by Megan Hart
Because they’d slept together already? Or because he was a bartender who couldn’t afford an apartment that allowed dogs? Or because he’d taken her to a diner instead of a fancy Brazilian steak place? Jesse didn’t want to ask.
“Come inside with me,” Colleen said suddenly, and then it no longer mattered what she’d meant.
* * *
Jesse was in her living room. Again. After a date, no less. Of course it had been a date. Why else would he have taken her to the shelter, then to eat? Colleen thought. It wasn’t like they were...friends.
She already knew how he tasted and smelled and the sound of his voice when he cried out during an orgasm. Now she knew so much more about him, and though she tried as hard as she could to think of something she didn’t like, there hadn’t been one thing today that had turned her off. If anything, the more time she spent with him, the better she liked him.
It was disgruntling.
“I don’t have anything stronger. Sorry.” She handed him a glass of brewed iced tea.
Jesse had made himself at home on her couch. He took the glass and set it on the table, on a coaster even. “That’s okay. Just because I work in a bar doesn’t mean I always have to have booze. This is good, actually.”
“I don’t drink,” Colleen said.
He smiled. “Yeah. I know. Except maybe once every long while, huh?”
Embarrassment stung the back of her neck and tips of her ears. “Kind of proved my point, didn’t it?”
“I don’t know,” Jesse said. “What’s the point?”
“You mean why I sit every Thursday night with a glass of whiskey and don’t drink it?” Colleen put her own glass on the table next to his and took a seat on the couch, though she kept a distance between them.
“The question had crossed my mind, yeah.” Jesse leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees, hands clasped. His gaze was earnest. Sincere. Open.
She didn’t want to tell him.
“It’s a way to prove something to myself, I guess. That I don’t need it.”
His brow furrowed. “Okay?”
“Thursday nights were the start of the weekend when I lived with my ex. He’d come home from work and have a beer or two while I got ready to go.” She paused, thinking. “Even if I was all ready to go. And then we’d go out to one of his favorite places. Usually Doc’s, but sometimes we’d have dinner, too. He was a fun drunk on Thursday nights. By Sunday afternoon, he was usually hurting and not as much fun.”
To give him credit, Jesse didn’t look appalled. He didn’t look too surprised, either. He probably saw a lot of that sort of drinking at The Fallen Angel. It wouldn’t even faze him, she thought, but that didn’t make the memories any easier.
“And you?” he asked carefully.
“I drank with him. To keep him company, at first. And then because he liked to tell me that I needed to loosen up and have a few so that I wasn’t so uptight. He was right about that, I guess. At least the more I drank, the easier it was to be with him.” She took a drink of iced tea, though she wasn’t thirsty. She gave Jesse a sideways look. “After a while, it got hard to tell if I drank to get along with him, or because I needed it as much as he did. That I needed booze to keep me from being uptight and controlling. Because having control and being controlling aren’t the same thing.”
“I know that.”
“So...I come in on Thursday nights and order that whiskey to prove to myself that I don’t need it. I don’t even really want it. And that night, that first night with you...”
“You drank it then.”
“I was upset,” she told him. “Steve had said some things that really hit home. You know how some people know exactly how to get to you? A word or two, right where it hurts?”
He nodded.
“Well, he did that to me, and I went to the Angel thinking I was going to let him win. I was going to drink and get loose and be everything he’d said I was. I don’t know why. I was worn down, I guess.” She frowned, hating herself for that. “I was stupid.”
“You are anything but stupid.” He reached for her hand, and she let him take it.
His fingers were strong and warm, and she couldn’t help thinking about how he’d made her feel when he touched her. With a shaky breath, Colleen squeezed his hand. “You barely know me.”
“I could get to know you.” He moved closer.
Then he was kissing her, which was what she’d wanted him to do all day long. Colleen opened her mouth for him, inviting his tongue. When he gave it to her, she put her hand on the back of his neck to hold him close. They kissed and kissed and kissed, until both were breathing hard and she had to pull away to get some air.
