‘Girls! Quieten down. Poor Katie, seems like I arrived just in time. I think Adam needs some help making those party bracelets for you to take home. Between you and me, girls, he isn’t very good at choosing colours that coordinate. Why don’t you go and help him out? Katie and I can then begin clearing the table ready for the cake.’
There was a chorus of squeals and, as the girls headed off, I looked across at Adam as they descended upon him. Poor guy, I think this is the first time he’d been subjected to a whole group of them at once. Every time we passed throughout the afternoon he looked like he needed a reassuring hug. I noticed, too, that Charlotte stepped into that role. Another unhappily married woman, I wondered?
After she ‘rescued’ me, we spent a few minutes talking while clearing the table.
‘Poor Adam, I did warn him and told him a small birthday tea with just a couple of friends would be more manageable. He’s doing the single dad thing and over-compensating.’
She smiled and I smiled back, but I noticed her eyes were appraising me.
‘Well, for me this is an eye-opener. It’s my first real exposure to a girls’ birthday party and I had no idea they had this much energy. I’m exhausted already.’
‘Oh, they’ll suddenly tire and then they go from jumping around, to sleepy and grumpy in a heartbeat. You don’t have any children of your own, then?’
It was a natural enough question, I suppose, but still it surprised me.
‘No. I have too much invested in my business to even think about that sort of thing.’ It’s not quite the truth, but it will do. Again, her eyes had flicked over my face and I wondered what she was thinking.
‘Ah, it’s not easy building a business. Being free and single allows you to be focused. The minute you settle down, everything changes.’ Her eyes left my own, to seek out Emily and Lily. Or maybe she was taking a moment to check on Adam, I’m not sure.
‘You must have arranged quite a few parties, then. Did you say it was Adam’s first?’
She immediately span her head back around to face me. There was a hint of curiosity in her gaze.
‘Yes, Kelly was a great organiser and if she wasn’t away on a business trip she’d no doubt be organising this – much to Adam’s annoyance, I suspect. Splits are never easy. But he’s doing well. My husband wouldn’t have lasted five minutes before he snuck away to watch football or something on TV. Too much noise for him, but then he has other distractions to keep him occupied at the moment. Sadly, Emily and I aren’t top of the list. Adam dotes on Lily, but I expect you’ve already noticed.’
What is it with married couples these days? Judging by her tone, that’s another relationship teetering on the edge. Was she trying to make a point?
‘Oh, um, I don’t really know Adam, or Lily. We get a lot of lovely people through the doors of Sweet Occasions and because buying a special cake is a happy time, they often share their stories.’
‘I guess some are more interesting than others?’ She raised an eyebrow and my mouth went dry. Charlotte seemed keen for me to stay when I offered, but perhaps she regretted it with hindsight. I didn’t have any hidden motives and I hoped she could see that.
‘They’re all interesting and diverse. Adam’s grandmother, for instance. And then when he brought Lily into the shop her eyes were everywhere. I will admit our displays give you a sugar rush just looking at them!’ It was my attempt to lighten the moment and I realised it was nerves talking. I wanted to hand the conversation back. ‘This place is so unexpected and tucked away, considering the new builds surrounding it.’
‘Yes, our house next door was one of the first to be built when some of the vast garden was sold off. I would have loved to have seen it before the development. It must have been hard for Adam’s grandparents, losing their daughter at such a young age. I don’t know the full story, of course, he never talks about it. I only know that Adam lived here with his mother until her death. I gather that when he went to live with Grace and Jack it was rented out for quite a number of years. I don’t think either of them ever lived here, only Grace’s parents. He told me once that the land was sold off because it was too much for them to cope with. That’s understandable, given the fact that they suddenly found themselves with a young boy to care for. I don’t know why they didn’t just sell the property, although I’m not sure what effect that would have had on Adam. He has his heart tied up in this old place. I don’t think he’ll ever move from here.’ She looked directly at me, waiting to see my reaction to her words. It felt wrong to be discussing Adam with Charlotte, as if I knew him on a personal level.
