‘Can’t you work around it?’ The words come out sounding like a plea, which I suppose it is, really. I’m desperate for solutions, not more problems. It’s Monday, and everything has to be running properly by lunchtime on Wednesday. Failing that, we won’t be able to meet the wedding venue orders for Saturday. Producing three hundred decorated cupcakes takes time. I know the wedding cakes are all ready for icing, but we can’t risk the air being contaminated with brick dust for the finishing process. It’s going to be tight to get it all done, even if they meet the original deadline. In the work schedule, this final stage of knocking through was supposed to take five days maximum.
‘The only thing we could do,’ Mike rubs his chin, staring at the bars as if he wishes they would disappear, ‘is to build a column around them.’ The other two guys nod in agreement.
‘Is that practical?’ Hope leaps in my chest. I could hug him!
‘If you can live with it, then it’s a quick solution. It will only involve building a wooden frame, erecting a plasterboard outer and a paint job. It would put us back on target if you think having a pillar here won’t be in the way.’
I’m exhausted from worry and I answer without hesitation.
‘I’m sure it will be fine, at least it’s big enough for people to see it. There used to be a wall here, for goodness sakes, so I doubt anyone will end up walking into it.’
The guys laugh but I wasn’t trying to be funny. I don’t care what they do. I’m way past worrying about what it looks like. I know I should never have agreed to this costly extension in the first place. It’s becoming a living nightmare that seems to get worse as each day passes.
‘Should we call Steve in to take a look, before we start building the frame?’
I had already turned, and begun walking away when Mike’s words spin me around.
‘I’ll explain to Steve. You can start work on the pillar immediately, Mike.’ A look of doubt crosses his face as we lock eyes. Now is not the time to look weak, so I stare him down.
‘Okay, it’s your call.’ He writes something on his clipboard and hands it to the third guy in the group. ‘Get that framing in place asap,’ he instructs.
My heart pounds in my chest as I walk away, realising that my tone had been sharp. The last thing I need now is the threat of a delay, and while Steve is footing most of the bill for this extension, Sweet Occasions still belongs to me. Owing Steve money and having a contractor hint that I need his approval, makes me feel as if this dream isn’t mine any more. I’m beginning to feel shackled, where once I felt that the future for Sweet Occasions was like a blank page; a new challenge with endless potential. That anticipation and excitement for where it might lead, has been replaced with endless time spent on the computer, typing information into spreadsheets. Everything is about that magical figure at the bottom, worrying about whether it will change from blue to red.
As if some instinct has informed him that there’s a problem, my mobile kicks into life. The caller ID alerts me it’s Steve.
‘Hi, morning. I was about to ring you.’ I paste a smile on my face, hoping it reflects in my voice.
‘Problems? Do I need to come over?’ He sounds his usual, serious self.
‘A minor one, but we’re back on target. They discovered some steel reinforcing bars in the wall. They’re going to plasterboard around them and turn it into a pillar. Thank goodness there’s a solution, because things are rather tense here at the moment. Sealing off the kitchen isn’t working out as well as we’d hoped. We can’t begin icing until they’ve finished. I can’t tell you how relieved I—’
‘Are you sure I shouldn’t pop in and take a quick look?’ Steve cuts in, his voice heavy with concern. ‘The simplest solution isn’t always the best, you know, Katie. I’m not suggesting the guys would deliberately try to talk you into something because it’s convenient …’
His tone is light, but I know his jaw is clenched. He’s upset that I made a decision without consulting him. Then I realise that this is no coincidence. Mike called him to double-check he agreed with my decision.
‘Steve, everything is fine. We’re back on target and there’s no other option. Please don’t turn this into a big deal; the guys have already made a start.’
That’s true enough, as I have to walk back through into the office so he can hear me. The noise of hammering reverberates through the building, as two guys set to work in earnest.
