by CJ England
Tears slipped down Kira's cheeks. She sat up and put a hand on his bare chest. He flinched, but didn't move away.
"I love you, Gallegar. I do want you. What we just shared ... I feel like I was at the entrance to heaven then I was cast out into hell. I want to be with you. My body aches at the thought, but my mind advises caution."
She tried to touch Gallegar's face, but with a lightning quick move, he rolled away to sit at the edge of the bed with his back to her. Kira fought the tears that burned in her throat.
"I do have feelings for Lucas. I am attracted to him.” Kira saw Gallegar's back tense at her words. “But he has never touched me this way. He has never seen me naked. He has never touched my breasts or lain against me throbbing with need as you have. We shared a bed to sleep in. We shared a kiss the next morning to say goodbye. I know he cares about me."
"He is in love with you.” Gallegar's voice was flat.
"And that is why I cannot hurt him. No matter how I feel about you, he too is a part of me. If he were to know what had happened here tonight, his pain would be great. How could I live with myself?"
Gallegar got up from the bed. His motions were that of a very old man, and when he turned to look at Kira, the anguish on his face made her catch her breath. “And how can you live with yourself, knowing what you are doing to me?” He walked around to Kira's side of the bed.
"I also am in love with you. I want to spend my eternity with you. I see you and my mind goes blank. I touch you and my body shatters in need. The thought of you wanting another makes me wild. I am a part of you, not only because of the joining, but because you are my destiny.” He touched her cheek.
"You must make a choice, Kira. I will not be kept as a stud in your stable, while you decide which one of us suits you best. I will be the only one in your bed when the time comes or I will not be around at all. Perhaps the Power stopped us tonight to keep you pure. If so, I should be grateful but I find I can't be, for now I know your true feelings for your wolf. I will not share you, A Ghra ... not in this way. If you want to be with me, you have to tell him so."
Gallegar walked away from the bed, pausing at the door. He turned back and the look he gave her was full of pain and pride. He walked out without another word.
Kira lay on the bed. She heard Gallegar moving around. He finished dressing in the other room. It wasn't until she heard the door slam behind him as he left that she allowed the tears to fall. She turned over and pressed her face into the pillow as huge sobs racked her body. She hurt so badly. Her body still ached with longing for Gallegar's possession. Her heart felt like it was broken. Her mind scrambled in turmoil over what they had said to each other. It was a pain without end.
After a long while, Kira's crying slowed. Her head hurt and her nose and eyes felt swollen. But the worst was her heart. The ache in her body might go away, but she was very much afraid the pain in her heart would never end.
She didn't understand her feelings for them both, but she did enjoy both their affections. It made her feel safe and loved. He was right when he said it wasn't fair ... to either of them. But what am I to do?
She and Gallegar had been warned last night not to make love to each other. Was that just for last night, or forever? If it was forever, then she couldn't let them think they might have a life together, either him or Lucas. But if had only been for last night, was it Gallegar she should make love to, or Lucas? She was attracted to both of them.
Kira bit her lip and then gave a sob, as she remembered Gallegar's way of preventing her from doing that. She had known them both for such a short time. Can I make such an important decision in such a short time? Should I? I am confused ... my body is confused. But is my heart?
Gallegar was the one she thought of, dreamed about. But she had enjoyed herself in Lucas’ arms when he kissed her. Kira gave a sigh.
Gallegar was right. What she was doing was wrong. It was wrong for her to allow both of them to be so close to her.
She got out of bed, her body sore from Gallegar's handling. Tears came to her eyes again as she thought of what had happened. She put on the borrowed sweat suit and her socks and shoes, wishing she had kept her mouth shut. Her body and her heart desperately wanted to know what making love with Gallegar would be like. The thought brought quick heat to her cheeks.
Kira rummaged through Benjamin's bathroom drawers and found a hairbrush. Sitting at the edge of the bed, she began to brush out her tangled hair. Her eyes filled again, remembering Gallegar wrapping his hands in her hair to drag her mouth to his.
