by Leah Martyn
She sat for a second on the side of the bed and felt around for her dressing gown. Oh, why bother? She was decently clad in long pyjama pants and a T-shirt. Shoving her feet into a pair of slip-on sandals, she clacked to the front door. ‘Dan...’ She blinked, her gaze uncertain. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘Morning.’ He gave a contained kind of smile. ‘Nothing’s wrong. May I come in?’
‘Of course.’ She stood back to let him in.
‘Did I wake you?’ He looked concerned.
Lindsey finger-combed a fall of hair from her forehead. ‘I’m on a late. I just felt like a sleep-in. Come through. I’ll make some tea.’
‘I’ll make it,’ Dan offered.
He felt guilty. She looked whacked.
‘Thanks.’ She gave a wry smile. ‘I’ll wash my face and wake up a bit.’
After she’d changed into jeans and combed her hair, she felt more in control, more like herself. She headed into the kitchen, where Dan was making himself busy.
‘So, what’s up?’
He handed her a mug of tea and she saw he’d made toast as well. She took long mouthfuls and looked at him above the rim of her mug. Waiting.
‘I have something to tell you.’ Dan was hunched over his tea mug.
She forced her lips into a smile that felt stiff and uncomfortable. ‘Better get on and tell me, then.’
Dan hesitated as if searching for the right words. ‘Have you been watching the TV news at all over the last twenty-four hours?’
She shook her head. ‘Why, have I missed something important?’
‘A category-three cyclone has hit parts of New Guinea’s coastline, and particularly a little island to the north. It’s called Cloud Island. There’s huge damage and their resources are poor. The ADF are organising to send supplies and personnel as we speak. They need MOs on the ground. I’ve volunteered. I’m flying out at noon today.’
‘Oh.’ She moistened her lips and took a long controlling breath. ‘How dangerous will it be?’
Dan shrugged. ‘It’s hard to put a classification on it at this stage. But there’ll be protocols in place. We’ll just follow orders mainly and do what we’re trained to do. In my case, I’ll be helping to set up a field hospital and treat the incoming casualties.’
Her throat closed tightly. ‘Are there many people injured...do you know?’
Possibly hundreds, he could have told her, but refrained. ‘Well, the gurus at the weather bureau are calling it a natural disaster so I imagine there’ll be a bit of tidying up in all directions.’
‘How long will you be gone?’
‘Don’t know yet. Possibly not more than several weeks. Once the hospital is up and running, the army will start taking things over, bringing in more of their own personnel. But right now they need as many trained boots on the ground as they can get.’ A muscle pulled in his jaw. ‘And I am trained for this kind of emergency, Lindsey. I can’t just sit on my hands and do nothing.’
Her heart did an odd tattoo. One part of her was inordinately proud of him but the other part... She looked at him, her eyes unguarded. ‘I guess there’s nothing to say other than take care of yourself.’
‘Of course I will.’ Dan reached out and took her hand across the table. ‘You take care as well while I’m gone.’
She gave a jagged laugh. ‘I’ll be just going to work and coming home. I can’t get into much trouble.’
‘Will you come out to the airport and see me off?’
Lindsey stared at him for a moment, then suddenly and clearly, saw things from his perspective. He had to go. And she was glad and proud of his humaneness and the depth of his commitment to medicine and his willingness to use his skills in whatever way and wherever they were needed. ‘Of course I will.’
* * *
‘You’re not taking much.’ Lindsey saw he had only a carry-on bag. They were in Hopeton’s airport lounge and holding hands tightly.
‘We’ll be issued with everything. I’ll try for a video hook-up so you can see me in my army fatigues.’
‘And handsome as all get-out.’ Lindsey tried to joke but it was hard. She swallowed. ‘So when you get to Sydney, what then?’
‘I’ll meet up with the rest of the contingent. We’ll fly out in a Hercules later today, I imagine. Look at the TV news tonight. There’s bound to be a camera or two recording our departure. I’ll send you a wave.’
‘And I’ll be bound to see it,’ she said drily, looking out through the glass wall of the passenger lounge to the airstrip, where the luggage was being ferried across for loading. She felt a wrench to her heart. He’d be gone soon. The line of her mouth trembled for a second.
