by Tasha Fawkes
I sigh, feeling like a love-struck teenager. “I had an amazing night last night.”
Aria rubs her hands together in anticipation. “Do tell.”
“Oh, by the way, thanks for leaving me stranded last night.” I roll my eyes.
Aria laughs. “I could see that you guys had a moment there, and as much as I do enjoy a ménage, sometimes three is a crowd.”
I couldn’t argue with her. She was right.
“Aria, I think it may be him.”
Her brows furrow. “Him?”
“The guy from the dark room,” I say in a hushed tone, causing her to laugh.
“Daniela, there’s no need to whisper,” Aria tells me. “And sweetie, you need to let that shit go before it drives you insane. The whole point of that room – that club – is anonymity. You’re never going to know who he was, and you’ll likely never see him again even if you did.”
I consider her words carefully.
“Daniela, does it really matter?” Aria asks and leans forward, grasping my hands.
In that moment, I feel the answer before I’m able to articulate it. It hits me hard, washing over me like a wave and giving me new resolution and understanding. “No, I suppose it doesn’t.”
“There you have it then.” Aria lets go of my hands and leans back in her chair, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Now it sounds like this Jase fella is something to write home about.”
I stifle an eye roll at her expression. I grin instead. “Maybe. He’s kind of amazing.”
Aria smiles. “Good. Amazing is good.” She sips her coffee. “Maybe amazing will put an end to your mystery man plight.”
I shrug. “Or knock him off his high horse.”
Aria laughs. “Do you feel better? I can tell you were wrestling with something earlier.”
I nod. “I do.” Even if the fact that I haven’t heard from Jase at all begins to plant a seed of doubt in my mind.
“Good. I have to get my ass to a meeting. Text me if you need me.” Aria rises and gives me a quick hug.
“Will do,” I tell her, hugging her back. “Good luck at your meeting.”
“Thanks.”
I sit for a moment, realizing I still don’t even know what Aria does for a living. I take my cup and begin the walk home. It’s a little far, but I need time to think and have the day off, so there’s no real rush. I stroll at a comfortable pace and try to ignore the small, bitchy voice in my head.
You thought he was different, but here you are – alone. No call, no text. Not even a note this morning. What makes you think someone like him would want anything to do with you long term? You’re beneath him, and not in a good way. He got exactly what he wanted from you, and you’ll never hear from him again.
Aria’s words about my mystery man ring through my head again. No, I suppose who he is or if I ever see him again isn’t as important as it once felt. Jase is real. Well, he was, anyway.
I take out my phone to check for any missed calls or text…or emails. I’d take a freaking message by carrier pigeon at this point. Still nothing. Not even a thanks for last night. No talk to you soon or see you later.
Not a damn thing.
I even go so far as to restart my phone, but my mood darkens further upon its rejuvenation.
I make it to my building and go inside. Despite the walk, I opt for the stairs. The elevator is forever tainted to me now, and I refuse to step inside. The memories of him are too fresh, and it becomes clearer by the second exactly what last night was.
It takes a little huffing and puffing, but I make it to my floor. I approach the door and hear moaning from inside again. Between my mood and the fact that I’m plain fed up, I snap. My key turns in the lock, and I barrel inside before I can stop myself.
“What the fuck, Daniella? Can’t you knock before you barge in.”
“Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
Both men look at me, neither of them moving from their position. “No.” The word is accompanied by a shake of Pete’s head.
I cross my arms over my chest. “Now.”
“I said no,” he repeats. “This is my dad’s condo and if you don’t like what’s going on here, just fuck off.”
“Last chance,” I tell him. “Get your shit and go.”
Pete narrows his eyes at me but still doesn’t move away from his lover. “Or what?”
I whip out my phone and snap a pic of him butt-naked with his fella. “Or I send this to your dad…and your job – to everyone at your job,” I threaten. I’m well aware that it’s a dirty move, but I’m at the end of my rope here. It’s this or the death of two men on my hands. It’s the lesser of two evils.
