My heart clenched with fear. Maybe we shouldn’t do this. Maybe we’re only setting ourselves up for heartbreak.
West
Adam grew quieter and quieter as the night went on, and I couldn’t figure out what had happened. One minute we’d been flirting and joking around, and the next he’d withdrawn. Had I said something wrong and offended him? Had my implications that we might get down and dirty again missed the mark? I hated to think that maybe I’d rushed him this morning, when I’d taken control of his body and had my way. I’d asked him if it was all right, but maybe it’d been too soon.
Worries and doubts swirled, gaining strength, but I did my best to suppress them until we could talk. After dessert, couples began to hit the dance floor. I stood, extending a hand to Adam. “Dance with me?”
He looked skeptical. “You know how?”
I grasped his hand, pulling him up. “Why don’t you come find out?”
He smiled, but it was a shadow of the smile he’d had for me on the trip over to the island. What had changed? With a show of bravado, I pulled him into my arms on the dance floor and led him through a few steps. He laughed in delight when he realized I did, in fact, know how to dance.
“When did this happen?” he asked.
“Remember when my cousin got married up in Boston? My mom made me learn.”
Adam’s smile faded. “The summer we were fourteen,” he recalled. “That was the summer…”
“What?” I asked when he trailed off.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Tell me,” I ordered.
He stepped out of my arms. “I need some air.”
Adam took off for the edge of the dance floor and the door beyond as if the room was on fire. I followed him, all out of patience. It was time we talked and got everything out in the open so we could move forward. I didn’t know what had killed his smile, but if it was something I’d done, I’d do anything to make it right.
“Adam,” I called, but he didn’t stop. He plowed out of the ballroom doors, cut down a hall toward the entryway, and stepped outside. “Adam, what’s wrong? Please?”
He looked at me, as if surprised to see me dogging his steps as he jogged down the stairs and walked around the house, heading toward the crashing surf of the ocean. “Sorry. I’m just… not sure…”
“Not sure about what?”
“About you and me. What we’re doing.”
I opened my mouth to reassure him I was serious about us, when he spoke words that sent me reeling. The very thing I’d hoped to avoid by testing the water with a few fake dates.
“Maybe we’re better off as friends.”
Adam
The devastation on West’s face wrecked me. I wanted to call the words back, but they were true. I was suddenly terrified of ruining a good thing. What did we know about dating? A few dates—fake ones, at that—couldn’t really prepare us for making this kind of leap. We would be forever altering our relationship.
“I didn’t see that coming,” he said quietly.
I hadn’t seen it either. I’d been so excited by the prospect West might want me that I hadn’t considered the long-term ramifications.
He walked a few steps ahead of me, staring out over the cliffs to the ocean beyond. He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging the ends, before looking at me. “I thought we wanted the same thing.” He swallowed hard. “But if you don’t want me that way, I have to respect that.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you,” I said.
“Then what is it, Adam? You were smiling and flirting with me earlier, and now… you look like you want to let me down easy. Did I upset you, say the wrong thing? Or did I move too fast? If what we did in bed wasn’t what you wanted—”
“Oh God, shut up,” I said.
His jaw dropped. “Excuse me.”
Stepping closer, I said in a low voice, “Of course I wanted it. Wanted you. But there’s more to consider than what I want.”
“Like what I want?”
I laughed nervously. “You’re not making this easy.”
“Please, just explain it to me like I’m five years old.”
Explain gut-wrenching irrational fear? I could give it the ole college try, I guess.
“Remember when you mentioned that wedding you went to for your cousin, when we were fourteen?”
“Yeah?”
“That was the year I knew that I’d never have you as more than a friend.”
He tilted his head. “I don’t…”
“I knew I was gay, and that I liked you, and I also knew that you were obsessed with Hannah. You liked girls, and I could never be what you wanted.”
It still hurt to think about the summer and the realization that the boy I loved would never love me the way I wanted him to.
“Adam, things change,” he said. “I’m bisexual. I know that now. I was a late bloomer, and I’m sorry I kept you waiting, but you are what I want.”
“I decided that summer that I would be your friend, no matter how I felt, because that was better than not having you at all. I knew that we’d always be friends, West. Do you know what I mean?” He nodded, and I continued. “When I thought about how long Mom and Dad have been married, twenty-five years, it seems enormous. But I can picture us still being friends when we’re old and gray.”
He cracked a smile. “Yeah, me too.”
“But what if we mess everything up? What if, by dating, we ruin a friendship that could last a lifetime?”
“We won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.”
I shook my head. He couldn’t know. There was no way to see the future. “You’re not fucking clairvoyant.”
West seemed past the initial shock and more sure of himself. He stepped closer, reaching for my hand. “Adam, if your parents can do it, so can we. Right there, in the ballroom, you’ve got evidence that two people who love each other can make it work.”
Adam swallowed. “I know, but… we’re not them. We might not last.”
“I suppose that’s true. You know that I suggested these fake dates so that I could get an idea of what it’d be like to date you for real. I worried that the transition from friendship to romance would be tricky. But the truth is, it came easily for me. Adam, it’s so easy to love you.”
