by O. M. Grey
Several of the group turned around and flipped up their capes to show their bustles. A man after my own heart. For love of bustles. I’d drink to that.
“Very nice, ladies. Very nice, indeed! Now, give them a bit of a shake. Oh, yes.”
To even my horror, he began rubbing himself through his trousers, and not even trying to hide it.
“Now see here!” one angry husband protested.
“Yes. Sorry. Got a bit carried away there.” Swig. “Moving on!” Swig. He led us down the port side while husbands chided their wives in whispers that were lost in the aether.
Nesbitt stopped the group near the bow and continued, “The sky is so different here than it is in Africa. Oh yes. No view of the Great Bear there. No, sir. Well, not that great bear, anyway.” Swig. “Just out there.” His words started to slur. “See those two lines of stars there? Draw a line intersecting them toward the top, and you’ll find their arms. That is Gemini, or the twins, although I like to think of them as the lovers.” Swig. Adjust trousers. Swig. “They lie right between Taurus and Cancer. There and there. The two brightest stars in Gemini are Castor and Pollux, named after the twins in Greek Mythology. Those two stars make up the two heads of the twins. See? This was one of the forty-eight originally described by Ptolemy all the way back in the second century. Fascinating.” Swig.
“Are you enjoying this, Lord York?” Chastity whispered.
“It’s interesting. Mildly. Not near as interesting as you are, my dear. Would you care to sneak off for a more private chat?”
“I’d love to.”
As the doctor crossed over to the starboard side, Chastity and I slipped away behind a building set in the middle near the bow of the ship. We waited in the shadows until we heard the doctor say something about the belt of Orion.
“Would you care to go back below?” I asked. “It’s warmer.”
“I was hoping for something a little more private. I’m sure we can find ways to warm up, Lord York. Let’s see what’s in here.” How delightful! A sense of spontaneity and adventure in this one as well!
The door to the structure was serendipitously unlocked, so we ducked inside. It appeared to be some kind of navigation room. Maps spread out on a table. An astrolabe. Compasses and the like. A workspace desk with a journal.
“That’s better already,” she said, pulling off her goggles and pushing the hood of her cloak off. Her copper locks were a mess, but not nearly the mess they’d be soon. “Fortunate the moon is so bright, as we have some light in here. Made it rather difficult to see the stars though.”
“Your eyes, my dear, outshine any star.”
“Oh, Arthur. Please. That is not necessary with me. I’m not an innocent maid who needs to be wooed. We’re both quite aware of where this is headed, now aren’t we?”
“Quite,” I said, and a moment later my mouth covered hers. Her hunger matched mine. I helped her off with her cloak, then took off mine as well. Tongues swirling. Lips gliding. Bodies pressed together. Lifting her up on the aforementioned desk, I raised her skirts, and she eagerly released me from my trousers. She grabbed me full on with both hands and stroked, kissing me ever more fervently. Guiding me toward her, she leaned back, allowing me to hover over her while I plunged inside.
We crashed together. Surrounded by the warmth of her along with her urging whispers in my ear, I failed to notice the lantern approaching outside the window.
The door opened, and there stood Avalon along with Captain Blackwolf and a few others. “This is our navigation room, not in use…Oh, my,” he said.
Chastity giggled.
I withdrew and pulled up my trousers.
Avalon’s face displayed utter betrayal. The kind of pain that fractured one’s soul. Without a word, she turned, and in another moment, she was gone.
“Avalon!” I called, running after her, but she had used her supernatural speed and just disappeared. Everyone was so busy watching the spectacle of me and Chastity, that they obviously didn’t notice the blur, but I couldn’t be so careless.
I forced myself to move at human speed and went in search of her. I headed back to the cabin, but she wasn’t there. Starting from the bow, I searched along each deck, hunting for any sign of her in every nook and cranny. Finally, on one of the lower decks, set for crew only, I smelled blood. Seems Avalon did some hunting of her own.
Good for her. Bad for me.
There, holding the side of his neck, a man stumbled around in a daze.
