She smiled and squealed as I pulled her to the back of the building, looking around as I walked to make sure no one was watching.
This was the point in the night a thrill always shot through my system. It was my time. I was the boss. I was in control.
Deep down, underneath all the excitement, lust, and control, lay my feelings of guilt and self-loathing. I knew I shouldn’t like what I was about to do, but it was as if someone else had taken over my body.
I’d said they were potential victims as soon as they’d decided to go to the club, but I was a predator always. It lived in me, just waiting to be set free. I hated yet loved it, and there was nothing I could do about it. There was no going back for me. I’d made the decision to change, so I embraced it.
The smell of garbage, urine, and vomit filled my nose as we walked around to the back. The only light being cast down on us was the small security lamp attached to the building. If someone staggered to the back, there was no way they’d be able to make out our faces.
Pushing her against the brick, she moaned as I pressed my body against hers.
“You’ve been flirting with me all night,” she stated as she ran her hands against my chest before grabbing one of my hands and pushing it in between her legs. “I’m so horny,” she groaned as I rubbed my fingers along her damp panties.
I wasted no time as I pulled my hand away from her pussy and turned her around to press her against the wall, her ass out in invitation.
She stood there with her hands on the wall, heaving, waiting for my next move. I didn’t make her wait long.
I undid my pants and sheathed a condom before lifting her short, tight skirt up around her waist. I tried to tear the panties away, causing her to shriek, but they wouldn’t budge and I was too wound-up to fuck with it.
“Spread your legs,” I commanded in a husky tone, pulling her panties down to mid-thigh.
She did as told and I wasted no time. I sunk deep inside her and got lost in the feeling. Every single time I did this, my mind escaped me. It was like a high I could never duplicate. Visions of a faceless woman danced around in my head as I fucked her. In my mind, that’s who I was fucking. Not this nameless girl who was about to face the consequences of her actions.
In that moment, I was the monster. I was the replica of John and Donicko. In those moments, my soul became darker. I knew there was no going back after what I’d done, but I had my reasons, and I’d gladly destroy my life to save hers.
~*~
Present
I heaved as I sat on the ground in my gym, trying to catch my breath after the beating I’d put my body through. The temptation to go into my bathroom was overwhelming, but I stayed where I was.
I chuckled at myself as I ran a hand through my hair. I was stupid to think I could make this all go away. The memories were still there, so vivid, like they’d just happened yesterday. Memories I’d kept to myself for so long, they were eating away at me.
I should write this shit down, like I’d done when I was a teen, and burn it so there was no evidence of it. It was the only way I could think of to get it out of my head.
I could feel the anger building in the pit of my stomach. I hated myself for what I’d done, and I was disgusted that I’d enjoyed it at the time. I knew I was just a kid, but I still knew right from wrong. I used the situation to my advantage, even when Sophia was in danger. I’d changed, and it changed my entire life.
I needed to figure out a way to bottle it all up and move past it, but I didn’t know how to do it. The only time I ever felt at peace was when I was with Emma.
I lifted my head and rested it back against the wall as I pictured her from earlier that night. A smile tugged at my lips. She wanted to deny the way she felt about me, just as much as I did, but she couldn’t. I had no idea what I’d do about it, but time would tell.
The shrill ring of my cell sounded and I rose from the floor to retrieve it. I headed to my room where I’d left it, lifting my arms over my head in order to stretch the muscles I’d worked so hard.
I grabbed the phone off my bed and looked down at the number displayed. Dread flowed through me as I stood there, listening to it ring. He’d told me the night of the fundraiser to answer the phone when he called, but he could go fuck himself.
Eight
Emmalynn
I’d arrived home in a daze after I’d met with Mason, my plans of reading thrown out the window. Mel didn’t waste a moment asking me what had happened as soon as I walked in the door, and I’d taken the time to tell her everything.
A part of me was confused. It was like I was under a spell when I was with him. I wanted to stand my ground, but it was useless. I’d given him what he’d wanted, and I had no idea what was to come.
I’d told him I didn’t want a relationship, so where did that leave us?
Melanie thought he just wanted to be fuck buddies, but I knew that couldn’t be it. He had his pick of women. I’d seen the way they watched him, hoping they’d be chosen for the night. And each time, he’d been looking at only me. I didn’t know how to feel about that. It wasn’t that I thought I was lacking, but I knew I wasn’t the type of woman he went after. Maybe that’s what he’d wanted, and who’s to say he wouldn’t get tired of that and go back to his old ways. Not that I wanted what was going on to be serious, because it wouldn’t be, but I knew my heart would be involved whether I wanted it to or not.
I’d slept in on Tuesday and was almost late for my morning classes. I’d tossed and turned the night before thinking about Mason, so it seemed like my alarm had gone off just as I’d fallen asleep.
The day dragged and some of the teachers I had droned on, making me want to take a nap, but by some miracle, I’d managed to stay awake through all my classes.
When I arrived home later that afternoon, I dropped my bag and face-planted into the couch. I was just starting to drift off to sleep when my cell started ringing.
I groaned into the cushion and lifted my head to the annoying sound. It wasn’t very often that it actually rang, so I couldn’t be too annoyed. I was just so tired.
