Oh no. I was afraid my behavior would raise his suspicions. What do I do? What should I say? Play stupid. Yes, that’s it.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’ve been really distant with me for, like, the last month, babe. You don’t want me to touch you. You’re always tired. You don’t talk to me anymore. I can tell something’s up.”
“I told you, Marcus. I’m just not feeling well,” I affirm, turning away from him to hide my lying eyes.
“For a month, Pollen? Come on. Whatever it is, you can tell me,” Marcus pleads. Yeah, right. I don’t think this is what you have in mind, Marcus. I feel the tears beginning to well up.
“Could you leave me alone, please?” I ask, trying to push him away so I can cry in private.
“No, Pollen,” he snaps. “You have to stop this. Stop hiding from me.” Marcus leans over me, turning my head back to gaze into my eyes. I can’t hold it back any longer. Salty streams start to glide down my cheeks and drip onto my pillow. “See, I know something’s going on.”
“Leave me alone Marcus,” I say, snapping my face back. I can feel the crushing of his ego as he stands and moves away from me.
“Come on Evie. Let’s leave Auntie Pollen alone,” says Marcus. I can hear their footsteps tapping toward the door. “I guess she just doesn’t want some of us around anymore.” As the door slams, the mirror jumps off the wall, shattering to millions of pieces.
* * *
I lift my head heavily from my warm indented pillow in response to a rap at the door. Who could that be? Did I fall asleep again? What time is it? As I drag myself out of bed I see the spiky shards of glass on the floor, reminding me of Marcus. He’s really mad at me. Maybe I should just go ahead and tell him my secret and get it over with. I’m only prolonging the agony.
Sidestepping the shattered mirror, I open the door and find Timber there. She’s still wearing her scrubs: dark blue with a bumble-bee pattern.
“Pollen, Dr. Sexy sent me to give you your lab results,” she says handing me a large brown paper envelope. “Everything looks good so far.”
Timber glances over my shoulder and sees the glass sprawled across the floor. Then she studies my face, which is probably still stained with tears from earlier. Her eyes widen.
“Pollen, did you tell Marcus about the baby?”
A crash sounds from behind Timber in the corridor. She turns and we both rest our startled gaze on Marcus, who has just dropped a vase full of white daisies.
“What baby?”
Chapter 15
The glass from the vase shattered and the floor is littered with the broken pieces intermingled with white daisy petals. Evie tiptoes over the remains and into the apartment behind me.
Marcus’s eyes are fixed on mine. I can’t read him, though. He looks utterly confused. His eyes slowly descend to my belly, which I hadn’t realized I was grasping with my left hand, then back to my eyes in understanding. The edges of his lips curl up and for a split second I think everything is going to be all right. He’s happy.
But suddenly his face distorts into a twisted grimace that conveys to me his worst nightmare. It doesn’t even look like Marcus anymore. The color drains from his blue eyes and they look empty, hollow. Then he’s gone, tramping down the corridor in a fury.
“Marcus!” I call out, but he doesn’t even turn back. “Marcus, please don’t go!” I collapse to the floor unable to contain my gushing tears. I’ve lost him. I’ve really lost him. I knew he would leave. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain. The heartache is indescribable; like my heart is being squashed like a spider and painfully stretched on a rack simultaneously. The only time I can remember that I felt worse than this was when I discovered Lex, dead in his crib and held his lifeless blue body in my arms. As horrible as I feel, I remind myself that this is nothing more than a rainy day compared to that gruesome memory.
* * *
I broke down and took Evie to the Ceborec daycare center this afternoon. It was so hard to let her go into the care of virtual strangers, but I need to get back to my training and clear my head. I haven’t seen Marcus since yesterday when he stormed off—he never came home. It was a long, agonizing, sleepless night.
The first underground level of the training facility is almost exactly the same as the above ground facility, with the armory, sparring arena, and shooting range. There are four lower levels that serve as group training arenas, which mimic the Web, in case of a summer season assault.
