by Ian Doescher
HAN
Why dost thou fire at me and my good ship?
Be not so quick to turn to blasters, Sir—
I prithee, grant me time but to explain…
GUARD 1
[through comlink:] Make thou no deviation from thy course.
C-3PO
These Bespinites are rather petulant—
They’ve nothing of my disposition sweet.
LEIA
[to Han:] I thought that thou didst say thou knowest this
Man Lando.
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
HAN
—But ’twas so long ago.
Nay, surely he doth hold no grudge by now.
GUARD 1
[through comlink:] Thou hast permission now to land upon
The platform three–two–seven.
HAN
—Many thanks.
Now do ye see, ye doubters all? I tell
Ye truly: Lando is a friend, indeed.
LEIA
Nay, who hath worri’d? [Aside:] Verily, there is
A something here that seemeth not aright:
This welcome hath been less than welcoming.
Yet Han with brave nobility hath led
Our troubl’d quest—I shall not doubt him now.
[The Millennium Falcon lands and Han Solo, Chewbacca, Princess Leia, and C-3PO disembark.
CHEWBAC.
Egh.
C-3PO
—O, there is no one to meet us here.
LEIA
I do not like this, Han.
HAN
—What wouldst thou like?
C-3PO
At least we are no more upon the ship—
Enough of space I’ve seen to last a life.
’Twas kind of them to let us land.
HAN
[to Princess Leia:] —Be calm
And trust me, all things shall end well.
Enter LANDO with LOBOT and GUARDS.
My friend!
[To Chewbacca:] But keep thou watch now, Chewie, just in case.
LANDO
[aside:] How shall I play this? Shall I distant be?
Nay, then he shall become suspicious and
May have some cause to fear ere Vader comes.
I shall be jovial and shine with joy—
A colt is ridden best by kindly rider.
I know ’tis true: it worketh ev’ry time.
Thus, to deceive I shall employ a jest.
[Walking to Han:] Thou slimy, double-crossing, no-good swine!
Thou hast a nerve to show thy cheating face,
Since thou hast prov’n thyself a lying thief.
HAN
Is’t possible? Is friendship’s mem’ry slain?
LANDO
Heigh-ho, I mock at thee, my goodly friend!
How art thou, pirate? ’Tis a joy to see
Thee here.
C-3PO
[to Princess Leia:]—He doth seem full of friendship’s mirth.
LEIA
Aye, truly, he seems full of it indeed.
LANDO
What brings thee here to Bespin?
HAN
—Ship repairs.
Methought thou couldst some kind assistance grant.
LANDO
What hast thou done unto my ship?
HAN
—Thy ship?
Remember thou didst lose her o’er to me
As fairly as the day is long.
LANDO
—And how
Dost thou, Chewbacca? Hang’st thou still around
This aging renegade?
CHEWBAC.
—Egh!
LANDO
[to Princess Leia:] —O, what light
Doth break upon mine eyes? What beauty’s this?
I give thee welcome, gentle lady. I
Am Lando of Calrissian, and do
Administer this great facility.
And who, pray tell, art thou? Eh?
LEIA
—Leia, I.
LANDO
[kissing her hand:] Most welcome, Leia.
HAN
—Aye, ’tis well, ’tis well.
Thou ever wert a lover of fair things.
C-3PO
C-3PO am I, and at your service…
[Lando turns his back.
[Aside:] I wonder that I still am talking here:
Nobody marks me.
LANDO
[to Han:] —What doth ail the ship?
HAN
The hyperdrive.
LANDO
—My people shall begin
Work on’t immediately. I tell thee,
That ship in many cases sav’d my life!
What stories of adventure I could tell
In which the ship doth play the central part.
She is the fastest heap of scrap in all
The galaxy!
LEIA
[aside:] —He loveth this old ship
Almost as much as Han! This love of ships,
’Tis like an illness wild within these men.
HAN
Now tell me of thy life and bus’ness, friend—
How doth the gas mine for thee? Doth it pay?
LANDO
’Tis credits in and credits out, but more,
I fear, of out than in. We are but small,
An outpost minor. Thus have I supply
Dilemmas, labor difficulties, too.
HAN
Ha, ha!
LANDO
—Why say’st thou “Ha”? And wherefore twice?
HAN
’Tis thou. Pray, hearken unto thine own voice.
