by Sara Hantz
“I… me? Um, I…” My ability to produce any form of coherent speech seems to have deserted me.
“Breathe,” Jon says kindly. “It’ll be fine.”
He knows this how? And what is it with everyone always telling me to breathe? It’s not like I’m gonna stop.
“Yes, but…”
“Cut the yes buts. Nothing can go wrong. They’re expecting Tilly to be with me, and if she isn’t there, the rumors will start again. Tilly knows what we’re doing. I’ll be with you, and so will Bryan.” He’s Tilly’s manager.
Now I get it. He’s doing it to help Tilly. To stop the rumors about her drinking. I might keep saying it, but it’s true, he’s just too good for her. Of course I want to help him.
“People will guess. My voice sounds nothing like Tilly’s.”
Stop with the excuses, or he’ll change his mind about taking you with him.
That’s easier said than done.
“We’re ahead of you already. We’re going to say you’ve lost your voice. Got laryngitis. Then no one will expect you to speak. It’ll work.” He gazes into my eyes. “Don’t you want to come with me?” Disappointment flashes across his face. How can he ask such a question? I’d go anywhere with him.
“Of course I do,” I say in my best casual voice. “You know that.”
“Cool.”
“But, what about clothes? I don’t have anything suitable, and what will I tell Mom and Dad? They might not want me to go, and…” My casual attitude transforms seamlessly into one of mad panic.
“Whoa,” Jon says, holding up his hand. “Clothes are no problem. Go and find Fran. I talked to her about our plans, and she’ll fix you up with a dress and some jewelry. Then get your fairy ears taken off, leaving the nose and wig, obviously, and ask them to re-do your makeup. Borrow some, so you can touch it up yourself later.”
“Okay.” I nod my head deliberately, while inside telling myself to stay calm.
“As for your parents. You’re not a child. You can make your own decisions.” He’s right. And I can’t have him thinking of me as a silly teenager who can’t even blow her nose without her parents’ permission. That’s hardly going to make him want to be with me in the future.
“Yes, sorry.”
“But don’t tell anyone what we’re doing. No one can know. We can’t risk the media frenzy if anyone finds out. It would be a disaster. For everyone.” He shakes his head.
“Okay.”
“Go now, meet me later and…”
“But…”
“Remember what I said? No buts. Are you okay for money, or do you need some for the cab?”
But…what I want to say is if I go now, I won’t get to say good-bye to everyone. Today is the last day of filming. Vince mentioned a cast party this weekend, but I’m not sure when and where. What if they forget to invite me? Or what if they get annoyed that I disappeared without telling them and deliberately don’t invite me?
Nothing’s ever easy. I’ll just have to text Vince and hope he understands. He can tell the others.
“I’m all good, thanks. I’ll see you at two.” I smile and am rewarded with a to-die-for wink.
I half run and half walk away from him toward wardrobe. Actually, it’s more like a skip. I can’t wait to spend more time with Jon. Just the two of us.
…
Matt pulls up outside our house, and I run down the driveway to meet him.
“Thanks so much for taking me,” I say, jumping in beside him.
He stares at me, frowning. “Why on earth are you dressed like that?”
I know Jon said not to mention it to anyone, but I can hardly keep it a secret from Matt, seeing as he’s taking me to the airport. To be honest, I didn’t think he’d agree when I called. Asking him was my last resort, since if I use my money for the cab fare it will wipe me out until I can get to the ATM. Well, not actually last resort—that would’ve been Mom. She’s at work at the moment, and I didn’t want to say anything. I’ve left a note for when she gets back. And I’ve got the credit card my Mom gave me for emergencies, so that will keep her happy.
“You have to promise not to say anything, because it’s a secret.” I lean in toward him and hold my finger up to my lips.
He shrugs. “Don’t tell me then.”
“I want to tell you. All I’m saying is you can’t tell anyone.”
If Liv was here I’d tell her, too. Maybe one day, if she ever forgives me, we can talk about it.
“Whatever.” He turns to face the windshield and turns on the engine.
