Gently, Epona pulled my dress off then wrapped a heavy bear fur around me. Then she began washing me. First, she washed my face. I could see her eyes studying me, but I felt as if I had gone off to some strange place. An overwhelming sense of numbness shattered me. Epona’s touch, which had always been warm and comforting, felt strange. I wanted to push her away, but I forced myself to be calm. In my heart, I knew I was with someone who loved and cared for me. I was safe. But still, I could barely abide it. I shut off my feelings and stared into the fire. My head felt woozy. Sweat trickled my forehead, and I felt myself swoon. Sharp pain shot through my head.
Strange images appeared before my eyes. I saw Banquo on a battlefield before a large army, rousing the assembly to war. And then I saw the raven-haired man from the cauldron. He was sitting on the throne of Scone. He smiled at me, but then his eyes turned to someone at my side. I looked down to see I was holding the hand of a small boy around six years old. He smiled up at me, his curly mop of dark hair sweetly framing his face, offsetting his pale blue eyes.
I gasped and rose.
“Cerridwen?”
“Bring me the blue flask,” I said with urgency, grabbing Epona by the shoulders. “Now! Epona! Bring me the blue flask,” I said, shaking her. When Gwendelofar had first revealed she was pregnant, Epona had offered her a concoction of herbs to rid herself of the child. The brew had been kept in a blue flask.
The vision. The strange sensation that had overcome me. I knew then, without a doubt, I was carrying Duncan’s seed.
“Cerridwen,” Epona said, looking me deep in the eyes. “Sit,” she said, lowering me back onto my seat. She covered me with the fur once more. Epona then kneeled on the floor before me and closed her eyes. She was saying an incantation. I could just catch the words she recited. But more than that, I saw the glow that suddenly surrounded her. After a moment, she became silent, and the glow faded.
“Yes. You are with child.” Once more, she took my hand. Gently, she took the coin pouch. It was stained with my blood. I heard her inhale sharply when she saw the insignia on the bag. “Duncan?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“He travels south after his meetings with the lords in the north,” Epona said. “The blue flask…a child is but an innocent thing. Tidings that begin as foul can become fair. Wash the memory of what has happened from your mind. You are to be wed within the fortnight. Take your new husband to bed right away. No one will ever know.”
“I can’t betray Banquo like that,” I replied. “I will tell him the truth.”
“Banquo?”
“Sid said my marriage is confirmed.”
“It is. To Gillacoemgain of Moray.”
“Gillacoemgain of Moray!” My mind raced back in time to a conversation I’d once shared with Banquo who’d mentioned Gillacoemgain had taken power in Moray. Madelaine, as well, had once listed him as a man who might seek to take my hand.
Epona pushed my hair away from my face. “Malcolm has agreed to wed you to Moray. The matter is settled.”
“But Epona, Banquo and I are soul-bound!”
“So Cerridwen and Banquo may be, but the law of the land has decreed the daughter of Boite shall marry the Mormaer of Moray.”
I shook my head. “I will not.”
“You must. You have no choice. Will you deny Moray for Lochaber and start a war in the process? Will you condemn the man you love?”
“No, it’s just…”
“A marriage by law.”
“My marriage to Gillacoemgain is a betrayal of my ties to Banquo under the eyes of the old gods.”
“And how do you intend to explain that to Gillacoemgain? To King Malcolm? They will put your druid’s head on a spike.”
She was right. I knew it. I just couldn’t bear it. “Epona,” I breathed, then looked down at the coin purse. “In the fire…I saw Duncan’s child.”
Epona looked into the flames then shook her head. “Perhaps you did. But the Great Mother has shown me more. I’ve seen two children.”
“Children? Twins?”
Epona nodded then said, “They are your children, my girl. They are yours, not his.”
“The blue flask—”
“No,” Epona said. “You are stronger than that.”
“I don’t know if I can—“
“You can. You must. Gillacoemgain will never know. Let all the world rejoice when you have given heirs to Moray.”
