“Todd, have you ever met someone and been so blinded you couldn’t see the truth until it slapped you in the face?” I look over to him as I ask this question.
“We all make mistakes, Jennifer. No one is perfect. You’ve got to stop blaming yourself. It’s not healthy for you or the baby.” He tells me. “You’ve got to stop beating yourself up about this.”
I was so nervous my very first week here. It was bad enough being in a new place and not knowing anyone, but I didn’t know my way around either. I was somewhat hesitant to go anywhere, afraid someone might see me or, better yet, Brian might have figured out where I had gone. That Sunday night, after speaking with my parents and Rebecca, Todd had driven me into town so I could buy a few groceries. He also wanted me to know how to get off the mountain should I need to get into town later on. Even though I doubted I would go anywhere by myself for a while, I’m sure it wouldn’t take long before I got bored staying inside the house all of the time.
Rick and Beth had invited me over to eat dinner with them a couple of times that first week and it felt strange sitting at the table with them while Todd was still at school. We made small talk while we ate and afterwards I would help Beth clear away the dishes. I would then head back over to the guesthouse not wanting to have to make the walk once it became dark. By the end of the week I started feeling a bit more relaxed around everyone and conversation became easier.
Todd had mentioned to me that he would be tied up with school until late pretty much every night during the week but he’d be around more on the weekends and would check in on me then. Todd did text me a few times during the day, but that was mostly it until Friday evening. We took a trip into town, rented a couple of movies, and he even showed me the town library. I planned to return later on so I could check out a few books. I wasn’t used to having so much time on my hands.
Todd has been the perfect gentleman and his parents have been so generous to me, especially since I suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I’m not sure of the arrangement with them and my father, but I’ve been told I could stay in the guest home as long as I need to.
The small guest home is perfect for me. It has one bedroom and one bath, similar to my one bedroom apartment. Everything is completely furnished all the way down to the bathroom linens. Considering I left with nothing except for a few personal belongings, it’s been nice knowing I didn’t have to go out and buy a lot of necessity items. I know I can’t make this my home forever, but it’s a relief knowing I’m not rushed to move out.
The baby starts to move around, and I bring my hand up to place it near the spot. The flutters only last a short period of time, but it’s the most comforting feeling knowing you have a live human being inside you. I’m pretty sure she’s letting me know she’s hungry too.
I look over to Todd who’s rubbing a spot on the wooden rocker and ask. “How’s your grandfather doing?” It’s the first thing that comes to mind and besides, I need to get my mind off of Brian. I first met his grandfather at the Waffle House but our conversation had been brief and not under the best of situations.
Todd loves his grandfather very much and tries to spend as much of his free time with him as often as he can. His schoolwork doesn’t allow him as much time as he would like, but he makes the most of it. I hope that he still finds time to fit him into his weekend time instead of focusing all of his attention on me which has been the case lately.
“My dad suggested we invite him over this coming weekend to meet your parents and to eat with us. My dad is planning to grill steaks for everyone and it will do him good to get out for a while. The more he is around people, the better he is. He needs to get out of his house as much as he can to get away from the painful memories of my grandmother. I’m glad you have the guest house to stay in, but if my grandfather had moved in, it would be easier for my parents to keep a closer watch on him.”
“He seems like a very sweet man.”
“He’s just so lonely without my grandmother. I’m going to take him to the flea market next Saturday morning before your parents arrive that evening. You should join us.” Todd offers.
“I wouldn’t want to interrupt your time with him.”
“Seriously, he would love for you to come along. In fact, he suggested I bring you along.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“I’m not taking no for an answer. You stay here all day long and you need to get out.” Todd insists.
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m planning on going in to town Monday. I’ve got to return some books to the library and I also thought I might see about getting a job.”
“Are you sure you’re up to working?” Todd asks.
“I’m not helpless. I’m sure there has to be something I can still do. I’ve still got a few months before the baby comes so there is no reason not to be trying to make some kind of money right now. The little bit of money I have left in savings isn’t going to last forever.”
“Have you heard anything from Brian?” I can tell he regrets asking me this the moment the words have left his mouth.
Just hearing Brian’s name sends goose bumps throughout my body. “He still calls my phone a couple of times each day, sometimes he leaves a message and sometimes he doesn’t. I never answer and I know that probably makes him angrier. You should hear some of the messages he leaves. They are horrible.”
“I’m sorry. I hate I mentioned his name.”
“If he would just leave me alone and stop calling and texting. I will never put myself through this kind of mess again.” I tell him. “I need to make a decision about his cell phone. Even though I am still responsible for his phone line, I can have the phone disconnected at any time.”
“I can only imagine how pissed off he’s going to be when that happens. But it will put a stop to the phone calls. What are you going to do about your school?” Todd asks.
“Right now, there’s really nothing I can do until after the baby. My scholarship is on hold according to my advisor. I want to finish my degree, but not at that school. I should be able to transfer everything once I decide where I’m going to stay.” I look over to Todd who now has a confused look on his face.
