fact, the sharp lines of his cut pectoral muscles and defined six-pack abs made him even more swoon-worthy.
I couldn’t help checking out his incredible V-shaped Adonis belt. He’d always loved it when I’d traced my tongue around it before taking him into my mouth. I grew damp as the memory heated my blood.
Nathan inhaled deeply. “You smell good.”
He did too. Someone, probably Mason, had washed the blood from his body. There was only a faint trace of sandalwood in his rich masculine scent, but it was enough to awaken more memories. That woodsy scent had clung to his crisp white dress shirts that I used to enjoy undoing one button at a time. The silken sheets we’d cuddled on after a marathon of hot, toe-curling sex had also carried the scent.
My breathing came faster as I remember what an incredible lover he’d been. My nipples hardened against the fabric of the robe.
Nathan’s eyes glinted. “I’ve been lost without you.” He took another step forward.
The fierce chemistry that had always existed between us electrified the air.
A temporary burst of insanity made me want to cross the distance between us, hurl myself into his arms, and fuck all the hurt and anguish away. Instead, I locked my muscles in place. He’d shattered me when he’d tossed me
to the curb like garbage. No matter how attracted I still was to him, I would not allow him into my heart again.
I took a shaky breath and schooled my face into a neutral expression. “We should talk.” I motioned him toward a seating area near the fireplace.
Nathan blinked, seeming surprised by my icy tone. “Can we talk in the lodge? I don’t like leaving Mira unprotected.”
Even though I was angry with him, his concern for his daughter tugged at my heart. “I promise she and the others will be safe. We’ve killed every zombie within a mile of this place.” I’d even double-checked every room of the hotel and lodge to be sure.
The tense expression didn’t leave his face, but he followed me around the oversize Christmas tree to the cluster of armchairs.
I sat down slowly trying not to telegraph my own emotions. My thoughts were in a jumble and I stared into the flickering flames of the fire searching for the words I wanted to say.
Nathan sat in the armchair closest to mine. The brown leather barely contained his massive body. “I’m so glad you found me when you did.”
“I am too,” I answered honestly. No matter my conflicted feelings for him, I didn’t want him to die.
“You fulfilled my greatest wish by claiming me.” He reached out to take my hand.
I pulled away. “I feel bad I didn’t give you a choice. But, I only did it to save your life. I want to end this—” I motioned between us “—union as soon as possible.”
Nathan sucked in a breath. “You don’t mean that.”
I lied. “I do.”
A look of devastation crossed Nathan’s face. “Is this because of that misunderstanding three months ago? You’re still mad about that?”
Misunderstanding? What the fuck? My carefully crafted statement went up in smoke. “Of course I’m still mad. You broke up with me in front of your fucking wife.” Although Gabriel suspected Nathan had broken up with me to protect me from Tasha, he hadn’t been there. He hadn’t seen the coldness in Nathan’s eyes that night.
A shadow darkened Nathan’s face. “Tasha was never my wife.”
“Okay.” I waved my hand. “The mother of your child then. You even kissed her in front of me just before telling me I meant nothing to you.” My voice grew tight.
A wave of pain hit me as the freshly healed wounds on my heart ripped open once again. I’d loved no one as much as I’d loved Nathan. He’d been my everything. My fairy-tale prince. My happy-ever-after. His betrayal had nearly destroyed me. If it hadn’t been for Syd hiding the booze and kicking my ass out of bed, I don’t know if I would’ve survived it.
Nathan pressed his lips together as if he were in pain. “I can explain everything.”
I folded my arms over my chest. “Fine. Explain away.” There wasn’t anything he could say or do to redeem what he’d done, but I wanted to see him grovel.
“That night Tasha came to my home. If she’d discovered who you were, she would have gone on a rampage.”
“Mmm-hmm.” The wife coming home, what a clichéd scenario. I tapped my foot and looked over at the door to the pool. No doubt my mates were listening in with their super werewolf hearing, I should have brought Nathan somewhere else to talk.
Nathan cursed. “You’re not even listening.”
I swiveled around to glare at him. “Because it doesn’t matter. You broke my heart, Nathan. You took our love, lit it on fire, and left me to wallow in the ashes.”
“But—”
I held up my hand. “More than that, you broke my trust. Not only did you lie to me about Tasha, you kept things from me. Important things like the fact that I’m a freaking werewolf and you are too. And why the hell didn’t you try to fix this—” I put up my fingers in air quotes “—misunderstanding, before now.”
“I was trying to protect you from Tasha. I’d planned to tell you before you transitioned.”
I let out a laugh. “Well, you’re too late, I’ve already transitioned in case you didn’t get the memo. Also, I don’t need protection from your ex.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but I interrupted him. “Speaking of, did you fuck Tasha that night?”
“No!” he shouted emphatically. “I made sure she couldn’t force me t—”
I raised my hand to cut him off. “Why should I believe you? You’ve already proven yourself a liar. I can’t believe anything you say.” I shook my head and said mostly to myself, “Why in the world would I want you as my mate?”