Oh God, she had handled it so poorly. How can I face him? How will I face any of them again? She continued to brush her hair, the rhythmic strokes soothing to her tired mind.
Kira's motions suddenly slowed. The hairbrush dropped to the floor unnoticed as her eyes lost their focus and began a steady glow. She rose in an uncoordinated movement and walked dazedly to the door.
She had gone back into a trance. To protect her from the pain of her argument with Gallegar or just to keep her moving in the correct direction, Kira didn't know. She was aware of it happening, but didn't fight it. The numbness felt just fine.
She walked to the stairs and carefully made her way down to the twenty-ninth floor. There she boarded the elevator and was carried back down to the lobby. No one tried to stop her. She met no one who would.
Kira pointed her finger at the lock on the front door and it fell apart with a sizzle of metal. The door opened at her touch, and soon she was standing out in the cool air of early morning. She turned, shivering and began walking into the night, deep into the upper city ... alone.
* * * *
When Gallegar returned downstairs, he stayed in the shadows, far away from his companions. He was heartsick, both with himself and with Kira. He couldn't believe she had done what she did. And he couldn't believe how he had treated her afterwards.
He leaned his head back against the wall and groaned as he remembered the feeling of Kira's soft body beneath his. Then he flinched at the memory of the harsh kiss he had forced on her. He shook his head slowly back and forth. He had known her only two days and already she had him tied up in knots. He loved her. But now it seemed she didn't love him. At least ... not like he wanted her to.
If he was a human, he would be talking happy ever after, with a little house and picket fence. As a vampire, he wanted her love through all eternity. It had been their vow to each other when they joined. Had she not meant it? He didn't know what Kira wanted. He had thought she wanted him, but tonight had showed him how wrong he was. She cared just as much about the shapeshifter as she did him.
He thought of Lucas. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't dislike the man. He loved Kira too. If she did choose Lucas instead—that thought ripped through him like a knife—but if Lucas was chosen, she would get a great guy. His friend.
Gallegar sighed and shut his eyes at the pain. It just meant if Kira chose Lucas instead of him, he would never be able to handle seeing either of them ever again.
Patrick popped in next to him, making him start. “Where's Kira?"
Gallegar pointed up the stairs. “She's getting dressed. She'll be down in a minute."
Patrick narrowed his eyes, looking at Gallegar's tense mouth. “Are you okay?"
Gallegar frowned at him, wishing for a drink. “Fine."
"It's just that you look like a man who was expecting a taste of honey and found vinegar in the glass instead.” Patrick tapped his own mouth knowingly.
"Stay out of it, Ethereal. It is between Kira and me.” Gallegar ran a tongue over his lips. They were sore.
"As long as we are joined with the gal, it does touch us.” Patrick held his hands up, as Gallegar pushed off the wall at him. “Whoa now. We felt when her shielding went up, Gallegar. And we still can't feel her. That makes us concerned. We're supposed to be."
Gallegar let out a deep breath. He forced himself to lean back from Patrick. “We argued. About ... us.” He shoved a distracted hand throug
h his long hair. “I was angry. I left. She still had to get dressed."
Gallegar didn't realize what he had revealed, but Patrick's eyebrows shot up in surprise.
"She loves you.” Patrick was offhand about it. It made Gallegar want to hit him.
"Not enough,” he answered hoarsely. “She loves another as well."
"Lucas.” Patrick saw Gallegar look at him in shock. “It's not a surprise. I could sense that much during the joining. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. She loves all of us."
Gallegar didn't say a word.
"'Course, you're not me and you're in love with the gal. That right there says you're gonna have trouble."
"I will not share her..."
Patrick snorted. “Hells bells, man, you have to share her with all of us. That's what the joining thing is all about. Maybe when this is all over things will be different, but until then ... remember this."
"Remember what?"