“What do you mean, where you are going to stay?” He questions my previous statement. “I thought you were content staying here.”
“I love it here, but I can’t continue to be a burden on your family forever. They have been kind enough already. Once I get back on my feet again after the baby is born then I’ll start looking at my options. What about your school? You don’t have much longer do you?”
“You had me worried there for a minute. I thought you were talking about leaving within the next couple of weeks.” Todd’s face relaxes. “It’s hard to believe I’m almost finished with pharmacy school. This is my last term and graduation is just around the corner. It seems like just yesterday I was playing high school football.”
“I know your dad is going to be glad to have you helping out with his pharmacy. He brings it up quite often when we’re having dinner. I can only imagine having your own business and not being able to take time off or take a vacation when you’d like.”
“Funny you should mention that. He’s already lined up a cruise for him and my mother in the fall. I just hope I pass all the state boards.” He chuckles. “Or else, my dad’s going to have to look for my replacement.”
“You’re going to do just fine.” I look over at him and smile. Todd is such a pleasant person to be around. I just recently learned Todd was a star football player back in high school and received a full ride scholarship to play at the State University. When his four years of college were up, he decided not to pursue his football career any further, and instead, started to work towards a degree in pharmacology.
I feel the baby moving again and bring my hand up to rest on my stomach.
“You okay?” Todd asks as he notices my hand.
“The baby is just being very active this morning.” I tell him. “Could be because I’ve
not had anything to eat yet.”
“Why don’t you come down to the house for some breakfast then? My parents would love for you to join us.”
“Are you sure?” I ask. “I’ve already had dinner with them a few times already this week. If I keep showing up to eat, I’m going to have to start helping your mom buy groceries.”
Todd stands up and offers his hand to me to help me stand. “Come on. I don’t’ want to hear such nonsense. I told you that you’re more than welcome to eat with us any time.”
I am startled by the sound of my phone ringing. I jump from the swing on the patio and run back inside the apartment hoping to grab the phone before the call has ended. I notice the screen on the phone is one of those 800 numbers and not Jennifer.
I still keep hoping she’ll answer my phone call. Some days I call her only once, where as other days I call up to ten times a day. I just miss her so much. But she never answers. I called the phone company to see if they could tell me a location of where her phone is right now. I made up some stupid story that we misplaced her phone while we had been away on a trip and would like to see about tracking it down, but since I’m not the primary account holder, they won’t release any information to me. I tried to reset the password to view the billing summary online figuring if I could access the account information, I might be able to see the locations or the general vicinity of any calls Jennifer has been making, but I wasn’t successful with that either. I’m not giving up hope.
Last week there was a notice taped to the door saying it was time to renew the lease for the apartment. I panicked because her parents, up ‘til this point, had taken care of the rent. I’m pretty sure by now they’ve been in contact with her and are aware she’s not here anymore. If she’s not planning to return here, then there would be no plans to renew the lease for another year. And where will I go if that’s the case?
There’s been enough food that I’ve hardly had to buy anything at all. I cashed the last paycheck I received from the shoe store, even though it wasn’t much, so I’ve had a little bit of money. Lucky for me I was able to catch the mailman again and he recognized me from the previous time he gave me the mail. He handed over the mail this time without thinking twice about it. If I hadn’t caught him that day though, I wouldn’t have received my check and it would be locked away with all of the other mail in Jennifer’s mailbox that’s now accumulating.
I’ve pretty much stayed here inside the apartment doing nothing but watching television and sleeping. I know it’s not an exciting life, but I just keep hoping she’s going to walk in the door and everything is going to work out.
I think about our baby. I truly hope everything is okay. I stopped by the hotel one afternoon to visit with Rebecca and see if I could get any information out of her. While she wouldn’t admit much, I could tell she had been in contact with Jennifer. Rebecca started in on me about receiving the last payment for the bracelet, and because I wasn’t in the mood to argue, I left. Right now, that’s the last thing I’m worried about.
When I got back to the apartment that evening, I looked at the bracelet again. I’d like to use it to choke Rebecca. I know she’s holding back information from me about Jennifer. I just know it and it’s not right holding back information on my wife.
I fumble with the phone in my hand. I decide to send out another text to Jennifer. So far, all of them have been have been from me with no response from her.
Me: Please call me. I need to know u r ok.
I hit send, knowing in the back of my mind, the chances of her replying are slim to none.
I figure I’ve got about a month left before I have to make a decision on the apartment. Even if I could come up with the rent money for the month, it’s not doing to do me any good since the lease is up. Shit, there’s no sense in worrying about it now; I’ll worry about it later.
I walk back outside to the porch. It’s almost too warm to sit out here anymore since spring is just about gone and summer is fast approaching but I still enjoy coming out here to sit in the swing. I think back to many good times Jennifer and I shared when we were still together. I get comfortable and within minutes I’m dozing off to sleep.
