by J. M. Miller
His whole being took control over the house, both his physical size and his presence filling the entirety of the cramped, dim space. Slowly, he turned a few times, observing what little lay within the main area under the glow of a few lanterns I’d been brave enough to light. “Charming.”
“Is that supposed to be funny?” I replied sharply, offended by his irreverence.
“If you think it is.” An irksome answer that I wanted nothing to do with. I was about to open my mouth to get to the point of his visit, but he added, “It’s nice, actually. Nicer than many others have.”
I snapped my mouth closed, shocked for the second time in mere minutes of his arrival.
He chose to take a seat at the table, settling into a chair easily. “The raven,” he said as his eyes continued to roam about. “His name was Oculi. He belonged to Elige.”
“Why?” I asked the only thing I could think.
“Well, he was due to return to her soon. I couldn’t let that happen because he’d give her information I’m not sure I want her to have.”
“How could he—”
“They’re bonded. She sees things from him, through his eyes, but only with physical contact. He was sent here with me, to monitor my actions and anything else he can pick up. He shows her everything upon his return. Most of it wouldn’t be bothersome. But there are things I don’t believe she needs to see yet. You, for example.” His eyes finally cut up to mine from his seated position and held on. “And since I was uncertain of his departure plans, I chose to end him before he got the chance to skip across the sea.”
“How is any of that possible?” My mind attempted to process it all unsuccessfully.
“There is magic in this world, Vala. I think you’ve had a little time to process that, even if you were in denial before.” He grinned quite evilly as he reached for an empty goblet on the table then tilted it to look inside. “It returned not too long ago, but it is weak. There are very few of us who can do anything worth more than spit at all, beyond trivial child tricks. She’s one. Though, she’s not nearly as strong as she wishes. The sight bond with ravens is her main ability.”
“Won’t she find out what you did?”
“Not unless you plan to tell her. Do you?” he asked, lifting a humorous eyebrow. “No, she won’t know. She’ll think one of your humans got him, especially if that’s what I tell her. Do you have any wine?”
My feet took me to the storage table pushed against the side wall where the breads and vegetables Haidee had stocked were still plentiful since most of the food I consumed was from the chateau. I grabbed an already filled carafe without thought and sat it on the table in front of him. A few days ago, I was prepared to kill him and now I was serving him wine. I tried not to think about that too much. Instead, I focused on getting answers. “What is she?”
As he lifted the carafe, his gloved hand shook. He clenched his jaw, the muscle in his cheek flexing as a ripple of charred skin waved across his face. As soon as it passed, he poured a heavy amount of wine into the goblet. “She’s a witch, of sorts. That’s probably the best way to describe her. She’s a lot of other things too, but that’s the main thing you’re inquiring, I suppose.” He gulped down a long drink then released a sigh. “The wine here is good. Reminds me of a place I used to live.”
“How do you know her?”
“She lives in the north, in the fae lands. Though blurred, the territory divisions still stand, mostly because our people have chosen to cling to a history that was ripped from us long ago rather than come to terms with what we have become.” He took another drink. “Oculi found me a few years ago while I was wandering the south, in The Borderlands of Craw. Elige realized that my connection to magic was more than a distant ancestry, so she hired me.”
“Hired you?”
“In a sense.” His eyes fixed on the wall, holding a deep stare as if he were seeing the past.
“What does that—”
“I think I’ve told you plenty for now,” he said, jerking straighter in his chair. “Your turn. Heard anything beneficial lately? I noticed that you were reassigned.”
“How did you even know that? Are you able to get into the chateau with that fake skin you’re wearing? How do you even do that? Is there something you eat to make it work?” If only it were that easy. Whatever it was, I’d be willing to consume it for the rest of my life.
He barked out a laugh, its resonance thunderous in such an enclosed space. “I didn’t take you for the blabbering type. But I guess if you’re quiet all day, watching and listening to others …”
I scowled at his honesty. My mouth had indeed sped up an unusual amount, I couldn’t deny. It seemed to be happening quite easily around him. “Guarding others,” I corrected, my tone defensive.
His fingers lifted from the table and he tilted his head a little, as if in surrender. “I can get around some. My ability to look like a human makes it easier. If I were to walk around looking like my true self, humans wouldn’t exactly pour me wine and offer their beds.”
I gaped at that, unsure what to think. Why would he even disclose that to me? Before I could even consider how deceitful that act could be, he smiled broadly.
“And I thought I’d already seen your worst repulsed face.” He laughed. “I’m not that evil. I meant it in the most basic sense. The vineyard’s lord thought I was a newcomer looking for work.” I relaxed a bit, unsure why I’d even cared. “Now, tell me what you’ve talked about with the princess. And spare me the female talk about how lovely the prince looks in his dress tights and tunic.”
