Javier was aware of my mood and he spoke gently. “But you also wish to mend it my friend. You could have ignored the ghosts, you could have ignored the push your inner self was giving you, but you did not. You sought the opportunity to find the truth. You found it and then you brought it to me.”
I found some comfort in his words.
“And now?” I asked, “What happens now? Can it be made right and yet different? Can the chain of events be prevented from endlessly repeating themselves? Can time be set once more on the right path forward?”
He leaned forward in his chair, looking me directly in the eye. “Do you trust me?”
Trust is an emotion; powerful, yet at the same time instinctive. I have always tried to let my intellect lead my decisions, but in that moment, as everything converged, time itself seemed to bear down on me and echoes came flooding thick and fast into my mind and my senses. I’d found many of the answers I’d been searching for and I knew that to do the easy thing, to just walk away and continue as though none of this had happened, was in fact too hard for me to do. In comparison, the hard choice, the right choice was actually easier. I looked at my friend and mentor and gave him the only answer that was possible.
“Yes, I do.”
“Then return to your own time my friend. I need to see what can be done in the time we have available and I do not wish to deal with the consequences of you breaking the Golden Rule. I need to make some careful plans. It will be better and I am sure you will agree with me, if you do not know what they are.”
He stood up and held out his arms. We hugged and as I set the coordinates for home, I knew that we both wished to see each other again, but neither of us was sure if it would be possible.
Part four: Grace
Chapter twenty-two
Of all the places and times that we’d visited, this was one of my favourites; Paris, 1912. This was also my favourite breakfast cafe. We came here so often; usually at the same time, on the same day, in the same year, but not always. I knew that if there was any chance of him finding me, he would look for me here. I’d gambled everything on that fact and I could be patient. Here was where I was going to wait for as long as it took. I had to believe that he would come back for me; all he needed was to find the right moment to escape. But he was resourceful my Jack, so to show my belief in him I would wait.
As always, the sky was that deep, endless blue; the sort you could disappear into. The waiter brought a tray with a single cup of strong coffee and as always it was served in delicate bone china. The croissants were fresh and warm, crumbling at the lightest touch, leaving my fingertips slightly greasy but in a nice buttery way. If only I could have found my appetite. The people of Paris, those few who haven’t left for the summer, were not yet awake, so there was a quiet, heavy sleepiness hovering over the city and Lulu, the sleek, tabby and white cafe cat, was sitting on the edge of the pavement, washing herself with that thorough, languid grace that all cats seem to be born with.
Jack had told me that this was ‘La Belle Époque’, the beautiful time when no one knew what was coming. He said it meant more than just the good times. It summed up the spirit of the age, the smell, the colour, the clothes and everything else that you could imagine. There was such a buoyant expectation still for a bright future, you could almost smell and taste it on the air. This was such an exciting time and we agreed that there was nowhere better to enjoy it than Paris.
I knew of course, that just as by half past ten the clouds would be gathering overhead, so too would the terrible storm come in 1914 and that there was nothing that could be done to change either event. Everything that I could see would be irrevocably changed for better or for worse. But who was I to judge? What did I know?
As the waiter straightened, he stepped back slightly and glanced over the table, checking that he had left everything as he should. Then there was the slightest shimmer. I almost missed it, but over the years I’d learnt to look for things that before would have been unbelievable, even impossible. It was as if this particular shimmer came from inside me, but at the same time was all around me and I got the distinct impression that everything had shifted very slightly and then settled again; a fraction to the left of where it had been.
The oddest thing was, as things re-established themselves, I felt as though I was connected in a new way. I couldn’t explain it, but it was almost as though my eyes and all my other senses had been washed clean with a strong disinfectant. Nothing was different, yet nothing was quite the same anymore.
I had the strangest sensation that I’d been talking to somebody and I looked at the empty chair next to me. I shook my head and then looked at the waiter, who also seemed momentarily confused. He was trying to serve a cup of coffee that wasn’t on his tray to someone who wasn’t in the seat next to me. He smiled sheepishly and hastily retreated. I knew he would forget the whole thing in less than a second and although I also knew that I would not, I was left with the feeling that I had forgotten something, something very important. While it niggled, it didn’t become any clearer; it just added to my general feeling of being completely lost. I missed Jack more than any words could ever say.
I heard a slight noise beside me, but I wanted to ignore it, knowing it was wrong. After all, I knew these hours between nine and eleven so well. There was a slight cough and the scraping of metal chair feet on the stone pavement, but I knew it wasn’t Jack; he would have crept up behind me, putting his hands over my eyes whilst kissing my neck. So wrong for this era, but he would have done it anyway. I kept my eyes focused on Lulu, without moving or acknowledging anything and waited; holding my breath, hoping this unwanted intrusion would go away.