“But Epona,” I cried, and this time I spoke the truth, “how can I love such children created by violence? Won’t I despise them for how they took root in me? Will I look into their eyes and forever remember?” I shuddered.
“They are innocent. They are nothing more than flowers blooming in your womb. Will you weed them? They belong to no one but you.”
“Epona, I don’t know if I can…” I began to protest, but then I thought of the way the child in my vision had looked at me. He’d beamed up at me with pure love in his eyes.
“Promise me you will come here when the children are born. Promise me,” Epona said.
“Of course,” I replied, but I was so confused. What had happened? What was happening to me? First Duncan…now, Gillacoemgain of Moray? “Epona, where is Banquo?”
Epona shook her head. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him for many months.” Epona wore a strange expression on her face. Suddenly, I was very certain she wasn’t telling me something.
“What is it?”
“Please forgive me. I…” Epona said then paused. “When Banquo came last, he demanded to know your whereabouts. He spoke of seeing you in the flames, in the dark places. I believe he left here under the impression you were lost to the otherworld, that you would not return.”
“And you let him believe that?”
“I thought it best. I know how much you loved one another, but that fate is not meant to be. I wanted to make it easier for him. For you. I thought, perhaps, if he believed you were lost then he could move on. And, with him doing so, it would make it easier for you upon your return. There was never any hope for your marriage to Lochaber. I’m sorry, Cerridwen. I hoped to make the separation easier.”
“How could you?” I whispered.
“My child, Gillacoemgain of Moray waits for you at Madelaine’s keep. You must put Banquo from your mind. Please listen to my counsel in this. For Gillacoemgain. For you. For the seeds you carry. For Banquo. Cerridwen’s time is done. Gruoch must return. You have duties. For the good of the realm, you must attend them. The Goddess needs you in this world now. She needs Gruoch.”
Her words were an echo of Andraste’s…Andraste who had warned of the wickedness that would cross my path. Had she known?
“And where was my goddess when I was face down in the mud?” I asked, looking once more at the coin purse. My body shook, and I tried to push the memories away.
“Still within you. Vengeance can be yours, but it is Gruoch, not Cerridwen, who will see to that.”
I stared at the flames, and this time I saw my hands clutching a dagger, blood dripping from my fingers.
From deep within me, the raven called.
Chapter 3
Madelaine embraced me the moment she entered Epona’s house the following morning. Her crushing hug was nearly more than I could take. My body still felt so hollow. I felt like a ghost, a spirit moving through the tangible world. It was an odd feeling. I tried to shake the thought and focus on my beloved aunt. She looked older. The hair at her temples had turned gray. How much time had passed?
“I’m so glad you made it here so quickly. We thought it would take you much longer,” she said.
“Yes, well, I was pushed out immediately,” I replied. Pushed into darkness and damnation. Was I pushed fast so I would not miss my fate? Had Andraste known? When I saw her next, she would have a lot of explaining to do.
“A week’s wait doesn’t feel immediate to your impatient aunt.”
“A week?”
Madelaine nodded.
Uald entered
the house behind her. “So, she returns from the void.”
I mustered up the best smile I could.
“Sit, sit,” Madelaine said, motioning me toward the table. “You look pale, Corbie. Has she eaten, Epona?”
“Yes,” Epona said distractedly as she rummaged about in her pantry.
I’d stayed the night with Epona in a kind of stupid slumber, half awake and half in the otherworld. It was so hard to collect myself. I felt like I was drunk, lost in the shadows, a fey and broken thing.
“How are you, my little love? You don’t look like you feel well,” Madelaine said.
“The walk between the worlds is grueling,” Epona answered for me.
Madelaine smiled. “I’ve missed you so much.” She took my hands. I winced when she touched the bandaged cut on my palm. “Oh, you’re hurt?”
In so many ways. “I fell.”
Madelaine nodded.
Uald, who’d taken a seat alongside me, was studying both me and Epona carefully. Madelaine was delighted to see me and that joy blinded her. Uald, however, gave me a questioning look.
I shook my head and looked away. Not now.
