“It’s almost time,” Oscar says, still pacing. “She’ll be here soon. She said she would.”
I move to make an attempt at calming his anxiety, but Zander walks in then and holds the door open for Annabelle. I half expect Annabelle to be upset Zander hid Joshua from her, or nervous about being in the same room with Oscar. The massive grin spread across her mouth catches me off guard. She doesn’t pounce on Oscar, but if he’d been anyone else I think she might have. Instead, she walks over to him with bouncy steps and reaches out to him.
Zander freezes for a moment. I think we all do. Oscar looks up at her and then calmly takes her hands. I’ve never witnessed Annabelle use her gift before, so I can’t be sure if she’s doing it now. I don’t feel anything. That’s odd considering Oscar assures me my hunger still isn’t staying put inside me like it’s supposed to and likes to jump out and taste people.
I lean toward deciding she hasn’t accessed her gift yet, but if that’s true, why does Oscar seem calmer? I remember Cynthia saying something yesterday about really powerful gifts working latently, without the Godling’s notice. That could be what’s happening, but is Annabelle really that powerful?
“I’m so excited to meet your son,” Annabelle says. She’s still grinning, which, I don’t know, seems a little excessive. “I know what it feels like not to have any family and feel like you’re doing everything alone, so I’m very glad Emily and Joshua get to come see you. Are you excited? You look a little sick.”
Oscar nods, then shakes his head. “I’m afraid more than anything.”
Annabelle nods knowingly. Her smile has finally dimmed, but not her confidence. “I get that, I really do, but don’t be scared, Oscar. You have your family here to support you.”
“Including you?” Oscar asks. “I guessed your gift, but I don’t know how well it will help with the missing pieces.”
Frowning, Annabelle says, “I don’t know either, but I do know I can help with anxiety and fears. If you need me, just say so. I’ll do everything I can.”
“Do you promise?” The way he asks hints at the fact that he won’t be happy if she lets him down.
Annabelle doesn’t even bat an eye. “I promise.”
Oscar nods and releases her hands. He’s back to pacing a moment later. Annabelle stays near him, but Zander walks over to where I’m sitting and stands next to me. “I don’t know how this is going to go.”
“He’ll be fine. He’d never hurt Emily or Joshua.”
Zander looks like he wants to believe me, but isn’t quite there. I don’t blame him for doubting Oscar. He hasn’t been with him as much lately. For a long time, Oscar refused to see Zander after David showed up. Even though Oscar has lost a little ground, I trust him. He’ll run before he even gets close to hurting them. I know it might not make sense given what he did to our parents, but this is different.
We wait another ten minutes before Zander’s phone buzzes. He checks the text and takes a deep breath. “She’s here,” he says. He meets Oscar’s gaze for a moment before saying, “I’m going to meet her at the front and bring her back here, okay?”
Oscar nods, the motion too quick, but controlled all the same. Annabelle puts her hand on his shoulder. Oscar doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even warn Zander to be careful or remind him to protect them. It shows how much he’s learned to trust Zander again. Oscar goes back to pacing when Zander leaves, but Annabelle stays close by.
It’s forever before we hear footsteps approaching again. As soon as we do, everyone turns toward the door. Oscar freezes, not even breathing. His fingers twitch as the doorknob turns. Excitement pours into the room, and for once, I’m glad my weird hunger exposes people’s emotions to me. Annabelle is a bubble of joy to my left, Ketchup a soothing pocket of calm beside me, and Oscar a mess of fear and anticipation. The emotions behind the door are more vague, but Emily’s happiness outweighs Zander’s worry. Sandwiched in between them is a spot of contentment mixed with just a touch of pain.
That little bit of pain concerns me, but before I can contemplate it too much, the door pushes open and owner of the pain becomes everyone’s sole focus. Pure white hair covers his little head in a layer of fluff, framing his happy face. His nose is little red and my hunger can feel the virus working through his system as a troublesome summer cold.
