Knox and Foust sat beside me on the couch, both totally engrossed in the romantic comedy playing on the massive flat screen.
“You guys have the most unusual taste in movies,” I said, grabbing a handful of chips from the bag on Foust's lap.
“SHHH! This is the best part,” he growled in an effort to shut me up. Unfortunately for him, it had the opposite effect. I don't know if his reaction had really been that funny, but I started giggling at first. Then it grew to a chuckle. Then a full-blown, body-shaking, uncontrollable laugh. One that garnered me the stank eye from Foust.
“I'm sorry,” I said, barely able to spit out the words coherently.
Maybe it was the stress of everything finally getting to me. Maybe I was long overdue for a good laugh. But whatever the reason, I literally could not stop.
“Jesus, Piper,” Foust groused, pausing the movie to wait out my outburst.
“I'm stopping...I'm stopping,” I protested between breaths as I tried to regain my composure. Once I thought I finally had myself under control, I turned to find Foust frowning at me. That was all it took.
My hysterics kicked in yet again.
“I'll go,” I squeaked, nearly out of air from laughing so hard. I got up from the couch, clutching my stomach, and made my way toward the guest room. I really did need to get my shit together. I looked like a total nutcase.
Once I escaped the room, I tried my best to control my breathing as I walked toward my room at the end of the hall. By the time I reached it, the laughter had died off, leaving me with a cramped stomach, watery eyes, and cheeks that hurt from smiling so hard. I lay down on the bed, stretching out on my back to try and get my abs to calm down. With arms outstretched above my head, I continued to take deep breaths, holding them until I couldn't any longer, then letting them out in one aggressive exhale.
“Are you getting ready to have a baby?” Knox asked, a curious expression on his face. In fairness, I probably looked ridiculous. I instinctively brought my arms down and pulled the raised hem of my shirt down to cover my scars. He frowned instantly. “I wish you wouldn't do that. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Old habits,” I said with a shrug. It was the best I could offer him in explanation. “Anyway, can I do something for you?”
His eyes glowed amber for the briefest moment then faded back to green.
“I was just checking in on you,” he explained, still hovering in the doorway. “You've been through a lot, Piper. You've been on the run...alone...and then with everything that happened this morning, I just—”
“I'm fine, Knox. Really. I am.”
“I know, Piper. I just think that outburst of yours held an edge of instability to it. We all react to things differently—handle stress in our own way. I wanted to make sure that you weren't silently suffering. That's all.”
“I'm not. I promise.”
His eyes narrowed.
“Half truth...”
“Jesus, Knox. Enough with the lie detector shit. Please. It gets old sometimes,” I groaned, flopping back on the bed to cover my face with a pillow.
“You can't get mad at me for caring,” he argued.
“Try me.”
“Piper—”
“Knox, I'm not melting down, okay? I'm tired. And yes, a lot has happened to me, but I've dealt with most of it and I'm processing the rest. That's the best I can do,” I told him. The muffled sound of my voice was annoying so I pulled the pillow away from my face. I found Knox looming over me. “What? Did I fail the polygraph again?”
“No. You didn't.”
“Sweet. Then is the interrogation over?”
“For now,” he replied tightly. There was doubt in his eyes. Something deep inside him was unsettled by what I'd said, and regardless of what his instinctual lie detector told him, he didn't seem to quite believe me.
“I'm going to go to bed for the night,” I said, scooting across the bed to stand up on the other side. “I'll see you in the morning.”
“I'm going to have guards surrounding the lodge tonight,” he informed me as he walked toward the bedroom door. “Just to be safe. You'll find a familiar face camping out below your window, so don't be surprised if you look outside.”
With that, he left me alone, closing the door behind him. I couldn't quite figure out what was eating at Knox, but there were too many possibilities to really narrow down the list. He had a lot on his plate thanks to me.
I changed out of my clothes, throwing on some sweatpants and a tank top that one of the boys had brought over for me on Knox's orders. After a quick bathroom stop to brush my teeth and pee, I made my way back to my room. As I walked past the large mirror above the dresser, I stopped and looked at myself. To me, I was plain—nothing special. Perhaps I'd bought into the opinions of others for too long. My whole life I'd been told I was nothing, at least until I’d met Jase and Dean. Could it have all been a lie?
Lifting up the hem of my shirt, I exposed my scars in the scant light of the room. The mottled, mangled skin greeted me, but somehow it looked different. I used to cringe at the sight, but now I willingly explored the way the skin pinched and puckered, tracing the various lines that swirled along my abdomen with my finger. Maybe Merc had been right that night. Maybe my scars were my story. A road map of my life.
And that road had led me to Knox and his pack.
I was wrong to snap at him, and the guilt I felt about it grew as I lay in my bed, waiting for sleep to find me. But it never did. Instead, I tossed and turned, until I finally threw back the covers and walked over to the window. The bright light of the full moon was there to greet me. I stared, marveling at it. And as I did, I saw the similarities between its texture and that of my scars. There truly was beauty to be found in imperfection.
With that realization in mind, I soon found myself standing outside Knox's bedroom.