‘That’s understandable. It’s a sad story.’ It struck me that letting go of it would probably feel like letting go of his mother all over again. Charlotte seemed to understand that much, which was very clear.
For some reason I can’t remember what she said next. I only remember the girls’ faces when the candles were lit, shortly before she left. I do remember her kissing Adam on the cheek. It wasn’t passionate, but it was still a kiss.
And then it was just Adam and me, alone together while the girls watched a video. He’s special. There’s something interesting about him that I can’t put into words. I could sit and watch him talking for hours, without hearing a word he says. But what I discovered was that when he bares his inner turmoil, those words say so much about the person he is and about his pain. His heart is fragile, covered with so many scars it might be impossible to peel them away so he can be set free. When he talks about Grace, or Lily, he lights up. But what lurks beneath the surface clearly holds him back. You get to glimpse it occasionally, almost as if he forgets to put the mask back in place.
His face has this gentleness, like the boy in him has never gone away. That square jaw and cleft chin of his is fascinating, in a macho, rugged sort of way. His hair is dark, almost black, short on the back and sides, but longer on the top and unruly, which suits him. It seems to frame that smile of his, perfectly. Looking at him you find yourself wanting to take a comb to it, or get out the hair gel. Annoying, but charmingly so. Clearly the only facial features Lily inherited from Adam is her delightfully dimpled chin. Thankfully it’s much softer and rather cute, setting off that heart-shaped face I assume came from her mother. She has the same hair colouring, but her hair is a mass of curls, bouncing around her shoulders every time she turns her head.
I catch myself sighing and decide enough is enough. I’ve had a lovely day, but now it’s time to step back into my own life. I suspect it’s a very natural thing to peek into someone else’s life and become wistful. What if? If only. Maybe my own inner pain is something Adam can sense. Two people scarred by life and just trying to live one day at a time.
I reach across and press play on the car’s CD, hoping to break a chain of thoughts that I know are just going to end up making me feel sad. I’m not quite ready to let go of the little bubble of happiness that’s floating around me after today’s experience. It feels like a guilty pleasure, because I know it’s not solely about having helped to make a little girl’s birthday party a success.
Steve walks through the door about an hour after I get home. He’s definitely more relaxed after his guys’ weekend away, and immediately things are less tense between us. The fresh air has clearly done him some good and there’s a hint of colour to his face from the time spent outdoors. Autumn sunshine is a bonus and it was exactly what he needed.
‘Did you have a good time?’ I follow Steve as he disappears into the kitchen.
‘It was okay.’
I grab two glasses while he selects a rather nice bottle of Chianti Classico from the wine rack.
‘Are we celebrating?’
He laughs. ‘The wanderer returns. I missed you.’
I feel myself colouring up, hoping he doesn’t ask about my day. ‘Well, I missed you, too. So how were the guys?’
I feel bad purposely trying to steer the conversation away from talking about what I’ve been doing, but I sense he’s in the mood to chat. He pours the us
ual small glass for himself and a large one for me.
‘My game was on great form, much to the annoyance of everyone else. There were the same old gripes and moans. Charlene wants another baby and Gary isn’t keen. That, of course, leads to the usual awkward moments and the subject of my health crops up again. Then someone diplomatically steers the conversation away from talking about kids and Gary goes on a guilt trip. I know the guys mean well, but I’m over it now. I did mention Sweet Occasions and Gary said something that made me stop and think.’
He raises his glass and we chink. I take a cautious sip, wondering what’s coming next.
‘He said I shouldn’t be too hard on you. I think his words were that I could be rather hard-headed when it comes to business. I’m not trying to take the business away from you, quite the reverse. I’m beginning to think that it will bring us even closer together. I’ve put you through a lot, Katie, and I do know that.’