“Your betrothed waits for you at my castle. He has come with a full entourage to see you. You will be taken north to Moray where you will be wed. He is older than you, in his late thirties, I believe. He’s tall and muscularly built. He has light brown hair and dark eyes. All in all, he is rather handsome.”
I frowned. In all this puzzling madness, I had assumed that Gillacoemgain of Moray would be my raven-haired man. In the very least, that would have made sense. But he wasn’t. And he wasn’t Banquo. What in the world was I to do?
“Who cares what he looks like? All of Scotland knows he’s a dangerous and bloody man,” Uald said.
Madelaine frowned. “Yes, there was bloodshed. That is true,” Madelaine said then turned to me. “Gillacoemgain killed his brother Findelach in civil war.”
“Donalda’s husband?” I asked then, remembering the story. Malcolm’s younger daughter Donalda had been married to Findelach, the Lord of Moray. Findelach had fallen out of King Malcolm’s favor and many whispered that the king has supported Gillacoemgain’s move to wrestle power from Findelach.
Madelaine nodded. “The same.”
“Has Findelach no sons?” Uald asked.
“One, Macbeth, who sought protection from Lord Thorfinn of Orkney when his father was murdered.”
“I’m sure that went over well,” Uald said with a laugh. It was well known that Thorfinn of Orkney opposed Malcolm and wanted to rule the north of Scotland himself. With a powerful ally like Macbeth, who was an heir to Moray, the two would be a strong opposing force, one that Banquo had once told me he supported.
Madelaine nodded. “Indeed, until Macbeth was captured and handed over to his grandfather. He’s now a ward in Malcolm’s court.”
“A prisoner, you mean,” Uald said.
Madelaine shrugged. “Either way, he is subdued. Your marriage to Gillacoemgain will give you rule over the ancient kingdoms. It is a great honor.”
“Easy for you to say. No one seems to care that I am already bound to the heir of Lochaber,” I said angrily. My own rage startled me. My heart pounded in my chest.
Madelaine shifted in her seat. “I swear by the Great Mother, I did try.”
“We thought we heard a raven’s caw,” Sid said then, pushing the door open. When she entered, she immediately sensed the tension in the room. “Ah, so I see you’ve told her the good news.”
In spite of myself, I chuckled.
Sid flopped down into the seat beside me and put her arm around me. “Gillacoemgain of Moray, the fratricide. Excellent choice, Madelaine,” she told my aunt then turned to me. “Well, Raven Beak, there’s always the next life for love.”
Madelaine opened her mouth to protest but then closed it, thinking better of it.
“Cerridwen?” another voice called from the door. I turned to see Aridmis there.
“Sister.”
“Many welcome returns,” she said, smiling at me. “The stars told me you were coming soon.”
“Do they have anything else to say?” I asked sourly.
“Much, actually,” Aridmis said knowingly.
“I’m weary of the future,” I said, suddenly feeling very tired.
Aridmis poured a glass a water and lifted it, “then let’s toast the past.”
I smiled wryly at her, lifting my cup.
She smiled sympathetically at me, nodding in assent.
Druanne and Bride then entered. They’d been discussing something heatedly.
“You don’t always have to be right,” Bride was telling Druanne.
“I’m not saying—” Druanne began but Bride cut her off when she saw me.
“Merry met! It’s Cerridwen!”
Druanne looked sharply at me, plastering on a false smile. She nodded to me then busied herself helping Epona.
“You don’t look a day older,” Bride told me.
“Yet feel the weight of a thousand years on me,” I said absently.
Bride laughed, “Pshaw, so complain the young when they don’t know better. Just wait until you’re so old that you don’t recognize yourself in the looking glass anymore.”
The company in the room fell into cheery laughter. The conversation regarding Gillacoemgain of Moray was put on hold, and with Druanne there, I did my best to put my troubles out of mind. The last thing I wanted was for her to know what had happened. I was still coming to grips with it myself and didn’t want her poking at my wounds. But with the others came noise. And while having those I loved near me made me feel comforted, the loud sounds started clanging on my nerves.
