by Jim Cangany
“Your first victory, boss. What do you think?”
“Thrilled, overjoyed, you name it. And the timing couldn’t be more perfect for the Racer Girlz launch. Let’s go find the lady of the day.”
A boisterous group surrounded Gabrielle’s car as it entered the winner’s circle. Scott said something to Gabrielle as he unbuckled her seatbelt. She was still for a moment before her shoulders rose, and she removed her helmet.
The round of applause filled Brad’s ears as she eased herself out of the car and took Barbara in a long embrace.
A moment later, an announcer had a microphone in front of her. “Gabrielle, it’s your first win in the Continental Series. How does it feel?”
“A dream come true. It’s been a long time since I last won on American soil, and there were many nights I didn’t think it would happen again.” She thanked a long list of sponsors and then took in a long breath. “Above all, I want to thank my team owner, Barbara Sawyer, for giving me this incredible opportunity, my team for giving me this awesome car, and my team director, Brad Thomas, for giving me the faith that I could not only race at this level, but I could win, too.”
From his vantage point at the front of the car, Brad raised a bottle of water to her. She was answering another question, but he didn’t hear it. He was focused on her, the dimpled smile that reached from ear to ear, the joy that radiated from her.
His grin faltered, and he had to look away. After ten long and often painful years, he was back in the winner’s circle. With Gabrielle. His heart ached that J.P. couldn’t be here to celebrate with them.
While Brad oversaw the laborious exercise of loading up the team transporter for its return to the shop, Gabrielle and Barbara took part in a post-race press conference. Between the victory, the Racer Girlz announcement, and the leap up in the season-long championship standings, Gale Force Racing was on cloud nine.
Brad was happy, but not ecstatic, and his smile was forced. Responding to all of the congratulatory text messages was turning out to be a chore, instead of a breeze. The worst part was he couldn’t put a finger on what was bothering him.
At the team dinner, Barbara made a point to recognize every member by name for the effort each of them had made to bring the team its first victory. Dinner cheered him up a little, and the kiss Gabrielle gave him before they boarded the motorhome made his heart race. Something at the bottom of his soul kept trying to rain all over his victory parade, though, and he couldn’t figure out what.
Chapter Thirteen
“Why are you such a Gloomy Gus?” Bridget and Brad were on the porch, sipping iced tea while Amy was spending the day with a friend, probably pretending to be Gabrielle. Summer break was in full swing, and Bridget was spending a lot of time hanging out with Gabrielle. With the rising star out of town making promotional appearances with Barbara, Bridget had evidently decided spending the afternoon with her brother was a tolerable consolation prize.
“I don’t know, and it’s driving me crazy. Gabrielle’s amazing. We just won our first race. I should be on top of the world, right?” He swatted at a bee buzzing nearby.
“Did you talk to your counselor talk about it?” So far, the only family members who knew Brad was going to counseling were Bridget and their parents. He wasn’t ready to tell his brothers.
“Yeah. She thinks it’s a sign I still haven’t let go of J.P., and until I fully reconcile with that, I’ll never get past my problems.”
Brad was convinced the counseling sessions were helping, but the pain they were digging up still hurt way more than he’d ever imagined.
“How are you supposed to do that?”
“She suggested I have some kind of letting go ceremony. Sounds pretty stupid.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Bridget went to the porch rail. “You didn’t go to the funeral, after all.”
“How was I supposed to do that? I was laid up in the hospital.” He tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice, but based on Bridget’s frown, he failed.
“Exactly. Then after you got out of the hospital, it was all about rehab, then all about getting back to work. You’ve never been to J.P.’s grave site, have you?”
“I said good-bye in my own way.”
“Liar.” Bridget glowered at him, her lips a thin, straight line. “You’ve never said good-bye. You’ve put all your emotions about the accident into a little box and shoved it into a corner of your brain where it was growing cobwebs until a few weeks ago.”
“So, am I supposed to jump on a plane to visit his grave? I’m in the middle of the season. It’s kind of hard to get away right now.”
“God, you can be so obtuse. Of course I’m not suggesting you fly to France. What I am suggesting is you and Gabrielle pay a visit to his tree. Do something there. Sing a song. Tell a joke. Shoot, play some Mario Kart, for all that it matters.”
“Oh.” Brad inspected his fingernails, which for once weren’t chewed to the nubs. It wasn’t a bad idea, actually. Maybe the two of them could have their own little ceremony. “Couldn’t hurt.”
“That’s putting it mildly.” Bridget let out a sigh and shook her head. For the summer, she’d added highlights to her brown hair. It made her look younger, and maybe a little happier.