‘If you’re sure it’s the right decision then I trust your judgement, of course.’ His clipped tone suggests the contrary and guilt sends a rush of heat to my cheeks. He’s right; I made the decision without giving it proper consideration. He doesn’t realise that I’m long past caring about the minute details of the shop extension. Instead, I’m worrying over whether or not the orders can be filled. It seems there’s little joy in my job at the moment, only pressure and anxiety.
‘I took the only decision that made sense, Steve, and you have to trust me on that one. Now I have to get back to work. Hazel is rushed off her feet.’
She isn’t, in fact there’s only one customer in the shop at the moment.
‘That’s great to hear.’ His voice softens, countering the hard edge to my own. He knows that will make me feel guilty, and it does. To my horror, something Hazel said pops into my head. It was about clever bullies getting their own way without their victims realising it. I throw the mobile on the desk and sit, staring at it. How have I gone from wondering whether my feelings for Steve have changed, to tying myself to him financially? My dream is now our dream. Except this is nothing like the dream I had. Each day is draining – emotionally, and physically. Was there more than a grain of truth in what Hazel said?
Adam
Some Days Are Better Than Others
As I replace the handset back onto the receiver, Kelly’s voice is still ringing in my ears. Of course she’s upset that she’s in another country and wasn’t here to be with Lily after the accident at school. However, aiming her anger at me isn’t fair, and she knows that.
‘You told me you’d take good care of our daughter.’ Her voice had sounded bitter, and accusatory.
‘Yes, I did, but this was simply one of those things that you can’t anticipate. Lily is fine and she’s healing well. The worst is over. I was at her side the whole time. Well, aside from when she was in surgery. Lily will tell you all about it when you get back, she doesn’t want you to worry.’
‘You’ve let me down, Adam.’
I slump back in my seat, feeling like an abject failure. If this had happened on Kelly’s watch, then it wouldn’t have been such a big deal. I know that and I can’t believe I’m even thinking like this. Lily’s well-being is all that matters.
Since Kelly’s new partner arrived on the scene, things seem to be changing. My heart sinks as I hope Kelly doesn’t want to re-think the arrangements. I don’t want to end up back in court renegotiating our custody agreement.
‘Dad?’ Lily’s voice reminds me I was on my way to fetch a drink for her, when the phone rang. ‘Did Mum give you a hard time?’
Clearly she heard every word and I can only imagine how my side of the conversation sounded.
‘Mum wishes she was here, that’s all. It’s hard for her being away at a time like this. All she wants to do is to see for herself that you really are on the mend.’
I hand Lily her drink and she rolls her eyes.
‘Dad, I don’t use that one any more. I’m way too old for the Mickey Mouse club.’ She sounds indignant and I chuckle, thinking how like her mother she sounds sometimes.
‘Sorry, I grabbed the first one left in the cupboard.’
‘You need to empty the dishwasher, Dad. I’ll do it for you. I’m getting bored sitting here watching videos.’
Before I have a chance to reply, the doorbell interrupts our conversation and Lily rushes off to answer it. I guess the patient is on the mend. As I follow her through into the hallway, I hear the squeal as Lily swings the door open to see her best fr
iend, Emily, standing in front of her.
Behind her is our neighbour, Charlotte, beaming at me over their heads.
‘Coffee?’ I enquire and she nods, calling after the girls as they race off to Lily’s bedroom. ‘Careful, Emily. Remember Lily has a poorly arm and you must take care not to bump it.’
We head off to the kitchen and the sound of two girls, giggling and chattering away, seems to fill the entire house. Normality has returned and I breathe a sigh of relief.
‘Tough few days?’ Charlotte enquires.
She’s referring to Kelly, of course. We’ve been neighbours for more than twelve years and for nearly ten of those Kelly lived here, too. Since Kelly and Lily moved back to be closer to Kelly’s family, all contact seems to have stopped between them. The distance is only a couple of miles, but I suspect there were just too many painful memories. It’s awkward all round and Charlotte understands that, but it’s still a time of adjustment for us all.
‘It’s a shame it happened while Kelly is away. I feel badly for you. These things happen, Adam, so I hope you aren’t letting it get to you. The good news is that the party plans are shaping up nicely.’
