by Ian Doescher
They are confounded by my errant moves.
Ha, ha! They are confus’d and fall behind.
Thus we have slipp’d away, soon safe from harm.
[To Chewbacca:] Make ready for the jump to hyperspace.
C-3PO
But Sir!
LEIA
—They do approach!
HAN
—Not yet: observe!
[The Millennium Falcon makes a sound and fails.
LEIA
Observe? What’s to observe, pray tell me plain?
HAN
A fig! The ship seems to malfunction. Fie!
’Tis possible we may in trouble be.
C-3PO
I tried to warn thee, Sir, the hyperdrive
Hath damag’d been, and cannot do its task!
Lightspeed is verily unfeasible!
HAN
Correction: we in trouble truly are.
O that all I had fix’d were truly fix’d!
But now I must in haste—and under threat
Of death—attempt to fix the ship once more.
[He runs to repair the ship, yelling back to Chewbacca.
Where are the horizontal boosters hid?
CHEWBAC.
Egh, auugh!
HAN
—Alluvi’l dampers, where are they?
[Aside:] If only I were but more organiz’d!
’Tis true that order’s not a smuggler’s gift.
[To Chewbacca:] Bring me the hydrospanners quickly now.
[Aside:] I know not how we shall escape this time.
Of all the situations I have seen,
Of all the problems small or dangers great,
Of all the rubs and scrapes have scratch’d my life,
Of all the enemies just barely fled—
This moment now doth seem the worst of all.
[Loud sound. Han is knocked aside.
Alack, now what is this? What shakes the ship?
How have we gone from bad to still worse yet?
LEIA
Good Han, return at once!
[Han runs back to the cockpit.
’Tis asteroids!
HAN
[aside:] O wicked thought and wonderful idea
That cometh to me in this frightful time.
I shall here chart a course none would expect:
Not flee from danger, nay, but welcome it,
And in so doing break the Empire’s grip
While rescuing my princess from all harm.
[To Chewbacca:] Set course two-seven-one.
LEIA
—What didst thou say?
Thou wilt not enter in the ast’roid field?
For certain thou art wild—but not insane!
HAN
Yet they would be the madder to give chase.
LEIA
Thou must not do this to impress me, Han.
[Aside:] Already he hath won my heart, ’tis true,
Yet would I rather live to tell him so!
C-3PO
Good Sir, attend: the possibility
Of navigating fields of ast’roids is
Three thousand seven hundred twenty to
But one—the odds are well against thee here!
HAN
The odds of rescuing a princess: low.
The odds of smuggler turning rebel: lower.
The odds of ending th’Death Star: lowest yet!
I tell thee, droid: assail me not with odds!
LEIA
[aside:] Behold, what keen maneuvers doth he make,
And how, like Gungans sinking in the swamp,
Our enemies do fall behind us, slain.
What bravery he showeth for my sake.
HAN
If you recall, Your Highness, you did hope
You would bear witness to my failure great:
It may be now.
LEIA
—My word I do rescind.
We shall be pulveriz’d if we remain
A’floating in this field of wayward rocks.
Thou hast thy honor proven, Han, now please:
Let us seek safety in another place.
HAN
I cannot argue with thine argument.
I shall attempt to fly us closer in
Toward a larger ast’roid.
C-3PO
—Closer?
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
C-3PO
O this is suicide, for where have we
To go where we may yet survive? Are we
Not bound for death?
HAN
—Aye, this one here shall do.
It hath a goodly look.
LEIA
—What “goodly look”?
HAN
Be calm, I prithee, for it shall suffice.
C-3PO
Excuse me, Princess, but where are we bound?
[The Millennium Falcon flies deep into one of the asteroids.
LEIA
My hope flies unto you, most worthy man,
My hope for us, and for our safety, too.
I hope it is the Force that leadeth thee,
I hope that thou dost know what thou dost do.
HAN
Thy hopes do echo mine, my lady, true.
[Exeunt into an asteroid’s tunnel.
SCENE 6.
Aboard the Empire’s Super Star Destroyer.
Enter ADMIRAL PIETT with DARTH VADER, replacing his mask.
PIETT
[aside:] O sight most tragic, this—a robot-man
Who doth require a mask to stay alive.
What situation e’er did lead to this?
How can he stand to live beneath a mask?
But soft, Piett, and reconsider this:
Aye, verily, how shall I judge? The mask
He wears is far more obvious than most.