Joshua doesn’t seem too put out by it, though. His little hands reach out when he sees Oscar, chubby fingers opening and closing as he says, “Dada, Dada.”
Annabelle looks like she’s going to die from all the cuteness, while Oscar’s eyes widen in surprise. “He knows who I am?”
“Of course he does,” Emily tells him as she closes the distance between them.
“How?”
Guilt flits across her face, but it doesn’t last long. “I know you told me to get rid of everything connecting us, but I kept a few pictures. I keep them hidden, but I’ve shown them to Joshua every day.”
Oscar reaches out with shaking fingers and brushes his hand gently over Joshua’s fuzzy hair. It draws a smile from his son, who reaches up and grabs his hand. Oscar doesn’t mind when Joshua pops his finger into his mouth and starts gnawing on it.
“Sorry, he’s teething,” Emily says. She reaches to pull Oscar’s fingers out of Joshua’s mouth, but Oscar shakes his head. Joshua’s chomping pretty hard, but Oscar doesn’t even seem to feel it. He’s too busy staring at his son. Smiling, Emily shifts Joshua in her arms and asks, “Do you want to hold him?”
For a moment, Oscar hesitates, then nods quickly. There’s no hesitation for Emily when she hands him over, and it’s only then I realize I was more anxious about her reaction to Oscar than his to her. She beams when her son snuggles against his father and babbles happily. I’ve never seen Oscar so happy. Finally, even Zander relaxes. There are tears in my eyes as Ketchup pulls me in a little closer.
I don’t know how long we sit there watching them together. This little broken family reunited, even if only temporarily, is beautiful. Zander walks over to Annabelle and wraps her up in a hug. I don’t miss how his eyes keep darting down to her smiling face and back to Joshua. Even though he has another year of high school left—thanks to missing most of his sophomore year when his hunger erupted, I have my doubts about how long it will be before they’re living together for real. Possibly even married.
It’s weird to think about, because I never thought settling down was something Zander would allow himself. A year ago, he would have laughed in my face if I told him one day he’d be standing with his arms around a girl thinking about their future children. It makes me happy and nervous at the same time. I want Zander to be happy and have all those things he denied himself for so long. I also want him to be able to enjoy a relationship like that without having me in the way.
I know Zander will fight for custody of me when Grandma dies. I’m even beginning to think maybe he’ll win. The Godling lawyers told us they’ll make it happen, somehow. Zander would never complain about having to be a newlywed with his kid sister underfoot, but…aside from that just being super weird for both of us, I would feel out of place. Zander deserves to have a life without me. He went up against a foe he probably knew deep down he had no hope of beating, and he did it to protect me. That shouldn’t be his main goal forever.
If we survive whatever Isolde is planning to throw at us, I want Zander to have a real life.
“Ketchup,” I ask quietly, “if I move to the school, you’ll come with me, right?”
“Of course I will. You know that.” He squeezes me and kisses my forehead. “Have you forgiven Chris, or are you just uncomfortable with the idea of Annabelle and Zander sharing a bedroom down the hall from you?”
“I have not forgiven Chris of anything.” I don’t expound on the Zander and Annabelle part of his question, because…gross. I don’t even want to think about them sleeping to together, let alone be in the same house while it’s going on.
Ketchup chuckles, and I love the feel of his happiness as it brushes
against me. “If you need to crash at my house until the school is ready, my mom won’t mind. Or notice, probably. And the way things are looking, you might need to escape sooner rather than later.”
I look up to see Zander is the one now holding Joshua. It’s clear from the expression on his face that he adores him. Annabelle is loving every minute of it. They look so happy, especially when they catch each other’s eye and share this moment where you can tell they’re both thinking about the future, and their happiness deepens so profoundly it almost makes me cry. I’m so distracted by it, I don’t even notice Emily approaching until she speaks.
“Van, would you like to hold Joshua, too? It might take me a minute to pry him out of Annabelle’s arms, but I want you to have time with him as well.”