I couldn’t help wondering if the shimmer I’d felt was in any way connected to the arrival of this person, but I dismissed the thought; after all, someone from the future would usually go straight to the safe house and get changed before venturing out. So it was improbable that the two events were connected, wasn’t it?
A deep voice, the sort that is described as strong, yet kind announced the arrival of its owner. It also announced much more. He knew me and that couldn’t be good.
“There are times Grace when I get a great deal of pleasure from what I do. Mornings like this are one of them. The croissants look lovely. I think I shall order the same.”
He snapped his fingers to attract the waiter. “Excusez-moi!”
I didn’t look at him; I just continued to stare straight ahead and I felt tears beginning to prickle in my eyes. I didn’t want him to know this, so I used those few moments to pull myself together. I sipped the scalding coffee, letting it burn my throat. I was going to need a clear head; that much was obvious and the hot coffee would help me focus.
I counted slowly to ten and then forced myself to look across at him. I found myself staring into hazel eyes. He was older than I had thought from the sound of his voice, but not that old. His head was covered in wiry dark hair, liberally sprinkled with peppery grey and there was a natural pride in his black features and in his general air. He had dressed correctly for the period, so like me did not look out of place, but despite this I felt an immediate dislike for the man and knew instinctively that I wasn’t prepared to trust him.
“Well, Grace. A merry dance you have led me through time, I must say. Although it is a pleasure to finally meet you face to face and not via someone else’s memories.”
He sat back in his chair with a self satisfied grin on his smug face, looking for all the world as though he belonged right there.
I leaned closer to him. “I don’t know who you are mister, but I have not been leading you anywhere, much less dancing. I’m waiting for someone and you’re not him, as well you know. So please go away.”
I sat back, trying to force my fear and anger down. They would not help me; I had to remain calm.
“Like Miss Haversham?” he asked.
“No. Not like Miss Haversham.” I said crossly, wondering why he had chosen that Dickens character to compare
me to. “For one thing I’m not wearing a wedding dress, for another, Jack did not desert me and for a third, she was left with nothing but bitterness. Jack has never given me anything less than love and hope.”
The bastard just sat there smiling at me.
He curled his fingers round his cup and paused for a moment, then decided to share his thoughts with me.
“It is interesting, for me at any rate, that none of the Jacks I have had the pleasure of knowing have really understood why you loved them, but the real puzzle for me is why they love you.”
He winked at me conspiratorially, then lifted his delicate cup and downed the contents in one.
“Be that as maybe,” I said slowly, not really understanding what he was going on about and not much caring either, “But who exactly are you?”
He put the empty cup down and became deadly serious.
“I am your judge and jury.”
“Oh...”
I took a deep breath, trying to push down the fear that was rushing into my mind at his words. As I made a space up there, I found my anger and that helped; it made me see that he was just being rude and that I could deal with.
“And do you have a name?” I asked sharply.
He put his head to one side. “As a matter of fact I do, but it will mean nothing to you. I am Javier Sant...”
I cut him off. “That’s where you’re wrong. I know of you and I know Jack respects you.”
I wasn’t sure if I felt better or not for knowing who he was. Jack had always said that this man sitting next to me was one of the greatest minds of his time, but I also knew that Jack hadn’t ever thought that he would help us. I decided to keep my thoughts to myself.
I picked up one of the warm croissants and started breaking it into tiny pieces, letting the golden flakes fall from my fingers back into the basket, where they rested on the thick white linen napkin. For the moment at least, I didn’t have anything else to say and it seemed that neither did he.
I tried to put together what I knew. Now that I knew who he was, did that change anything for me? What I realised was, it made an already serious situation even more so. After all, he knew the rules of the game we were playing, I didn’t. His was a great mind, mine wasn’t. The odds were against me and despite the warmth of the morning I felt a chill in my bones. I sighed; I was out of my depth, as I had been from the moment Jack had cannonballed into my life. When I was with him I never felt that I was drowning; I always felt that we would somehow be ok. But he wasn’t there. I didn’t even know where or when he was and I felt completely alone; desperately unsure and afraid.
“Stay calm.” I told myself, “And don’t rush into something you might regret.”
I sensed that everything depended on what I said and did next, so I decided to eat. I wasn’t in the least bit hungry and my mouth was dry with fear, but eating would give me time to think. I would not let Jack down and I would not give up on the hope that everything could still turn out alright. I picked up another croissant, bit into the warm pastry and smiled.
He did the same, wiping the tiny flakes from the corner of his mouth with a napkin, clearly enjoying himself.
I put mine down, sighing. “I’m the mouse; I know that, so there’s no need to rub it in.” I said crossly.
He shrugged a little sadly, then nodded and put his croissant down too.
“My apologies my dear, that was not my intention. It is such a lovely morning and I have it on very good authority that you are delightful company.”
“Well perhaps I’m not at my best just now. So why don’t we get on with whatever it is you’ve come here to do or say.” I said firmly.
