“I didn’t know how to properly cope. It started off with mindless sex, if you can recall. And then I added drinking to the mix. When I drank, I forgot the circumstances of why I was so upset and depressed and I could manage. I wasn’t actually managing, but pushing people away, using them and flat out being a dick. It was wrong of me to want to forget, but I didn’t know any other way.”
I had been fiddling with the straw wrapper from my milkshake and I look up into her glassy eyes. She wipes the corner of her eye and stands up. She sits down next to me.
“Max.” She starts as she grabs my hands. I turn my body towards her. “Everyone has different ways of dealing with pain and loss. No one way is the same. I know where I stand in your life, I’ve never doubted that and I never will. I didn’t want to pick you up though for you to apologize to me, you don’t owe me any. What you do owe me, and everyone else, is you. A healthy you, the you who we all know and love. Things will be different, we all have great memories of Betsy, but we cannot live in the past. Betsy wouldn’t want that of us.” Her hand is steady in mine.
I nod my head. “I want to be a better person. That’s why I didn’t throw a fit when the guys threw rehab on the table. I did however turn one weakness in for another. Strawberry milkshakes are the devil! When I have even the slightest twinge of wanting a drink or think that I will be faced with something that could throw me back into drinking these babies are my lifesaver!” I smile grabbing my shake.
Sterling laughs and gives my hand one more squeeze before going back to her side of the table.
We finished off our food, the fries were definitely not the best in the world and then we headed back to my house. I wasn’t worried with what would face me upon returning, I was just happy to be home.
We walked inside and everyone from work was present as well as my friends. Davis and his girlfriend stood in the kitchen talking excitedly and Sterling and Dane sat at the dining room table talking with Talia from work and her boyfriend. Lukas stood in the hallway by my bedroom on his phone, looking irritated. I looked around my small house and smiled, these people cared enough to celebrate me coming home from rehab, who does that?
***
I returned to work the following day and I played catch up. I never left my office in shame of showing my face to our staff. I needed a few more days to settle back into work before facing them again. Many of them were at my return from rehab party, but here at work I have to show my game face and be more professional.
I spent the whole week returning emails, scowering the vendor classifieds and talking to some colleagues about potential projects that we can bid on. Since I had really nothing to look forward to at home, I worked late. I would get home well after 10pm and then straight to bed. I needed this work ethic to get myself back on track. In between my strawberry milkshakes and the long hours at work, I think I can do this. No, I know I can.
I made note of that when and where the local AA meetings took place. I texted briefly with Leo and we set up a few meetings for this coming week.
I don’t want to fail at this sobriety thing.
Chapter 12 - Davis
While my brother was in rehab, the house was quiet. Katrina stayed over on a few occasions, I spent a lot of nights surrounded by planning syllabuses and lesson planning for the start of the school year and planning a spaced out theme for my classroom. I even hosted a BBQ in which I invited not only my friends from work, but Dane, Sterling and Lukas as well. With Max being gone, the three of us had gotten closer and I no longer just saw them as my brother’s friends. They never treated me like the little brother, always as a separate person from Max and I figured it was time to make more friends.
Max came home a month after I dropped him off at the rehab facility on the cliffs. He looked different, much more clear headed and his eyes weren’t as lifeless. He’s been home a week now, and whenever I see him, he’s come home with a milkshake or made one in the kitchen, which I find comforting. He’s attended a few meetings with a friend he met while in rehab and even found himself a sponsor. He hasn’t searched the cupboards for any booze, hasn’t brought home scores upon scores of women, he hasn’t disappeared at night or looked hung-over in the mornings. In fact, we now saw each other every morning before we went off to work.
I’m standing in the kitchen flipping a pancake when Max shuffles into the kitchen. His hair is standing up in all directions and he’s got pillow creases on the side of his face. He grunts as he brushes past me and reaches into the fridge to pull out the orange juice.
“Why are you always so chipper in the morning?” He mumbles, his eyes only half open as he looks at me.