It isn’t easy for Steve to bring this up and the fact that he’s been talking to Gary means he wanted a second opinion. Gary has no business acumen, so this is personal. It makes me feel sad to think that he senses unhappiness in me, when even I don’t know how I feel at the moment. How can you discuss things you don’t understand and can’t put into words?
‘This isn’t about you, Steve. It’s about me. Change is scary, it’s a journey into the unknown. I’ll be honest with you, in that it’s taken me a while to get my head straight. But sometimes the dream has to change and I’ll get there, really I will.’
‘I love you, Katie. I don’t want you to change, that’s not what this is all about. I’m here for you and the energy I’ve been throwing into my career can easily be diverted. Helping you take Sweet Occasions to the next level is an exciting prospect for me, too. How involved I get is up to you, but at the moment I feel you are keeping me at arm’s length. Growing businesses is what I do, but usually my involvement is a short-term thing and then I get to walk away. This could be our dream, our future together.’
I can hear the passion in his voice and the genuine concern. His motives aren’t purely financial and I’ve known that for a while. He’s reaching out to me because he senses the divide that is opening up between us. He’s giving me the power to stop that happening. My heart constricts because I’m just not ready to pick back up where we left off before our life was torn apart. At one point I thought he was going to die, so I locked my feelings away and now I’m afraid to open that door and see what remains.
Sitting down together, we run through the week’s sales figures. For the first time ever Steve doesn’t explode, or lecture me. When he sees the bottom line he merely shoots me a disappointed look.
‘Hey, it’s been a good week overall, which is something. When do the builders finish?’
‘There are only a few items remaining on the snagging list. That’s mostly touching up some paint, and re-laying the threshold strip to take out a lip.’
‘That’s my girl, health and safety is important. Look, I know you said you didn’t need me at the shop, but it’s important you have time now to up the pace. What if I take this week off to help out? I’ll oversee the last of the snagging, and join Hazel front of house. You can chase up those leads I gave you for the two coffee shops, and the visitor centre over at Hillborough. It’s not only about extra sales outlets, but about getting your brand name out there. A lot of your customers are locals, or passing trade, so you need to be pushing further and further afield to increase your visibility. There are three other towns all within a twenty minute drive, and that’s a lot of people with easy access.’
When Steve talks to me in this fashion, it’s hard not to listen. It’s the old him again, and there’s no hint of anger, or recrimination in his voice. Instead of making me feel like a failure, it reminds me that he does care.
‘Come on.’ He places his hand over mine. ‘You know it makes sense. And I’m not thinking of my investment, it’s simply the next step.’
‘I know, and I’m grateful. But I don’t want you to get behind on your work; don’t you have anything on this week?’
‘Nothing that can’t wait, and I think this is more important. It’s for my girl.’
It’s not so much about my concern for his own business, consultancy work often involves evening, or weekend meetings with clients, so I know his work pattern isn’t nine-to-five. And the peaks and troughs are huge. When he’s involved in getting a new project off the ground he shuts himself away for hours on end and sometimes has the odd night away. A part of his job often entails setting up the financial monitoring systems for a new business, but a lot of that goes over my head.
It appears that this week he’s at a loose end. A sigh escapes my lips before I can stop it and I tense, wondering if he’ll take offence. However, his mood is mellow and instead he grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. I nod in agreement and am rewarded with a dazzling smile.
That night, lying in bed next to Steve, my mind is whirling. I tell myself it’s only natural that my head is all over the place, as the business is demanding every moment of my time. Truthfully though, there is something deeper gnawing away at me. Every now and then Adam’s face stares back at me from inside my head.
I keep recalling little gestures. The way his face crinkles when he smiles. His expression when he looks at Lily is one of pure, unconditional love. Is it wrong to lie in bed next to your partner and think about another man? Of course it is: what am I thinking? I’m not free, I’ve made a commitment. Besides, Steve needs me.
Then I remember the moment I nearly embarrassed myself. I thought Adam said that he loved me! What he actually said was that he loved the cake, and that I’d done a great job. Talk about wishful thinking. The shock registered on my face immediately. I had to pretend I’d had one of those déjà vu experiences in order to explain away my reaction.