He looked at me and his bright eyes seemed to take in everything about me, almost as though he was weighing things up in his mind. The way he looked at me made me realise that he knew stuff about me, stuff that he ought not to know. He made me feel uncomfortable and he had no right to do that. Regardless of what rights he might have as my judge and jury, he didn’t have that one.
I leaned forward, having found my courage again, albeit briefly. “You don’t know me Javier. I don’t care what you think you know via other people’s memories, getting information that way that doesn’t give you knowledge, in spite of what you think you’ve seen.”
I knew about the implants and the pods. Of course I’d never experienced them for myself, but I knew a little about them from what Jack had said and I was guessing that somehow he’d been inside Jack’s mind.
The thought of Jack brought me to my next question.
“Did he give you his thoughts, or did you just take them?” I asked.
“Well my dear, that is an interesting question...”
He paused and something made him decide to tell me more than he had at first intended. I saw this in the way his eyes locked onto mine and in the way he shifted his position slightly. It made me wary, because I didn’t know why he’d done it, but I suspected that it wasn’t really for my benefit. Quite frankly the man scared me; he was like a predatory animal that contains its power until exactly the right moment to strike and I was in no doubt about who was going to be dinner.
He spoke softly and I made myself listen. “The honest answer is both, but it depends on which point in time and which reality your question relates to. The Jack that was taken from you yesterday gave up very little information willingly, although when I left him I think he was starting to see the wisdom in my actions. However, the Jack that came to me, the one you don’t know, he gave me everything. In fact he gave me much more than he realised.
“There are, there have been and potentially there will be others. Some I have met, some I have known only through the implants of others and as for yet more Jacks, well I am vaguely aware of their possibility. But I am not sure enough to know what was taken and what was given willingly. Does that make any sense to you?” he asked, watching me carefully as I thought about his words.
That little internal shimmer I had experienced was connected to what he was saying. I knew that as clearly as I knew my own name, but I couldn’t explain it. I did know that something had changed somewhere in time and that it was in some way connected to me. It also occurred to me that this man was sitting here at the table with me. He came from the future and he could travel to the past. To my past in fact, so he could have erased me from existence and I would never have known. But he hadn’t. Why?
The other little snippet he had given me was that there appeared to be, or at the very least, to have been at some point in time, more than one reality. This was more than my little mind could deal with; I’d have to go back to it later, but it made me happier than he’d intended it to. I now knew that in these other realities Jack and I existed, together. I didn’t say any of this, I just said, “Sort of,” and left it at that.
To be honest I think my answer frustrated him. I think he actually wanted to discuss the idea with me, probably to show off, which wouldn’t have been difficult; what with him being the great mind and all that. Anyway, I didn’t give him the chance. I just waited to see what he was going to say or do next.
It didn’t take him long to regain the upper hand though, and after a moment or two he smiled and sat back.
“Are you not the smallest bit interested in the fact that there was, or is, a Jack that will not save you? There is a Jack, you know, that chooses to let you die under that car.”
He was so smug he almost sniggered, but managed to pull himself together, before rubbing it in.
“Yes, a different Jack; one that leads his life without you in it and who, by the way, achieves great things as a result of you not being able to hamper his not inconsiderable talent and abilities.”
This was an interesting question. I wasn’t in the least bit surprised that Jack, any Jack in any reality, left to get on with his own life, would achieve great things. I was actually quite proud of him and I think I must have shown something of that on my face, because the illustrious Javier looked puzzled for a moment. I gathered my thought
s together and tried to focus on what I was prepared to share with him.
After a bit, I took a deep breath and tried to make him see what was blindingly obvious to me.
“I’m happy for that Jack, truly I am. It’s only right that someone as clever as he is gets the chance to do great things, things that lots of other people benefit from and when you see him next you can tell him that from me.” I said, suppressing a giggle at my ridiculous, yet sincere words.
“But the fact of the matter is; I’m sitting here with you, in Paris, in 1912, a place and time that in the normal course of things I have no right to be in. So this can only mean that he did save me, one way or another. I think we both know that even that Jack saved me. So you see he really does love me; it really is as simple as that. It doesn’t matter if you do or don’t understand, because hard as it might be for someone like you Javier to comprehend this, not everything is about you and nor does everything concern you.”
This time it was me that sat back and smiled. It really was that simple. Well, that part anyway. Whatever was coming next was probably going to be a bit more complicated, but I made myself think about one thing at a time and pushed everything else out of my mind. That he had given me hope was never his intention, I’m sure, but he had and it would help me find the courage I might need to face whatever it was that was surely coming.
We sat in silence for a while and I looked up at the sky. Clouds were beginning to appear. I knew the rain would come soon and for a moment I was undecided. I didn’t really want to go anywhere with him, because there was less chance of him shimmering with me in a public place and here at least, I could get away from him easily.
What about us? Page 25