Charlotte takes her coffee and I nod, motioning for her to go through to the sitting room.
‘Thanks for that and the sympathy. Kelly is understandably anxious and is counting down the days until she flies home. She calls twice a day for an update.’ I stop to clear my throat with a meaningful grunt and Charlotte grins, sympathetically. ‘As for the party, well, I’ve ordered the buffet and hopefully the cake will arrive on Sunday morning.’
‘Cutting it rather fine, isn’t it? I could whip one up for you with some pink icing and a few candles.’
‘Thanks for the offer, but I promised Lily a princess cake. Well, it’s like a mini wedding cake, would you believe. If it arrives in time it’ll make her day. I’ve explained that it’s too far for us to go and collect it. The jostling in the car wouldn’t be good for her arm. I feel I owe her at least one surprise. Thanks so much for helping out. Is everything else sorted now?’
Charlotte raises an eyebrow and her mouth twitches at the corners.
‘Yes. The entertainment is all set and the house decorations are ready and waiting. I’m assuming Kelly gave you instructions on what presents to buy.’
‘Yep, in case I bought the wrong thing.’
‘You know, Adam, you can rebel. You don’t have to toe the line all the time and settle for a quiet life.’ Her eyes are smiling, but there’s a hint of exasperation in her tone.
‘That’s not the reason I give in all the time. It’s the guilt.’
‘Ah, guilt is a wonderful bargaining tool. I’m not saying Kelly purposely tries to manipulate you, but she enjoys getting her own way. Her new relationship isn’t like that, is it?’
It’s a fair enough question, but it feels weird talking about it.
‘Elliot is a senior partner in a law firm; I seriously doubt anyone could intimidate him. Kelly says it’s nice to have someone in her life who can take away the pressure.’
‘Ouch, that’s a bit of a cutting statement!’
I pull a mock grimace; the words no longer affect me as they did at first.
‘She’s right. I worshipped her and thought the way to make her happy was to …’ I hesitate, unable to find the right words. I realise that whatever I say here will make me sound like a total wimp.
‘… give in?’ Charlotte finishes my sentence.
Reluctantly, I nod in agreement.
‘It was obvious to everyone that she walked all over you. There were times when I told her straight that she wasn’t being fair. You know what she said? Kelly said that she couldn’t help herself.’
Somehow, knowing that I was the subject of that conversation hurts more than some of the things Kelly has thrown at me, since our so-called amicable split.
‘Hey, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this now. I want you to know that this wasn’t all down to you. Kelly is used to getting her own way. And you mustn’t let her make you feel guilty about Lily’s accident happening while she’s out of the country. She’s a great mum. It’s only natural that she’ll feel bad she wasn’t here, knowing her daughter has been through surgery. Just don’t get hung up over this as it could so easily have happened when Lily was with Kelly. I’m surprised she didn’t fly back, though.’ Charlotte raises her eyebrow, clearly expecting an answer.
‘Elliot convinced her it wasn’t necessary.’
‘Oh, I didn’t realise it wasn’t just a work trip. How convenient. Ha! Maybe this is one relationship that has a chance of working. I take my hat off to any man who can handle Kelly.’
If Charlotte called round to cheer me up, she isn’t doing a great job so far. My self-esteem begins to plummet. Now there are two women who think I’m a pushover and a bit of a sad case. If I take a stand I’m wrong, and if I give in, I’m spineless.
‘Anyway, I hope you’re ready for Sunday’s onslaught of hyperactive girls. That’s quite a group Lily has invited and you are one brave man.’
‘Thanks, and I know you’re right. To be honest I’m wondering what on earth I was thinking. I should have taken them all to the cinema, or bowling.’
‘You’re a great dad, Adam. Little girls have a way of talking you into things, you simply have to learn how to steer them a little.’
Charlotte reaches across to place her hand on my arm and give it a reassuring squeeze.
‘You’ll be fine. Max is away on Sunday, so Emily and I have all the time in the world to help out.’
‘You’re a good friend, Charlotte. I owe you.’