“Are you all right, man?” I asked.
“A ghost. A beautiful ghost came and she kissed me.”
She had tried to compel him, but she wasn’t very good at it yet. This man was just confused, and bleeding. Taking his head into my hands, I held him inches before me and engaged. “You were bit by a rat. That’s all. Let me see.” He took his hand away. I sucked some of the blood away, then with a generous amount of saliva, ensured it would coagulate soon.
“Keep this on it,” I said. Putting the handkerchief I had just pulled from his pocket on the wound. “You’ll be all right, son. Just watch out for those rats.”
“Thank you, sir. I will, sir. Big rat, that. Big beautiful rat,” he said as he wondered off rather dreamily. He’d be asleep soon, no doubt. She would have to go back to the cabin at some point, so I would just wait there for her.
I opened the cabin door and a shoe missed my head by about half an inch. “Ava! I was so worried about you.” I had to duck to keep from being hit by the second shoe.
“You magsman! Villain! Go back to your mollisher, you fiend. I never want to see you again.”
“Avalon, please. I can explain.”
“You can explain? You can explain why you had your johnson inside another woman? Oh, Arthur. I’m done. You’ve been a beast lately, and now this! I won’t stand for it. Now I remember why I chose to be a spinster. I was so much happier when I was myself, and I was certainly stronger-willed. You have made me altogether into something else! You forced me into this life, didn’t you? I didn’t have a choice, and it’s by far the last time you forced me. What was that the other morning, Arthur? I felt violated, not loved, and I shan’t make excuses for you or your treatment of me any longer. You’ve changed, and you made me change, too.”
“I saved you, Avalon. You were dying!”
“Dying because of you. You deceived me and Victor for so long. Oh! Poor Victor!”—Great. Victor thrown in my face again—“He’s dead because of you, too. Yes, I would’ve died without you, but now I am forever dead because of you!”
She sat down on the edge of the bunk and wept. I went to her, but she pushed me away, then paced to and for in the tiny cabin.
“You isolated me, you monster. You isolated me, trapped me, and convinced me you loved me, that I was somehow different. I believed you. My own ego allowed me to believe, but no more! You’ve shown your true self now, Arthur, and I am wholly disappointed to see that all those horrid rumors are true. That, mixed with the violence and cruelty. No more!”
“Avalon, please.”
“You had me convinced it was my fault! That I was too needy or too talkative or too prudish or too randy or too…whatever. It wasn’t me, Arthur. It’s you. That’s very clear now. You who hasn’t made a commitment to anyone for over three centuries! It’s you, and you dragged me into this, changed me. Tried to control me and intimidate me to your will, and then chided me for losing my independence. My independence.” Her voice softened, and she sank into the chair, skirts spread wide. “That which I had taken so much social abuse for, gone. I believed in you, Arthur. I trusted you.”
The anger had faded over that last tirade, but the sadness remained. When she spoke again, her voice was full of regret. “I love you, Arthur, but I cannot, shall not, live like this. I will reside back in Baker Street. I had decided to move home after your earlier cruelty, convinced we just needed more space between us. Now, however, you will stay away from me completely. Do whatever it is you are already doing without me. As soon
as we’re off this bloody dirigible, I’m off. You will get out of my life forever. I will find my own way, as I always have. It’s so much better that way. Now. Go back to Chastity, and don’t even think about coming back to our cabin tonight or tomorrow night. I’m sure you’ll have no difficulty in securing other lodgings. I shan’t leave the cabin, except to eat. I’m too ashamed now. So many saw you. It will be all about the ship by now. You’ve not only betrayed me, you’ve humiliated me, too.”
Blood tears streaked her face, smeared across her cheeks each time she wiped the new ones away.
“You fed.”
“I did, and now I see why you kept me from it. You did, didn’t you? Keep it from me. Purposely. I see so clearly now, Arthur. You are quite good, aren’t you? But I shan’t be fooled by you any longer. I remember who I am now. I am not under your control, Arthur. Your threats and intimidation and manipulation won’t work on me anymore. I know who I am. You are not worthy of me. I do love you, but I realize now that I don’t truly know you. It’s like you’re two people. One who is kind and loving and affectionate. One who adores me.”