I rifled through my bag I’d dropped by the couch and smiled at the name.
“Hello.”
“Hello, daughter. It’s been forever. Why haven’t you called me?”
I laid on my back and stared up at the ceiling.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve just been so busy that it always seems to slip my mind. How are you and Dad?”
I hadn’t talked to her in a couple of weeks, and I still hadn’t told her that Tim and I were no longer living together. It wasn’t something I really wanted to discuss, considering she wasn’t on my side when I decided to move in with him in the first place, but I knew she’d bring him up eventually.
“Things are good here. We’ve been getting some bad storms and the humidity sucks, but you know how it is with hurricane season. How are your classes going, Ms. Law Student?”
“They’re good. Hard, but good.”
“I’m sure you’re doing great. How’s Melanie? I rarely ever get to talk to her, either. Pretty soon, I’ll only be talking to you twice a year, too,” she said with sadness to her tone.
“She’s good. Busy, as usual.”
“She dating anyone yet?”
I laughed because she always asked me the same question. “No, but I have it under good authority that she is interested in someone. So, that should make you smile.”
“How do you know?”
“She told me. And I saw him with my own eyes.”
She squealed. I’d swear she was a fourteen-year-old. “Was he cute?”
I sighed. “Mother, seriously. Why do you always ask?”
“I want some grandbabies,” she said with a laugh. “No, that’s not it, I promise. I just want to see the two of you happy. It’s been a long time since Mel’s had a significant other, and I want her to be loved. That’s all.” My mother was such a compassionate woman. “How are things with you and Tim?”
&
nbsp; And here we go. I let out a sigh.
“We actually broke up a few weeks ago.”
She gasped. “What! Oh, my God, what happened? Are you still living there? Why didn’t you call me?”
“I know, I know, I know. He was cheating on me. And I don’t want to hear you say ‘I told you so’. I knew you thought he was bad for me, but I did love him at one point.” I shrugged, even though she couldn’t see me. “It just didn’t work out. And before you get all worried, I’ve been staying at Mel’s until I can figure out what to do.”
“Oh, honey. I’d never tell you ‘I told you so’. What kind of person do you think I am? I didn’t like him, but he was your choice, sweetie. You have to make your own mistakes and learn from them. I just want you and Mel to be happy. Just keep your heart open. Someone will come along when you least expect it.”
“I don’t know, Mom. I’m not even sure I want anything right now.” The words came out of my mouth, but the whole time I was thinking about Mason and how unexpected he’d been. Maybe she was right. Maybe I just needed to be happy. What else was there in life? People strived for happiness, right?
“It’ll knock you off your feet when you aren’t even looking. Just look at your father and me. I was working two jobs when we met, and I didn’t even like him at first.” She laughed. “But things changed and we’ve been married for thirty years.” She sighed with contentment. “Well, I don’t want to bore you. I have to go start dinner.”
“Okay.”
“Tell Melanie I said hi and that I love her, okay? And I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Love you, too, Mom.”
I hung up the phone and continued my staring contest with the ceiling. The phone call had knocked the tiredness out of me, so I needed to get up and read, but I felt too lazy to do that. Mom’s words echoed in my mind. She wanted to see me happy. I wanted to be happy, too. I was surprised at her reaction about Tim, but did I really think she’d be heartless? No, not really. She’d just always told us to learn from her mistakes, and she’d had a lot of them. She didn’t have a ton of boyfriends in her younger years, but when she did, she fell hard. She’d told Mel and me that she always fell for the bad boys and she’d always gotten her heart broken. Then, finally, the one time she wasn’t looking, Dad came along.
I loved their story and I wanted to have my own, but the thought of another relationship scared me. I was stupid and blind when I was with Tim. I had been a cliché. One of those girls you bad-mouth in movies, ‘She’s stupid for not knowing what’s going on right in front of her face.’ Yep, that was me. They do have that saying, ignorance is bliss, and in my case, it was.
Nobody was given a manual on how to live their life or how to make all the right decisions. Sometimes, you had to make mistakes in order to see the beauty of things. Everything happened for a reason, and I believed in fate. There was a reason I met Mason. And I couldn’t lie to myself.
I wanted him. I wanted to get to know him. I’d just have to guard my heart along the way.
~*~
“Wake up, sleepy head, or you’re going to be late,” a voice said, penetrating my dreams. “Em!”
I shot up in bed and stared at Melanie, fully dressed and ready for work. Then I looked over at the clock.
Shit.
Panic set in as I flipped my covers off and headed for the bathroom.
“Why didn’t you make sure I was up?” I yelled at Mel through the closed door of the bathroom as I took care of my morning business.
“You stayed up until three in the morning. You needed the rest. I was going to wake you twenty minutes ago, but I got a phone call and forgot.”
I sighed as I flushed the toilet and moved on to brush my teeth. I didn’t even have time for a shower. I’d have to take one when I got home later this afternoon.
I really shouldn’t have stayed up so late, but I had so much to catch up on before class.
