by Ivy Blake
“My mother loved that time in the evenings with Emery. Don’t you dare attempt to paint me as a bad mom.”
“I wonder what the father of your child would think,” she said. “Knowing you just… left her to ride with another group. That you left your family just so you could have a little taste of freedom.”
I clenched my fists underneath the bubbling water as I heard Emery giggling in the pool again.
“Like I said, we can’t prove anything. We’ve got you riding with them, but we can’t prove you knew what those routes were. But once we can…”
I watched her slowly get out of the hot tub as Emery’s eyes were on her. I looked over at my daughter, and I could see the panic on her face. Tears fell from my eyes as I realized the type of lifestyle I’d subjected her to. Because of my selfish decisions and my inability to fully separate myself from the motorcycle realm, my daughter was paying for it.
At fucking six years old.
“Talk with you soon, Syd.”
My skin prickled at the nickname. She was cocky, and that was her downfall. She’d revealed too much, and I had a better picture of what was going on. I stayed put, eyeing Emery as my daughter watched the strange woman leave the pool area. The moment the door closed behind the agent, my daughter scurried over to the hot tub. She got in, hissing with the heat before she threw herself into my arms. I gathered her up and held her close, kissing away her tears of worry and fear as I told her about all the food we would eat and all the movies we would watch tonight.
But I had to call Hawk.
We had to have a serious conversation.
After I settled Emery and got her to bed first.
Chapter 13
Hawk
I saw a number pop up on my phone I didn’t recognize. I was sitting on the couch, enveloped in Emery’s delicate smell. Church was over, and a plan had been formulated, and now the situation was out of my hands. I was trying to figure out what to do. Trying to find a way to get Emery and Sydney back into my arms. I’d only known the little girl for a few days, and already my heart ached for my…
My little girl.
“Hello?” I asked as I answered the phone call.
“Hawk? It’s me.”
“Syd? Where are you? I’m coming to you right now.”
“We’re uh…”
I grabbed the change of clothes I kept stashed in the closet downstairs as I ran out the front door. I locked it, leaving the lights on so it looked like someone was home. I closed the garage door and stuffed the clothes into the back of my bike and threw my leg over it before I heard Sydney’s voice again.
“The DEA found me,” she said. “It’s not safe for you to come.”
“Where are you, Syd? Is Emery all right?”
“We’re in a hotel. In Monterey, California.”
“Alright. You’re about six hours away from me. What hotel are you staying in there?” I asked.
“Hawk, it’s not safe,” she said.
“Syd. What happened when the agent found you?”
“She… she, uh… um…”
I could tell she was panicking and I wasn’t there to hold her. I just knew her little hands were shaking. Her delicate hands that had seen so much blood spilled onto them. I could hear Emery in the background lightly snoring, and I knew-- at least for now-- that she was all right.
“Sydney. Peel yourself from Emery, go sit in the bathroom, and take some deep breaths.”
I switched the call to the bluetooth set in my helmet as I cranked up my bike. I got on the road, merging onto the highway at top speeds as I tried to make up as much time as I could. If I stopped once for gas and nothing else, I could get there around three in the morning.
Which meant I could hold Syd for the rest of the night if I had to.
“Okay,” she said breathlessly. “I’m here.”
“I’m on the highway now. With one stop, I’ll be there around three in the morning.”
“Hawk you can’t-”
“Damn it, Syd, where are you!?”
“The Monterey Inn! The one that… that sits right off the main road as you come into town.”
“I know where that is. I’m headed for you now. What did the DEA agent say to you?”
“She… she said that they didn’t have enough evidence on me.”
“That’s a good thing. Means they can’t legally get you into court or nail you with anything,” I said.
“She said they’ve got footage of me joyriding up the Iron Souls trade routes, but that they had no solid evidence that I knew what I was riding.”
“Did you know? Wait, don’t answer that. Did they threaten Emery?” I asked.
“Not… exactly,” she said.