“No need to get snippy about it.”
“Yes, there is reason to get snippy about it. You know why?” She poked him in the chest. “Gabrielle’s been in love with you practically since the day she met you. Despite the royally crappy way you treated her, she still is. You lost her once, but now you’ve got a second chance. Not everybody gets a second chance. I know that better than anyone, so you better listen to what I’m telling you. You need to get over yourself and deal with this stuff once and for all.”
“And if I don’t?” It was a juvenile response, but sometimes he got tired of Bridget lecturing him.
“Then you’ll lose her forever. And that would be really stupid, because she’s the best thing to ever happen to you. Having someone taken from you is one thing, but driving someone away is another thing entirely.”
She went to the porch rail. Her head drooped as she leaned on it.
He put his arm around her. She leaned into him but kept her head down.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ll ever really appreciate how much you miss Paul.”
“Sometimes I still wake up in the middle of the night expecting to find him next to me, but no matter how hard I wish, I’ll never find him there.” She sniffed and took a gulping breath. “Being alone really stinks.”
There were no words that could give Bridget the comfort she deserved. In the years since her husband’s death, she’d been the definition of grace under pressure. Now, with a look behind her curtain of strength, Brad saw his sister’s truly selfless nature. She was willing to rip a bandage from a wound that would never heal all in the hope that her brother could have what she had lost.
After a while, Bridget’s phone buzzed. It was time for her to pick up Amy.
Brad walked her to her car, his arm still around her. “I’ll do better. I promise.”
She keyed the ignition and gave him a smile. “Just make sure you do better for you. Not for me.”
Once she was out of sight, he hightailed it to his apartment. He had an idea.
The next morning, Brad stifled a yawn as he took a seat at the dining room table. He placed a shirt box on the floor next to him. When he refilled his coffee mug a third time, Gabrielle stopped the recap of her day of promotion with Barbara.
“Sleepless night?”
“Yeah.” He took another gulp of the coal-black drink. No sweetener today. He wanted it truck-stop style to wake him up. “I had a good reason for it. As soon as you’re finished with your breakfast, I’ll show you.”
Faster than her qualifying run at the Crossroads Motor Speedway, Gabrielle polished off her oatmeal and was on her feet. “Shall we?”
“I now know part of my issues comes from never properly saying good-bye to J.P. I was in the hosp
ital when his memorial service was held, and even after I got better, I found ways to avoid visiting his grave in France.”
Gabrielle stared at her hands. “His parents said I was welcome at the service, but I couldn’t bring myself to go.”
“So I thought now could be a good time to have our own service. Just the two of us. Give J.P. a proper good-bye.”
She smiled and took his hand as she stood. “What did you have in mind?”
“Come with me.” He led her out the door.
They skirted a grove of oaks and arrived at the pond. Fed by a creek that meandered through the property, it was roughly the size of two football fields and had provided three generations of the Thomas family summertime fun.
“Oh, wow.” Gabrielle quickened her pace and arrived at the edge of the water first. After a moment, she headed toward the wooden dock that extended twenty feet into the water from a man-made beach.
Gabrielle sat at the end of the dock and pulled her legs underneath her. After a minute, she waved at him to join her. Her radiant smile warmed his heart.
“I’d forgotten about this.” She sighed. It was a deep, contented sigh. It was a sigh that convinced him it was the right decision to bring her here.
She pointed toward a nearby grassy area. “I remember you teaching J.P. and me to skip stones from that spot.”
“More like I tried to teach you guys.” He chuckled as the memory of that sunny summer morning replayed itself in his mind. “And completely failed with J.P.”
“Remember how he got so mad he stomped off, grumbling about how Frenchmen couldn’t be bothered with such an American activity?” As they laughed, Gabrielle bumped his shoulder and put her hand on top of his.
“The host family I stayed with was nice enough, but a lot of great memories of those two seasons happened on the farm here. Thanks for the reminder.”
“My pleasure, but that’s not why I brought you here.” He offered her a hand. “See that evergreen on the other side of the pond? The one with a little bench by it? Come on.”
When they arrived at their destination, Brad pointed to initials inscribed into the wooden seat—J.P.F.
“The fall after I came home from rehab, I planted this tree and built the bench.”
Gabrielle went to the tree and ran her fingers over the soft needles. It was a white pine. J.P. had mentioned once how the white pines in Indiana reminded him of home.
He sat on it and gestured for her to join him.
They faced the tree and each said a few words to their fallen friend. First they talked about how much they missed him. Then they reminisced about the good times they’d shared. Lastly, they thanked him for being a part of their lives and, “always being there with a smile, even on the darkest of days.”