“I know someone else who has missed you,” Uald said. “Why don’t we go check on Kelpie?”
Grateful for her intervention, I followed Uald outside. The bright sunlight hurt my eyes.
“I’ve had some luck breeding. We managed one colt, but no more. I need to bring in a fresh mare. Unfortunately, I’ll be losing my stallion now.”
“I’ll have horses sent to you. Madelaine can bring them when she comes next.”
Uald laughed. “Spending the wealth of Moray already?”
“What else will I have to do in Moray, wed to a man I do not love?”
Uald leaned against the fence. “Banquo…he came, you know, searching for you. Epona led him to believe you would not return.”
“So she confessed.”
“Epona doesn’t know that I told him you would return. But I did warn him that marriage was out of the question.”
“Uald,” I whispered. “Where is he?”
“North, with Lord Thorfinn. At the moment, he is allied with your promised husband’s enemies.”
“What should I do?”
“Well, if you ask me, I say you should run off and tell Malcolm to go to hell. You and your druid don’t need the court life.”
“You tempt my heart.”
Uald whistled, capturing Kelpie’s attention. My horse sniffed the wind then trotted over to me. Kelpie stuffed his nostrils in my hair and breathed deeply.
“I missed you too,” I whispered, stroking his neck. I turned back to Uald. “I don’t know what to do.”
“It’s your choice. If you return to court, return as Boite’s daughter and wield your bloodline like a weapon. But never let Cerridwen sink below your skin. Be a raven amongst doves.”
It was then I noticed a young horse moving across the field toward us. “Who is that?” I asked.
“The offspring I told you about. I named him Titan.”
“He’s enormous.”
The horse stopped in front of Uald who scratched his ears. “He’s no bigger than he should be.” Uald looked at me and then frowned. “It is the same with Sid. Corbie, you’ve been gone a long time.”
“Long? How long?”
“Six years.”
“Six years!” Six years was too much. No one could wait that long. Banquo would have given up on
me already. I closed my eyes and shook my head. As I did so, I felt a sharp pain shoot across my skull. I stepped away from the fence. My knees grew soft.
“Cerridwen,” Uald said, catching me before I fell.
“It’s too much,” I whispered.
“Come,” Uald said, leading me to her smithy. “I made something for you.”
Once inside, I sat down at the table and held my head in my hands while Uald dug through her trunk. A few moments later, she set a package in front of me.
“Go ahead,” she told me.
Trying to ignore the pain, I slowly unwrapped the bundle. Inside, I found a glimmering sword topped with a raven’s head. It was the most beautiful weapon I’d ever seen.
I gasped. “Did you make this?”
“In many ways, you are the daughter I never had. Take this sword, and wield it as the raven.”
I rose and lifted the blade. My sword arms were weaker than they had been before I’d gone to Ynes Verleath, but I was still strong. Bracing myself, I swished the blade back and forth. Before my eyes, I imagined Duncan’s monstrous face. I envisioned taking his head off. But it didn’t feel like enough. It didn’t feel violent enough. I wanted more blood. I heard my heart beating hard, and in the distance, I perceived the sound of raven’s wings.
“Uald, daughter of Hephaestus,” Madelaine called from behind me. “Isn’t it beautiful? Don’t you just love it?”
I turned and looked at Madelaine.
The expression on Madelaine’s face changed. She looked startled. “Corbie?”
“It is the raven you see,” Uald told her. “Don’t be afraid.”
I lowered the sword, and the sound of wings dissipated. My heartbeat slowed.
“It’s beautiful,” I told Uald.
“I…I was thinking we should get ready to go. Tavis is waiting. It’s been a week. I don’t want to keep Moray waiting longer. They…they think I’ve travelled to the convent for you,” Madelaine said, obviously upset. I wondered then how I looked when the raven took over me.
I lifted the belted scabbard off the table and wrapped it around my waist. Sliding the sword inside, I crossed the smithy and embraced Uald.
Highland Blood (The Celtic Blood Series Book 2) Page 2