None of this is helping to empty my head of thoughts and the moment I relax Adam is back. His eyes are so intense sometimes, as if the words you are speaking aren’t enough. He wants to see beyond mere words. For a man, he’s very in touch with his emotions, despite the fact I’m pretty sure he’d deny it. I’m inviting trouble by thinking about him, because it’s a pointless exercise. It’s making me feel disloyal and it’s unsettling. I’m not a dreamer, and yet Adam has turned me into one. Daydreams are empty wishes. Even if we do get on well, that in itself doesn’t mean a thing.
He’s an attractive man, and his neighbour, Charlotte, is a sophisticated woman. There’s a sense of glamour, and worldliness about her, which makes me feel very dull in comparison. Why would Adam even consider looking at me, when clearly he’s used to more captivating company? I suspect Kelly was from the same mould.
I’m doing it again. I can’t believe it! Has Adam said one single word that indicates he likes me in any way, shape, or form? No. I feel like a teenager analysing an encounter with a boy she’s met. Not only is it ridiculous, but it has a sting to it.
Enough! I will my brain to switch off. Instead of counting sheep, I think about a spreadsheet and how on earth I’m going to solve my financial problems. Sleep comes soon after, and all thoughts of Adam fall to the back of my mind.
Adam
The Games People Play
After the partygoers had all been collected, two over-excited girls had a long chat with Grandma Grace. Each interrupted the other as they filled her in on the details of the party. They fell into bed around nine o’clock, totally exhausted. It was at least another hour before silence reigned.
However, Lily and Emily were awake before six this morning. I had to pull the pillows over my head in order to drown out some of the chatter. At seven o’clock I was desperate for coffee and made my way downstairs.
Wandering out into the garden, the chill of the early morning autumnal air is refreshing. We survived yesterday, and everyone seemed to think the party was a success. I know I couldn’t have done it by myself.
‘Penny for your thoughts.’ Charlotte’s voice carries through the a
ir, as she walks up behind me.
‘You’re an early riser. Coffee?’
‘Mm, please. I came to ask you a favour. I guessed the girls would have woken you up, already. My sister’s car is being recovered at nine o’clock this morning. I’m heading out now to pick her up, so we can meet the truck and hand over the keys. Max is away until tomorrow, and I was wondering if I could drop by to collect Emily when I get back?’
Charlotte follows me into the kitchen and I hand her a mug of coffee.
‘Thank you.’ Her gaze sweeps over my face. ‘You’re a nice guy, Adam. That was a lovely thing you did for Lily, yesterday. Most dads would have opted for something a little easier.’ Her voice is soft and there’s an undercurrent of emotion in her words.
‘Next time I’ll have a better plan of action. You, and Katie, saved the day. Of course Emily can stay. I’m here all day, so don’t feel you have to rush back.’
‘You do know, I was always a little bit jealous of Kelly,’ Charlotte murmurs the words, wistfully. ‘No matter what went wrong between the two of you, at least you were faithful, pity I can’t say the same for Max.’
I gulp down a mouthful of coffee a little too fast and it catches in my throat, sending me into a fit of coughing. To my dismay, Charlotte puts her mug down on the counter top and steps forward. She extends her arm around my shoulders to pat me gently on the back. I feel like the air has been knocked out of me. That’s a bombshell I wasn’t expecting. I know Charlotte and Max have been going through a rough patch for a little while. I didn’t think it was that serious, but then I had no idea Max was having an affair. However, Charlotte is well aware that I’m the last person to come to for any sort of relationship advice. One look at her face tells me she didn’t mean to blurt it out. Tears start to glisten in her eyes.
‘Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just feeling a little sorry for myself at the moment. What I actually wanted to say was, what a lovely person Katie is and how kind of her to help out yesterday.’ She swallows hard, maintaining her composure.
A Little Sugar, A Lot of Love: With cupcakes, coffee and karma Page 9