by JA Huss
Caleb did not mention this but surely he would've known. "You used Isten, just like you used me. You wanted inside my mind, you wanted answers, and you used him to take that from me, didn't you?"
He sucks some air in through his teeth and sneers at me. "Isten used you."
"No. You knew he wanted another twine more than anything and you used that against him, made him love me, made me love him. And then you took him away."
"None of this has anything to do with Isten, Junco. He wanted you, yes. Tier and I decided to make his remaining days happy. You would've rather he never had that special bond with you?"
"Go."
"Junco, I need your promise."
"Get out." I turn and look at him now. "Get out! I promise you nothing, Lucan. You're on your own, just like me. Maybe I'll raise that Pillar and maybe I won't, I have no idea right now to be honest. I'm gonna get my revenge, that's all I care about. I'm gonna go kill those people who started this, who made me, and I'm gonna feel a whole lot better about things when it's over. Maybe then I'll show up and raise that Pillar." It's my turn to sneer. "Or maybe I won't."
"You will show."
"Yeah? I'm sure you've seen me show up, is that it? Just like you saw me kill Kush and then slice my fucking chest open in Deliverance?"
He shrinks back a fraction, but I catch it.
"I did not see that."
"You lie! You're such a fucking liar! You saw that and everything else, too! Tier saw Isten die, he traded Isten for me, right? You traded Isten for me?"
"Who told you that?"
I grunt and face the truth I've been pushing away since before we went back to Earth to get my Siblings. "It's true. You guys gave him to me as a gift and then you took him. And not just killed him, you killed him in front of me, Lucan. You made me watch."
We stand there in silence for several seconds and then he puts a hand on my shoulder and I know it's all true. I shake him off and watch his expression when I say the words.
"I hate you." His eyes glow for a fraction and I repeat it without the malice. "I hate you. You used me. In the worst way, Lucan. You used me all up, broke me, then stepped on the pieces just to make sure I'd never be put back together again. You'll gather me up? Once I'm shattered? Well, I don't want you to come looking for me, and if you do come, I won't allow you to put me back together. Because you know what? I'd rather be floating in my own insanity for eternity than spend it with you."
He stares at me for a few seconds and then he disappears. Just like that, he's gone. Replaced by emptiness.
Like fucking hell he'll be there to gather me up. Like fucking hell. His promises are as empty as the air he left behind.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Someone, probably Selia, but maybe Irin, has left me some clothes in a bag in the closet. The bag is labeled Junco, so I know it's for me.
I take a shower, the anger from my confrontation with Lucan still replaying through my mind. I have to stop everything I'm doing, several times, and lean against the tiled shower wall to calm myself. I don't have the same control over my heart rate that I used to have before the morph. In fact, nothing about me is the same as it used to be.
And that was Sera's point in telling me that Inanna remade me into something better.
Maybe.
Maybe she did, but I'll skin that bitch alive if I see her. I will not hesitate. I consider myself a pretty forgiving person, I mean I put up with a lot from all my childhood handlers, my father, Lucan, Tier, Ash and the rest. But that anger I feel for them is nothing. Minuscule. Compared to the hate I feel for Inanna.
I finish up in the shower and dress in an outfit that once again looks suspiciously like my Fledge uniform, minus the wing holes. I don't have the sniper t-shirt to offset it this time. Selia cut it all up and who knows where it is now.
So I look like an avian, minus the wings. Which is just fucking fantastic. I love being reminded that I have no wings.
Whatever.
I leave my room and head into the common area and find Ashur and Selia sitting on the couch watching a horror screen.
I wave my arms at the screaming girl running from some horrible mutant thing. "What the hell, Selia?"
Her head is lying on Ashur's thigh and she's stretched out on the couch. Ash has one hand on her ass and the other rests on the back of the couch. Like he fucking lives here or something.
Selia doesn't even sit up to answer. "We're waiting for Esta's Pillar to come on the screen. They're about ready."
I blink at her—"OK, you're useless"—and take my attention to Ashur's smug gaze. "What the hell are you doing here?"
He smiles. "Babysitting, what do you think?"