She leans in to kiss my cheek. ‘Hang in there, it will get better.’
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come and collect you for Lily’s party? I’m sure Charlotte would look after Lily for me.’ I’m torn between the thought of leaving Lily so soon after her operation and thinking of Grace, home alone when both Lily and I would love her to be here. I know Lily is missing her mum, though, and still a little tearful at the moment. I’m being pulled in opposite directions and whatever the outcome, I know I’m going to feel I’ve let down someone I love.
‘No, it’s fine, don’t worry about me. I’m a little tired at the moment and not up to a stay away from home. Too much gardening, I suspect. I’ve been cutting things back and the leaves have already begun to drop. It’s more important that you make sure Lily looks after that arm. She will have a great time and I’m not sure I could put up with all that noise.’
Grace does sound tired. Her voice is bright, trying to reassure me she’s not disappointed to be missing out on Lily’s celebrations. Maybe this is for the best.
‘Is everything sorted for the party?’
‘As long as the food and cake arrive, I think we’re pretty much all set up. I’ve been downloading music as directed by Lily and there are two ladies coming in to do “party hair”. Braiding, I think is the term. They’re also having their nails painted. Can you believe it?’
‘She’s growing up, Adam. It’s a different world to the one even you knew as a child. As long as they have fun, that’s all that matters. Do you have anyone helping out?’
‘Charlotte has offered to come over. The two party ladies are here for the whole thing, and they more or less run the show. I just had to sort the food, music, and write the cheque.’
‘Well, Lily’s a lucky girl, that’s for sure. How is the arm doing?’
‘Aside from wearing the plaster cast, everything seems to be back to normal. Grace, if anything was wrong you would tell me, wouldn’t you? If you have any worries I want to share them.’
The pause is followed by a sigh.
‘Adam, I’m fine. I’m not as young as I used to be, so you have to accept that. I don’t want you worrying about me.’ Her voice sounds strong, determined.
It reassures me a little, but I do worry about her now she is on her own. I want to be there for her, as she always was for me when I was growin
g up. However, I know it’s not as simple as that. Grace would never allow me to look after her if she became ill.
Grace is one of life’s givers. A lifetime devoted to looking after people you love, does not prepare you for being on the receiving end at some point in your own life. I shake my head. It’s sad to acknowledge that Jack would probably have been the only person in front of whom Grace would let her guard slip.
‘Lily sends her love. She’ll ring you after the party is over, to share the details.’
‘Tell her I can’t wait! It’s a shame about the princess cake, though. It’s all she’s been talking about when she phones me.’
‘Oh, I sorted that. They’re going to deliver it on Sunday morning. It will be worth every penny to see the look on Lily’s face when it arrives.’
‘I’ll pay for the delivery, and make sure you give the driver a big tip for his trouble.’
Her words come out sounding a little breathless and I suspect she’s trying hard to pace the conversation. I can hear the exhaustion creeping into her voice, though. It’s not worth arguing and upsetting her, so I agree with a ‘thank you’. It’s one thing telling someone not to worry, but words mean little when you can feel someone is hurting. Maybe I’ve caught her at a bad time, interrupting a quiet moment of reflection about the old days. Pop’s face flashes across my mind and it’s like something is squeezing my heart. For a few brief seconds it takes my breath away.
‘Love you, Grandma Grace. Don’t go over-doing it in the garden and that’s an order. We’ll call you on Sunday evening.’
The phone rings again almost as soon as I put the receiver down and my old friend Tom’s voice booms out.
‘Hey, mate, how’s it going? Wondered if you were up for a drink tonight and a catch-up?’
‘I’m doing fine and it’s good to hear from you. Lily’s having a sleepover tonight at a neighbour’s, so perfect timing.’
‘How about eight o’clock at The Belfry? I owe you a drink for sorting out my PC.’
‘Hope it taught you a lesson. Pop-ups showing half-naked women are usually hiding something you don’t want to catch.’ My laughter echoes down the line.
A Little Sugar, A Lot of Love: With cupcakes, coffee and karma Page 5