“Can I?” I ask. My hunger has calmed so much over the last two months, but it still acts up now and again…and Joshua is sick. “Maybe I shouldn’t…”
“Vanessa,” Oscar says, suddenly next to me as well, “it’s okay. I’ll watch your hunger.”
His voice is so calm. In fact, everything about him is calm. It’s as if the pacing, anxious, frightened guy from earlier was someone else entirely. He reaches a steady hand out to me and tugs me up to standing when I don’t do it on my own. “Are you sure? He’s got a cold.”
Oscar smiles, not one of his creepy, skin-crawly smiles, but the smile I used to see on him when we were younger. “I have every faith in you, Nessie Girl.” He pulls me a little further until we’re next to Annabelle and he takes Joshua from her with the same care he used to use with me when I was small. He holds him until I reach out, then transfers my nephew into my arms.
Joshua puts his hand in his mouth, then pats it against my shirt, leaving little slobber tracks along the way. I hold him stiffly at first, waiting for my hunger to respond to his mild illness. It stirs a little, but doesn’t seem to think it’s worth getting worked up over. Oscar cocks his head to one side as he watches us, but doesn’t seem worried at all. It’s not until Joshua drops his head to my chest with a good amount of force, that my hunger reacts.
But it isn’t reacting to the minor pain of Joshua plunking his head against my collarbone elicits. It does what it did the night I questioned Annabelle about her running off. Oscar perks up as I feel my hunger extending itself outside my control. It wraps around Joshua and my heart rate spikes. I look to Oscar, but he motions for me to keep Joshua.
“What’s happening?” I ask, trying not to sound scared and freak everyone out.
Oscar reaches out and touches Joshua, his hand caressing his head as I hold him. He’s still not nervous, only curious, but I’m on the verge of shoving Joshua back into Emily’s arms. Finally, Oscar says, “Your hunger is exploring.”
“Exploring?” Emily asks. She seems to trust Oscar more than I do.
Oscar nods. “It’s not trying to taste Joshua, even though the cold is causing him a small amount of pain. It seems to be searching, looking for the source, as though it could…”
I gasp when something changes. My hunger wakes up from its lazy search and stills. If feels weird, but not hostile. I try to focus on it, understand what it’s doing. As I do, I feel all the little pin picks of pain where the cold virus still lingers. I think about Cynthia’s lesson yesterday, how she taught me to feed off the pain in a way that takes it not only into myself, but away from them. I try to draw it in like she taught me, and it works even though it’s slow and strange feeling, but there’s something more my hunger wants.
A tiny ball of power builds in my center, like when I consume too much pain and don’t have anything for it to do. It’s always just sat there before, waiting, gnawing at me to do something with it until I can hardly stand it. This is such a small amount, yet it’s insistent. It wants me to do something. I just can’t figure out what. I start panicking that something bad might happen, then without warning, it’s over.
“Hmm,” Oscar says, “your hunger gave up. It’s back where it belongs now.”
Everyone looks to me for an answer, but I’m still freaking out a little.
“Have you ever seen that before?” Zander asks Oscar.
Frowning, Oscar shakes his head. “This was new, but not bad.”
The room is quiet for a long moment. Emily is the one to break the silence. “Well, whatever it was, Joshua seemed to like it. You put him to sleep, Van.”
I’m surprised to find she’s right. Curled against my chest with two fingers in his mouth and slobber sliding down the front of my shirt, Joshua is fast asleep. There’s even a hint of a smile as he sucks on his fingers. She seems content to let me hold him, and I find it difficult to give him up. Whatever my hunger just did really freaked me out, but something tells me Oscar is right. It was scary, but not bad.
Chapter Seven: Rogue
(Oscar)
Van’s hunger is bothering me. It has not stopped bothering me since this morning, since Emily and little Joshua left to go pack their things. I don’t want to think about them leaving, even though they are coming back. Because of Isolde. Instead, I think about Van’s confusing hunger. Except when I remember my son knowing me, calling to me. That is difficult to forget. So is Emily’s happiness at being with me again. Very difficult to forget.