I meet Timber at the armory where I pick up my usual weapon, the DS-42 pistol.
“Marcus come home yet?” Timber asks.
I sigh. “No.”
“I’m sure he will, Pollen.” Timber flashes her reassuring smile, but I cannot find the strength to return it.
“He’ll probably come back to pack up his things,” I say dejected. What’s the point of hoping for the impossible? This will never turn out as I hope. Might as well get used to disappointment.
“I have a feeling it will all turn out okay, Pollen. Be optimistic for a change.” I can’t stifle the caustic laugh that pops out.
“Optimistic, huh? I suppose it can’t get any worse at this point.”
“There you go,” Timber encourages, wrapping her arm around me and squeezing my triceps.
“Afternoon, ladies,” Harrison smiles as we approach. He winks at me. “Haven’t seen you in awhile—have you been cheating on me?” I stiffen and my pulse races. Does he know?
“Pollen’s not been well,” Timber pipes in. “But she’s feeling better today, right?”
“Right,” I say, clearing my throat. I have to remind myself of Harrison’s sarcastic demeanor. Of course he doesn’t know about Glenn and me. How could he?
“It’s good to see you Pollen,” he says politely for a change, sensing my discomfort. He hands us each our five magazines. As we turn to leave, I notice that he hasn’t given me the extra bullets like he usually does and I glance back raising an eyebrow.
“Sorry, Pollen. Security’s been jacked up since the incident yesterday,” he says, holding his hands up in the air.
“Incident?”
“Yeah, you didn’t hear?” he asks as if I’ve been living in a hole for two years.
I shake my head and then turn to Timber, who looks just as clueless as I do. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own miseries I probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway.
Harrison beckons us with his finger and leans forward, peering around to make sure nobody’s within earshot. “There’s been another security breech,” he says in a hushed tone. “Parts of the shuttle were damaged and some components missing again.”
It takes me a minute to comprehend what he’s saying. Glenn was banished over three weeks ago. All access points to the underground facility are heavily guarded, so he couldn’t have broken in.
“Wait a minute. You’re saying this just happened this week?” I ask. Harrison nods. “Are there any suspects?”
“Not that I’m aware of. That’s why they’re cracking down on us.” Harrison waves his head back toward the corner of the ceiling behind him where a security camera has been installed. I’ve noticed cameras before all over the building, but never thought anything of them. Maybe they weren’t in use before.
“Can’t they just look at the security footage?”
“That’s what I said,” Harrison says shaking his head. “Maybe the perp had a really clever disguise. Or maybe the cameras just weren’t working. I don’t know.”
I can’t believe it. All this time I believed Glenn had betrayed us. I was wrong. We were all wrong. Now he’s out there somewhere in the wilderness, in the scorching heat of summer. I hope he’s found a way underground. I can’t bear to think of him up there, alone, with no food, limited water. I could have saved him, if only I’d believed him. Stood up for him. How selfish I’ve been.
Suddenly I’m not so eager to train today.
* * *
My muscles are screaming for a soak in the hot bath a
fter an engaging training session that was weeks overdue. I really need to get back in the arena consistently again. I resolve to pick up Evie after my bath and a quick nap.
A disturbing thought comes to mind as I walk down the gloomy corridor to my apartment. I’ve been thinking about what Harrison said, about the security breech. Last time that happened was the day I was attacked. Marcus and I had a fight the night before and weren’t speaking that day. Then Glenn was blamed for the incident. Then it happened again yesterday, when Marcus stormed off and never came home. What if Marcus is responsible? But why? The first time it happened he was probably trying to get rid of Glenn. That makes sense. He felt threatened by Glenn’s presence so he could have framed him. But what about now? What could motivate him to do this and who would he frame? Me. He wants to get rid of me.
Wait, what am I thinking? Marcus isn’t a spy. He has no ties to Crimson. It couldn’t be Marcus, could it? Surely he wouldn’t do anything like this.