He’s so frustrating. Most people would be dying to know. Then again, he’s probably being like this because he knows I’m going to tell him anyway.
“I’m going to New York to Jon’s movie premiere. Tilly’s not well, so I’m pretending to be her.”
He stops the engine and looks directly at me, scrutinizing my face. So much so I can feel heat rushing up my cheeks.
“Well, I suppose you could pass as Tilly. To those who don’t know you well. But it seems crazy. Why can’t they just say she couldn’t make it?” He finally says.
“It’s Jon’s movie, and he wants her there.”
“Why?”
Trust Matt to ask that. I hadn’t even wondered. Just went along with it.
“It looks better to have a big star there, I guess.”
“So he’s using her.”
I get a sudden flashback to what Tilly said about Jon only thinking of himself. But I still don’t buy it. I can only go by how he’s been with me, and how I’ve seen him with Tilly and the others on set.
“No. It’s not like that. He’s not like that.” I pick up the edge of my shirt and start to fiddle with it. I know I’m right about Jon.
“So, who else is going?” Matt asks.
“Jon.” My word hangs in the air, and I glance at Matt. His expression is unreadable. Even to me.
“Just Jon?” That’s all he says, but he shoots me a sharp glance that says a whole lot more. If only I knew what.
“Tilly’s manager will be there. I think that’s it.” I shrug and act like it’s no big deal.
“What, no entourage?” His sarcastic tone isn’t wasted on me. Nor is the pointed strumming of his fingers on the steering wheel.
“I wondered that, too. But I’m not sure. It’s Jon’s night.”
“What did your mom and dad say?” He arches an eyebrow, his face set firm.
“I haven’t told them. Well, I’ve left them a note saying I’m going to the premiere with all the guys from the movie, to give Jon some support. Not that I’m going as Tilly. Or that there’s only three of us going.”
“They won’t be happy.” He shakes his head.
“I don’t care. They don’t control my life.” I mean what I say, though it doesn’t sit too well. I’ve never lied to them in the past.
“Don’t go,” he whispers. He gently grips my shoulders, facing me. We stare at each other for a moment, then he drops his arms and turns away. “They’re just using you.” He sounds really pissed.
What’s it to him? He’s never supported me during the movie, and this is just more of the same. He’s jealous because all this good stuff is happening to me. Because his life is the same as it always has been.
“Stop trying to ruin everything for me,” I snap.
“I’m not,” he says quietly.
“Well, that’s how I see it. I just want to have some fun. Is that such a crime? It’s not like anyone’s gonna get hurt.”
Chapter Eighteen
“What do you think?” Jon asks after we’ve walked up the steps onto the plane and the steward greets us.
What do I think? It’s freakin’ wild. I’ve only flown a few times before and always coach. This whole private jet thing is, well, just insane.
“Love it.” I reply, having no other words to describe it.
“Sit wherever you like. The crew will serve drinks and food once we’ve taken off. I’ll be back in a minute. I just want a quic
k word with Bryan.”
I watch him walk away, hoping he won’t be long, so we can talk about tonight. My biggest fear is going down the red carpet and the cameras zooming in on me. Millions of people around the world watch these shows on TV. People are bound to spot that I’m not Tilly, however good my makeup is. I’ll have to keep my head down and tuck myself into Jon while we’re walking. What if I trip? The silver strappy Christian Louboutin shoes Fran gave me to wear are ridiculously high even if they are cute, and Liv would kill for them. Or what if my dress rips? Though why should it? It’s just that I remember a few years ago when the top of the dress of some presenter fell down and her bra was on show for the whole world to see. It was headline news.
“Hey, you okay?’ Jon’s voice drags me out of my nightmare scenario thoughts.
“Yeah, sure.” I flash a bright smile. Maybe too bright. I just don’t want him to think he’s made a mistake by asking me.
“You didn’t look it a moment ago,” he says as he lowers himself into the seat next to me. He leans across and takes hold of my hand, and my heart skips a beat.