With Vader it is plain he wears a mask,
Though few have seen the scarring underneath.
But truly, what man doth not wear a mask?
For all of us are maskèd in some way—
Some choose sharp cruelty as their outward face,
Some put themselves behind a king’s façade,
Some hide behind the mask of bravery,
Some put on the disguise of arrogance.
But underneath our masks, are we not one?
Do not all wish for love, and joy, and peace?
And whether rebel or Imperial,
Do not our hearts all beat in time to make
The pounding rhythm of the galaxy?
So while Darth Vader’s mask keeps him alive,
And sits upon his face for all to see,
’Tis possible he is more honest than
A man who wears no mask, but hides his self.
But come, Piett, now still thy prating tongue—
His private time is done, his mask back on.
VADER
Yes, Admiral?
PIETT
—Our ships have found the swift
Millenn’um Falcon, Lord. However, it
Hath ventur’d deep into an ast’roid field.
It seems unsafe to make pursuit therein:
To follow it is far too great a risk.
VADER
Thy fear of asteroids concerns me not.
I want the ship, not thy most weak dismay.
PIETT
I understand, my Lord, and shall obey.
[Exeunt.
SCENE 7.
The Dagobah system.
Enter LUKE SKYWALKER and R2-D2.
LUKE
What misadventure I have seen today!
Our sensors spied no cities or machines
Within this system desolate, but life
Forms plenty. As we made our way unto
The planet’s atmosphere, all went awry:
My X-wing ship began to shake and groan.
My scopes had fail’d, and I did blindly spin
Into a landing doom�
�d to end with strife.
’Tis almost fortunate that I did land
Within this swampy bog where now the ship
Is partway sunk, for had I hit the ground
My ship and droid and even my own self
Might have been crush’d, and ev’rything destroy’d.
But now my ship is fixèd in the mire,
And how it shall come out I cannot tell.
Was this first trouble all I would endure?
Nay, nay! It seemeth Fate did not see fit
To send pain singular, but multiple!
Fate hath provided pains abundantly,
For this is not the end of our distress.
As R2 and I headed for the shore
He fell into the water, wheels to scope,
And was assaulted by a mighty beast—
Aye, swallow’d whole and disappear’d from sight.
For seeming ages I did search for him,
To no avail. And then, with frightful scream,
He was ejected from the swamp as fast
As proton-fill’d torpedoes from their shaft.
Above my head he sail’d, well o’er the ground,
And landed in a heap of dirt and grime.
’Twas only for his metal-tasting shell
This little droid shall live to see tomorrow.
So much misfortune! After all this pain
I should feel grateful still to have my life.
But now we are maroon’d within a place
Where neither friend nor contact may be found.
I should have listen’d to the wise R2
When he said coming here would work us woe.
Our camp is now set up, our food prepar’d,
My faithful R2 chargeth up his pow’r,
The semblance of good order we present—
But I have neither stomach nor desire
To sit down to a hale and hearty feast.
More pressing, too, I must this Yoda find,
Indeed, if that good man doth e’en exist.
Look ’round about, R2: is this place not
Unlikely for a Jedi master’s home?
’Tis strange, ’tis passing strange, ’tis pitiful.
R2-D2
Beep, squeak?
Enter YODA, hidden behind.
LUKE
—I know not what it is, dear friend.
’Tis like some thing appearing from a dream,
Some midnight reverie I cannot shake.
For neither does this circumstance seem real,
Nor do I slumber here—aye, that I know.
It seems the place is but a walking shadow—
Not dream, not wake, but something in between.
The strangeness of the scene creeps in my bones,
Yet also do I feel familiar pangs.
R2-D2
Beep, whistle, meep?
LUKE
—I know not. I do feel—
[Yoda reveals himself.
YODA
What dost thou feel, hmm?
Prithee, I would truly know
What is it thou feel’st?
[Luke points his blaster at Yoda.
LUKE
That odd, familiar sense that we are watch’d!
R2-D2
Beep, beep, meep, whistle, beep, squeak, whistle, nee!
YODA
Away with weapons!
I mean no harm, but wonder
Why thou hast come here.
LUKE
Thou sneaking imp! I look for someone here.
YODA
Looking, are you, hmm?
Found someone you have, it seems!
Is that not correct?
LUKE
’Tis true, I may suppose—I’ve someone found,
Though such a one as this did not expect.
YODA
Help you I can, aye.
[Aside:] I, indeed, more help shall be
Than he imagines.