Watching her, Dan took stock, finding it hard to believe the avalanche of emotion that swamped him. He, Dan Rossi, had fallen headlong in love with this beautiful woman. And what he had to say couldn’t wait a moment longer. ‘I love you absolutely, Lindsey Stewart. Will you marry me?’
Dazed, her mouth opened and closed. She couldn’t speak. She just bit her lips together and nodded. Then smiled as if her lips might crack. ‘Oh, Dan...’
‘So that’s a yes?’ Dan’s eyes locked with hers.
‘Yes! Of course, yes! I love you, Dan. How could you think I didn’t?’
Dan’s heart began clamouring. He heaved in a long breath and let it go. Joy, clear and pure, streamed through him. Oblivious to the crowd around them, he pulled her close and kissed her—hard. ‘When?’
Lindsey felt shaky and happy all rolled into one. She fiddled with the button on his shirt front. ‘As soon as you like. As soon as you come back from your tour?’
‘Yes.’ He nodded eagerly. ‘In the meantime, think about what kind of wedding you’d like and I’ll do the same. And we’ll do it,’ he added softly, as if making a promise to himself, a promise to both of them. His eyes clouded for a second. ‘And you don’t mind all my baggage?’
She placed her fingers on his lips, her gaze clear and untroubled. ‘What baggage? This is us, Dan.’
He took her hands and held them against his chest, as if reaffirming their commitment. ‘It’s about time I got that into my head. After I get back, I never want to be away from you again.’
‘You won’t have to be,’ she said, knowing it as surely as she knew her own name. ‘We’ll be together.’
‘Oh, my Lindsey...’ Dan leaned into her, kissing her softly, tenderly.
‘This is the best day of my life.’
Lindsey’s smile was tremulous. ‘And mine. Oh.’ She lifted her head and listened. ‘That’s your boarding call. Do you have everything you need?’
His face worked for a minute. ‘Everything but you.’ He gave her one last, fierce kiss. ‘That’ll get me through the tough times,’ he said, and picked up his bag.
Lindsey watched as he jogged across to join the end of the queue of boarding passengers. Suddenly, he turned. He began walking backwards and smiling. ‘I love you!’
‘And I love you,’ she echoed, but he was already out of sight.
Two weeks later...
‘Have you heard from Dan recently?’ Vanessa asked as she and Lindsey met up in the staffroom before work.
Lindsey made a face. ‘The mobile reception is pathetic. I’ve had a few phone calls. But Dan said the army techs are hoping to have a satellite up and running shortly so that will make communication easier.’
Vanessa propped her chin on her hand. ‘You look a bit wan, Lins. You’re really missing him, aren’t you?’
Lindsey nodded and bit her lip. ‘Every day seems like a month.’ She paused. ‘Dan asked me to marry him as soon as he gets back.’
Vanessa’s mouth fell open. ‘Get out. Oh, Lins—that’s amazing! And you said yes? Of course you did. Oh...’ Vanessa’s hand went to her heart. ‘A wedding. How could you have kept
that kind of news to yourself? I’d have been doing a shout-out all over the ED. What plans have you made?’
‘Well, none, really.’ Lindsey was still feeling stunned to some extent. She needed Dan’s presence to make things real.
‘I’ll help you,’ Vanessa said promptly. ‘We’ll make a list. All you need is the date, time and venue. And your dress, of course. And the guest list. Oh, and flowers...’
Lindsey managed a shaky laugh. ‘I need to think about it a bit more, Van. But thanks.’
Vanessa batted a hand. ‘What kind of wedding does Dan want?’
‘We left it open-ended. We’ll decide on something when he gets back...’
‘But you could get a jump-start,’ Vanessa pointed out excitedly. ‘Guys usually go along with whatever the bride wants anyway. I’ll dash out on my break and get the latest bride books. Lace is so in. But you’ll look stunning in whatever you wear,’ she summed up happily.
Lindsey locked her arms around her stomach. Butterflies as big as doves were looking for a place to land. Vanessa’s enthusiasm had been like an avalanche, drowning her in excitement. And the faintest trepidation.