“Fine,” Pete snarls and finally withdraws from his partner. “Get your shit, Jon. We’ll go to your place instead.”
His place? “You mean to tell me you two could’ve been doing this there the whole time?” I ask in shock with a hint of rage. “Why the fuck have you been here then?”
Jon shrugs. “The view’s better.”
I can’t even reply. I stand guard while they gather their belongings and go.
“I’ll need the key.” I remind him on his way out the door.
He sighs but hands it over with much less drama than I ever expected. “My dad’s back in a week, so you better start looking for some new digs. He wants to sell the place.”
“Don’t worry. I got it covered. I’d say it’s been real, but…” I let my voice trail off.
“Yeah,” Pete agrees and walks away without a backward glance.
The door shuts, and I’m finally alone. It dawns on me how little stuff my ex has here. Convenient, sure, but also a little sad. I spent so much time being blissfully ignorant in my last relationship. I didn’t want to notice the small details, like his lack of effort. In retrospect, all of those little things add up, and I likely shouldn’t have been so shocked by his indiscretions.
In a sense, it humbles me. It also strips away any shred of naivety left in me. I refuse to be gullible again. I refuse to hope and dream, or ignore the facts to placate my ego. I’ll become a realist if it kills me.
It’s now almost noon and still no word from Jase. I debate calling Aria to hear her opinion, but in reality, I already know the truth. He’s not going to call, or text, or email, or even fucking send a carrier pigeon. He’s not going to show up at my door, or send a car for me.
He got his piece of ass, and he’s moved on already.
I know my place. I know I’m not in the same social class as him. It hurts, yes. It hurts a lot, actually. Yet I find it more comforting than holding on to some hope that he’ll reach out to me. Without the hope, there can be no disappointment.
I can handle being a booty call, a one night stand.
I can’t handle the heartbreak that getting my hopes up could cause. The idea of something more. The idea that maybe Jase felt what I did – that the connection between us isn’t imaginary or one-sided – that I can’t deal with. There’d be no coming back after the fall from that letdown.
So I’ll accept my piece of ass status and make an attempt to move on with my life.
I’ll do that as soon as I’m done crying my damn eyes out.
Chapter 12 – Jase
Despite the bright morning sunlight streaming through my large office windows, my mood is dark. I focus intently on my work – mostly barking orders at people – but still accomplish a lot. Around mid-morning, I reach a point where I have nothing left to do.
As soon as the work isn’t a distraction, my mind wanders right to Daniela. I can’t stop thinking about the sound of her laugh, the taste of her lips, or the smell of her hair. The feel of her wrapped tightly around me. It’s the most frustrating situation I’ve ever encountered. Usually, I take what I want without a second thought.
But Daniela is anything but usual. To even subject her to my company may taint her. I can’t have what I want this time, not if I care about her.
And I do. I hate to admit it, but I care for her. She’s
so much more than the incredible lay that she is. It’s as though goodness exudes from her. I can’t contaminate her with my life, my needs. The people who flock to me are always out for what they can get. I can’t picture Daniela in those circles – the fake women and their catty games and lies. No, she’s too pure for my world.
I dive back into work full force, answering emails that have backlogged for lack of something better to do. Once I exhaust that task, I clamber for something – anything – to distract me. I begin to open drawers in my desk to reorganize them because, at this point, I’m that desperate.
I reach the last drawer and pluck out a familiar manila folder. Despite the fact that I already know its contents, I open it. Why not torture myself to the maximum extent?
Daniela’s face stares back at me. I study her features even though they’re already firmly committed to my memory. I read through the file once more from cover to cover and give the other pictures of her the same amount of attention as the first.
My resounding sigh is almost louder than the sound of the paper shredder as the folder goes through. I can’t stay away from her and have that. I’m not strong enough to.