“I do love you and adore you, Avalon. Please.”
“The other who is cruel and controlling. Who ravished me.”
“Ravished! Heavens, Avalon. I did no such thing!”
“Leave.”
“But…Ava.”
“Leave. Now. You owe me at least that much, at least privacy in my humiliation.”
“I’ll give you time to cool down, then I’ll be back to check on you. All right?”
“No. Don’t come back.”
“You don’t mean that. You’ll feel better when you calm down.” I opened the door, the same door I had that maid up against, although it seemed like years ago now. “I love you, Ava.”
She made a sound that almost sounded like laughter.
“Goodbye, Arthur. You have hurt me for the last time.”
§
Every time I passed a new group of people, whispers broke out anew. The entire ship was abuzz with this latest gossip, and I was the center of everyone’s attention.
“How humiliating for her.” I heard one woman say.
“Shame, such a lovely girl.” Another added.
“She must’ve given him a reason.” A gent spoke to others, all standing around in a circle sipping brandy. “Lucky chap, if you ask me.”
“Yes. If only I had such luck, and stamina!” They all laughed together and toasted to men. Sometimes being able to hear every little peep, even from across the room or on different levels, was not all that much fun.
Someone slapped me on the shoulder and said, “Nice going, Ol’ Boy!” A revolting mixture of Scotch and vomit, with a dash of opium, enveloped his words. “Tell me about it. Hm? Please? She was fiesty wasn’t she. Nice and deep you gave it to her, right Ol’ Boy? Nice and deep.” With the last, Doctor Nesbitt thrust his hips forward.
“Pardon me,” I said, slipping away from his heavy arm and rancid breath. Perhaps solitude for a few hours, and I would feel better. Then, Paris.
“Lord York,” Captain Blackwolf stopped me as I headed out into the night again. Although his hands were folded behind him in a casual manner, his countenance was anything but. Terse, I’d say.
“Yes, Captain. What can I do for you.”
“A word, please, sir.”
“Of course.”
“Follow me.” He led me out of the ballroom, past the lovely decor. Sounds of chatter and Beethoven played by the quartet faded as we moved further away from the festivities. Taking a hidden staircase, he took me down into the bowels of the ship, lighting the way with a portable lantern.
The entire trip, he didn’t say a single word.
The captain turned a brass knob then pushed the heavy oak door open. Inside was a lovely room, certainly much more posh that those we had been crammed into.
“My private quarters,” he said.
“Very nice.”
“Have a seat, Lord York.” He indicated a long wooden bench along one of the walnut-paneled walls, then lit an oil lamp in the center of a claw-footed, round table centered on a deep red rug. Sitting, I watched him mill about his cabin for a few minutes. First he placed the lantern on his desk, illuminating a series of maps and a telescope. To the right, books and more rolled-up navigation charts cluttered a bookshelf. He cleared his throat, and finally took a seat himself in a lovely velvet armchair near the center table and bench, where I sat.
“Look, Captain, about before…”
He put his hand up to silence me. “Please. No excuses, for what you did was inexcusable, Arthur. Now, I know I’m not your father and you are a grown man, capable of making his own decisions, but I intend on giving you some fatherly advice just the same. Yer young. Real young, and you think the world is at yer feet, and you’d be right about that. Titled and rich and all. You’ve got a good life.”
The audacity of this man to speak to me as if he was my better, my superior!
“Now, look here, sir! You are too familiar!”
“I don’t stand on no ceremony here. Not on my ship. I’ve seen too much already. Horrible things. War changes a man, I’ll tell ya, and it ain’t in a good way. The things I’ve seen, well a lad yer age couldn’t understand.”
“I am older than I look, sir. Save your condescending talk for a child.” I stood, ready to leave, straightening my waistcoat.