My heart stuttered. “Wh-wha… No one said anything about love!”
“I did.” He smiled, though it was nervous. “It took no more than two dates for me to realize I love you, and that maybe I’ve loved you for a long time. That kiss blew me away. It was a catalyst for me to see what was right in front of me. You, Adam. You were always there, and once I opened my eyes, I couldn’t close them again. I couldn’t forget. We’re friends, and I know it’s scary to take a risk, but I think it’s worth it. And you have my promise right now, that even if it doesn’t work out, I will always want to be your friend.”
“You don’t know that,” I whispered.
“True. You might break my heart—”
“I wouldn’t!”
He snorted. “You see? You won’t break my heart, and I won’t break yours. We’ll still be friends, just friends who love each other. Assuming… you think you could love me?”
I scoffed. “Oh, please.”
West laughed softly. “Then please, Adam, don’t end this before it has a chance to be something incredible. I already love you; I already want to kiss you every time I see you. It’s really too late to go back, don’t you think?”
He had a point. His fake dates had ensured we were too entangled to ever be just friends again. “This is your fault,” I accused, “with your shellfish allergies and Ferris wheel kisses and, and…”
“Hand jobs?” he suggested with a quirk of his lips.
I punched his shoulder. “Five fake dates, you said! This doesn’t feel fake.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he agreed. “It’s the most real thing I’ve ever felt, and you’re not the only one who’s afraid. But I
think we could have something really special. I don’t want to throw that away out of fear. Take a leap of faith with me, Adam? Let’s love each other—just like we always have—but have smoking hot sex too.”
I tried to keep a straight face. I really did. But once again, I found myself laughing. No one could make me laugh like this joker could. “You’re such an asshole,” I said.
He was also right. That drunken kiss had been cataclysmic, not just for him, but for me too. That kiss had made me realize that the romantic feelings for West that I was sure I’d long ago vanquished had only been hibernating and waiting for this opportunity to surface.
Now, he was mine, if only I’d claim him. So, I did just that. Grabbing his shoulder with my right hand, and the back of his neck with my left, I yanked him into a fierce kiss.
“Okay, West, we’ll do this your way,” I said. “But I’m warning you now, if this relationship fails, you’ll never get rid of me. I’ll always be your friend, whether you like it or not.”
He smiled. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“Good, because I love you, asshole.”
“Might be a bit soon to love my asshole—”
“West!”
Laughing, he caught me in a playful kiss. I wound my arms around his neck, letting him pull me snug against his body, and explored his hot, wet mouth.
I could get used to this…
Maybe someday I would.
Epilogue
Date Number … Who the heck knows?
West
Adam walked into our assigned dorm room ahead of me, strapped with two heavy duffel bags, a laptop bag, and rolling a suitcase behind him. He paused to pant for breath while I sidled in with one duffel bag and my laptop. I would have been a gentleman and offered to help him with his excess of luggage, but Adam didn’t like it when I treated him delicately. That made for some fun times in the sack, too. The guy wanted me to use my strength, and I had fun doing it.
We’d spent most of the summer making up for lost time. Things were still rocky at home as my mother tried to make it work with the dickhead, but Adam’s bedroom had been my home nine days out of ten, so we all coped. At least Roger hadn’t said anything else hateful directly to my face, though the looks he sent me were enough to convey his opinions.
Adam dropped his bags. “You want the bed on the left again?”
“Oh, hell no,” I said. “We’re not sleeping apart.”
“Um…”
“Have you tried to have sex on a twin bed? It’s not fun. I’d rather focus on you than whether my ass is about to fall onto the floor.”
I set my bags on one of the desks, and set about putting words to action, dragging my bed toward his. Adam laughed. “You’re serious.”
“Deadly,” I said. “Or, maybe not deadly. That’s kind of ominous. I’m sexily serious. How’s that sound?”
“Like you’re nuts,” he said, taking up a spot at the other end of the bed and helping me move it. “What if the RA looks into our room?”
“What if he does? There’s no rules about not boning your roommate.”
“Your charm awes me, as usual.”
We wrestled the beds together, then eyed the room. It made the room feel larger, actually, having all the floor space on one side. Nice side benefit.
“Hey, guys,” Maddox said, rapping the doorframe. “Roommates again, huh— Wait, what is this?” He stepped in the room, looking at the beds. “You two hooked up?”
Adam blushed and stuttered out, “Uh, sort of.”
“We didn’t just hook up,” I told Maddox. I wanted to make it clear to him because he’d had his eye on Adam last year. “We’re in loooove.”
I drew out the word, blinking my eyes. Maddox laughed, then looked between us. “Whoa, you’re for real.”
“For real,” I agreed, crossing over to Adam. I slung an arm behind his back, and kissed him, dipping him dramatically. Adam yelped and flailed, grabbing for my shoulders, and I grinned into the kiss.
“Holy shit,” Maddox murmured.