“You’re an amazing kisser, Colleen.”
Her first instinct was to scoff, but something stopped her. “I know.”
He didn’t laugh, which was good because she hadn’t been making a joke. With Jesse, she felt like an amazing kisser. She felt amazing, period.
He pushed some hair off her forehead, then let his hand rest on her shoulder. “I had a great time with you today.”
“I know,” she repeated softly, inching closer.
“You’re a lot of fun,” Jesse whispered as she fit herself against him. “You’re smart. And pretty. And so damned sexy.”
“I know, I know, I know,” Colleen continued and kissed him long and hard.
“I want to touch you.”
She smiled into his mouth. “I know.”
“I want to be inside you.”
Her breath hitched, cracking her answer, but even though the words were garbled, she was sure he understood them. “I...know.”
“Tell me to go, if you want me to, but...”
“Upstairs,” she told him. “Take me upstairs, Jesse, and fuck me until we both forget how to walk.”
Chapter Eight
“You’re in a good mood,” Diane observed, lifting an eyebrow. A familiar expression. She’d known Jesse for so long, yet seemed continuously capable of being surprised by the things he did.
He waited until Laila disappeared up the steps into his apartment before answering. “Had a good night.”
Diane, to give her credit, did not roll her eyes. She looked past him to make sure their daughter was out of hearing range, too. “What’s her name?”
“Can’t hide anything from my girls, can I?” Jesse reached to poke her arm, but Diane danced out of the way.
She frowned. Shit, she was upset? She never got jealous about his dates.
“I’m not your girl, obviously. So it is a woman. Laila said you had a new girlfriend.”
“I don’t. Yet.” Jesse eyed her, wondering how his daughter had figured it out and chalking it up to the fact she was genius-level smart. “But maybe I will, if I’m lucky.”
What’s it to you? was the unspoken question that would remain unsaid, because to put it into words would sound belligerent. It would prompt a fight, and he didn’t want that. Jesse shivered in the cold air, too aware of his bare feet and chest. He’d come down to answer the door in only a pair of jeans. He’d barely made it home in time to shower before it was time for Diane to drop off Laila, and by the way she was looking him over, he was guessing she’d figured that out.
“Edward and I are having some trouble,” Diane said. “That’s all.”
Jesse frowned. “Oh. Sorry to hear that.”
“Laila is going to take it hard if we break up, Jesse.”
“That bad, huh?” He meant the breakup, not his daughter’s reaction to it. He had an idea that Laila would be better about it than Diane expected.
“She needs stability.” Diane shot another glance over his shoulder. “Consistency. I’m just saying now might not be the best time for you to bring in someone new.”
It was his turn for an eyebrow lift. In the beginning, when they’d been kids trying to figure out how to be parents, he and Diane had argued a lot over stupid things. When they’d finally parted as a couple, agreeing it was better to be friend
s who raised a child together than enemies who ruined one, they’d still argued, but it had been about different stupid stuff. They’d never, however, argued about who they were dating. Or when to date someone.
“It’s still early. You know I don’t bring just anyone around, Diane.”
“Well, you’re obviously fucking this new woman, whoever she is.”
Jesse bit back a retort and made sure to keep his voice calm. “And?”
“Nothing.” Diane drew in a deep breath and gave him an insincere smile. “I’m sure you’ll do the right thing.”
Annoyed now, Jesse stepped back into the foyer to get out of the cold. “You make that sound like a question.”
“I’m upset. Forget it. Sorry. I know you’ll take our daughter’s best interests into account when you decide what’s more important, her welfare or your dick.”
“Wow,” Jesse said after those words had hung in the air between them for a few seconds. “Well, then, you have a great day.”
She gave him a bitter, brittle smile and left him standing there in the cold.