"You got something none of us will ever have. You were the first."
Gallegar glared at him. “I wish to be the last!"
"And you might be. But I'll tell you what, ol’ son, you won't have a chance if you push her into the shapeshifter's arms."
Patrick could see that hit the vampire hard. “When she and I joined, she told me how afraid she was that she might hurt y'all. This whole thing has happened so fast she doesn't know how to handle it. Jesus, she hasn't been alive but a week. She may have all the looks and emotions of an adult woman, but she hasn't had a lot of practice."
He could tell Gallegar was finally listening. “Here she is, brand new on this earth and suddenly she is just flooded with all this emotion and love. She's surrounded now by five men, who would pretty much do anything for her. Who love her. She's got two men who feel she should belong to them. That can be a major recipe for disaster ... if the man she finds herself in love with won't accept she needs time to work it all out."
Gallegar heaved a sigh. He stared at Patrick, a mocking smile on his face. “Were you this smart before you died, or did it just come to you afterwards?"
Patrick grinned, tilting an imaginary hat. “I'm just a wise man.” He grew solemn. “And a man who loves Kira, but will never be in love with her."
"I think I need to go back up and make things right.” Gallegar headed for the stairs as he spoke. “I'll be back in a while."
Patrick saluted him before he popped out of sight.
Gallegar made his way back up the stairs. Patrick's words had given him hope, as well as shaming him. He hadn't given Kira any time to adjust to her new humanity. Even if she had been wrong, playing Lucas and him off each other, she hadn't done it intentionally. If he loved her, he had to give her time enough to find out what she wanted. And while she was doing that, he would make sure she knew being his mate was what she wanted. Starting right now.
He opened the door to Benjamin's room and, crossing to the bedroom door, gave a little knock.
"A Ghra...” He stepped through the door as he spoke. “I wish to talk...” Frowning, Gallegar looked around the room. He walked swiftly to the bathroom, but he saw nothing but her bloodied clothes. Picking them up, he noticed her socks and shoes were gone. Swiftly, he went back into the bedroom. The sweat suit was gone, but he found a hairbrush on the floor. There was no sign of Kira anywhere.
Panic crawled up into his throat. Where is she? Quickly, he opened himself up to her. Uncaring of who heard, he called out to her as he searched for her aura. He heard ... he felt ... nothing.
A pounding of feet up the stairs told him the others had heard him calling for her. They all appeared in the doorway, concern on their faces.
"What's going on?” Danolas was first to ask.
"I can't find Kira.” Gallegar stood helplessly, her old clothes in his hands. “I left her here to get dressed. She's gone. I can't sense her anywhere."
"What the hell you mean you left her here? You were supposed to stay with her!” Lucas clenched his fists angrily.
Angry color ran up Gallegar's neck. “I know. I ... we...” His gaze caught Patrick's, who shrugged. Gallegar's shoulders slumped. “We had a fight. I left because I was angry."
"You had a fight?” Benjamin's voice was incredulous. “I thought you two were ... well, you know.” The Suprahuman looked embarrassed.
Lucas growled and started forward, but Danolas laid a stilling hand on him. “Peace, brothers. If Kira had been abducted, she would have called for help."
"Her shields were up.” Gallegar's voice was hoarse. He put the clothes down on the bed.
"She could still have called to us if she wanted our help.” Danolas looked around at the other men. “I think she probably left on her own."
"Oh Christ, not another one.” Lucas looked at both Patrick and Benjamin. “No offense, but the roster is gettin’ kinda full."
"What the hell are you talking about?” Benjamin sat down on his bed. Everyone pretended not to notice how messed up the covers were.
Lucas felt a stab of pain deep in his gut as he looked at them. Gallegar wouldn't meet his eyes.
Patrick looked a Danolas. “You think she has gone after another to join with."
The witch shrugged. “She joined with three of us last night. It's not a stretch to think the Power would command her to do three tonight."