* * *
Later in the day, Lindsey was surprised to receive a phone call from Sami.
‘Is it OK to call you at the hospital?’ Sami asked.
‘Of course.’ Lindsey swung away from the computer. ‘If I’m elsewhere in the department, you can always leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Is everything OK?’
‘It’s wonderful.’ Sami gave a throaty laugh. ‘Look, Lins, I know Dan is away and you’re possibly a bit at loose ends so I wondered if you’d like a little catch-up after work—cup of tea or something?’
‘What a good idea. That sounds just what I need. Where?’
‘You know where my cubbyhole is in the main street? There’s a tea room newly opened a few doors down. It’s called Browne’s. I’ll pop along and keep a table. See you when you get there. All right?’
‘Fantastic.’ Lindsey smiled, glad for once she’d brought a change of clothes to work.
* * *
‘Over here!’ Sami’s blond curls bobbed as she waved Lindsey across to the table. The two friends hugged briefly and settled themselves in the old-fashioned high booth. ‘Now, what are we having?’ Sami scanned the menu. ‘Pot of tea?’
‘Oh, yes, please!’ Lindsey smiled and ran her tongue along her lips. ‘I’m parched.’
‘And something to go with it...’ Sami made a moue of conjecture. ‘Everything looks a bit buttery and I’m so off sweet stuff. What about cucumber sandwiches?’
‘Lovely.’ Lindsey tossed back her head and laughed. ‘We can pretend we’re having high tea at the Ritz.’
Sami cackled. ‘Have you done that too?’
‘A long time ago with James and Catherine.’ Lindsey looked up as the waitress arrived to take their order.
‘So, what news do you have for me, Lins?’ Sami asked, placing the menu back in its folder.
‘Dan’s asked me to marry him,’ Lindsey blurted. Once she’d told Vanessa, she’d been bubbling with a queasy kind of happiness all day.
‘He did?’ Sami gave a subdued squeal. ‘That’s brilliant!’ She pressed her hands together in a praying motion under her chin. ‘Oh, help...I feel a bit teary. Dan’s so lovely. And you’re so right for each other. So, are we invited to the wedding?’
‘Of course, you dope.’ Lindsey blinked a bit and thought she may as well start making concrete plans. ‘In fact, I wondered whether you’d be my matron of honour...’
‘Absolutely! I’d be delighted. As long as it’s relatively soon so I’ll fit into my dress.’ Sami’s look grew misty. ‘I’m pregnant, Lins...’
It was Lindsey’s turn to look stunned. The outline of Sami’s face went out of focus and then righted itself. ‘Ooh...’ She let her breath go in a sigh. ‘That’s so sweet. Congratulations!’
‘Thanks. It’s a bit sooner than we planned but...you know?’ Sami looked coy.
Lindsey felt her own tears welling up. ‘I’m so thrilled for you and Nathan. Are you feeling OK healthwise?’
‘Pretty good, actually. Off the sweet stuff, as I said, but so sleepy I can’t believe!’
Sleepy. Lindsey’s stomach heaved alarmingly. Warning bells like the peal of a carillon resounded in her head.
‘Mum said she could fall asleep at the drop of a hat when she was expecting Cait and me,’ Sami went on happily. ‘I’ve been so looking forward to getting our house in order and now we’ve a nursery to plan. And Nathan’s on cloud nine. He’ll be such a dad.’
It can’t be. Lindsey clasped her hands on her lap, then unconsciously spread them over her tummy. I’m imagining things. I have to be. She’d had a period. But it had been lighter than usual. Much lighter, she corrected. It didn’t mean anything untoward. She lifted her cup and swallowed a mouthful of her tea. She had to leave. But she couldn’t, not yet. Instead, she half listened to Sami. Gave answers when she had to and Sami was on such a roll she hardly noticed anything amiss. Except when they got up to leave.
‘You know, Lins, you’re looking pale. Working in that hospital environment does absolutely nothing for your complexion.’
Lindsey laughed the comment away and felt as though her lungs had flown into her throat. Sami blew air kisses and they parted, promising to meet again soon.
As Sami had said, they had dresses to choose and a wedding to plan.