Once we were both upright again, Adam even more red in the face from the head rush, Maddox said, “I guess I’m not totally surprised.”
“Come on,” Adam said, “there’s no way you saw this coming. I didn’t even see it coming!”
Maddox grinned and shrugged. “You were always close, and West never did like any of your dates.”
Adam glanced at me, and I shrugged. Couldn’t exactly deny it.
“Well, I never noticed,” Adam said, sounding a little annoyed.
I smiled gamely. “Sorry my jealousy wasn’t more obvious, babe. People tend to see what they expect to see. It made me crazy when you came back here, telling me about those guys. I just didn’t know what it meant right away.”
Adam bit his bottom lip. It never failed to make me want to sex him up when he did that. “That’s sweet.”
“Ugh,” Maddox said. “I’m out. Catch you two later, whenever you surface for air.”
He closed the door behind him, and I pulled Adam against me. “Time to christen the room.”
“I’m all sweaty—”
He didn’t finish that statement because my lips were all over his. I kissed him, teasing him with a nibble to his bottom lip before delving into his sweet mouth. He moaned against me, then froze up. “Everyone will hear us,” he whispered.
I snorted. “We had sex in your family’s house all summer, and you’re worried about some college kids hearing us?”
His eyes widened. “Oh, God. You think my family could hear us?”
Grinning, I lied. “No, of course not.”
“That’s so embarrassing—”
“Babe, just be quiet then,” I said, shoving him toward the floor. “Suck my cock, that’ll muffle your noises.”
He glared up at me, but unsnapped my jeans and tugged me free of my pants. “Sure, but what’s going to keep me quiet when you’re eating my ass? Because you will be.”
I shuddered. “You say the sexiest things.”
He grinned. “You just like it when I’m bossy.”
I did. I really did. I was far from submissive. I was assertive in bed and direct about what I wanted. But Adam got sassy, and that was hot as fuck.
Despite believing I was a hetero guy for so long, it turned out I liked everything about Adam’s body. We’d taken it slow, starting with hand jobs and frotting, working our way up to blowjobs, enjoying each and every new milestone as we explored one another’s likes and dislikes. For the record: I was all likes, at this point. When Adam finally bottomed for me, it was fucking nirvana. He loved ass play of all kinds, and I’d soon learned that rimming him would draw out such delicious sounds that I’d willingly do it anytime he wanted. We still had more to discover, but I was confident that whatever happened—whether I liked or disliked one particular sex act—there was no one I’d rather do it with than Adam.
He learned forward, fluttering his tongue over the head of my cock, while I carded a hand through his hair. Most of his hair product had melted away in the heat outside, and the strands were soft. His dark eyes gazed up at me, full of his love, as he slowly took me into his mouth. Adam had gotten really good at this in the short time we’d been together. It was a total power trip for him, and he loved to draw it out and get me on edge.
Today, he added something new to his repertoire. He slipped a finger down behind my balls and stroked my hole. Everything in me tensed, not because I wasn’t willing to bottom. I hadn’t done it yet, but I was game to try anything once. But I was caught off-guard by the nerves sizzling to life as he touched me there. He started to remove his hand, aware of my reaction.
“It’s fine,” I said. “You can touch me there… or inside.”
Adam pulled his hand away and I thought I’d ruined the moment, but then he pulled his mouth from my cock long enough to suck on his finger, then returned it to my rim, tracing the edges lightly, teasing me with the idea of entry without actually doing it until I was subconscio
usly pushing back, wanting him inside.
He sank his mouth back down my cock at the same moment he sank his index finger into my hole, and I groaned loudly enough I was sure the whole hall heard it. Fuck it, I didn’t care. I’d happily tell anyone who asked that I was being pleasured by my boyfriend.
His finger burned going in, feeling like an invader, and yet … I kind of craved more of that sensation?
“Fuck,” I whispered.
Adam released my cock. “This okay?”
“Yeah. I want more.”
Adam sucked a second finger into his mouth, and suddenly, I was being finger fucked. Holy hell, I liked it more than I thought I would. When Adam brushed my prostate, it was fucking incredible. He returned to my cock, sucking me deep and hard, and my body overloaded. In seconds, I was pulsing my cum into the back of his throat as he choked and swallowed.
“Sorry,” I gasped. “Hit me too fast to warn you.”
Adam grimaced as he pulled back. He wasn’t in love with the taste, and neither was I. We usually opted for pulling off, but I was relieved he wasn’t smacking me.
“I forgive you,” he said. “It’s not every day a guy learns he’d be a great bottom.”
My body was still fighting aftershocks of pleasure through me, and I felt unsteady on my feet. I shuffled to the bed, collapsing. “Damn. If you want me to return the favor, you’re going to need to come sit on my face. My legs are jelly.”
Adam laughed, blushing again. “You have such a way with words.”
I grinned at him. “I do. I know.”
He climbed up on the bed beside me, but instead of taking advantage of me in my weakened state, he opened his jeans and began to jerk off. I levered up on my elbows for a better view. “Babe, I can help—”
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