"I don't—" My sentence is interrupted by the newscast on screen. The area shows nothing but open ocean with the exception of one small dot far off in the distance. The media team zooms in until I can make out avian shapes and I see Esta clinging to Ryse on the deck of a boat. Tier stands on the top level of the cabin, like he's watching the media team with interest. Like a predator protecting his kill, waiting to see if the hyenas will try and steal it, maybe.
The camera pans around them in a circle and the light from her Pillar comes into view. From his vantage point it's an endless column of photons shooting up towards the heavens. In a few more minutes, it's gonna be those nanotech things making the light turn solid.
What is up with these things, anyway? What could they possibly be doing with them?
My internal questions are forgotten as the camera zooms in on Tier. His face is calm but his wings say another thing altogether. They are definitely what I'd call attack ready—slightly uplifted behind him, not outstretched, but not folded either. His head is high, but maybe that's because he's looking up at the camera crew with intense interest now.
The light from this soon-to-be Pillar looks like it stretches on forever, that's how large the radius is. The video team pans the camera again, explaining the exact coordinates. They are off the southeastern tip of Africa somewhere. Hundreds of miles off-shore, but it doesn't matter. Tsunamis will travel until they lose energy or crash into something that will take that energy away. There are still plenty of places to demolish once this baby gets rolling.
The voice on screen is predicting the end of Madagascar.
They take the camera back to Ryse and Esta on the deck. She's still leaning into him, and he's still talking to her. Esta nods and then she's talking too.
I wish I could hear what's going on.
Tier's mouth moves and the reporter on screen tries to decipher what he's saying. Whatever it is, it's definitely for the benefit of the camera crew, who must be hovering in a copter or something. His mouth moves again, like he's repeating his words over and over. The reporter tries again, but Tier laughs and shakes his head and enunciates very slowly.
Everyone catches it this time. Goodbye. They're saying goodbye.
He's talking to me.
I feel Ashur's hand on my shoulder but I don't look at him. Tier grabs a small device that the reporters have thrown down to him.
I lean in to hear, I can't help it.
He smiles first. "You want to talk to her, Junco? To make sure this is right?"
I nod. Yes, my mind says, and Tier turns, jumps down to the deck, and leans into Esta's ear before handing the microphone over.
Esta's face is red and streaked with tears. "I'm OK, Junco. I'm just scared."
Oh shit.
"Stop." I look up at Ashur. "Make them stop."
"No, Junco. There's no stopping. If we don't complete the Pillars they'll all die. She's not scared of what she needs to do, she thinks you might leave her stuck in there. She's afraid she'll never see Ryse again."
My heart feels so small and shriveled up right now. She thinks I'll abandon her.
For a microsecond I figure I can teleport there and talk to her but Tier is talking into the microphone again, telling me that the timeshift required for such a jump would put me there hours or maybe even days later
.
I feel deflated. "I'll show up, Ashur. Make him tell her I'll show up." I look up at him and catch the distant look that typically clouds an expression when the vision screens are being accessed.
The message gets through, whether it was Tier reading me or Ashur talking directly to him, it gets through. Tier leans down and whispers into Esta's ear and she smiles as she answers. "I never doubted you, Junco. Never."
Right.
Tier tosses the microphone into the ocean and both he and Ryse take Esta by the arms and fly her up and out towards Pillar Four. As they approach the light takes on a whole new energy, like it switched wavelengths or something. My vision screen pops to life and I can see the changes in the light as Esta approaches—it wiggles a little, then increases in intensity and the wiggle becomes a wave that originates somewhere deep below the ocean. The hovercopter pulls back as the movement takes on an almost violent intensity and I shrug off Ashur's grip on my shoulder to step closer to the screen. "I can't see them, I want to see them."
Ash's hand is back but this time he's gripping my upper arm. "You don't want to see them, Junco. You'll have your turn." The screen shuts off and he pulls me away.
"Wait! I want to fucking see her do it, Ashur! Let go of my arm!"
He tugs on me hard and I stumble and fall into him. "I said no." His eyes glow green down at me as I shake off his grip a second time and scramble to get away before he can catch me again.