"Why didn't she come find us?” Lucas asked. He snorted. “Never mind, I think I know. Better none of us, than having to be around you, eh Gallegar?"
Anger jumped into Gallegar's eyes, but he refused to give the shapeshifter reason to fight. “Yes, Lucas. You may be right.” His voice was strangled in his throat. “If she was angry with me, she may have not wanted to have anything to do with any of us. For that, I am sorry."
"Y'all seem to forget. Kira ain't stupid. She wouldn't go off in a snit.” Patrick floated over and stood next to Gallegar.
"She may have gone back into a trance,” Danolas mused. “If it held her as it did on our way to the Suprahuman institute, she may have just gone unthinkingly."
"Are you tellin’ me she's out there on the streets alone? That's almost worse than being kidnapped.” The wolfman paced back and forth.
"Don't forget, Kira's got powers of her own. She can probably take care of herself."
Lucas swung around at Benjamin's words. “She may be able to take care of things, but she shouldn't have to. That's why we're here."
"We should probably make sure she isn't somewhere in the building. I'll have my shades check.” Patrick disappeared.
"If she has left, who would she go to?” Gallegar began pacing the room himself in his agitation. “What leader might she contact?"
Benjamin looked at the other men. “You know the players better than I do. I didn't even know you existed."
Lucas chewed his lips, as he tried to think. “There's no one left in the Lower City. Leastwise, not anyone I can imagine Kira wanting to join with."
Gallegar nodded. “You're right. There are only the corrupt supernaturals left. Those who would do evil, rather than good. But who is left in the city that might be considered admirable to join with?"
They heard the sound of footsteps and Jorad, the acolyte rushed in.
"High Priest! Someone has disengaged the spell I put on the front door."
Danolas frowned. “With another spell?” To change another's magick took great skill.
"No, my Lord. The lock was destroyed. It was melted from the inside."
Lucas grunted. “Well, that tells us Kira is gone. Now we just have to figure out where. Who could she be headed for?"
Danolas gasped, and moved to the door, with Gallegar following close behind.
"What is it?” Lucas wanted to know. He and Benjamin followed them out the door and down the hall to the elevator.
"There is only one other leader I can think of in all of the city the Power might send Kira to.” Danolas looked at Gallegar, and realization bloomed in the vampire's eyes.
"Probably the most cunning of us all.” Gallegar l
ooked back at the two, just as Patrick appeared out of thin air behind them. “She has gone to meet with the Faerie Emperor."
Chapter 14
Kira felt she had been walking forever. Her feet hurt and since she had left her coat in the Mercedes and hadn't stopped for it when she had been summoned from the Suprahuman's building, she was cold down to her bones. The streets had been empty. She had come across a squeaking rat and a half-starved dog, but it was late enough that few humans were walking around. She saw cars go by, but none had stopped to bother her.
She thought once she was glad Gallegar had gotten her a change of clothes. All she would have needed was someone to see her walking down the street covered in blood. But the thought of Gallegar made her heart hurt, so she tried thinking about where she was going instead.
The Power led her farther into the city. She walked for several miles before she passed out of the business part of town and through neighborhoods of exquisitely kept houses. The trance she was in kept her purpose steady, but didn't take away her awareness, so she could tell when she left the sidewalks and started along a waterfront area.
She continued walking, curious now as to where she might end up. The evening was dark and spooky, and Kira could hear the sounds of the night animals as they snuffled their way along the ground. Still, even in a trance, she knew she didn't need to be afraid.
After a long walk, Kira stopped at the edge of the water to get her bearings. She saw she had arrived at the back of a baseball stadium. Picking her way carefully along the back fence, she finally found herself standing at the entrance of Pacific Bell Stadium—the home of the San Francisco Giants.
She recognized it from a poster she had seen at the restaurant Danolas had taken her to. A frown crossed her face. She missed Danolas. But thinking of him made her think of ... others, and she cut that off quickly.