Ominous dread blankets me as I approach the apartment. I wonder if Marcus came back. Will he be here now? What will I say to him? Or maybe he’s already packed his things and left, leaving an empty shell of a room. My stomach clenches and coils in anticipation. I take a deep breath and open the door.
On the small kitchen countertop is a new vase full of fresh daisies and yellow roses. Their sweet fragrance fills the tiny apartment. A new mirror hangs on the wall where Marcus hung the other one that broke yesterday.
Marcus looks up from the corner of the room, where he is unpacking a box full of my clothes and sorting them into drawers. His expression is sorrowful, nothing like the scowl from yesterday.
I stand in the open doorway paralyzed, not knowing what to say.
“Pollen,” Marcus starts. He trots across the floor to me and before I can say anything his arms are wrapped around me in a warm embrace. “Pollen, I’m so sorry.”
Sorry? Sorry for what? I should be the one apologizing. I betrayed you and then I got pregnant. Oh Marcus, you’re too good for me.
“I should never have abandoned you like that. I was so stupid, so naïve. I can’t believe I actually thought you’d slept with your ex.” Of course you thought that. It’s the only thing that makes sense. And it’s true.
“Where were you?” I gulp.
Marcus pulls me in from the doorway and shuts the door behind us.
“I stayed with Nicron last night. Jansen was there, too. We had some drinks and talked. Then I spoke to Timber this morning and then Dr. Yipolis.”
“Why?”
“Because after I talked to Jansen, I realized that there was no way you would go back to Glenn. And Timber’s your best friend here. I know you confide in her, so that’s why I went to see her. That’s when she told me I may not be one hundred percent infertile. So I saw the doc to get confirmation. It’s a long shot, like one in a million, but turns out I can have children if I find a compatible partner.” Marcus slides behind me and clasps his hands around my belly.
“You can have children,” I say, emphasizing the ‘can,’ trying to convince myself of my own words. Still holding my stomach, Marcus nudges my head to the side with his and gently kisses my neck where it meets my shoulder at the clavicle.
Marcus believes this is his baby. It could be his baby. He’s so happy. I refuse to say anything that will take that away from him.
Finally, relief sweeps over me. Marcus never has to know. Glenn is out of the picture. We can move on with our lives. But a lingering sense of guilt stings me when I imagine Glenn, falsely accused of committing treason and wrongly banished for it. I love Marcus with all my heart and soul. So why do I still feel so torn?
“I can’t wait to be a father,” he whispers longingly into my ear. My skin tingles with tiny pinpricks and I remember why I fell in love with this man. He’s going to be a wonderful father.
Marcus reaches over and pulls a white daisy from the vase, still keeping his other hand firmly on my belly, and draws it in front of my eyes.
“These remind me of you.”
I twist my head around to look at him, puzzled. A daisy? Of all the flowers in the world an ordinary daisy reminds him of me? He combs his fingers through my hair.
“When I was a kid there were wild daisies that grew in the meadow down the street from us. I had to climb over a fence to get to them because they were on farmer Gus’s property and he didn’t like trespassers. It was dangerous and I was nearly caught a few times, but it didn’t matter to me. It was worth it to see the look on my mom’s face when I came home with a fistful of daisies for her.” Marcus pauses and inhales sharply. He really did care for his mother and misses her dearly.
“They remind me of you, because of their simple, natural beauty. And because of the danger I put myself in just to claim them.” I can feel Marcus smile against my cheek, and I smile too, remembering how he put his life on the line many times to rescue me.
I sigh gently, recalling a more depressing meaning associated with the innocent flowers.
“They remind me of death,” I mutter. Marcus hold on me tightens.
“Why?”
“Remember when we were at my house? When I went into the garden and found my parents graves, I planted some daisies in them. Kind of like my way of saying goodbye.”
“Oh, Pollen, I didn’t—”
“No, it’s okay!” I interrupt. “Of course you didn’t know. But I like your story. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being reminded of death every time I see a daisy. I’d like to think of them as signaling a new beginning. My life with you.”