“Just thinking about tonight,” I say, loving the warm feeling that’s coursing through my veins at the moment.
“Don’t worry, you’ll be good. Before we leave for the premiere, I’ll give you something that will help you relax.”
If he means drugs, forget it. No way will I take any. No drugs. No cigarettes. I’ve always promised Mom and Dad, not that I’ve even been tempted. Not after a girl at school died from taking some illegal stuff.
“I’ll be fine, really I will.”
“Don’t look so scared. It’s your choice.” He gives my hand a squeeze, and a shiver of excitement runs up my spine, causing me to squirm. I quickly turn it into a wriggle to make him think I’m trying to get comfortable.
“W-w-what would have happened if you’d gone without Tilly?” Even though I don’t agree, I can’t stop thinking about Matt’s comments about Jon using Tilly. If I ask Jon, then it won’t be in the back of my mind all the time.
“Nothing. I just didn’t want to let her fans down. Some of them line up for hours just to catch a glimpse of her. At least now they will get one, even if it is you.” He puts his arm around my shoulder and gives me a hug.
All the tension disappears from my body, and I relax into him. I knew it. Jon is one of the good guys. It was just Matt making me have these doubts. I’ll tell him when I get back. In the meantime, I’m going to sit back and enjoy everything. Because this is going to be the most magical night ever.
…
WOW. And a million times WOW. My hotel room is beyond anything I’ve seen in my whole life, apart from in the movies. It’s freakin’ ginormous, and all I’ve been in so far is the lounge.
There’s this huge bay window that opens up onto a balcony and goes all along one side of the room, giving an amazing view. It’s dark outside, and the skyline is dotted with thousands of lights.
In the center of the lounge are two long sofas in a sort of wheat color, with rust-colored silk cushions. And along the wall is a dark wood sideboard with glass doors, and then there’s a matching coffee table with a huge crystal bowl on top that’s full of fruit.
I’m just about to sit down when I remember my dress needs hanging up. Jon said I should get the hotel to press it for me, but I figure it will be okay if I hang it.
I pick up my case and go into the bedroom. My jaw drops. It has a four-poster bed that’s twice the size of my bed at home. No wonder Tilly gets all upset if she doesn’t have the best of everything, if this is what she’s used to.
After unzipping my case, I hang the dress up on the outside of the closet. It is a gorgeous, deep red long shift with a split all the way up one side that nearly hits my butt. Luckily, the straps are fairly wide, because of my false boobs. I gaze at the dress lovingly for a moment before heading into the bathroom with my toiletries bag.
The sound of a phone ringing interrupts my romantic dreams, and I scramble back to the bedroom and pick up the handset by the side of the bed.
“Hello?”
“Meet me in twenty minutes, downstairs in the bar,” Jon says.
“But I thought you were going to come get me.”
“I’m in the bar already. Pointless for me to go all the way up to the top again.” Did I mention this is a penthouse suite?
“Sure. Where’s the bar?” I have no desire, whatsoever, to walk into a crowded bar on my own looking like Tilly. I could get mobbed or anything. Surely Jon realizes this.
“To the left of the reception.”
“Well, meet me in reception. If I’m supposed to be Tilly, people won’t expect me to wander around on my own, will they?”
“Good point. But don’t keep me waiting.”
“I won’t. Promise.”
I replace the handset feeling happy with myself for actually standing up to Jon and letting him know what I want. Then I quickly call Mom and let her know I’m fine. She’s a bit cranky with me for just leaving a note, but she’ll get over it. I don’t have time to get into a full-scale debate about it, anyway.
I then rush back to the bathroom so I can touch up my makeup. The stuff they use on set lasts forever, so it really is just a case of adding more lipstick and a touch of mascara.
As I stare at myself in the mirror, it hits me how used to seeing myself as Tilly I’ve become. I like what I see. It’s cool looking like her. And it’s not a shock now. In fact, sometimes seeing the real me makes me look twice.
Everything’s going to be so strange now that I’ve finished the movie, and I’m not sure I want to go back to how things were before, even if it is only for a short while until I get my career off the ground.