19
Staring at the thick, unfinished wood of his door, I wondered why exactly I was there. I owed him an apology, that much was clear, but why I felt the need to give it at that hour of the morning escaped me, making me question if there was another reason I'd gone to him. Was it comfort I sought? Forgiveness? Without knowing the answer, I knocked lightly, knowing that I would soon find out.
When it came to Knox, the truth always had a way of coming to light.
I heard the light fall of his footsteps as he approached. My breath caught in my throat and I broke out in a cold sweat. This was a bad idea. My apology really could wait until morning.
“Piper?” he said with surprise in his voice. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing. I'm sorry I woke you. I'll go.” I turned to run away, feeling the awkwardness grow inside me. Really, what exactly was I doing?
“Well, I'm awake now, so...what's up? Can't sleep?”
“Not really,” I replied, shifting my body to face him. “Are you alone?”
He looked at me like I had lost my mind for a moment, then the corner of his mouth curled up slightly, forming a lopsided grin.
“Well, Foust and I only cuddle every other night, so you're in luck.”
“Right,” I said with a nervous laugh, shaking my head in self-deprecation.
“C'mon in.” He stepped back, opening the door wider for me to enter. Even with the gesture, I had to squeeze past him. I did my best not to brush up against his naked chest, but it was virtually impossible, unless I wanted to paint my body against the opposite wall as though he had some horrid communicable disease that I was hellbent on not contracting. It seemed a bit excessive.
I heard him laugh as I squeaked past him. Apparently my actions betrayed me.
“So, it's three in the morning, Piper. What's got you so on edge that you needed to see me now? Did you think of something pertinent you forgot to tell me earlier?” he asked, his expression becoming more serious.
“No. Nothing like that. I've just...it's just that...” I stammered, trying to put my thoughts together. His half-naked appearance wasn't helping me out at all.
“I wanted to apologize to you. For being grumpy about my scars. I'm just not really—”
“Accepting of them?” he interrupted. “I get it, Piper. Really, I do. I just want you to know that you'll find no judgment here. Not from any of us.”
“I know that,” I said softly. It was one of the greatest traits of the pack. “It's just going to take a while to sink in.”
“Understandable.” He looked at me expectantly, as though I still had something to say. Did he know something I didn't? “Is there anything else?”
“No...I think that's it.” I turned to leave but his response stopped me short.
“Lie.”
Dammit!
“Really. I came here to tell you I was sorry.”
“And?”
“...and I am?”
“Yeah. I got that.”
“So what else is there to say?”
He sighed heavily, coming to stand right before me.
“Do you feel like there's a shift in the air?” he asked me. It was not at all what I expected him to say. “Like there's something stirring inside you that you can't explain?”
I contemplated his question, digging deep within myself to see if I did. The answer I found there surprised even me.
“I think so. Maybe that's why I couldn't sleep,” I replied, my mind turning over the events of the evening. “I've been restless since you left. I thought it was the guilt, but maybe it was something else.”
He ushered me over to the bed and sat me down on the edge of it. I propped my feet up on the bed rail; the thin edge of the metal bit into the pads of my feet. The pain helped clear my head. Helped me focus on the subject at hand and not Knox's naked torso.
“Tell me exactly what it feels like,” he said, squatting down directly in front of me. “Better yet, how does it make you feel?”
“Antsy. Fidgety. Like I need to do something, but I'm not sure what.”
“Like you need an outlet for that energy?”
“Yes. I think so.”
“Okay...” he said thoughtfully, rubbing his jaw. “Does this mean we're going for a midnight jog?”
“I tried that already.”
“You what?” he exclaimed, shooting up to loom over me.
“I was roaming around a couple of hours ago and found the treadmill in the fitness room,” I explained, thinking that was rather obvious. “I didn't go outside, Knox. Jesus. I don't have a complete death wish. If I did, I wouldn't have ever left New York.”
“Right. Sorry,” he said, exhaling heavily. Then he started to pace the room. “I think it's your magic calling to you. I wish there was someone out there willing to help guide you...teach you about your powers.”
“You and me both,” I muttered.
“I don't know how to help you, Piper. I can't begin to tell you how much that pains me to admit,” he said softly, staring out the window.
“You are helping me, Knox. All you've done from the minute I met you is help me. Even before that, actually.”
“Lot of good it's done,” he scoffed. “We can only run defense for so long before someone breaches it.”
“I know,” I whispered, hanging my head in dejection. “That's why we have a plan. It's going to work.”
“I've been thinking about that, Piper. About your plan,” he said, turning to face me. “I don't think I can go through with it. You may be getting in touch with the magic you possess, but dangling you in front of this Kingston asshole when you don't have a way to defend yourself...it's not sitting well. You can't ask me and the others to sit back and watch him harm you—kill you. You don't know what that would do to us.”
“I'm not asking that, remember? You're going to be busy killing him while I distract him.”
“And if we fail? If I fail?”
“Well, the good news is that I survived being burned once. Maybe I'll survive it again?” I said in jest, trying to lighten the situation a bit. My efforts were not appreciated, judging by the look on his face. “Knox, there's no other way...unless you're willing to consider another plan altogether. One that involves me packing up my stuff and driving off into the night.”
