by Carl Weber
I took the card then yelled, “No! I ain’t gonna let them put my brother in a foster home like they did to me.” I broke down crying.
“Don’t worry, Tanisha,” Dante said. “We’ll get him back. I’ll go to court with you. You know they give relatives first priority.”
“I hope you’re right, baby. ’Cause if they keep Aubrey, I’m never going to forgive my mother.”
I looked at my mother with disgust as she sat in the chair across the table. She reached for my hand and I pulled it back. I didn’t want her to touch me. I was so damn mad at her I wanted to scream. Her preliminary hearing was set for the next day but I wasn’t going. I would be at juvenile court trying to get my brother released into my custody.
“I told you this was gonna happen. You just couldn’t stop smoking that shit, could you?”
“Baby, I’m so sorry,” she whined.
“Sorry ain’t good enough anymore, Momma. Sorry ain’t good enough. You need some help. You really need some help.” My voice was a cross between pleading and scolding, and I wasn’t too far from shedding some tears.
“I know. I know that, baby, and Momma’s gonna get some help, I swear. But you gotta get me outta here. You know I can’t get the help I need in here. Now, I know you have a little money stashed away, so can you bail me out? It’s only a thousand dollars. Please, baby, you don’t want me to be locked up in here, do you?” Her eyes continually twitched and she was scratching like she needed some Benadryl. She spoke so sincerely, though, I was almost compelled to take the little bit of money I had saved and bail her out just like I’d done countless times in the past. The vision of my little brother sitting in foster care stopped that. She didn’t deserve to be free if he wasn’t going to be.
“Momma, you’ve gotta be kidding me. I ain’t got no money to bail you out,” I lied. “Or did you forget you smoked up every dime I made last week when you went in my pocketbook?” I thought about all the things my mother had stolen from me over the years, including the TV, the radio, the microwave, the VCR, the Game Boy, and my money. It just made me angrier.
The truth is, I loved my mother. I always have, no matter what, but the thought of my brother being placed in foster care like I was when I was his age had tested my love to the limit. I was on the verge of hating her. The problem was that I also felt sorry for her. It seemed like she never really had a chance in life, so I was always trying to give her another one. Hell, maybe I’d even enabled her by not leaving when she stole from me, by bailing her out when she got busted, or by believing her when she swore she was going to get help.
When I was thirteen, I covered for her when Aubrey was born with cocaine in his system. When the social worker asked if I had ever witnessed my mother smoking crack, I said no, she’d never smoked. Momma was able to get the baby released to her because of my statement, and because she said she had been around other people who were smoking, and that’s how she’d ingested cocaine just before she delivered. I could hardly go to school when Aubrey was a baby because I used to be the only one watching him while she would run the streets getting high. Thank God for the GED. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had anything to fall back on.
A depression overcame me. The jail had the feel of a dark, dank dungeon. Suddenly, I thought I was going to throw up and I couldn’t breathe.
“Mom, I’m getting ready to book.”
“Are you gonna bail me out?”
Our eyes met in a cold stare as I refused.
She jumped back in her chair as if I’d just shot her.
“What do you mean no? I told you I’m gonna get help this time. I promise.” A few tears escaped the corners of her eyes and rolled down her face. I knew if I didn’t leave soon, she was going to wear me down and I would bail her out. “Please, baby, please. You don’t know what it’s like in here.”
I stood up to leave. “I’m sorry, Mommy, but there’s nothing I can do. I’m gonna put some money in your account.”
“Baby, please don’t do this. I swear on my momma’s grave I’m gonna quit. You gotta believe me.” Tears were now flowing down her face like a river.
“I wish I could.”
“You can if you want to. I know you got the money.” Now she was starting to look angry.
“Momma, I told you I ain’t got the money.”
“Well, then get it from Dante,” she said desperately “He’ll give it to you. That nigga loves you.” She smiled as if Dante was the answer to all her problems.
“I’m not gonna ask him that. He’s my boyfriend, not an ATM, Momma.”
“And I’m your mother, bitch. Or have you forgotten that? If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even be here.”
“You’re right, Momma, you wouldn’t be here. You’d probably be dead. I’m going to see about Aubrey now. Good luck in court tomorrow.” I stood holding my head up high.
“You ungrateful little bitch. You ain’t all that. What’s Dante gonna think when he finds out where you work, huh? Bet he won’t be sending you flowers and candy then, will he?”
“Shut up, Momma!” I snapped.
“What’s wrong? Afraid your secret’s gonna get out?”
“Dante already knows my worst secret, Momma. He found that out the day he met you. I don’t think anything can be worse than that. Have a good day in court.” I walked away. I was just outside the door when I heard her yelling.
“Tanisha, I’m sorry, baby! I was just upset! Please don’t leave me in here!”
When I left my mother, I had to get on a crowded orange-and-white city bus that took me over a bridge and off of Rikers Island. Dante was on the other side of the bridge waiting for me, and I couldn’t wait until I was in his arms. I needed to be held, and when I stepped off the bus, he didn’t disappoint. As we stood surrounded by people, he wrapped his arms around me and I felt all the tension melt from my body. He was such a good man, probably too good for me. Sometimes I wondered why he was even with someone like me.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I’m okay.”