LUKE
Nay, I think not. My search is for a great
And mighty warrior, a man of strength!
YODA
O, great warrior!
A great warrior you seek?
Wars not make one great.
But soft, no more of
Talking, for my appetite
Dinner demandeth.
Thus shall I explore
The food thou hast here prepar’d.
Mmm, and I shall taste.
LUKE
Nay, nay, unhand my supper, little one!
YODA
How dost grow so big
When the food of thy diet
Is of this strange kind?
LUKE
Attend, my friend, thou must leave this alone.
My food I shall have need of, as we strive
To free our ship. I did not try to land
Inside that puddle drear, and if we could
Our ship remove, we would. But we cannot—
At least, I know not how it shall be done.
[Yoda rummages through Luke’s supplies, discarding them to the ground.
YODA
Unfortunate ship…
Thou canst not get it out, hmm?
O, what merry light!
[Yoda removes a light from Luke’s supplies.
LUKE
A mess thou now hast made! Give me that light!
YODA
’Tis mine, it is mine!
I shall the pretty thing have
Or I help you not.
LUKE
I need not thine assistance, nay! I need
My lamp, for it shall guide me out of this
Most slimy and disgusting hole of mud!
YODA
What slimy, what mud?
Thou speak’st indeed of my home.
[R2-D2 reaches out and grabs the lamp.
Alas, naughty droid!
[R2-D2 and Yoda fight for the lamp.
LUKE
O R2, let the creature have it now.
[R2-D2 releases the lamp.
Now move along, good fellow. We have much
To do. Thou art small in both size and help.
YODA
Nay, nay, I shall stay.
For I shall stay and help thee
Find thy long lost friend.
LUKE
Thou dost not understand, thou useless scamp.
I search not for a friend in this damp place,
But for a Jedi master wise in skill!
YODA
O Jedi master!
Yoda that you seek it is.
’Tis truly Yoda!
LUKE
[aside:] A strange turn of events! This tiny sprite
May yet prove useful if he knows the man.
[To Yoda:] Attend: thou know’st of Yoda, little one?
YODA
I’ll take thee to him.
Aye, but first, let us eat food.
Come, I good food have!
LUKE
I follow. R2, stay and watch the camp—
Mayhap some hope still lives within this damp.
[Exeunt, Luke following Yoda.
SCENE 1.
Aboard the Millennium Falcon, inside the asteroid.
Enter HAN SOLO, PRINCESS LEIA, CHEWBACCA, and C-3PO.
HAN
Now shall I shut down ev’rything except
The ship’s emergency pow’r systems.
C-3PO
—Sir,
I am almost afraid to ask, but doth
This mean that I shall be shut down as well?
HAN
Nay, nay, good droid, for thou shalt speak unto
The Falcon to determine wherefore doth
The hyperdrive not operate aright.
For once I find thee useful, goldenrod.
[The ship shakes and all are rocked from side to side.
C-3PO
Sir, it is possible this ast’roid may
Not be entirely stable.
&nb
sp; HAN
—Dost thou think?
O droid of wisdom, skill, and excellence—
Howe’er would I survive if I did not
Have thee here to reveal such mysteries?
From usefulness to obvious within
A single stroke. I pray, Chewbacca, take
This scholar made of wires and metal to
The back and plug him in the hyperdrive!
C-3PO
Sometimes I do not comprehend the strange
And varied ways of human beings. True
It is that I did only try to help!
[Exeunt Chewbacca and C-3PO. The ship shakes again and Leia falls into Han’s arms.
LEIA
[aside:] O happy accident! O fall most fair!
Now in his arms, where I have long’d to be,
I know not whether ’tis the ship or if
It is my heart that I feel quaking. Yet,
Alas, this moment not befits our love.
The situation is too strain’d. I wish,
With all my being, to be in this place—
But not like this. [To Han:] Pray, let me go.
HAN
—Tut, tut!
LEIA
I prithee, let me go.
HAN
[aside:] —O small request
That tears apart my soul! [To Leia:] Indeed, indeed,
Be not with such excitement overcome.
LEIA
My captain, being held by you is far
Too plain a thing to e’er excite my mood.
HAN
I crave your kindly pardon, sweetheart fierce,
But we have little time for something else—
I’ll leave thee here alone and then, mayhap,
The time apart shall heighten thy desire.
[Exit Han Solo.
LEIA
O man of pride and will most obstinate!