Taking me by surprise, Marcus spins me around and his tractor beams draw me in to his brilliantly glowing blue eyes again. His eyes are so deep, beautiful, and full of love. Love for me. He takes his hands off my hips and reaches into his pocket with one hand, gently holding my left hand with the other.
“Pollen, you are my world. Last night, being without you, it was the worst night of my existence. I don’t ever want us to be apart again.” Marcus pulls his hand out of his pocket revealing an antique silver ring with a large diamond set in an intricate knotwork frame. I gasp. My stomach plummets to the floor and my legs nearly turn to jelly.
“Pollen, marry me.”
Chapter 16
“Your maid of honor?”
Timber’s jaw drops and she grabs me and hugs me, swaying widely from side to side. Her freshly cut hair prickles my cheeks.
“Pollen! Of course I’ll be your maid of honor!” She squeezes the breath out of me again. I knew she’d be happy for me, but wow. I didn’t expect this. Gapes and stares from the dance floor make me flush magenta under the violet lights. The new nightclub, aptly named The Snake Hole, just opened a few weeks ago and this is the first chance I’ve had to come down and let my hair loose.
We sit at the bar and Timber orders some fruity girlie drink with an umbrella in it. I resign to drinking sparkling water with a splash of lemon. I wish I could celebrate with a real drink.
“So have you two set a date yet?” Timber asks, stirring the pink liquid with a narrow straw.
“We were thinking maybe in a couple weeks,” I say, sliding my finger along the condensation building up on the outside of the glass.
“So soon?”
“Well, it’s not like we have a ton of people to invite. Or a venue to shop for. I mean, all we have to do is arrange a time with the minister, reserve the chapel, and send out some invites.”
Timber looks at me regretfully, but I smile back. I always dreamed of having a big outdoor autumn sunset wedding with all my friends and family in attendance. My dad, wiping away tears as he steps in time with me down the aisle. My mother weeping silently in the front row, trying not to smudge her mascara. For a second I allow my heart to break silently for that lost dream. But truth be told, after all the stress I’ve undergone in the past few weeks, I’m just happy to be where I am now. I’d marry Marcus in the back of a dumpster for all I care and I’d still be gleaming joy.
Speak
ing of which, I’ve been meaning to ask Timber what she said to Marcus. Whatever it was, after they talked, he didn’t believe I’d cheated on him. She must have told him something pretty special to get that thought out of his mind.
“Timber, after Marcus left he said he went to see you. What did you tell him?” Timber’s face contorts and she looks serious.
“I told him you’d never do anything to hurt him. That whatever he suspected was unfounded.” She looks down dejectedly. “Pollen, I don’t like to lie to people. It’s not me, it’s against my nature. But you’re my best friend and I don’t like to see you hurt. And I didn’t like seeing Marcus like that either. You two belong together and I felt it was my responsibility to keep it that way.”
I knew she was my best friend for a good reason. I reach over, still sitting, and give her a heartfelt hug.
“Thank you,” I say, wiping the moisture from my eyes. “You’re the best.”
“Anything for you, babe,” she says.
“So how are things with Yoric?”
“Good,” says Timber, averting her eyes and looking at her drink as she swirls the ice around with her straw.
“Really?”
“No. Not really. He can be such an adolescent sometimes, you know? Ever since we moved in together we’re always fighting about stupid shit, like where to hang a picture, or how long I take in the bathroom. I can’t stand being around him anymore.”
“Timber, all couples have problems. Give it some time.”
“Problem is, I don’t know how much time it’s going to take for him to grow up. Sometimes I think it’s just hopeless. Maybe we’re not meant to be.”
“So why don’t you just leave?”
“Because the make-up sex is out of this world,” Timber smiles. I frown. “No, really. I do love him. Very much. And I know he feels the same. It’s just that living together is so new for both of us and . . . I guess this is just the adjustment period.”
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