“No!” he shouted, wheeling around to pin glowing yellow eyes on mine. “Don't even joke about that. You're not going it alone again, do you understand me? It's not happening. I'll be cold and dead long before I let that happen, so just drop that shit.”
“Your loyalty is commendable, Knox, but when are you going to see me for what I really am? The magical albatross hanging around your neck,” I argued, jumping to my feet to meet anger with anger. “You have sacrificed so much already and for what? What have you gained in this, Knox? Dead pack members that weaken you as a whole? A shitstorm of supernaturals sure to show up on your doorstep and rain down an unholy war upon you? Hell, you can't even get your full moon fix because I'm there, cock-blocking you every step of the way. You're going to go postal and kill someone soon if you don't scratch that itch.”
“I could have taken care of that last night if I’d wanted to—before all the chaos happened,” he said under his breath.
“Exactly my point, Knox, you could have but didn't because you were busy babysitting me. You deserve more than that.”
His eyes bled back to their human color, a hint of sadness hidden away in their green depths.
“I know.”
The sound of his voice was wistful and distant, and it reached into my chest and stopped my heart. He knew I was right. He was agreeing with me. Selfish though it was, a part of me had wanted him to continue our argument. The release of energy it provided proved cathartic for me. But more than that, I wanted him to maintain his stance because, deep down inside, a part of me wanted him to want me. And it took having him show me that he didn't to open my eyes to that fact.
I was falling for Knox.
And he wasn't falling at all.
I gulped hard, swallowing back the swell of emotions rising within me. It was so like me to not realize how I felt until everything around me was falling apart. I stood there as stoically as I could and awaited the rest of his response. None ever came. Instead, he continued to stare at me as though he were assessing something, a war waging inside him that I couldn't see.
I couldn't stand to watch it any longer.
“I'll go,” I said softly. I hoped the tiny break in my voice didn't give me away. Without hesitation, I turned and made my way toward the door, wanting to escape his room. It hurt too much to stay.
“Piper,” he called after me. I didn't slow. “Piper, stop.”
I was almost out, turning the knob of the door and opening it a crack. Then it slammed shut, his large palm spread wide across it in front of my face. I turned into his body, his extended arm caging me in. He was breathing hard—too hard—and the faintest amber glow illuminated the darkness between us.
“It's okay, Knox. You can let me go this time,” I breathed.
“No,” he said firmly. “I can't.”
We eyed each other for a moment, letting the tension between us reach an uncomfortable level. Then it broke. His lips crashed down upon mine, pressing me back against the door. I immediately laced my fingers through his hair, pulling him toward me. My efforts earned me a nip of my bottom lip. I gasped, then sighed, letting my body relax against his. He capitalized on my resignation, scooping his hands under my ass and lifting me up, trapping me with the delicious pressure of his hips.
“Knox,” I inhaled sharply, pulling away from him long enough to let his name past my lips.
“Piper,” he growled, shutting me up. My body rocked against the door, banging a rhythm for anyone nearby to hear.
“Bed,” I bit out between breaths that came hard and ragged.
“Right.” He carried me over in a flash, throwing me down to land on top of me hard. Our rhythm never suffered at all. As we ground against one another, I realized that if I didn't get my clothes off soon, he would just wear a hole right through them to get what he wanted. In light of this, I wriggled my hands d
own between us and started to pull my tank top up over my head. “Good thinking,” he said between the kisses he trailed down my neck.
“One of us needs to think under pressure,” I replied, my words muffled by the cotton fabric being drawn over my head.
“Thinking isn't high on my list of priorities right now,” he countered, pushing the waist of my sweatpants down.
“Getting your full moon fix is a bit more important?” I joked while I tried to help him by wiggling out of my pant legs.
His whole body froze.
I hadn't meant anything by my comment. Hadn't meant to insult him. I was nervous and unsure about what exactly was happening between us, and those words escaped before I really thought them through. Judging by his reaction, he felt very, very differently.
“This,” he started, his voice sharp and commanding, “has nothing to do with the full moon, Piper.”
“I was just kidding,” I said, staring up at his serious expression.
“I was never babysitting you either. I wanted to be around you. I chose to forgo getting my monthly rocks off because I had something I wanted more.”
“Oh?” I replied, barely breathing even though my heart raced uncontrollably.
He stared down at me, breaking his alpha exterior for a moment to let a playful grin emerge.
“Yeah. You, Piper. I wanted you, and I wasn't going to jeopardize that in any way. I was willing to wait as long as I had to.”
“You wanted me to come to you,” I observed.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because you've always had the look of someone who has reason to be wary of others. It was plain the day I met you. You can't push the skittish. They run.”
“I'm not running,” I said softly, reaching up to capture his face in my hands.
“You'd better not,” he growled, yanking my pants off in one fell swoop and collapsing down onto me. “Not unless you want another supernatural tracking you down. If we do this, Piper, there's no turning back. I'm already in too deep for that. Your call is almost impossible to ignore.” He leaned in close, his breath tickling my neck as he spoke. “Last chance.”
From the Ashes (Force of Nature #1) Page 21