I looked straight at him this time. “Javier tried to kill me. I hope your investigation hasn’t skirted over that rather important fact. I’m assuming murder or attempted murder is still wrong in the future?”
It was my turn to watch carefully; I wanted the truth.
“No, it most certainly has not and yes, for us murder is still a crime, one that is serious and thankfully rare.”
He looked a bit uncomfortable as he went on, but again, as far as I could tell he was telling me the truth.
“To be fair, he said he always knew you had the second watch and that you would escape from the battlefield. That was what he meant when he said he was going to lose you. He knew that you would hide as soon as you realised where you where, but he didn’t want to know where or when you had gone. That way he would not have to lie and he did not think that Jack would find you. This was clearly an underestimation on his part.”
“Humph!” was as much as I could give in response to that line of thinking.
Suri’s clear voice broke into the silence.
“He didn’t do it to gain a personal advantage Grace. Javier is an exceptional person, despite his sometimes unfortunate traits. Everything he learnt he used to benefit mankind generally. He is not interested in fame, glory or wealth; only knowledge interests him. The fact that he acquired so much of it as a direct result of breaking so many rules is something different and it remains a difficult issue for us to grapple with.” she finished, stirring her tea thoughtfully.
For a moment I was furious that the loathsome man had planned it all and more fool them if they believed him. I know I thought all that, but I don’t think I said any of it.
However, Hector raised an eyebrow and Suri went on to say, “We have examined all the information stored in his implants. He took a big risk by taking you to that moment in time, but in his view it was calculated. He had carried out a lot of research and he had studied both you and local history before he decided on that plan of action. And you did escape; you weren’t killed.”
“So how did you find me,” I asked, “If my whereabouts were never in his implants?”
My spirits sank even lower. It seemed there was no way I could outwit the man, which probably meant he’d come back for another try at some point.
“Jack found you.” Hector said, evenly.
He couldn’t have known what effect that statement would have on me.
All the lights came back on and then they went out again. He’d found me but he hadn’t come for me; instead, these two had come. Something important had changed for him. I didn’t doubt that he had loved me in the past, but I could no longer assume that he might still love me in the present. I had to put my cup down; I’d started shaking and it was rattling in the saucer. I nodded; I didn’t trust myself to say a single word and just sat there, blinking the tears away, trying to make my mind go blank.
Suri must have seen my anxiety, because she leaned forward and tried to catch my eyes, I suppose to help me focus on something.
“Just before Javier unwound time, Jack went up to your room in the hotel. He saw how you had left it and he managed to have the leather-bound folder in his hand as it was all unwinding. It meant that the papers were with him in the same way that the other watch was with you; they were not erased from time and so later, we could look at the clues you had left.”
She spoke softly, as though she wanted me to know something important, but I was too miserable to think about it properly.
“If you were there all the time, why did you let Javier do it? Why didn’t you stop him?” I asked sullenly. I didn’t want to think about Jack. Not until later, when I was alone again, as I was probably always going to be.
Hector was about to speak, but Suri cut him off. “Before Javier set off on his own mission, Jack had convinced us that a thorough investigation was needed. Something that Javier had told him triggered an echo in his mind. He didn’t discuss it with his mentor, instead he took his concerns and reasons straight to The Board, who sanctioned his proposal and drafted in Hector and myself to lead it. That was why we were with him at the hotel. I know that you saw us, but I was surprised that you could. We too were almost outside time; we needed to be because we were observing Javier at that moment, not you. We had to let him continue, in order to understand. Only then could we question him and study all the layers of information we knew he had, although at that point we didn’t know how he had accumulated it. The Golden rule has not been broken often, yet he broke it deliberately and repeatedly. At that time it was something we were not prepared to believe was even possible.”
Not all of it made sense to me, but I grasped enough to know that clever though Javier undoubtedly was, he’d stitched himself up nicely and it made me smile. I was sure that he’d get his comeuppance and I didn’t need to know what it was going to be. It was more than enough to know that he hadn’t got away with trying to play god. And of course I knew he wouldn’t be allowed to come after me again.
They also didn’t need to tell me that Jack had understood my message. He had put together the seemingly random letters and numbers that I had underlined on the various pages and come up with ‘1901, waiting for my music box and enjoying the roses.’
He’d always liked a puzzle and I’d known I could rely on him to make sense of the message. But none of this explained why it had taken them so long to come and find me.
Hector coughed again, to get my attention. “Do you have any more questions?”
“Just one more,” I replied. “Why have you waited so long to come and get me, if you’ve known where I was all this time? I mean, I’ve been living my own life and meddling in other people’s lives on a daily basis for more than eighteen months. I know that’s not allowed. I suppose that’s another thing you’re going to have to punish me for.”