* * *
Would there even be a wedding now? Lindsey felt shaky as she reversed out of the parking bay. She’d go to one of the busy big chain pharmacies where no one would recognise her and buy a pregnancy testing kit. She swallowed. It was absolutely the last thing she’d expected to be doing when she’d got up this morning.
When she arrived home, she went straight through to the bathroom. Removing the box from the chemist’s wrapping, she felt as though she was handling a time bomb.
And it may as well be. An explosion that would surely blow her and Dan’s plans for their future to smithereens. He’d said that after the tragic outcome with his twins he was in no hurry to experience fatherhood again. She couldn’t do it to him. Present him with a fait accompli like Caroline had done. No way I’ll do that to Dan, she vowed, preparing herself for what she had to do.
The test was positive.
Lindsey felt all the strength drain from her legs as she sank down on the side of the bath. I’m having a baby. We’re having a baby.
She sat there for a long time. Then, surprisingly calmly, she got up, had a shower and shampooed her hair. Out of the shower, she towelled dry and dressed in a pair of her softest cotton pyjamas, then went through to the kitchen and put the kettle on. She gave the ghost of a smile. Perhaps she’d have to stop drinking so much tea. She called in sick for work next day. She needed time to herself. Time to start planning hers and her baby’s future.
Next day...
Lindsey was amazed she’d slept so soundly but as the day wore on she was aware of a slow crawl of panic overtaking her. She so wished Dan was there so she could have told him, got everything over and done with. And if he walked, so be it. She’d manage on her own. She could even go to Scotland, to James and Catherine. Have her baby there. Her thoughts flew wildly ahead.
The ringing of the doorbell startled her out of her introspection. She sighed, hoping it wasn’t Vanessa with her wretched bride books! She went to the front door, flinging it open almost impatiently. And took a breath so deep it almost hurt. ‘Dan!’ She’d already begun steeling herself for when he’d get back, running over little speeches in her head, but seeing him standing there in the flesh, still dressed in his army fatigues, all her carefully prepared words flew away like leaves in the wind. ‘When did you get back?’ she croaked.
Dan gave the briefest smile. ‘Flew into Sydney in the
early hours this morning. Had to hang about for a debrief. There wasn’t a flight to Hopeton until God knows when, so I got a cab.’
‘You got a cab from Sydney!’
‘Needed to see my girl.’ He followed her inside to the lounge. ‘I rang the hospital. They said you were home sick so I came straight here.’ His gaze flew over her. She certainly looked under the weather, not like his bright, beautiful Lindsey at all. And surely she’d lost weight in the time he’d been gone. He put out his hands and took hers. ‘Are you actually sick?’
‘No—not really.’ Just worried sick more like. ‘I felt like a day to myself, that’s all.’
‘Ah.’ His eyes burned like brilliant sapphires. He grinned. ‘Well, you won’t be getting that now, will you?’
Suddenly, like a dam breaking, Lindsey burst into tears.
‘Hey...what’s up?’ Dan guided her down onto the sofa. Hell. He felt his heart beating hard against his ribs. What was wrong here? He held her until at last she took several shaky breaths and regained control.
‘Oh, Dan...’ She curled her face into his neck.
‘It’ll be OK, Lindsey.’ He stroked her back. ‘I love you. Whatever it is, you can tell me.’
That’s just it, she thought despairingly. I don’t know how to.
‘Have you gone off me?’
‘What?’ That brought her to her senses in a flash. ‘Of course not.’ She sniffed, reaching for the box of tissues on the coffee table. ‘This is so unlike me.’ She gave a watery smile and made use of the tissues.
‘Better now?’ His eyes were so close she could see the faint specks of silver in the blue.
She nodded.
‘OK, then.’ Dan stretched his arm along the back of the sofa behind her. ‘I can’t keep guessing, Lindsey. Just spell it out. Please.’
His voice was gentle but it couldn’t free her from the stomach-caving fear that this was all too difficult, and even now, when he’d told her he loved her, she still couldn’t guarantee his reaction would be one of...gladness?
His fingertips stroked the back of her neck. ‘I’m going nuts here, sweetheart. What the hell is it?’