“Morning person.” I smile, plating the pancake. “Breakfast?” I offer him, since I have some more batter.
“Sure.” He grunts as he leans back on the counter drinking from the carton.
“I’m chaperoning a school dance tonight. I need your help to look cool” I hope that I don’t sound like a dork.
“Isn’t it still summertime? Why is there a dance, if school hasn’t started yet?”
“It’s a thing this school does for the student’s entering into 5th grade. Apparently it’s a huge jump from 4th to 5th; it’s the oldest class of the school, so I think the administrators like to welcome the kids into it, or something. I don’t know. I signed up, are you going to help me or what?”
“I feel like this is high school. You want me to pick out your outfit for the dance?” He smiles looking more awake.
I do sound like a dork. I’m asking my big brother to dress me. So instead of commenting, I shrug.
He smiles again and then nods his head. “Sure buddy. Is Kit-Kat going with you?” He’s taken to giving everyone nicknames recently. Katrina doesn’t know yet, that’s what he calls her.
“Nope. She’s busy, plus really, who wants to go to a 5th grade dance when you’re an adult.”
“You do.” He jokes.
“Hey, it’s my teacherly duty to do these things, plus I was forced to do it by Tatum and Sammie.” Shit! I had forgotten that my brother doesn’t know that I am aware of his hook up with Tatum. Hopefully, he doesn’t recognize the name.
Max looks off into the distance with a contemplative look on his face. Shit! Max shakes his head and turns his attention back to me.
“Whatever you say little brother.” He grins. “Do you need the clothes now or after school?”
“I can wear something from my closet; I just need your guidance with what, but later this afternoon. I have to be at the school tonight at 7.” I am embarrassed that he’s helping me out like this, but also grateful that he is here to help me out. This is a moment that we wouldn’t be sharing if he didn’t go to rehab.
“Sure, no big thing. I have an early day anyways and my Friday nights seem to be wide open lately.” He jokes.
I try to not flinch at his comment, and hope he sees no change in my demeanor, his Friday nights are open because he doesn’t go out to the bars anymore, he’s been staying home a lot since he’s been out of rehab. He did mention plans with some guy he met while in rehab, which I hope is a good thing.
***
My phone rings and while I typically don’t answer my phone while at the gym, I do since I notice it’s Sammie who is calling.
“You’re still coming tonight, right?” She asks me.
“Yup, it wouldn’t be right to back out last minute.”
“Do you want to caravan together?”
“Nah, I can meet you guys there.”
“Oh C’mon! Let’s save the planet and gas or something like that.” She’s pleading.
“You just want to catch me running around in my boxers.” I joke.
“Nah, you’re taken goods.”
“You’ve seen the house, what more do you want to see?” Please don’t say Max, Please don’t say Max.
“I’m curious if your brother would recognize Tatum, you know if we showed up knocking on your door asking for you to come out and play.” She pretends to
sound innocent.
“Let’s not and say you did.” Please drop it.
“C’mon. Please? Pretty, pretty please, with a cherry on top?”
“Begging doesn’t sound good on you.” I deadpan.
“That’s not what the guy last weekend said.” She retorts back. Touché!
“Fine. But you guys don’t poke the sleeping bear. Nothing obvious, just smile and no lingering.”
“Pfft! You’re no fun!” She whines like a child.
“Is Tatum aware of your grand plan?”
“No, she’ll find out though soon. I’ll play it off like he’s not home.”
“You realize, this is my brother you’re talking about, right?”
“Of course, your super hot brother!” She gushes. I roll my eyes.
“Whatever, 6:30, I don’t know why I even agree to these things with you.”
“You got it stud, oh and it would be fun if you answered in polka-dot boxers. You know wrap the whole story around.” She laughs and cuts the call abruptly.
***
“Seriously, this?” I ask looking into the full length mirror on Max’s closet door.