It’s not that I wasn’t happy. I was, sort of. But hanging out with Matt and Liv was never like this. However scared I am, it’s going to be the most memorable time of my life.
I mentally crush the little voice of doubt that starts to rear up inside my head.
Chapter Nineteen
My heart’s hammering like crazy against my rib cage. I don’t think I can do this. Hundreds of people are lining the sides of the red carpet, behind rope barriers, shouting and screaming. And there are loads of cameras and reporters standing there with mics. I think I’m going to be sick, and that’s no joke.
“Ouch,” I cry out, as I feel a pinch on the side of my leg. Did Jon do that on purpose? Because it wasn’t very nice.
“Hurry up, and be quiet,” he says, in a loud whisper.
Yes, I think he did. Why?
The door of the black limousine we’re in is being held open by our driver, but it’s not like anyone would have heard me speak, not with all the noise going on out there.
I slide along the back seat and swing my legs around onto the pavement, trying to hold the sides of my dress together in the process so I don’t give everyone an eyeful. Tilly probably wouldn’t care if she gave everyone a glimpse of her booty, but I do. Bryan offers his hand as I get out. He must have left before us if he’s already here.
As I stand upright, there’s a huge eruption of screams. They must be for me. Well, Tilly-me, obviously. It’s crazy. And exhilarating at the same time.
“Smile and wave,” Bryan says without even moving his lips. “The way we practiced.”
Just as I’m doing as Bryan tells me, Jon takes hold of my other arm and we walk slowly along the red carpet. Luckily I have Jon to lean on, because the noise and flashing cameras are making me feel dizzy, even through the sunglasses Jon brought for me to make sure that I would be taken for Tilly.
I give the Tilly wave and tilt my head to the side with the ironic smirk, just like she does and how I’ve practiced hundreds of times in the mirror.
“Hey Tilly, tell us about your new movie,” yells one of the reporters as we pass.
“Ignore them,” Jon whispers tersely in my ear.
I glare at him through my giant black lenses. Surely he doesn’t think I’m going to speak to them? I’m not stu
pid.
Suddenly, I realize that I’m overreacting. I’m sure he didn’t mean to get on my case. He’s just nervous about the premiere. And worried about me being Tilly. I glance up at him and smile, trying to say sorry with my expression. I’m not sure if he understands, but he smiles back.
After what seems like forever, we get to the entrance of the movie theater, and as the doors close behind us, the silence hits me. Well, not total silence, but compared to what I’ve just been through…
“Well done,” Jon says.
I nod, unsure whether I’m allowed to say anything yet. There aren’t many people close by, but I don’t want to risk upsetting Jon. Even though it’s not super bright inside the theater, I keep the glasses on. Movie stars do that sometimes, right?
“Hi, I’m Dana,” a young girl in uniform says as she walks up to us. “I’m here to show you to your seats.” She looks directly at me. “I love your movies,” she adds, lowering her voice a little.
I can’t do anything but smile. She must think I’m so lame. Fortunately, Jon speaks.
“Thank you, that means a lot to Tilly.” He puts his arm protectively around my shoulder and a shiver shoots down my spine. “She’s got laryngitis. Doctor’s orders to rest her voice.”
I mouth, “Thank you.”
“Poor you,” says Dana. “Can I get you anything?”
I shake my head and give another smile, which causes her to lower her eyes and blush. I’ve never had that effect on anyone before. You know, in a different time and place, I could grow to enjoy this.
We follow her, and I just know all eyes are on me as I’m walking. It’s the way pockets of silence precede my every step—people are talking, then see it’s me, then stop and stare. I’m not imagining it. Inside I’m counting slowly and taking long breaths. I can’t blush because, if I do, it will ruin everything. Tilly would never blush.
We walk through the double doors and into the gold section of the theater that has individual reclining seats. Dana stops by two seats at the end of a row and gestures with her arm for us to sit down. Bryan nods to Jon and then disappears. So it looks like it’s just me and Jon together for the whole movie.