So rife with deep responsibility,
So serious, experienc’d, mature,
And bus’nesslike. ’Twas not my expectation.
LANDO
[aside:] O weep, my heart, to see him brings such joy,
And pains me more to seal his awful fate.
[To Han:] Pray, hear me truly, Han. Whatever else
May happen, hear these words: this moment doth
Recall for me our past together, which
Is sweetness in my memory.
HAN
—Indeed.
’Tis well to see thee thriving so, my friend.
LANDO
And thou hast hit the mark: I duties bear,
And grave responsibilities are mine.
’Tis but the price of one’s success, I s’pose.
[Exeunt Han Solo, Chewbacca, Princess Leia, and Lando.
Enter another 3PO DROID.
C-3PO
What joy to see a kind, familiar face.
DROID
E chu ta!
[Exit 3PO droid.
C-3PO
—O, how rude! But pray, what’s here?
[C-3PO enters another room.
Was that an R2 unit’s sound I heard?
Is’t possible that R2-D2’s here?
Hello, who is herein?
Enter a SHADOWY FIGURE.
FIGURE
—Say, who art thou?
C-3PO
Alas, this is my end! An enemy—
If only I could others tell. O me!
[Exeunt as C-3PO is shot into pieces.
Enter PRINCESS LEIA.
LEIA
Time’s passage hath not sooth’d my mind’s distress.
Full many moments we have waited here
Within this lovely city in the clouds,
Yet I am neither rested nor relax’d.
Foreboding doth creep o’er me like a plague—
My mind is sore afeard, my hands do shake,
And nowhere can my troubl’d soul find peace.
The quick permission given us to land,
The too-familiar welcome Lando gave,
A small apartment offer’d for our use—
It seems as though we were expected here,
Though how this could have happen’d, I know not.
For surely when th’Imperi’l fleet broke up,
We in the opposite direction flew.
But e’en beyond that worry there is more,
For though I do not love the prating droid
C-3PO has not been seen since our
Arrival here. We have too much of quiet—
I almost miss his constant chattering.
Enter HAN SOLO.
HAN
All shall be well. The ship is fix’d with care.
There are but two or three things more, then will
We make our swift departure hence. ’Tis fair?
LEIA
The swiftest shall be best. Some thing is still
Awry. Where is C-3PO? He hath
Not seen us or been seen for many hours,
And no one knows about his way or path.
Hath he lost all his faithful, droidly sense?
Most happ’ly would I by him be annoy’d,
If it did mean that he, at least, were near.
HAN
I shall inquire of Lando ’bout the droid.
But in the meantime, Leia, have no fear.
LEIA
I trust not Lando.
HAN
—Neither, sweet, do I,
Yet he’s my friend who helpeth us, dost see?
I’ll warrant that we soon from here shall fly.
LEIA
Then thou shalt take thy flight as well—from me.
HAN
The future has its own time yet to write,
And wheth’r or not we worry, my good lass,
It comes as sure as day doth follow night.
So, think not of it till it come to pass.
[Exeunt Han Solo and Princess Leia.
Enter a merry band of UGNAUGHTS, singing as they pass around parts of C-3PO’s body.
UGN. 1
O pass me that!
UGN. 2
O give me this!
UGN. 3
We Ugnaughts are a’working!
UGN. 2
O pass the head!
UGN. 3
Give me the chest!
UGN. 1
Our duties never shirking!
UGN. 3
Thou naughty droid—
UGN. 1
Thou hast been caught!
UGN. 2
Thy prying never ceases!
UGN. 1
Your lesson learn’d—
UGN. 2
Our treasures earn’d—
UGN. 3
For now thou art in pieces!
Enter CHEWBACCA.
CHEWBAC.
Auugh!
[Chewbacca begins collecting pieces of C-3PO.
UGN. 2
Take not the arms!
UGN. 3
Pray, leave the legs!
UGN. 1
Thy greed thou art revealing!
UGN. 3
But naught shall last!
UGN. 1
For nothing doth!
UGN. 2
Our treasures thou art stealing!
UGN. 1
So shall we speak—
UGN. 2
Our proverb true—
UGN. 3
With voices loudly ringing—
UGN. 2
It easy came—
UGN. 3
And easy goes—
UGN. 1
But still we keep on singing!