He fell to his knees in front of me. “Because I love you more than life itself. Because the only reason I broke up with you that night was to protect you from Tasha’s wrath. Because I’d planned on asking you to marry me that night.” He held up a diamond ring.
The stone caught the light from the nearby flames and lit up like a prism.
Time seemed to stop. Choking on my breath, I looked from the ring to him and back. “Is this some kind of joke?”
He shook his head. “Remember that overnight trip to New York? It was to meet with a jeweler. I wanted only the best for my female.” He laid the ring on my lap.
I picked it up with shaking hands. It was a gorgeous princess cut solitaire diamond, and it was huge. I’d eat my borrowed flip-flops if it wasn’t at least four carats. “Nathan, this must’ve cost a fortune.”
“There is no amount of money I wouldn’t spend on you.” The blanket around his waist started to unravel. He pulled the knot tighter and sat down on the armchair. “I had the night all planned. Le Ciel’s was delivering your favorite—the beef bourguignonne along with that champagne you go wild for. I was going to propose after dinner.”
“You were?” The floor seemed to sink under my chair. Never in a million years did I imagine Nathan planned on proposing. Hell, every time I’d brought up moving in together, he’d changed the subject. I’d figured he was commitment phobic or ashamed of me.
“Yes, but when I got home, I found Tasha and her Enforcers inside. She’d tortured and killed the delivery guys along with Rachel.”
Oh no! Not Rachel! I’d adored the sweet, deaf older woman. She’d been a welcome replacement for Nathan’s stuffy prior housekeeper.
Nathan pressed his lips together in a grim line. “Tasha butchered her like a piece of meat.”
Tears filled my eyes, but my grief gave rise to anger. “I’ll kill that bitch.”
Nathan shook his head. “This is why I didn’t tell you about Tasha. I knew this is how you’d react and I had to protect you.”
This time when Nathan reached out to take my hand, I let him.
“That night, you rang the doorbell at the worst possible time. I knew if Tasha found out who you were, she would have made what happen to Rachel look merciful.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I’d like to see her try.”
Nathan tightened his fingers around mine. “You don’t understand. Tasha’s a sadist. Her only joy is inflicting pain on others. I should know.” His eyes clouded over with the kind of desperate sorrow I’d only seen in abuse survivors.
Jagged puzzle pieces started coming together. Nathan’s strange moods. His fixation with BDSM. How over the top protective he was of Mira. “And she inflicted pain on you?”
“Yes,” he answered in a clipped voice, his strong jaw ticking with emotion. He pulled his hand away and turned to stare at the flames.
As silence grew between us, I realized he wouldn’t reveal any other details. Screw that. He’d kept the truth from me our entire relationship, I wasn’t going to let him hide anymore. I tucked Nathan’s ring into the front pocket of my robe and closed my eyes. Focusing my attention inward, I tore down the mental blocks I’d put between us. A torrent of Nathan’s anguished memories came at me.
Tasha bringing her whip down, over and over on Nathan’s small back as he tearfully begged her to stop. Her maniacal laughter burning in his ears as she beat him until he passed out.
Tasha forcing him to watch her boil, draw and quarter, dismember, and skin her enemies until they begged for d
eath.
Tasha cutting off his clothes, shackling him to her bed, and abusing him.
I sucked in a breath. He’d been a child.
Another memory flew at me.
Tasha threatening a now grown Nathan to do her bidding. Him refusing and later seeing the head of a close friend mounted on Tasha’s trophy wall.
Tasha holding a knife over a small newborn baby. Nathan making a desperate bargain to protect the infant—
“Mira.” I gasped and opened my eyes. “You wore the silver cuffs to protect Mira.” Only now did I understand the silver had prevented him from shape-shifting, healing, or having sex.
Nathan jerked his head around to stare at me. “You read my mind?”
“I needed to know why you feared her. Oh, Nathan. I’m so sorry.” I reached out and wrapped my arms around him. He’d endured so much at her hands. So damn much. “I had no idea.”
“I never wanted you to know.” His shame pulsed through our bond.
I pulled away and stared into his eyes. “Don’t you ever be ashamed of what that psychopath did to you. You are an incredible person.” I meant every word. It amazed me he could come from such a tormented childhood and still become such a caring father. Yes, he was moody as hell. Yes, he’d kept things, very important things, from me. Yes, he’d broken up with me, but I could see now that he’d done it out of love. How can I hate him for that?
His eyes glinted with emotion. “That’s why I love you so much. Even after seeing all the pain and darkness, you still think I’m a worthy male.”
“Because you are. Hell, Nathan. I don’t know any guy who’d give up sex indefinitely for any reason.” He’d been willing to do anything to save his daughter. I would have fallen back in love with him for that alone.
His lips quirked up. “I’d never been tempted to break the oath I made to Tasha, until a certain beautiful female in a tight skirt waltzed into my office for an interview.”
“Oh, yeah,” I said, returning his smile. A smoldering heat flickered between my thighs. The indefinable electrical charge between us hummed to life, bringing with it an aching sexual hunger. For him.