Max pulls out several button down shirts from my closet. He has at least 10 of them thrown across his bed. I have a paisley shirt on currently, with maroons, grays and blacks. It’s between this shirt, which Max likes and a pin striped shirt that I would prefer.
“This shirt is more of an attention getter, the striped one is classic and boring.” He states sitting in his chair in the corner of the room.
“You realize I have a girlfriend, and this is for a school dance, in which I am a chaperone at, right?” I ask.
“Yeah totally, but I remember making fun of the chaperones when I was at school dances.”
“Why on earth would you wear a paisley shirt, isn’t that like wearing wall paper or a sofa?” I mock.
“That’s why the colors are more masculine buddy. A chick likes more the metro thing nowadays anyways. Besides, at one point you thought this shirt was cool, I mean it’s still in your closet.”
“Again, I have a girlfriend.”
“I know, I know. Why do I feel like a teenage girl gossiping with you about clothes?” I look at the clock next to his bed, it’s 6:25pm. The doorbell rings and my heart stills. Max looks puzzled.
“It’s my co-workers, we’re car-pooling. Will you grab the door and let them in?” Might as well get this over with.
Chapter 13 – Max
I roll my eyes as I leave my bedroom and grab the door. I feel like a parent and I’ll be sending off my kid to the dance, hell I dressed him and now he’s got a ride.
I reach for the door and suddenly there is an incredibly hot redhead standing on my doorstep. She is vaguely familiar, but I just can’t place her. I step aside and let her inside with a smile. As she passes me, I have a fleeting reminder of a table of empty shot glasses, long beautiful legs, those legs wrapped around me and then I look up at the same time, but her face doesn’t fit.
“Max.” She says as she passes me. So she either knows me or she knows of me.
“Okay, So, what do you think?” Davis says as he walks out of my bedroom in the paisley shirt.
“It’s definitely a shirt.” The redhead replies.
“A shirt that looks good, or do I look like a freaking idiot? Be honest.” Davis asks her.
“Well, it’s a conversation starter for sure.” She laughs.
I’ve moved from the doorway entrance to the kitchen area, with a straight view of the redhead so I can further try to figure out just where I know her from. There were many evenings that are a blur to me, sometimes more than one female that I was with an evening. It’s then that I realize that I’m a slut.
I knew from this morning that the names that Davis mentioned were familiar, but of course I didn’t put the two together.
“So, you work with Davis?” I ask leaning against the counter.
The redhead startles as she looks at me and then smiles a little too big as if she knows a secret that I don’t. She must have not known Davis had a brother, or that I lived here.
“Yeah, we’re all teachers. I’m 2nd and Tate is Kindergarten.” She says walking over to the counter to close the distance.
“I see.” I don’t see the other person that she is talking about, and I can’t think of anything else to say, however this is some serious déjà-vu that I’m having right now. I’m still racking my brain on details, she just mentioned someone else, why would she mention someone else and why is she looking at me like she knows something that I don’t?
“Where’s Tatum?” Davis asks walking back into the room and rolling up the sleeves on the shirt.
“She’s in the car. She, um didn’t want to come in.” The redhead says looking at me quickly then back to Davis.
Tatum. That was one of the names that Davis said this morning. Sammie and Tatum. Tatum and Sammie. This whole being sober thing and remembering things when you were drunk is annoying. I ran my hand through my hair, frustrated with the struggle of trying to grasp my thoughts.
“Holy Shit!” I exhale. I look at Sammie, my mouth a gape. Davis is looking at me puzzled and then he gets a knowing look in his eyes.
“The hotel. Sisters birthday. Tatum. Letter. What the …” I can’t complete a coherent thought let alone say it out loud.
“Nice to see you again Maxy boy.” Sammie smiles.
“So uh, yeah….” Davis looks nervous. “You met my friends during your… um vacation.” Davis steps beside Sammie.
“And you knew this the whole time?” I ask Davis, my voice getting louder than usual. “Tatum, she’s in the car? Why didn’t she want to come inside?” I ask turning to Sammie.