A knock on the door attempts to disturb my thoughts, but I ignore it. It irritates me when the doorknob turns anyway. The door pushes inward. I turn away. My thoughts are more important than whatever they want.
“Oscar,” a voice says. Chris’s maybe. Probably. “How are you doing?”
I mumble some kind of response. I don’t know what.
“How did it go with your family this morning?”
My jaw tightens at his question. I didn’t want to tell Chris about Emily or Joshua, but it was necessary. He will not allow outsiders in. Except Ketchup, which is wise. And Noah, which is questionable. He says the Godlings look to me for protection, but I am not in charge of the school. I am barely more than a prisoner here. I had to tell him about them so he would let them in. He promised to keep them secret. He promised never to speak to or touch Joshua without my permission. My son can’t be tainted by their lies and death.
“It was fine,” I finally say when I realize he’s still waiting for an answer and won’t leave me alone until he gets one.
He doesn’t press for more. “Good.” Glancing around the room that is now mine, Chris evaluates. That is how he looks at everything. Assessing for acceptability and potential. I don’t like the way he looks at things. Chris glances back at me, watching me pace for several seconds before speaking. “Is the room all right? I know it’s fairly basic, but once things are more settled we can get you whatever you need.”
Now, I look at the room. It’s the first time since they led me here that first night that I bother to consider it. More than twice the size of my room at the hospital, I’m uncertain if I like the extra space. The bed is more comfortable than at the hospital. That I noticed the first night. That I like. There is a desk I haven’t used. A closet someone put clothes in for me to wear. A bathroom through the only other door.
Shrugging, I say, “It’s fine.”
“If Emily and Joshua ever want to join you here,” Chris says, “we can move you to a larger room.”
Snapping my gaze over to look at him, I stare at his eyes, searching for the reason behind such an offer. Does he know about Isolde’s threats, or can he simply guess them? I don’t want Joshua exposed to deceit and murder. I want them to be safe, though. That’s why I told Emily to come here, stay here. Chris claims killing and lies will not be the Godling way any longer, but that is a big promise to make. I haven’t yet decided whether or not it is a lie, or simply naïveté. Chris seems too intelligent to be naïve, but it is difficult to know his motivation. I don’t answer his question.
“Well, I’m glad meeting with Emily and Joshua went well this morning. I hope they come back often. It helps,” Chris says.
I had turned away, ready to forget him and get back to my thoughts
, but now I look over my shoulder, on edge as I lock gazes with him. It helps? Why would he say that? Being around Emily does help, not in the same way Annabelle’s touch helps or having Van nearby helps, but it helps. What does Chris know of that?
Sensing my suspicion, or seeing it plain on my face, Chris says, “Emily showing up as promised seems to have alleviated some of your anxiety, which I understand.”
“Understand how?”
Opening his feet to a more relaxed stance, Chris crosses his arms, though not in a hostile manner. “When you killed David, I had all of a few seconds to make my decision about who I would choose to support. I was high up in David’s inner circle. Running would have been safer, not just for myself, but for my family as well. I didn’t have time to call my wife and consult with her. In that second after the chaos ended, I chose to stay and become part of what you and your siblings are trying to do. I took on responsibility, not just for my family, but for the entire collection of Godling youth on the continent. All without asking my wife what she wanted or preferred.”
I listen and take in his words. It’s not a small thing he did. Does that make him true? I can’t be sure. Does it mean he took the more difficult path? Certainly. “Where is your wife?” I think he has children as well, but I assume they will be together.
“On their way here.” Chris is very good at masking his emotions, but I see his shoulders tighten with worry as he thinks of them.
“They were not at the compound?” I ask.
Chris shakes his head. “No, I’ve never wanted my children raised to be soldiers.”
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