I rinsed my mouth and walked out of the bathroom and straight into the bedroom Mel and I shared. It was a complete disaster area. Her clothes and mine were thrown all around the room, and we were both too busy to take the time and clean it all up. The room was too small for one person to live in, let alone two.
I’d have to at least do my laundry, because I had nothing to wear.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I checked the clock again and sighed. I needed to leave in ten minutes. I didn’t even have time to eat or drink coffee, which I knew was going to make me cranky.
I grabbed the first thing that caught my eye in the closet, one of Mel’s summer dresses. It was yellow and floral, something I normally wouldn’t wear. But right then, I couldn’t be picky. If I was late for class, I’d be locked out.
“I’m heading out,” Mel yelled from across the apartment.
I scurried to the bathroom to run a brush through my hair and clipped it to the top of my head.
“All right. I’ll see you later,” I yelled back to her before hearing the door close.
I hated starting my mornings out like that. It really set the mood for the entire day and so far, it wasn’t looking promising.
Grabbing my compact, I brushed some powder on my face, then dabbed some mascara on before running some moisturizing balm over my lips.
There, I’m done.
I slipped on a pair of flats and checked the clock. I actually got ready in eight minutes. It was a new record for me, but my body felt sluggish. I was tired, and I needed caffeine. I’d just have to get a Coke on our break and hope I didn’t get a headache before then.
I packed the books and papers I’d left on the living room table then headed for the door. A smile formed on my lips as I made my way down the stairs. Today, I get to see Mason.
Twenty minutes later, I entered the school building and was quickly walking to the class when my phone chimed in my purse.
I rummaged through it and pulled my phone out.
Victoria: Let’s get together today. I miss your face.
I smiled. I hadn’t seen or really talked to Victoria or Becky since the day of the fundraiser. I’d told them a summary of what happened with Mason, but I didn’t go into full detail.
I’d just started to text her back when I turned the corner to the hallway of the classroom and ran into a hard chest, dropping my phone in the process.
Thank heavens for the thick case or I would have gone through four phones by now.
“Excuse me,” said a male voice as I leaned down to pick up my phone.
“I’m so sorry,” I replied in a hurry, finally looking up to see whom I’d run in to.
He was tall and very well dressed. I’d guess Italian by the tone of his skin and dark eyes. He was an older man, but very handsome.
“I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
“That’s quite all right,” he said with a smile. “You’re Emma, right?”
I took a step back and looked at him in confusion. How in the world did he know my name?
“And you are?”
He reached out a hand and I clasped it. “I’m Donicko. Donicko Black, a friend of Mason’s. I saw you at the fundraiser hosted by Mr. Cline, but wasn’t able to make your acquaintance.”
“Oh,” was all I said. It didn’t explain how he knew my name, but at the moment, I didn’t have time to ponder it. I needed to get to class. “Well, it was nice to meet you, Mr. Black, but I have to go before I’m late.”
I gave him a small smile and walked around him. He seemed nice, but he made me uncomfortable. I turned my head as I moved to see if he was still there and yep, he was watching me walk away.
I picked up my pace and finally made it to the room to see Mason wasn’t there yet even though it was two minutes after.
That was strange. He was never late for class.
Making my way to my seat, I sat down next to Brian.
“Hey! You’re lucky the professor is running late today or you would have been locked out.”
I sighed. “I stayed up too late and over
slept.” I pulled out my laptop. “I hope everything is okay, because he’s never late,” I stated as I looked down at Mason’s desk.
Brian shrugged. “Maybe he’s sick and we can skip class today.”
I frowned as I got my things ready then pulled out my phone. Maybe I should send him a text. I mean, he had texted me the other day, which meant technically I could text him back. I just felt weird doing it.
Taking a deep breath, I sent him a quick message and continued getting my stuff ready. At least everyone would be able to join the lecture, if we were still having one.
Nine
Mason
I paced my office.
Who the fuck did he think he was?
Rage built in the pit of my stomach. He waltzed in here like he owned the place and for all I knew, he probably did. His hand reached into so many pockets, it was very possible.
The conversation played back in my head.
“Good morning, Mason,” I heard a familiar voice say.
I looked up to see Donicko walking into my office and closing the door.
I was hit with confusion, and then anger laced my body. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Oh, come on now, Mason. Is that any way to greet an old friend?” he said as he strolled to the middle of the office with his hands in his dress pants.
I scoffed. “You’re no friend of mine, Donicko. Why are you here?”
He stood there with a blank expression on his face, legs shoulder width apart. He was a powerful man, and he looked it. I shouldn’t challenge him at every turn, but I couldn’t stop myself. I hated the man, yet he insisted on planting himself in my life when I didn’t want him there.
“I called you yesterday, but you didn’t answer. I figured if I wanted to talk to you then I’d just have to make a visit to see you.”
“Why, after all these years? You have no reason to contact me at all. You and John can go fuck yourselves.”
He laughed. “There is so much you still don’t know. I have many reasons to stay in contact with you.” He moved toward the door, placing a hand on the knob. “Meet me on Saturday. I’ll text you the time and address. This isn’t a request. I’m sure you’d be very interested in what I have to say.”
Professor Cline: Redeemed (Professor #2) Page 5