“Tell me what they said. Stop making me pry it from you.”
“She called me a bad mother.”
I could hear Syd’s sobs as I kicked up the speed on my bike. My blood was boiling, and my heart was hammering. What kind of fucking agent would do that to someone?
“Emery was swimming in the pool and-... and I was in the hot tub. She got in with me and told me not to kick up a fuss because she knew I didn’t want Emery to see. She-... she said she’d tell you what a bad mother I was for leaving Emery with my mom at home during the evenings so I could go… go-”
“Go what, Syd?” I asked.
“Joyriding,” she said, sobbing.
“Syd, that doesn’t make you a bad mother. Was Emery taken care of?”
“I pumped breastmilk and left it in the-... the fridge in bottles for Mom,” she said.
“Was Emery safe?”
“Mom knew… knew self-defense… a-a-and she kept a gun in the house. Locked away safe and out of reach, I swear, Hawk. I swear she was safe. I just… Emery was a colicky baby, and she would just scream and cry for hours, and I felt like I was going crazy and my hair was falling out-”
“Ssshhh sh sh sh sh. Sweetheart. You are nowhere in the realm of a bad mother, all right? That agent was trying to intimidate you. Get you to cave so you would talk. She knows who I am?”
“Worse. I think the DEA is listening in on our conversations somewhere.”
That statement made me freeze.
“Did they mention my name specifically?” I asked.
“No, she just said that I would hate it if the father of my child knew what a bad mother I was. They said they couldn’t tie me to anything, but once they could, they were coming for me. But as she was walking away, she called me ‘Syd.’”
“Did anyone in the Iron Souls call you that? Did your mother call you that?”
“Mom hated that name. Said it made me sound like a guy. And the Iron Souls didn’t even call me by my name. I was the newest outsider that came in, so they called me ‘Red’ because of my hair color. You can’t come here, Hawk. She knows that nickname because it’s what you call me, and that means-”
“It’s all right. Look, we’re handling everything on our end. Everything’s gonna be all right. I’m coming for you, and then I’m gonna get you and Emery somewhere safe. Somewhere with people I trust, okay? I can’t talk about it more because with what you’ve just told me I don’t know where they’re getting their information.”
“Oh-... okay,” she said.
“I want you to hang tight. Watch some television. Try to get some sleep. When I’m at the hotel, I’ll call you, okay?”
“Hawk?” she asked.
“Yeah?”
“I’m so fucking sorry.”
I could hear the hurt in her voice. The years of guilt she spent agonizing over while she tried to do the right thing by the circumstances that had been thrust upon her. I heard the tears, all the years of building up walls to try and be strong. I heard it all crumbling down within those four words, and I wanted with all my might to reach through the phone and hold her close to my body.
But I was still five and a half hours from doing that.
“Stay safe. I’m five hours out,” I said.
“Okay.”
> I hung up the call and cranked up the speed as I rode the highway all the way into California. I stopped once for gas, looking around to see if anyone was following me. By the time I pulled up into the hotel, it was around two-thirty, and I called Sydney’s phone to see if she would pick up.
And the phone clicked before the first ring was over.
“Are you here?”
“What room are you in?” I asked.
“301,” she said.
I circled around and found her van hiding out in the shadows. I parked my bike beside hers and rushed inside, heading straight for the elevator as I took it up to the third floor. My hands shook with anxious nerves, wanting nothing more than to hold my two girls close and keep them safe. If I ever came across the fucking DEA agent that thought she could make Syd feel like a bad mother, I’d bash her fucking skull in with my own damn fist.
I didn’t even knock on the door before it flew open.
“Mr. Hawk!”
A flurry of auburn hair clung to my leg as I dipped down and lifted Emery into my arms. I buried my face into her face, swallowing back my own tears of joy as I walked her back into the hotel room. Sydney was holding the door open for us, watching as I sniffed the scent of my daughter in deep. The television was going lowly in the background, and I smelled coffee percolating in the small pot above the microwave.