EIGHTEEN
I took the seat across from him at the table and poured my own goblet of wine. While there was never an acceptable excuse for being a traitor, even ignorance, I’d surely welcome wine as an aid to disregard my duties and morals. There was no other way to dull my mind’s continuous thoughts of the possible consequences. I took a long drink, eyeing him as he did the same. I was risking everything. My home. My life. But part of me knew if what he said was true, if the future of Garlin and other lands were at stake, I had to take the chance and trust him.
After I explained the circumstances of my detail change and most of what the princess and I had discussed, I said, “There were books and papers in her sitting room, but I wasn’t close enough to read anything.”
“And that was it? She only wanted to know a little about you?”
“I left out the bits about Caulden and his tights like you asked.”
He licked his lips and grinned, and it was a wicked sight only not so wicked at all. “Fair enough. I can see why she’s so curious about you. I’m certain you’ve been baffling these humans for your entire life.”
“Baffling,” I echoed with a laugh. “Terrifying, more like.”
“Yes, well …” He lifted his goblet and took another drink. “After what happened to their people so many years ago, I’m sure that fear is ingrained, twisted so deeply inside their blood the likelihood of them seeing anything beyond that terror is very slim.”
“A few have seen beyond it at least.” Saireen. Queen Havilah. Prince Caulden.
“Ah. Your queen,” he said, squeezing those brown eyes into a squint to appraise me. “I’ve seen the differences in her skin, the contrasted colors so unlike most other humans. Could have been a part of why she allowed you on her Guard. The fact that you were young helped, too. However, I think the most feasible reason for her acceptance was fear. She knew you would be a benefit to her son, protecting him simply by standing at his side. Fear is one of the strongest allies to use against enemies. It can help to break them faster or make them think twice from the start. Your mere presence has made every human on this island not only question the rebirth of magic but also think twice about challenging you, challenging the prince, the throne. So for that reason, your queen has been able to look beyond her own terror. However, moving far enough past it to acceptance is a different matter entirely. I’m sure you considered those differences when you were being wh
ipped the other day.”
I held my calm expression even though the truth he spoke was like a dagger to my soul. I had doubts about truly belonging, truly being accepted. I’d always had those doubts. But with all the changes within the past days, with all that were to come, it seemed that everything had collectively flooded to the surface.
He sat straighter and stretched his arms out to the sides of the table, wrapping his fingers around the sides and gripping hard enough to knock his empty goblet over. Ripples surged over his skin again, this time the dark, rough texture spreading out and staying, wiping all the smoothness away. “Ah,” he grunted with his eyes closed tightly.
I sat transfixed as the change took him in a few short moments. He inhaled fully then released his breath and opened his eyes to me, swirled with darkness. Even his eyes had changed into what I’d seen on Trader’s Row—a replica of those I’d see within any basin of water or any pane of glass. “How is it possible?”
After releasing his deathly grip on the table and taking in another calming breath, he replied, “Close to twenty years ago, I felt a change. Not everyone in Vaenen or Craw felt it. Those who did knew that it had to be then that magic had reemerged. Though, we have no idea what happened to cause it. There was also a lot of death at that time with no real explanation. Later, we realized those things could have been connected, that the ones who died … whatever magic had lain within their blood may have been too potent and whatever had caused the change had been too strong for them to take. Some refer to it as The Wakening.”
“So that was when you realized you could change?”
“No. I didn’t see or feel any other immediate changes with an ability. I was young, and I thought it was a dream … or a nightmare rather, the pain of it … I was lost for a while …” His eyes flickered slowly around the room. “Some of my family died when it happened. But as I grew, I started to travel, eventually finding myself on the border of Craw. That was where I felt someone else’s abilities for the first time. Knowing fae history and that my family’s lineage included specialties, I did more research and discovered that I am a mimic.”
“A mimic?”
He flipped his goblet upright and filled it then mine too. “I can adopt others’ abilities and characteristics, fae or otherwise, from their energy. My body stays close in appearance, but some physical features can change depending on the individual’s ability.”
“Can you do it whenever you want?”
“I have to be in the vicinity initially, but keeping it varies. Human form I can keep longer without one being around because they have no real power. But you … around you I have struggled keeping human form. My body wants to pull your energy in. I was able to hold it off longer tonight than the other times. And when I leave, I won’t be able to keep you for long.”
I cleared my throat, shaking off the nervousness that had splintered through me following his words. The way he’d said them, as if we were connected, as if he knew what it was like to be me … It was worrisome, but there was also an inviting thrill too strong to ignore. “Is your ability the reason you were able to cross into Islain and come here?”
“Elige seems to think so.” He lifted his goblet to his lips.
“Do you?” I eyed him, watching as he adjusted to his changed skin, his movements cautious and careful as he drank.
His eyes lifted to mine after setting the goblet down. “It’s logical to associate the two. But it doesn’t exactly have to do with changing. When I cross, I don’t need to be in human skin. I do it as a precaution now, cross close enough to human areas to pull their energy, in case I’m seen. But when I didn’t know much about the border, when Oculi had spotted me, I’d walked into the dense fog several times without realizing.”
“So she saw that and still thinks it’s the reason?”