“How’s your mom?”
“She’s mad at me ’cause I won’t bail her out.”
“If it’s about money, I can bail her out if you want.”
“No, she’ll be all right. She’s probably better off in there than she is out here. At least she won’t get high.”
“Yeah, but I thought you could get anything in there.”
“Sure, if you got money, but I only left her fifteen dollars in her account. She sure as hell ain’t gonna get high on that.” He laughed and I joined in.
“What am I gonna do with you?” he asked with affection in his voice.
I looked in his eyes and smiled. “I ain’t got nothing to do until nine o’clock tomorrow morning when I’ve got to be in court to see about my brother. So if you really wanna know, you can take me somewhere and make love to me.”
“Sweetheart, there is nothing in this world that I’d like more.”
17
Dante
I handed Tanisha one of the cups of coffee I’d gotten from the vending machine down the hall. We’d been in the family court building all morning and had come back for the afternoon session in hopes of getting her brother released into her custody. The halls were packed with families, most of them black or Hispanic. Babies were crying and children were running around like there wasn’t any adult supervision to be found. Aubrey was in the section where they kept the children who were in the custody of the Department of Children and Family Services. Tanisha had a chance to visit with him about ten o’clock that morning.
I watched Tanisha yawn and rubbed her back with my free hand. She was tired. Hell, we were both tired. Who wouldn’t be tired after being up all night making love? Not that I was complaining. I hadn’t had sex like that since back in the Anita days. The only difference was that it didn’t feel like regular sex. With Tanisha, there wasn’t just a physical connection. For the first time in my life I think I was truly making love.
/> Finally, the bailiff stepped out of the courtroom.
“Aubrey Jones! Anyone here for the matter of Aubrey Jones?” Tanisha jumped up and the bailiff held the door open as we entered the courtroom.
The presiding judge was a black man. He seemed no-nonsense and straight to the point. He read over the petition for all those present in the room to hear. Charges of child endangerment, unsafe home environment, illegal substance possession, unclean and unfit home environment, mother testing positive for cocaine. The counts seemed endless. When he finished, he turned to the attorney appointed for Aubrey.
“It’s obvious we can’t place this child back in the home with his mother. Does the child have any family?”
“Yes, Your Honor. We have a family member, Tanisha Jones, willing to take custody. The only drawback is that the child would have to live in the same home. His mother is incarcerated at the time. She’s taken a plea of six months on drug-related charges, so she would not be in the home with the child. But Ms. Jones is also unemployed and has no visible means of support.”
I glanced at Tanisha and wondered what was going on. She had told me she worked at a bar. Why was this lawyer saying she was unemployed? And why wasn’t Tanisha correcting him? Then it hit me. Being unemployed made her a much better candidate than working in a bar environment. That’s when I got an idea.
“Excuse me, Your Honor, may I speak?”
Tanisha looked shocked that I had interrupted the judge.
“And who are you?”
“My name is Dante Wilson. I’m the director of church activities for First Jamaica Ministries on Merrick Boulevard in Jamaica Queens.”
“Wait a minute. Is your father T.K. Wilson?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Well, well. Small world. I know him. Fine man. What is it you want to say, son?”
“Ms. Jones has applied and been approved for one of our Help a Neighbor grants. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the program…”
“Yes, I’m familiar with the program. We have quite a few families who come in here and have been helped by that program.”
“Well, with the grant and the foster care funds she should be eligible for, along with the fact that she will be home to care for her brother, I would think she’d be a great candidate for custody. As for the unclean and unfit home environment, now that her mother’s out the house, I’m sure we can get some volunteers from First Jamaica Ministries to help with cleaning her place up.”
The judge smiled. “You make a very convincing argument, Mr. Wilson. Have you ever thought of law school?”
His compliment took me off guard. Of course I had thought of law school. It was exactly where I wanted to be if I could just get up the nerve to stray from what my parents had planned for my life. “Yes, sir, I have. I’m in the process of filling out applications now.”
“Good. Now, in the matter of Aubrey Jones, I’m going to issue Ms. Jones temporary custody pending a home evaluation and inspection. Good luck, Ms. Jones, and Mr. Wilson, tell your father I said hello.”
“I’ll do just that, Your Honor.”
The bailiff handed Tanisha some paperwork and we walked out. The second the courtroom doors were closed, Tanisha jumped up in the air and began smothering me with kisses.
“Thank you!” Kiss. “Thank you!” Kiss. “Thank you!” Kiss. Thank you!” When she finally stopped kissing me, she was all grins. “Thank you, baby.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You were better than the lawyer.”
“You think?” I couldn’t help but feel proud.
“Yeah, you were, and what is this Help a Neighbor grant? I never applied for a grant.”
“You didn’t? Well, you better fill out the paperwork. I’ve got it in the car. It’s a good thing I’m the director of church activities and I can approve it on the spot.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“You’d be surprised what I’d do for you.”