The bags already forming underneath Syd’s eyes gave away just how worried she had been for the past few hours.
“Come here,” I said.
I wrapped my arm around her and held my two girls close. My heart was surging in my chest as the blood rushed through my ears. There was only one place I could take them where I knew they would be safe. One person whose blood was icier than mine when it came to protected their own. She was the sweetest woman I’d ever known until you messed with her family, then the accuracy of the guns she shot, the blades she threw, and the punches she landed would take you to the ground and leave you there bleeding.
And that woman was my mother.
“I have a plan, okay?” I asked. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna all climb into bed and get some rest. We’re gonna have fun at the hotel tomorrow, then once night falls, we’re gonna head to my mothers.”
“Your… your mom’s. No, no, no. She’s gotta hate me, right?” Syd asked.
“Not when she sees this precious girl I’m holding, she won’t,” I said as I kissed the top of her head.
“You’ll be safe there until we can figure out our next move,” I said.
And we did just that. I held both of my girls at my side. Sydney snuggled underneath the crook of my neck while Emery’s head laid gently on my chest. Never in my life did I think I could love two people the way I loved Sydney and Emery, but the more I looked down upon their sleeping features, the bigger my heart grew with love for them.
We spent the day eating snacks, swimming in the pool, and sleeping in the massive bed until nightfall happened. We gathered up their things and snuck out the back door, not bothering to check out. If the DEA was keeping an eye on her expenses, it would look like she was still at the hotel. If they didn’t come poking around again, that would give us a few days to get ahead of them before they realized Syd wasn’t at the hotel anymore.
Which meant I could get them safe.
“All right, I want you guys to follow me. We’re taking back roads all the way there, so even if it looks sketchy, just keep behind me.”
“I can do that,” Syd said.
“Mommy? I’m thirsty,” Emery said.
“Want some apple juice?” she asked.
“Yes, please.”
Sydney dug the apple juice out of her bag and mindlessly handed it to me. It took me a second before I realized she wanted me to give it to Emery, and I smiled as I opened it and handed it to my daughter. She took it with a smile on her face, chugging it back as her eyes got sleepy.
“Emery always has to have it before she falls asleep,” Syd said, smiling.
“Funny, I know someone else who used to be the same way,” I said, grinning.
Once we got ourselves settled and we knew we weren’t being watched, we got out onto the road. We stayed on the backroads all the way to Ferndale, a six-hour haul that would easily take us eight since we stayed away from the highway. I saw the van weave a couple of times, no doubt from Sydney being so tired, and I pulled us over for a spell just so she could get a quick catnap.
Then, we were back on the road until we hit my mother’s house. After my father had died, my mother had decided to leave Nevada. She had tried for years to stay, but it had gotten too hard on her. There were too many memories there. I was old enough to be on my own, and while the club wanted to keep her safe, they understood she needed to go back to where she grew up. It helped that there was another charter of The Road Rebels in the area to watch over her.
By the time we arrived, the sun was just beginning to crest the ocean waters. The sea breeze was blowing as we pulled into her driveway, and she instantly stepped out onto the porch. I got off my bike and hugged her, planting a long kiss on her cheek as Sydney slowly crawled out of the van.
Sydney’s eyes connected with my mother’s and I could see the surprise wash over her face.
“My heavens, is that Sydney?” she asked.
“It’s is, Mom. And they need your help,” I said.
“‘They’?” she asked.
I pointed as Sydney pulled Emery from her car seat. Their auburn hair got kicked up in the sea breeze, and for a split second, I watched Syd stop. She breathed in deep, allowing the peacefulness of the ocean hitting the waves to wash over her body.
The wind was just powerful enough to wake up Emery, and the moment my daughter lifted her eyes to my mother, I heard her gasp.
“Oh, my gosh,” she said breathlessly.
“Miss Maria,” Sydney said. “It’s been a long time.”