"You think I won't do it, don't you? You think the only way you guys can get me to comply is if you lie to me, is that it?"
Ashur walks away and takes his place back next to Selia. She's siting up now, and I notice she's not really dressed appropriately for fighting. The pale pink nightie looks like she's definitely got other plans. It's the middle of the night here in Vegas when I check my vision screen. "You better get changed, Sel. We have work to do."
She shakes her head at me and rests her head on Ashur's thigh again. "I'm not going anywhere tonight, Junco. Sorry."
"Where's Lili then?"
"You're not going anywhere either, Junco." Ashur says it in a way that begs me to defy him.
And I ponder this for a split-second.
But then he's talking again. "We're waiting for Tier this time."
"Lili?" I call out as I walk towards the rooms on the other side of the common living area, but before I can reach the door Ashur slams me down on the ground and pins me to the floor.
Selia doesn't even get up off the couch.
"What the fuck, Selia? A little help here?"
She snorts. "Like I could stop Ashur, Junco. Please. That's not even funny. He'd kick my ass too, so just relax and wait for Tier, OK?"
I stare up at Ash this time. "You know what?"
He smiles, like I'm coming to my senses and I'm just trying to make conversation and be friendly like we were back on Amelia. "What, Junco?"
"You're a dirty fucking woman-beater. That's what. You've spent your whole life on Earth almost, and you still think fighting girls is OK. You're nothing but a dirty fucking woman-beater."
His eyes glow. Like fluorescent. "Really? When have you ever seen me fight a woman, Junco? I only fight soldiers. Besides, you barely qualify as a woman. You're the farthest thing from a woman I've ever seen. And that's the way you like it, remember? You're nothing but a soldier. Which makes you fair game in my eyes."
Ouch. He certainly knows how to play the game of Junco. I shake it off and continue. "You're so fucking full of yourself you think just because you're Lucan's pick you can man-handle me? You're a violent piece of shit, that's what you are. Kadian was right about you all along, wasn't he?"
He's not quite ready to take the bait so I add another worm to the hook as he begins to snarl. "And if Selia was smart, she'd fucking leave your ass and go for Aren or Gideon, because at least they're fucking gentlemen."
He leans down into my face and I can feel the heat inside of him. "Is that right? You think Gideon is better than us? Well, let me tell you a little bit about the guy you love so much, Junco. He's spent the last ten years feeding information about you to Inanna."
I shake my head but he reads my expression and smiles.
"Oh, yeah. That"—he pauses—"whatever he is to you—a brother, a father, a lover, a handler—whatever the fuck that guy is to you—it's not even close to being the perfect guy you envision."
"No. I know Gideon is not like that, if he's told things to Inanna it was to protect me. Or something."
He gets up and pulls me up and this makes my stomach do little somersaults because it means he feels he's got the upper hand and I need help. I need to be back on my feet to hear this news because hearing it on the ground just gives him an unfair advantage.
"He's plotting with her, Junco. He's got a plan and maybe you think you know the plan, but I'm telling you as your friend, he's got a plan you have no idea about."
"What fucking plan? If you're so well-informed, tell me his plan."
"Well, for one thing, Selia wouldn't be able to be with Gideon."
He stops to smile and I feel it again. The sickness that comes with punishment. Or in the case of my recent life, revelations.
"Because he's been fucking that bitch Iliana since they put you in the tank two years ago. And you wanna hear the really sick part, Junco? He turned that bitch into you. He made Inanna morph her into you, the way you look right now. Tell me that's not sick."
I shake my head and suddenly Selia is on her feet walking towards me. "That's enough, Ashur. Stop it."
I wait until she's right up next to him and reach out before that dumb fuck Ashur even realizes I just played him. My fingers tap her shoulder and I watch his open mouth start screaming at me even as the tunnel of time opens up and Selia and I are flung somewhere else.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
We crash face-first into the desert scrub. If you've never been in the Southwest Republics, then you might think deserts are made up of sand. But that's not the case. Deserts around here are made up of dirt like the Eastern Plains of the RR. And scrub is not even close to being soft like sand. Scrub means poky plants, and rocks, and small woody shrubs that scratch the shit out of you as you slam into them.