* * *
“I’ve never seen it.” Colleen cradled her phone to her ear as she stirred the pot of noodles and got ready to drain them. “I’ve seen most of the others, but not the newer ones.”
“We have the whole Disney collection. A bunch of VHS tapes, even. Totally old-school.” Jesse’s voice was pitched low because he was with his daughter watching The Fox and the Hound.
Colleen had told him to enjoy the time with Laila, that he didn’t have to be on the phone with her, but she was still blushingly pleased that he wanted to talk to her badly enough to make it a priority even when he had other stuff going on. “Wow. I don’t even have a VCR anymore.”
“I pick them up at yard sales and thrift stores. You know, some of them can be worth a lot of money, actually. Not that I’m buying them to sell. Just to enjoy.”
She heard a shuffling, and the sound of the movie got far away. Then all she heard was the soft in-out huff of his breathing. “What’s going on?”
“Came into my bedroom to talk to you in private.”
Colleen pressed the phone to her ear and closed her eyes for a moment, unable to stop her grin. Why did something so simple make her so happy? She wanted to shake it off, but let herself indulge in the glow a little longer. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted her.
Still... “I should let you go.”
“No, no, it’s fine. She’s totally into the movie. It’s our Friday night thing. Disney and Chinese food.” Jesse sounded like he was smiling, too. “We’ve got a good one coming up, The Sword in the Stone. Mad Madam Mim. You’d like it.”
They’d talked every day, sometimes only a few texts, sometimes a few hours of conversation. She’d sent him a list of commands, intrigued to see what he’d do with them, and had been sent spiraling into heady, giddy arousal when he’d returned her text with detailed descriptions, including photos, of exactly how he’d fulfilled her demands. They’d been in near-constant communication, yet she hadn’t actually seen him since last week.
She’d suggested dinner on his night off, but he’d had his daughter with him. And though she could’ve gone in to see him at The Fallen Angel during his shift, Colleen didn’t want to be that woman, the one who hung around all starry-eyed about her lover while he tried to do his job. And because he slept during the day and she worked outside the city, lunch had been out of the question.
“I miss you,” she said impulsively. “I wish I could see you tonight.”
“Yeah... Me, too. But I have Laila.”
It was too soon for her to meet his child, even for something as casual as Disney and Chinese. She knew that. And frankly, the idea of meeting Jesse’s daughter was more than a little intimidating. It was a bigger step toward something Colleen was still trying to convince herself wasn’t going to happen. Yet it had been almost a week since she’d seen him. Touched him.
“Right. I didn’t mean I expected to. I just meant I wanted to, Jesse.”
Her voice dipped, going raspy and low. They’d had phone sex two nights before, a first for her, and he’d told her afterward that it had been the way she said his name that had finally tipped him over the edge. She couldn’t hear herself say it now without remembering that.
Before he could answer, her phone beeped. She looked at the number, wincing when she saw it was Steve. If she didn’t answer she’d only have to call him back.
“I’m getting a call,” she told Jesse. “Can I call you back when I’m done?”
He hesitated. “Yeah...I mean, I might be busy. But sure.”
Colleen hesitated, too, cursing Steve’s timing. “I know you’re with your daughter, Jesse. If you don’t want me to call you—”
“No. It’s okay. It’s fine. Call me back.”
Something was off in his tone, but she disconnected the call anyway. It was too late to catch Steve, so she dialed him back without listening to his voice mail. Consequently, when he answered brusquely, she was instantly wary and wishing she’d warned herself.
“What are you, a moron?” Steve said.
Colleen bit back a caustic reply. “Nice.”
“It’s not that hard, you know,” Steve told her. “To make sure someone’s at the house to handle deliveries and repairs. That’s a necessary thing, Colleen, about having a property you don’t live in. Someone to take care of it.”
She had someone who looked after the property, and Steve knew it, but she didn’t point it out. Arguing with him was pointless, because nobody won against Steve. Steve was never wrong. Steve was never sorry. Steve was never responsible.