“Please, sir. It weren’t my intention to talk down to ya at all, and if I came across thata way, then I apologize. Really, I just want ta talk to ya, man to man, is all. Would ya give me a few minutes of yer time? I’m not the best with words, so I ask yer patience, sir.”
That was more like it. Respect. I sat back down, chin raised in defiance. After all, I didn’t have anything better to do. Still working it all out myself.
“I’ll try again,” Blackwolf started. “I cain’t tell ya what to do, a’course, but…Miss Bainbridge, she’s a good woman, she is. A fine woman, and she loves you. I can see it by the way she looks at ya. Yer too young to understand that the love of a good woman like her, well that’s a rare thing. Someone to be devoted to ya and good to ya. Someone to keep ya warm and safe. Someone to spend the long days and nights with. That ain’t nothing to take fer granted, son. Now, I know yer real rich and fancy an’ all, and I’m sure you have yer choice of ladies bein’ as handsome as ya are, but just know that not all of them will love you for you. Some might love yer money, others yer good looks, but I’ll tell you something, son. Beauty fades an’ a marriage based on money ain’t one that’s happy fer long.”
My beauty would never fade. He had no idea to whom he spoke. The audacity.
“I guess what I’m sayin’ is this: don’t take a good woman’s love fer granted, son. You earn that love every day. Every moment. That’s what ya gotta do. Earn it, and return it in kind. Now what ya was doin’ with that there other lady is all fun and pleasuresome and such, but it’s a real small part of love. The sooner you get that, Arthur, the happier you’ll be. Now, I don’t know if you can mend things with Miss Bainbridge or no, but if I were you, I’d do everything in my power to mend things with that fine woman. She’s more than a romp, son. She’s a woman, through and through.”
Unbelievable. I looked at him with complete disbelief, but I was sure to keep my face still, without emotion. This lonely man was lecturing me on love. Typical. I’d like to eat him, actually, here and now. Maybe blood was what I needed to feel better, but for some reason, as soon as I thought it, nausea spread through my belly, and I suddenly wanted nothing more than just to leave.
“Thank you for your advice, sir. It is well-received, I assure you. If you must know, Ava and I have not been well for a while now, but, yes, she is a remarkable woman, and I have every intention of making things right with her again. Every intention indeed.” At least every intention of getting her back under my control. She was just a woman, after all. What was she without me? A landlady on Baker Street? Yes, she’d be back. No doubt.
“I really must get back up, Captain. I’ve got a lot to work out still, but I thank you for your time.”
“A’course.” He didn’t get up when I did, but rather just leaned his cheek on his hand. As I turned to leave, he tossed his top hat onto the table and ran his fingers through his hair.
I showed myself out and left him there with this thoughts.
Ha! I took Avalon for granted. How preposterous! I really didn’t understand what all the fuss was about anyway. So I fucked someone else. It wasn’t like Avalon expected me to be with her and only her forever! For eternity? Surely not! How absurd! Yes. Really, this was her mistake, wasn’t it? These were her unreasonable demands. Indeed. I’d done nothing wrong, after all. Only what was natural, and a man can’t be blamed for that.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CONSTANCE
The McFerrets stayed indoors all evening, mostly listening to the string quartet and dancing or chatting with friends in the parlor. I didn’t stick by his side all night, but I did stay around enough to make Willie a little nervous. I enjoyed seeing him tug at his collar when I walked past, forcing his eyes to stay off of me. The man already felt guilty for what he planned tomorrow night. No, that wasn’t not quite right. Not guilty. Scared. It wasn’t morality creeping up his thick neck, it was fear.
The fear of being caught.
The doctor and I crossed paths a few times during the evening, and he was full up to the knocker already. He, of course, didn’t recognize me as Charlotte. His chambermaid would stay hidden until our clandestine meeting at midnight. I’d be surprised if he wasn’t passed out by midnight. Such a lush and addict, too, no doubt, with the opium. Must be covering up some very deep pain. However, instead of facing it, coping with it, he ran from it. A sure way to ensure it would continue to chase him. The worst of it was he felt the need to spread it around, causing pain to others just to ease his own but for a minute or two. Selfish.