[Exeunt Ugnaughts, singing.
Enter HAN SOLO and PRINCESS LEIA.
LEIA
I see, Chewbacca, thou hast found the droid,
At least some small and varied parts of him.
O, what hath happen’d?
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
HAN
—Thou hast found him
Upon a junk pile, what? How can that be?
C-3PO was fine when we arriv’d.
But now, I fear, he is more dread than droid.
LEIA
’Tis such a mess. Canst thou repair him, good
Chewbacca?
CHEWBAC.
—Egh, auugh.
HAN
—Lando’s people can
Provide the cure.
LEIA
—Nay, thank you: I’d not hav’t.
Enter LANDO.
LANDO
Forgive me, worthy guests. Do I intrude?
LEIA
Nay, verily.
LANDO
—O, but thou art a beauty.
I prithee, never leave—thou dost belong
With us in our great city in the clouds.
Thy loveliness doth put the sun to shame,
Thy brightness of your cheek would shame the stars.
LEIA
[aside:] This scoundrel too familiar is. Now do
I see that though I once thought Han uncouth,
He is the sweetest smuggler ever liv’d.
[To Lando:] Thou hast my thanks.
LANDO
—Now come, will ye join me
For some repast?
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh.
LANDO
—Chewie, fear thou not!
Be sure I meant that all invited are.
[Seeing C-3PO:] Is there some matter with your droid?
HAN
—Nay, I
Know not of any matter.
[They walk, leaving C-3PO’s parts.
Tell me, though,
As we proceed to supper: art thou an
Accepted member of the mining guild?
LANDO
Nay, we are none. Our operation is
Still small enough that we may be discreet.
’Tis advantageous to our customers,
For they are anxious to escape attention.
LEIA
[aside:] O, all this talk of bus’ness, mines and stealth!
My mind cannot abide it, for I sense
That terrible events shall soon befall.
Within my mind a vision of some pain
Begins to form, but still is indistinct.
Would that I had some time to clear my thoughts!
HAN
[to Lando:] But art thou not afraid the Empire shall
Find out about your operation and
Then drive you out of business, or e’en worse?
LANDO
’Tis e’er a danger that looms over us
And all that we have built in Bespin’s walls.
But things have just develop’d which shall make
Our future safe and well-secur’d. A deal
I’ve with the Empire made that shall keep them
Far distant from our operations.
[They arrive at a door and open it.
Enter DARTH VADER and BOBA FETT, revealed inside.
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
HAN
[aside:] But what is this? Betrayal! Hands, take flight—
My blaster shall I use, and save us yet!
[Han fires, but Vader deflects the blast and uses the Force to takes Han’s blaster.
VADER
We would be honor’d should ye join us here.
LANDO
I am most sorry, worthy friend. They did
Arrive in Bespin ere thou here didst fly.
HAN
No sorrier, I do expect, than I.
[Exeunt.
SCENE 4.
Bespin, the cloud city.
Enter GUARDS 1 and 2.
GUARD 1
Oi! Well met, worthy friend. What dost thou here?
GUARD 2
I have been poring o’er our city’s plans.
GUARD 1
What’s this? A newfound interest? Shalt thou
Turn architect?
GUARD 2
—Nay, nay, and yet I have
Found something curious.
GUARD 1
—Indeed?
GUARD 2
—Indeed.
GUARD 1
Pray tell!
GUARD 2
—The city hath been built within
The Empire’s strict specifications for
Design and building standards.
GUARD 1
—Aye, ’twas wise,
Thus may the Bespin council never have
A reason for to fear the Empire’s sharp
Inspectors.
GUARD 2
—Verily, but follow on:
That they unto the code this city built
Is not the thing that I found strange. Instead,
It was the code’s requirements I did mark.
For didst thou know the Empire doth require
That any major structure shall include
At least one chasm that’s deep and long and dark?
Not only shall these chasms exist: the code
Doth further specify that they shall be
Abutting pathways where pedestrians
May walk. The Death Star that was built some years
Ago had, evidently, sev’ral of
These holes, and our Cloud City has them, too.
Is not this strange?
GUARD 1
—I know them well, and did
Go walking past just such a gaping hole
That led to nothingness but yesterday.
But wherefore dost thou say ’tis strange, I pray?
GUARD 2
It simply maketh little sense to put