Maybe I need to get laid. Maybe a good fuck is just the thing that I need to get Daniela out of my head once and for all. I can’t have her. I need to move on.
My phone contains the numbers of many women that will happily jump back into bed with me on a moment’s notice. Unfortunately, most are more interested in my wallet than my cock, but they still serve their purpose.
I scroll up and down. As I do, faces flash through my memory to correlate with their names. The more faces I imagine, the softer my dick gets. Not only are none of these women who or what I want, I feel…guilty. It takes a moment because it’s not a feeling that I’m familiar with, but I think that’s what it is. The idea of fucking someone other than Daniela makes me feel guilty.
My mind then moves to the idea of Daniela fucking someone else. The idea enrages me. Jealousy is another emotion I’m not familiar with.
Where does this leave me? My get laid solution is out the window, I can’t see or talk to Daniela, and Lord only knows what she’s thinking at this point.
It begins to feel as though the walls of my office close in on me. Like the entire fucking city is trying to swallow me whole.
I text Charles to ready the car. Moments later, I meet him downstairs.
“Good morning, sir,” Charles says as he holds the door open.
“Morning,” I half mutter. “I need a break from the city, Charles.”
“What are you thinking, sir? Wine country perhaps? Caribbean?”
“No. I think…” I picture the best place I can to distract a person. “Vegas. We’re going to Vegas. Take us home to pack and make the arrangements.”
Our eyes meet in the rearview mirror. “Certainly, sir.”
“Oh…Charles.”
“Sir?”
“You can tell Madam X that I’m done with her services for good.”
“Everything’s okay?” Charles stare back at me with a worried expression.
“Everything’s fine. Just do as I say.”
“Will do, sir.”
***
Even as I pack a small bag, I can’t help feeling as though I’m doomed. For the first time in a long time, I want something that I can’t have.
“Sir, the plane is ready,” Charles says from the doorway.
“Thanks.” I grab my bag. “Are you packed?”
“Yes, sir. My bag’s in the car.”
“Good. Let’s be on our way.” I can’t get out of here fast enough.
Charles seems to feel my mood and sets a good pace in front of me. The ride to the airport goes without incident or any excessive traffic. On the plane, I still feel anxious to go. When the pilot announces that we’re clear to take off and next in line for the runway, I wonder if it’ll pass at all.
The plane picks up speed as it rolls down the tarmac. The force of pressure pushes me back in my seat. I feel the moment the wheels leave the ground, followed by the weightlessness that rolls over me as we level off.
Once the pilot announces we’ve hit our altitude, I unbuckle to get comfortable and have a couple of realizations.
My anxiety has gone. Leaving the city has had its intended effect. If I’m being wholly honest with myself, part of it’s that I know I won’t bump into Daniela. I can be strong from a distance, but I’m only a man. One look, smell, feel, or taste and my self-control will be out the window.
Only now, there’s a new feeling to replace the anxiety. It’s a feeling I know all too well, one I’ve experienced over and over throughout the course of my days. One I’ve tried numerous unsuccessful ways to quench before Daniela. One that I’m sure I’ll never be able to quench again.
Now I’m empty.
Chapter 13 – Daniela
I won’t even lie, my depression has been mighty. It’s as though part of me is missing without Jase. I know now it was silly to ever entertain the idea that he could actually care about me. Love at first sight doesn’t exist, and lust is a mighty imitator for the more complex emotion. I go to work and go through all the usual motions. I do this for days. Besides that, I do little else.
One of the things I don’t do is respond to Aria’s numerous texts. It shouldn’t surprise me when she walks in just before closing, but it does.
“Hey,” she says as she saunters up.
My voice feels dead, even to my own ears. “Hey.”
She studies my face. “Why so glum?”
Before I can stop myself, it all comes pouring out of me. Thankfully, the bar is now closed, and nobody else is around.
“I know exactly what you need,” Aria tells me. “Can you get a couple days off?”