“Yes, she believes it even if I don’t need to change. Because no one has been able to cross, not even humans. Anyone who attempts to cross the border dies. Supposedly, there’s a warning feeling, like a sickness. That’s where most turn away.”
I took another drink, savoring the sweet taste while considering all his information. “Was that why she was watching the border with the raven?”
He smiled to the table. “You are a smart one, aren’t you? She has never told me specifics, but yes, she was waiting to see when someone was able to cross. As you already know, animals like Oculi can cross as long as they don’t possess magic themselves.”
“So what is it that you do for her?”
He rolled his shoulders back, stretched his arms, and stood. “I think maybe I should go. I wouldn’t want your … sister or anyone else discovering that I’m here.”
“Wait,” I said as I stood with him, my voice sounding more desperate than I liked. But I wanted more information. I needed it. “Haidee doesn’t stay here. I’m sure with everything else you’ve found out, you know that. No one else will come here this late, unless they want to lose an arm.”
He pinched his lips together, containing a smile. “I don’t think—”
“Just, please,” I begged, shoving my shame aside, “a little while longer? There might be something else that we’ve missed. I just don’t know enough …”
His eyes—my eyes—softened at that, his eyebrows pulling together the smallest amount as he studied me. He didn’t reply, only settled back into his seat slowly.
“I …” I started, hearing the vulnerability in my tone and trying to quell all the unexpected emotions before continuing. “Like you mentioned on Trader’s Row, I don’t know much beyond this island, and I don’t know much about magic or what happened all those years ago. These people don’t talk about it here. I suppose that makes this island naive and me even more so since I know even less. But I want to know more. I may never know exactly where I came from or how I came to live here, but I’d like to know everything else. I’d like to find out what I am.”
He looked at the table and peeled the gloves from his hands. “I’m not certain what you are.” One set of fingers ran across the back of his other hand, feeling the texture I was so accustomed to. “With the way the flames call to you, with your ability to burn things with your touch … my only guess is that you have ties to fire elementals. I’ve read of some who had the ability. But there was no specifics about their skin.” His eyes lifted to mine then flitted to the side of my face. “Or about their ears being rounded.” I reached up at that instinctively, feeling the curve of my ear. “Back before The Final War, the fae families who possessed extra abilities were usually in charge of their own territories, managed their own courts within Vaenen. You might have ancestors from one, possibly have relatives still there.”
“Thank you,” I whispered honestly. Then I dared to ask, “So your ears aren’t rounded?”
He laughed and shook his head. “No, they aren’t.” After a pause, he said, “That’s why I’m intrigued by you, Vala, why I ended Oculi, also why I won’t leave this island yet. I’m not sure how I can even cross the border. I haven’t encountered any others in all my trips to Islain. But here you are. It has to mean something. I have many questions too. If you were born here, or only raised here. If you felt the change at the same time as I did. If maybe you suffered through it and that’s why you are different. How old are you?”
“Nineteen. How old were you when you felt it?”
“I was five. It was close to twenty years ago. Maybe it was around the time of your birth.”
“Maybe,” I mused, thoughts spinning on end.
“And the princess asked you some of the same questions about how you came to be here,” he said, recalling what I’d already told him.
“Yes, the same. She’s been curious of me since her arrival. That first night when we were at The Siren Den on Trader’s Row, she even asked Caulden if I’d been injured grotesquely.” I laughed lightly, ignoring the sting that came with the memory of that night. As the laugh died, I found Xavyn’s eyes pinned on me with a severe gaze. My smile disappeared.
>
“After a question like that, I’m surprised you defended them that night.” He was more than serious.
“Of course I defended them. It’s my duty. And really, she was curious because I’m covered. Those things don’t bother me much anymore. They only fuel my need to be a better Guard.” The intensity in his eyes didn’t falter, so I continued, “And Prince Caulden informed her of me, my value on the Guard.”
“I’m sure he did,” he replied, still staring, his upper lip curling lightly, flaring his nostrils.
“What? You think I should have let you kill her?” I finally said, anger building under his scrutiny.
“I wasn’t going to kill her. But had it been an option, yes, I think she would have found herself on the ground at some point, begging for my mercy or yours.”
“I guess the differences between us still remain because I wouldn’t betray the prince in that way.”
“No? I find that more foolish than honorable.” I scowled at his words. “It infuriates me to see you here, protecting the very people who have repressed you, contained you, molded you into something for their own benefit, only pretending to care for you.”
I wanted to argue that they cared for me, that the princess could even see that Caulden quite possibly even loved me, but I didn’t dare feed him that information. It was obvious that we were still so very different and he held no care for any duty but his own.
“I also think that if your positions were switched, the prince you so eagerly protect wouldn’t reward you with the same amount of valor.”
I shook my head, denying what I also couldn’t debate. Would he? I’d like to think he would if he cared … “That’s not true.”
“Is that how you came to be punished the other day, because of his protection?”
“Why do you keep bringing that up?”
“Why don’t you?” he countered, his tone nearly as harsh as my own.