I sit up as Selia wails about her lack of lower body clothing, but shit, it's not my fault she was dressed for sex right when I needed her.
I look around. Dammit. I'm not very good at this teleporting stuff. I can see the lights of Vegas off in the distance, and when I look up at the stars and twirl, I can tell that I'm west of there, but other than that I have no idea where we are.
Selia walks up to me, still whining about her scratched legs, but I ignore her.
Or at least I try to, it's kinda hard to do that when she's slapping me across the face.
My hand goes to my cheek. "What the fuck, Selia?"
She bobs her head up and down, like this satisfies her or something. "That's what you get for slapping me back at Subjack's place, you spoiled rotten little bitch! How dare you take me away like that. I'm half-fucking-naked, you stupid piece of shit!"
Whoa. Selia is pissed. I've never seen her pissed.
"Shit, Sel. Sorry, we just need to get a move on, ya know. We only have—"
"We don't need to be doing anything, Junco. I'm tired of this shit. What the hell are you doing? You're going to ruin everything! Ashur and Tier are not the enemy."
I just stare at her raging face and then absently scratch my head.
She turns and walks off, stubs her toe on a rock, then kicks at something that scurries across her foot. "I'm probably gonna get bit by a black widow or something and it's going to be all your fault, Junco…"
Her voice trails off as she makes her way through the scattered shrubs and cactus.
I have definitely crossed Selia's line.
What choice do I have? I follow her. "Stop, Sel. Just stop. I'm sorry, OK?"
Selia spins around, walks towards me, and then slams her hand into my chest. I fall backwards on my ass and watch h
er lose control with slight amusement.
I tuck that smile down quick because Selia. Is. Pissed.
"I'm glad you think this is all funny." She stops her tirade for a few seconds to look around, finds the city lights, and I watch the wheels turn in her head as she calculates the distance from Vegas. Far. We're far and she knows it. "That's perfect," she seethes down at me as she turns back. "Just perfect. We're hours away, I bet. Now I have to sit out here in the fucking desert, freezing my ass off, and wait for Ashur to come find us. What the fuck?"
I shrug. "I can take us back, no biggie, Selia. I can—"
"Uh, yeah. No thanks. You suck at porting, you know that? Suck. I thought Ashur's first ports were rough, but you! You suck!"
I scramble to my feet and huff out some air. This is not going well. I'm just about to try and smooth things over when Selia spots a dust cloud approaching from the east.
"Oh, thank God. That was quick." She starts walking towards the vehicle racing towards us waving her arms, then calls back to me, "You can stay out here being all covert psycho badass Junco if you want, but I'm going back to the hotel and I'm gonna sleep with my boyfriend and have fun, and eat those bigass strawberries dipped in chocolate. Because if the world is gonna end next week, I'm going out with the one I love. So you just—"
"Next week?" That's a little soon for me, but Selia is not listening. She's still talking about her romantic night with Ashur and flapping her arms around wildly, as if the truck racing towards us doesn't already know we're here.
The vehicle emerges from the thick cloud of dust, but something seems off so I crank up my enhanced vision.
There's not just one truck, it's a whole shitload of them.
"Oh, shit! That's not Ashur, Selia! That's the fucking MR Defenses!"
She whirls around, her mouth half open and ready to speak, when the bullets start spraying us. I sprint hard, lose my footing in the sand, stumble and recover, and then reach out to tap her a fraction of a second too late. Her chest is riddled with holes as we move through timespace.
We crash into the desert again, but this time the blood squirts out of her and splatters my face as we fall into a heap in the scrub. Before I can even think about her condition the bullets are spraying again and I am forced to tap and port. We crash a third time, but this time I fall on top of her and her screams come out as gurgles as the blood bubbles up through her mouth. We're in a grocery store parking lot in Vegas and the high-noon lunch shoppers are screaming. A stream of plasma reaches out to slap my arm as I tap her once more and then I keep us in the tunnel of time for a little longer, try and point us somewhere and figure out a direction, and then finally, after several long seconds, I open us back up to the world.