“Not anymore I wouldn’t.” She kissed me. “You know, I think you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
18
Donna
My last class at C.W. Post University ended at 2:00, and by 2:05 I was in my car heading for the Long Island Expressway. I was on my way to catch Terrance before he left for the airport, and no one or nothing was going to stop me until I was in his arms. He was leaving that afternoon to go out of town to a conference. He’d been going away a lot lately and just the thought of him being gone for a week was driving me out of my mind. I’d been tempted to skip class altogether and meet up with him that morning, but as tempting as it was, I couldn’t do it. I had a final exam in accounting that was fifty percent of my grade. I couldn’t miss that, especially since my parents were paying for my education.
When I finally pulled into the parking lot outside of Terrance’s office, I cursed under my breath. The lot was full and I couldn’t find a space. I must have circled that lot for fifteen minutes before I finally just pulled into a handicapped space by the door. I rushed into the building and didn’t stop until I was standing in front of the door to his office. The door was open, so I just stood there for a few seconds, admiring him as he read some papers on his desk. He really was the man of my dreams. It had never been more evident to me just how much I loved that man than right before he was about to leave me for a week. He must have felt my stare, because all of a sudden he lifted his head.
“Hey, pretty lady, what are you doing here?” His lips curled into a smile that made me blush. He really looked happy to see me, and that made all my rushing to get there worthwhile. “I thought you had a final.”
“Did you really think you were gonna sneak out of town without seeing me?” I walked into his office and closed the door. I was about to do something I never dreamed of doing until I went to see RaShanda a month ago. I wanted to make sure he remembered what was waiting for him back here in New York while he was away. “What time does your flight leave?”
“Four o’clock. Why, what you got in mind?” He stood up and loosened his tie as I approached. He gave me the most devious smile. He knew exactly what I was up to.
I glanced at my watch. “I was thinking maybe I’d drive you to the airport and we’d stop by one of those short-stay motels before you leave, but it looks like we only have enough time for a quickie.”
“What’s wrong with a quickie?” He grinned, turning toward the window behind his desk and closing the blinds.
“Nothing, as long as you make every stroke count.”
He turned back around, staring as I unbuttoned my blouse. “That’s never been a problem before, has it?”
“Not once.” I smiled naughtily, unhooking my skirt and letting it fall to the floor. His smile widened when he realized I wasn’t wearing any panties. I thought that might get his attention, but I swear I could see his penis instantly expand in his pants.
“Is the door locked?”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded.
With his right hand he pushed everything from his desk onto the floor, then he turned to me. I stepped closer in anticipation and I could feel myself getting moist. He took me into his arms and pressed his lips against mine. My entire body was becoming hot. I loved it when he was aggressive like this. He eased his tongue into my mouth and I sucked on it gently. His strong hands made me shudder as they slid down my backside until they held the firm, round melons of my ass. In one swift motion he lifted me onto the desk, and not once did either of us attempt to break our kiss. He held me on the edge of his desk. I reached between us and unbuckled his pants, then I slid them and his boxers down until his penis sprang free. I took hold of it, massaging it gently before guiding it to the entrance of its final destination.
“Wait, let me get a condom out of the drawer.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head and smiling. “We don’t have to do that anymore. I went on the pill.”
A huge grin crept onto his face. He kissed me as he pushed himself in. When he could go no farthe
r, he broke our kiss and stared at me lovingly. Now I understood why RaShanda had recommended I go on the pill. Sex without a condom was amazing. And from the look on Terrance’s face, he felt the same way.
“I love you, Donna,” he whispered.
“What did you say?”
“I said…I love you, Donna.” His words were shocking yet comforting. They were all that I had wanted to hear, and this was the first time he had actually spoken them.
“I love you, too, Terrance,” I whispered back, kissing him gently.
“Good, because I just wanted you to know how I felt before I get on that plane. You never know what might happen tomorrow.”
I pulled him closer to me. “Stop it, Terrance. You’re scaring me. Why you acting like you might not come back?”
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention. I just wanted you to know how I felt.”
He kissed me and we made love on his desk. For the very first time, we climaxed together. It was amazing. I could feel his juices splashing inside me. I can’t ever remember feeling that good or that close to anyone in my entire life. Unfortunately, it was all spoiled by a knock on the door. To make matters worse, the person knocking was my father! I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming in shock when I heard his voice. Both Terrance and I stared at each other, our eyes wide with fear. We were too afraid to move. I’m sure we both had the same thoughts. Did my father know I was there? Did he know what we were doing? Was that door definitely locked? Would the two of us survive his wrath?
“Reverend Reynolds? Reverend Reynolds? There’s a cab outside waiting to take you to the airport,” my father called through the door.
Terrance didn’t even respond until I nudged him.
“I’ll be right there, Bishop. I’m…on the phone.”
“Okay, but you should hurry. That cab’s been out there for a while. With all the extra security these days, you might end up missing your flight.”
“No problem, Bishop. I’m hanging up now.”