I think I knew the game was up at that point, but strangely enough I didn’t much mind anymore. I mean, Jack wasn’t going to be allowed to come back, even if he wanted to and thankfully neither was Javier. They’d all got what they wanted and I was the last loose bit of string that still needed tying up. I was certain that they were not going to do anything bad to me and I knew from Javier that they couldn’t unexist me anymore than he could. So I just had to wait and be patient. Once I knew what their plans for me were, I could make my own, but it was possible that theirs would be good enough. I wouldn’t be able to have what I wanted, that wasn’t going to be allowed. So in that case, anything else would probably do.
Hector smiled for the first time and there was nothing unpleasant in it. He looked a bit grandfatherly, but in a nice way.
“Grace, we learn; we don’t punish.” he said, as though I were a child.
It was my turn to laugh. “That all rather depends on your definitions of learning and punishment doesn’t it?” I answered softly, not expecting him to understand.
I’d obviously confused him for a moment, because he shook his head ever so slightly as though to brush my words away and then went on as if I hadn’t spoken.
“But to answer your question, this investigation has been very complex. We have had more than one timeline to follow and more than one reality to untangle. We decided to use a linear approach to time, to be sure that we didn’t confuse things even further. If we required time, then we had to give you the same amount of time. Had we completed our investigations linearly and then just popped back to the day when you arrived in 1900, we may have inadvertently changed something crucial to our findings. We determined that you would do less damage by living your life and meddling in other people’s than we could do by popping back on ourselves. Time is a funny thing Grace, as you are beginning to understand. Our greatest mistake perhaps, was that we thought we understood it.”
“Oh...” I said, knowing that I now had even more to think about later.
It was clear to me from his expression that he didn’t want to explain any of this in a way that might actually make some sense to me, so I didn’t ask. But then after a
minute or so he turned to me again.
“Grace, I am curious. Do you have any recollections of anything that is perhaps at odds with what you think to be true?”
I looked up at him in surprise. “What, you mean like déjà-vu?” I asked.
“If you like,” he said.
I thought for a moment, needing to find the right words.
“Sometimes I have feelings that I can’t explain; that something is different, not quite right. There was that strange shimmer just before Javier arrived. It was nothing to do with him, or with him winding time back; it was to do with me. I just knew in that moment that everything, I mean completely everything around me had changed, but I don’t know how or why. I also think that you two and Javier are not the only people I’ve explained my life to; but I don’t know who else it might have been, when it was, or again; why. Then of course there are the times that lots of people have; when you think that you’ve met someone before, or gone somewhere and it’s been vaguely familiar.”
As I was saying all this, he was nodding slowly.
I paused for a moment, wondering if I should tell them the other bit, then after a moment of dithering I quickly carried on. I knew that what I was saying was daft, but I had the strangest urge to let it all out; maybe then it would stop haunting me.
“Sometimes, when I used to look at Jack, I’d know what he’d be like as an old man. He was always sad and that wasn’t right. Then there were other times, like at the beginning when we first met; I just knew that I’d known him forever, that I’d been waiting for him. Please don’t laugh. I know it doesn’t make any sense but still...”
I looked away, sure that they would think I was being foolish.
“Most interesting,” he said, looking over at Suri. “I wasn’t going to laugh Grace, I can assure you it really is most interesting.”
While I was wondering what Hector might have meant, Suri crossed the room to the door and beckoned him over.
“Excuse us a moment.” he said.
He joined her and they left the room. I could have tried to escape of course, but I didn’t see the point. And anyway, I still wanted to know how it was going to be played out. I sat there for a minute or two and then felt the need to walk about myself. I was a bit confused about how I felt; everything inside was jumbled up and trying to get out. I felt deflated, miserable and hurt, but there was also an enormous sense of relief. One way or another, it was finally over. The cloud of despair that had been hanging over me ever since Jack had been snatched away hadn’t gone, but it was starting to lift.
My only regret was that I would never see him again; I would never get the chance to tell him personally just how much I loved him and how glad I was that he’d come into my life. I wouldn’t have given up a minute of it, not for the world and I really wanted him to know that. For a moment it didn’t even matter that much if his feelings for me had changed. The simple fact remained; I had lived a different life and I had known love. Neither things had ever really been on the cards for me, not even in my wildest dreams, so in one sense I did feel grateful and in another I also felt rather pleased with myself.
Because of Jack I knew it was possible to hope for better things and it was only right that he had the chance to do all those things that Javier had told me about and be successful. I was certain that he would make the world I had saved an even better place and I knew that my sacrifice was worth it too. When they came back into the room, I’d pretty much made my peace with it all and I turned to them expectantly.
“So, what happens now?” I asked.
Chapter twenty-six
“I think we have everything we need,” Hector said.
They were both smiling, but I held my breath, trying not to imagine what might happen next.
“We have to present everything to The Board,” Suri explained. “And it may take a few days. Would you prefer to wait here or would you like us to take you home?”
I hadn’t been expecting that.
“You’re just going to leave me?” I asked, incredulous at the thought that they would just go.
Hector looked surprised. “Well yes, why shouldn’t we?”
He had a point I suppose. What exactly could I do?
“Where would you be more comfortable while you wait for us, here or back at home?” Suri asked again.