I shrug. “Probably, unless it’s another trip to Florida.”
Aria grins. “Oh baby. This is even better. You get time off, I’ll handle the rest.”
“What’s ‘the rest?’” I ask warily.
She gives me a wink. “You leave that to me.”
I give up trying to find out for two reasons. First, because Aria is pretty stubborn when she wants to be, but mostly because she takes off, and I’m left standing alone.
My boss isn’t thrilled with my requesting time off with such short notice, but he agrees. I’ve been with them for a while now, and even with the last few weeks of me being not myself, we both know I’m one of the best they have on staff. That, and the fact that until recently, I’ve never missed a day.
I walk home, wishing I knew what Aria has in store for us. I sure can use distractions, but I’m not sure I’m ready for any more sex clubs.
I text Aria before I take a shower, letting her know that I have three days off. She replies immediately, telling she’ll pick me up at four a.m. and to pack for a fun time in some warm weather.
I debate whether or not I should try to ask where we’re going, but if Aria wanted me to know, she would’ve told me by now. Instead, I pack and make sure I’m as ready as I can be. When everything’s done, I take a nap until Aria’s due to arrive.
***
The alarm on my phone is more obnoxious than I previously thought. Of course, that could also be the two hours of sleep talking. I step out of the bathroom ready to go and hear a knock on the door.
“Are you ready?” She’s way too cheery for four in the morning.
“Yes,” I answer with a yawn.
Aria shakes her head and hands me a coffee I hadn’t noticed her holding. “I figured you’d need that.”
“You rock,” I say and take a swig. “Mmmm, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Aria winks. “Now c’mon, grab your shit, lock up, and let’s go!”
I shake my head gently but smile as I do so. Aria is a piece of work, but she always cheers me up.
It’s not until we’re at the airport terminal that I see where our flight will take us.
“Vegas?” I ask Aria in shock.
“Yes, ma’am,” A
ria confirms. “Have you ever been?”
I shake my head no.
“Then you’re in for a treat.” Aria’s eyes dance with excitement. “It’ll be just what the doctor ordered, I promise.”
Before I have time to refute – or even think it over – it’s time for us to board. It seems like I’m going whether I’m willing or not.
We sit in first class, and it makes the time pass quickly. When we step out of the airport in Las Vegas, one thing becomes immediately clear.
“Aria, it’s hot as fuck here.”
“Yes, but it’s a dry heat. Less oppressing than the humid air of Florida, but it intensifies the heat.”
A limo pulls up next to us, and the driver rushes around to open the door. He takes our bags, and I feel relief the moment the AC hits my skin. Aria still remains flawlessly put together, a contrast to my rumpled and now sweaty self.
The amount of visual stimulation astounds me. Even in the morning sun, the place is chock full of things to catch one’s attention. The hotel we pull up to is lavish, but it doesn’t shock me considering who made the travel plans. It only takes us a moment to check in before we head to our rooms. Again they adjoin, a feature allowing us both privacy if we so desire.
I decide to take a shower and change. Aria tells me she’s going to rest a bit herself. We make plans to grab a bite to eat in a few hours, once we’ve both recovered from traveling. I take a shower, but now a nap seems silly. Despite my few hours of rest and traveling all morning, too much excitement rushes through me to rest. There are still a few hours before Aria and I plan to eat, so I decide to explore the hotel.
This place is huge. By the time I hit the main floor, I’m already in awe of it. A sign catches my eye. I’ve never been to a casino before. I suppose that now is as good a time as any.
There are no windows. The machines are loud and light up colorfully. I wander through the rows and try to figure out the appeal here. Beyond the machines are tables boasting different games of chance. I don’t know how to play any of them, but sit and study a few of the players
A glance at my phone tells me I still have about an hour and a half left to kill. I go farther into the depths of the casino and find card tables. I stick by the wall and watch the people as they play intently. It’s not until one gentleman shifts in his chair that my stomach drops into my ass.