Steve, Colleen thought, could go fuck himself.
“What were you having delivered?”
“Some things for the house,” he said impatiently. “Obviously.”
Though she’d trained herself to listen for the sound of slurring in his voice that meant he’d been drinking, she also knew he’d been on the wagon for a year now. It hadn’t done much for his temperament. He’d been easier to please when he was drunk, and being dry had only made him more self-righteous and cranky.
“What things? Also, Steve, you know Joe takes care of the house in the winter. You could’ve called him yourself.”
“How was I supposed to know?”
She grimaced. “Because he’s done it for years? Who did you think would be there to take your delivery? I mean, nobody lives there, Steve. Did you imagine somehow it might magically happen on its own? And what repairs are you talking about?”
“I broke a window the last time I was down.”
At this, she paused, choosing her words carefully. “How did that happen?”
“I was locked out. I was trying to get in.” Same old Steve, sounding stubborn. “You didn’t leave the key in the right place the last time you were there.”
She hadn’t been there in months, too busy with work and the bad weather to think about getting away for a weekend, though she loved the beach in winter, maybe even more than during the summer. Steve’s casual blame rubbed her like sandpaper. “I absolutely did. And I haven’t been there since October.”
It didn’t matter what she said. Whatever had happened was her fault. It always was, and she was sick of it.
“Don’t expect me to pay for the window,” she told him briskly. “Or for whatever it was you ordered for the house. You know we’re supposed to agree on everything before we do it. Like we’re supposed to consult each other on scheduling visits.”
“Right. Because you just have to have your say.” His voice dripped with derision that once would’ve had her hot with guilt. “Have to be in charge, right? In control of everything.”
“Fuck you, Steve.”
He made a startled noise but recovered quickly. “No, thanks, sweetheart... Your cunt has teeth.”
Colleen disconnected before he could continue with what she knew would be something harsh and crude. When he called back, she sent him directly to voice mail. Breathing hard, her w
orld spun. She paced, fury fisting her hands hard enough for her fingernails to cut into her palms.
She was done letting him make her feel bad, she told herself. Steve was not her lover. Not a friend. He was an arrogant, pathetic tyrant who’d never learned the art of getting along with other people.
And once, long ago, she had loved him.
Colleen’s knees gave out, and she sank onto the couch to put her head in her hands. Steve, when they met, had been charming and affable and considerate. He’d been funny. He’d made her feel pretty and wanted and important, at least for a time, until the years had passed and things had changed. She’d never really been sure exactly why or how, or what she’d done to cause it, or how she might’ve prevented it. Remembering how she’d felt about him in the beginning only made her feel so much worse about how much she disliked him now.
Her phone buzzed again with another call from him. Again, she sent it to voice mail. He could berate her until his heart’s content and she could delete the message without listening to it. She could delete his texts unread. She didn’t need to tolerate his abuse any longer, not even for the sake of once having been in love.
Still, her heart pounded and her palms hurt. Her jaw ached from clenching it. Her face felt hot. She picked up her phone and dialed a number that had become familiar.
“Jesse,” she said. “I need you.”
Chapter Nine
“Laila’s asleep.” Jesse scooted the popcorn bowl out of the way so he could sit a little closer to Colleen on the couch.
He couldn’t stop himself from brushing away the heavy length of her hair that had fallen over her shoulder. Mindful of what Diane had said, he hadn’t intended to invite Colleen over. He’d been trying to keep at least a little bit of distance this week for Laila’s sake. The kid hadn’t even mentioned Diane’s split with Edward, and when he’d tried to gently bring up the subject, she’d given him a blank sort of look and a shrug. Colleen wouldn’t have been the first girlfriend Jesse had ever brought around, though it had been a couple years since there’d been anyone special enough to introduce to his kid. It had made sense to take a step back to consider what Diane had said, but clearly it wasn’t an issue.