The next thing I know, I’m awakened by the sound of someone banging on the door. Getting up quickly, I walk inside and look through the peep hole before opening the door. Two men wearing some sort of work uniform are waiting. One man leans forward to knock again I’m able to make out the name of the utilities company on his shirt. Why would someone from the power company be here? Then it hits me. The damn power bill. Did Jennifer pay it before she left? Even if she did, she’s been gone for a month now so another bill would be due. Instead of answering the door, I continue to watch them through the peep hole hoping they’ll walk away. I hold my breath and sure enough they turn to head back down the hallway.
I go over to sit on the couch and flip on the television. If the utility guys come back again, I’ll deal with them then. If not, I’m not going to worry about it.
As usual, a replay of one of last night’s baseball games is on. I already know the outcome but leave it on the channel anyways. Updates and times for the day’s games scroll along the bottom of the screen and I make a mental note of which games I want to watch tonight. All of a sudden, the television goes off and the apartment is filled with silence.
I get up and go to the kitchen and sure enough, the clock display on the stove and microwave are blank. I open the refrigerator door to darkness. Son of a bitch!
It doesn’t take long before it hits me the freaking power has been turned off. This seriously can’t be happening. Maybe the utility guys were here to let me know the power was going to be shut off temporarily because they were working on something. I can only hope, but in the back of my mind, I seriously don’t think that’s why they were here.
I walk over to the sliding glass patio doors and pull back the blinds. The daylight brightens the room, but isn’t going to do much good later on tonight once it gets dark outside. I rummage through some drawers in the kitchen hoping to find some candles or even a flashlight. I check the pantry as well, but come up empty handed. Next, I check the linen closet in the hallway and, thank goodness, find a couple of scented jar candles. But what good is a candle without having something to light it with. I didn’t recall seeing a lighter or matches when I was looking for the candles but then it hits me, out on the patio, Jennifer always made sure there was one of those long lighters people use to light grills. I heave a sigh of relief but what good are a few jar candles if the power doesn’t come back on? How am I going to take a hot shower or wash my clothes? I cross my fingers this is just temporary.
Since there is nothing I can do inside with the power being out, I head back out to the porch. I play games on my phone until the battery starts to get low and figure I probably need to save some of the charge in case Jennifer tries to call. I can’t accept we are not together anymore. I just can’t. She’s got to call me and tell me she’s coming home.
After an hour passes, I head back inside and see there’s still not any electricity. Frustrated, I shut and lock the patio door, grab my keys, and head outside to my car. I need answers and I need them now.
I drive over to Rebecca’s house and prepare myself for what I’m about to face. I’ve driven by this house over a hundred times in the past month hoping to find Jennifer’s car sitting in the driveway, and each time, I’ve come up empty handed. But, today, I’m not leaving until I have answers.
Rebecca’s car is parked in the driveway and I pull up behind it. By the time I make it up to the porch, she’s standing there glaring at me.
“What do you want?” Rebecca asks. There is nothing nice about her tone. Nothing at all.
I immediately answer her. “I know you know where she is. You know where she’s been this entire time, and I’m not leaving until you tell me where my wife is. I need to know that she and my child are okay.”
“And just who the hell do you think you are coming here deman
ding I give you information about her?” Rebecca spats back at me.
“I am Jennifer’s damn husband, that’s who I am. I have a right to know her whereabouts.”
Rebecca just stares at me blankly.
“Come on, I need to know she’s okay.” I plead.
“I don’t owe you anything. You should have thought about that before you acted like a damn crazy person, going off on her the way you did.” Rebecca is not budging one bit.
“That’s where you are wrong. Had you kept your nose in your own business instead of telling her about my job, then none of this would have never happened in the first place.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about, Brian.”
“You know damn well, you couldn’t wait to pick up the phone that evening and tell her about seeing me out. It was my place to tell her I got fired, not yours.” I grit my teeth. “It’s your fault we had the argument in the first place that night.”
“Brian, I’m going to say this one time and one time only. Get out of my face. Leave my house and do not come back. I don’t know where Jennifer is and even if I did, you would be the last person I would share that information with. Do you hear me?” Rebecca screams in my face.
“You’ll pay for this, bitch!” I threaten her.
I turn and walk back to my car. As I back from the driveway, I accelerate so quickly, the tires leave black marks on the pavement. I pull up to the stop sign at the end of the street and take a deep breath to calm my nerves.
Why is it I keep blaming everyone else for my shortcomings? I can only point fingers at myself, yet I still end up wanting to place fault with everyone else. It’s no wonder Jennifer couldn’t wait to get away from me—I’m a loser.
I knock on the front door and wait for her to answer. I stopped by to visit Jennifer last night and to remind her about going to town this morning to take my grandfather to the flea market. I know she wanted to go, and after a little persuading, she finally gave in.
Never Look Back (Coming Home Book 2) Page 3