“Oh, Sydney. You look beautiful as ever.”
I could see the shock in Sydney’s eyes as my mother embraced her. She hugged her back, tears cresting her eyes as she buried her face into my mother’s neck. Emery was trying to wiggle away, so I came around and took her from her mother’s arms as Sydney lost herself in the memories this place was bringing back.
The memories my mother was bringing back.
“I’m so sorry,” Sydney said.
“Hush now, child. It’s all right. I’m just glad you and Hawk found one another again.”
“We’re in trouble, Miss Maria. We’re in so much trouble.”
“Then why don’t you come on inside where it’s safe?” my mother asked.
My mother ushered all of us inside as Emery continued to yawn. My mother walked down the hallway, opening up one of the guest bedroom doors to lay the little girl down. I could see the shock of her being a grandmother washing over her face, but my mother had always been in control of her emotions. The initial shock was all the emotion she would show us towards the situation, and the moment she came back down the hallway, she embraced Sydney yet again.
“She’s beautiful,” my mother said.
“She looks just like her father,” Sydney said.
“How about this? It feels like you and Hawk have a great deal to talk about. The little one is sleeping-”
“Emery,” I said. “Your granddaughter’s name is Emery.”
I saw her eyes light up with joy as my mother took both my hand and Sydney’s.
“Emery’s fast asleep, and when she wakes up I think she’ll enjoy a bit of ice cream for breakfast.”
“Already being spoiled, huh?” Sydney asked.
“We’ll have a wonderful time. Right now, you and Hawk should take some time to talk. If you want to talk here, I’ll put on a pot of coffee and make myself scarce. If you want to find a place on the beach to speak, I’ll have lunch here when you come back.”
“Mom, Emery doesn’t know yet. About me, and now you.”
“I figured as much. Just know I already love that little g
irl, and when you two are ready to tell her, I’ll be right there cheering you on.”
I could see the tears trickling down Syd’s face as she embraced my mother once again. She sobbed into her shoulder, allowing the past few days to come tumbling out. My mother calmed her down, soothing her lowly in her ear as I stood by the door. The fight we had before Sydney left came wafting back to my memory. How I’d yelled at her and grabbed her harder than I’d ever intended. How I had blamed her for all the havoc that was being rained down on us without giving a second thought as to what this was doing to her.
I’d never heard Sydney cry so hard she started to hiccup until that very moment.
“Emery is safe with me, I promise. Go. Take a walk. Get it all out. Make Hawk talk to you. And come back with a clear head ready to formulate a plan.”
“Yes… Miss.. Maria…” Sydney said through her hiccups.
I held out my hand and held Syd tight as we left out through the back. My mother lived right on the ocean, a quaint little beach house with its own private view. No one really came up this far to enjoy the beach because there were hardly any bars in Ferndale. It was a small town of retirees that wanted to enjoy the waters during the late stages of their lives.
The sand crunched beneath our feet as Sydney held onto me tighter than I’d ever felt her before.
“Did anything else happen with the agent?” I asked.
“That was the gist of it. They don’t have anything that connects me to their routes other than the joyrides we took, so they can’t do anything. They’re still looking, I’m apparently a shit mother, they’ve picked up my nickname recently from my conversations with you, and now we’re here.”
“Well, it’s mandatory if something like this happens for our houses to be swept for bugs. Mac, our current President, knows where my spare key is. If the house is bugged, I’ll know within the next day or so,” I said.
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I brought the DEA to you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Emery. I’m sorry I fucking left, and I’m sorry we now have to run. I’m just… I’m such a fuck up, and I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
“Hey, hey, hey. Stop that. Look at me.”
I stopped us walked as Sydney’s beautiful blue eyes turned up to me. They were the exact color of the ocean, stormy and dark. Her mind was plagued with so many different things, and all I wanted to do was settle her eyes back into the pale blue I’d fallen in love with all those years ago.