“Home...?” I said stupidly, realising that I didn’t belong anywhere, or in any time, not really.
I came to a decision. “No, you can leave me here.”
But then there was another question. “What day is it?” I asked warily.
“It is Thursday. The apartment is quite safe until next Wednesday. We shall return before then, I can assure you.”
She smiled as she spoke; she’d obviously picked up what I’d meant.
I nodded. “When you come back, I suppose...”
Hector cut me short. “When we return, we will have The Board’s decision.”
“I’ll be here.” I told them. “But now I’m curious. If, because of this investigation, time has to be linear, why did you bring me to 1912?”
Hector smiled, clearly pleased with my question.
“Because this is where you and Javier met and it is also the point in time when he meddled in a way that he should not have. We had to re-establish you before that happened. The Board wishes to return things to how they should have been, or as close to it as we can approximate, given the circumstances.”
I just nodded and moved away from them as they set their watches. That was when another thought occurred to me. I realised that they were going to come back on another day, not just in five minutes. They would return when this Board, whoever they were, had finished their deliberations.
“Wait!” I cried. “Is time passing for everyone now?”
“Time always passes Grace, it never waits...” he answered cryptically, as the shimmer enveloped them, leaving me alone in the apartment that was as much home as anywhere.
Later, in the bath I looked at my hands and understood what he meant. They showed the effects of the work they’d done and my mind told me I was no longer the same Grace that had shimmered away from Lyme Regis on my twenty-first birthday. I’d been all over time, but there was no escaping the fact that time had passed for me. I wasn’t twenty-one any more. It was difficult to be sure, but adding it all up, I reckoned I was around twenty-eight. For my Mum and everyone else, 11th September 2001 passed normally, but not for me. In fact it would never happen for me. In a strange way it was like being dead; I no longer existed in my own time.
Whatever happened in the days and years that followed my birthday in 2001 would always be a mystery to me, so I didn’t need anyone else to tell me that I could no longer be returned to the same moment I’d left. I had to assume that this option wasn’t open to The Board and quickly pushed it out of my overactive imagination. There was no point dwelling on what their other options might be. I’d find out soon enough, after all.
“Oh well, no one gets to live forever!” I said to myself as I got out of the bath. And under the circumstances, I decided it was a jolly good thing.
By then it was around seven pm and I’d last eaten in my own kitchen hours ago, or was it a decade ago...? Anyway, I wasn’t hungry and I had no inclination to go out. I just moved from room to room aimlessly, staring out of the windows, not allowing myself to think about anything except what I could see right in front of me. I stayed out of the maid’s way while she worked. She didn’t speak any English and I don’t like to be rude, but it made it easier not to even attempt much conversation. I had every right to be there and something about me made her accept the fact. I thanked her when she was finished and closed the door firmly behind her. Then I crawled into the big bed and cried myself to sleep.
In the morning I was at a loss as for what to do. Even the wardrobe didn’t hold its usual appeal, but still, I made myself get up, get dressed and go out. I wandered the streets without any real purpose for several hours and when my feet hurt, more f
rom the heat than anything else, I stopped at a fancy restaurant and ordered lunch, but only managed to eat a few mouthfuls. Then I carried on wandering aimlessly until it began to get dark, in a city that I usually loved to be in, but at that moment, one which held no attractions for me at all.
I’d spent almost two years waiting, but those hours were the worst. I didn’t even know what I was waiting for anymore. Whatever it was, I just wanted it over. At least while I’d been waiting in Lyme I had hope, but since being back in Paris in 1912, I had none. In fact, very little seemed to matter anymore. I was numb from it all and despite all the things I’d learnt about the past and the future, I realised that really I knew nothing. What’s more, I didn’t care.
The second night, the heat was stifling. There was no breeze, so despite opening all the doors and windows, there was no escape from it and I couldn’t sleep. Try as I might, I only dozed, waking up every ten or fifteen minutes. By dawn I was exhausted, but I was also unable to stay in bed; I was still so full of nervous energy.
Saturday passed in the same pointless haze as Friday had done. I went for a walk along the river. I tried a different place to eat, but I still wasn’t hungry. Late in the afternoon I bought milk and some nice looking cakes in a bakery, only it had a much fancier name and set off in what I thought was the right direction for the apartment. Somehow, I found myself outside the hotel. I didn’t go in though, I just stood outside for a minute, because I couldn’t be sure whether or not we’d taken the room yet.
A sad little voice spoke in the back of my mind. “Now we won’t of course; we never will.”
The tears started to fall again and I couldn’t stop them. I blindly found my way back to the apartment and just wasted time there, drinking tea and crying. I didn’t even get ready for bed; I just fell asleep still fully dressed on the couch.
It was Suri that woke me up. I was thick with sleep and puffy-eyed from crying so much and for a while I couldn’t get my bearings, but she saw my confusion without me having to explain anything. She ran me a bath and when I came out, there was a cup of tea waiting for me. We sat in the kitchen and I asked her where Hector was.
What about us? Page 29