“She didn’t want to run into you, in case you were home. And you are.” Sammie says spreading her arms out in a grand gesture.
“I wasn’t a dick to her, quite the opposite.” I try to smile, but I’m trying to also get a grip on my frustration.
“There’s my asshole brother. Leave Tatum alone, Max, she didn’t wanna come inside, plain and simple. You may have just been a one night stand to her.” Davis said defending the girl who sat outside. He gestures to the front door and Sammie follows.
“It was good to see you again Max. Have a good night.” Sammie fakes a smile as she reaches to open the front door.
I follow behind them, Sammie is out of the house and walking down the walk-way towards a car parked at the curb. Davis stops just short of the front door and turns to me and places his hand against my chest as I attempt to walk down the pathway.
“Just chill. A chick you were most likely going to blow off anyways blew you off first. Please don’t make it weird, these are my work colleagues and my friends.” He looks me in the eye and I back off. He turns his heel and walks to the car at the curb.
In the passenger seat is a beautiful brunette, I see the back of her head as she’s turned towards Sammie, she then slowly turns to look back at the house and I’m standing in the doorway. My breath hitches, likely at the same time I can tell hers does and she quickly looks away. The car starts and speeds off.
I shut the door and go to the living room and sit on the couch. I’m facing the television but I haven’t turned it on yet. The week I stayed in the bayfront hotel, I was extremely drunk and I didn’t leave the premises. I would meet a chick in the bar or pool and she would be coming up to my room by the end of the night. And while the details are fuzzy, I am remembering the onslaught of the first images that came to my mind as Sammie entered my house.
I invited myself to their table, I purposely showed interest in the birthday girl to make a better impression on the leggy brunette with the almost black hair. I bought rounds upon rounds of shots for the girls and eventually made my way back to my room with the leggy brunette. Then in the morning, I didn’t need to make up some lame excuse to get rid of her, because while I took a shower, she left me. Which was disappointing since I wanted another go, but she had made up my mind for me.
So why am I sitting here analyzing what I can remember of my entire evening with her and why am I so bent out of shape about this? Maybe my brother is right.
I pulled out my phone and my finger hovered over the Call button with Nikki’s contact information. I eventually hit the button and within 30 minutes, she was knocking on my door.
I answer the door and put a smile to my face for her. This would be the first time that I’m actually seeing her when I don’t have a drink in my system. She’s a pretty girl, definitely not my type, but she’s a hellcat in bed. Her don’t give a fuck attitude and straight honesty drew me to her along with her edgy sweetness. I’m attracted to her, as evident from the stretching happening in my pants, but as harsh as it sounds, she just isn’t my type in the longevity of things.
“Hey stranger. I haven’t see you in awhile.” She purrs as she enters the house and leans up on her tippy-toes to kiss me.
Our lips mesh together and I kiss her back, our lips fused together but not opening.
“I’ve been, busy.”I say as I release her.
“Mmmm. Figured you got yourself a girlfriend.” She smiles as she sits herself down on the couch. “Your brother out?”
“Yeah, he’s got a work thing.” I sit next to her. I’m unsure how all this starts, do I make the move? Why am I acting like a pussy? This is different sober.
“Are you okay? You don’t seem like yourself.” She’s looking at me concerned.
“No, I’m fine. It’s just been awhile, and I haven’t seen ya.” I say awkwardly getting up and moving to the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink? Unfortunately, I only have milk, juice, soda and water. Oh and I can make strawberry milkshakes.”
She gets up and stands across the counter. “I’ll take a milkshake, I haven’t had one in years.” She smiles.
I eagerly get out all the ingredients, which I’ve made a point to constantly keep in the house. I avoid eye contact and any conversation. I’m not needing a drink, but I can feel something tugging at me.
“So Maximus, what have you been doing for the past few months? Your friend, the sexy married one came into the bar one night and asked if I had seen you. You go MIA or something?”
The Crash Zone (The Zone Series Book 2) Page 7