When they were finished, Brad withdrew a silver and gold coin from his pocket. “It’s a Euro. J.P. gave it to me one time after I crashed. Said it would bring me luck.”
He flipped it in the air. “I was thinking that as a final act of letting him go, I’d toss it in the pond, like tossing coins in fountains for good luck. What do you think?”
“I think,” she caught it in midair and held it between her thumb and index finger, “you should keep it. He gave it to you as an act of friendship. I can’t think of a better keepsake than this coin.”
She placed it in his palm and folded his fingers over it. “You never know when you might need a little J.P. Fignon luck someday.”
“I feel like the luckiest guy on Earth today.” He slipped the coin back into his pocket and retrieved the box. “This is for you.”
He handed her an eight-by-ten sketch of the three of them, arm in arm, after a race. Gabrielle’s eyes were wide as she looked at the portrait.
“I don’t want to lose you, too.” A lump in his throat kept him from saying more.
“Brad, it’s simply stunning.” She put her arms around his neck and kissed him, a long, luxurious kiss that sent his heart racing and scrambled his brain cells. “Thank you. I’ll treasure it for as long as I live.”
• • •
Gabrielle was reviewing her most recent performance in the driving simulator when her phone rang.
“Rafael, to what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Wanted to see how life’s been for the race winner. Feeling better with a win under your belt?”
“It’s been great.” She told him about her explosion of social-media followers since the win, along with the overwhelming response to the Racer Girlz program. “We already have twenty-five girls registered for the first event. I’m driving our communications director crazy with all of the extra things I’m asking her to do.” She laughed. She was in a good place and was determined to enjoy it.
“That’s great. It’s not quite what I meant, though. How are you feeling? You know, your stomach issues?”
Leave it to Rafael to congratulate her and check up on her at the same time. What would she do without him?
“They’re under control. In all the excitement, I never had that post-race letdown like the other races, so I never had the time to get sick, I guess.”
“Excellent. And how are things with Brad?”
“They’re good. Fantastic, actually.”Especially after she spent the previous night at his apartment letting him rock her world on the couch, then on the floor, and then in the bedroom. Yeah, fantastic was the word.
“Really? That’s excellent. I’m happy for you. By the way, I’m trying to talk Mom and Dad into coming to one of your races. I’ll let you know how I do.” Gabrielle’s parents got so nervous watching her race in person, they were content with cheering her on from the comfort of their living room.
Again, it was just like Rafael to refrain from asking for details. She’d probably confide in him later, but for now he was going to let her enjoy the ride.
“How are they? I talked to Mom for a little bit on the way home from Chicago, but you know how she is. She practically spent the whole time talking about alligator sightings in the neighborhood.”
Rafael laughed. “Yeah, Dad said he’s going to catch one and ride it like a horse to card night. They’re fine, but you know them. Mom’s trying to talk him into going to the homeland to visit with relatives he hasn’t seen in person since he was, like, a toddler. He says he won’t touch foot on that island until he approves of the person in charge. They’ve both drafted me to convince the other they’re right.”
“Oh, Lord.” Gabrielle’s parents loved each other, but were both bullheaded when they thought they were right. This sounded like one of those occasions. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to tell them I’m making them ride in one of those two-seat race cars you guys have. Whoever goes the longest without upchucking gets their way.”
“I bow to your wisdom. Now, I’ve dished enough about me. What’s going on in your life?”
“Enjoying bachelorhood.” Rafael could be a poster boy for the single life. He was unattached and intent on staying that way. For him, the fewer complications in his life, the better.
“You better be picking up after yourself. When the season’s over, I don’t want to come home to a stinky pigsty. Understood?”
“Absolutely, provided you give me twenty-four hours’ notice.”
It was a joy to be able to talk to her brother about simple things, instead of crisis-intervention measures. She’d faced her final two hurdles and, by all accounts, had crossed them with flying colors. Unless she was wrong, she was going to be okay.
She could, finally, envision a future where she wouldn’t have to have her therapist on speed dial. She wouldn’t have to schedule appointments worrying about whether the Internet connection would cut out during a session. She might even be able to go off of her depression medication. Her current dose was so low, dropping it completely was the next logical step.
For the first time in a decade, she was in a position to ask Bonnie something that a year ago would have been unimaginable.
“Do we ne
ed to see each other anymore?”
Chapter Fourteen
“Everyone got your passports?” Brad was going through the travel to-do list with the entire team in attendance.
Gabrielle forced herself to refrain from rolling her eyes.
The upcoming race was in Montreal, Gale Force Racing’s first international trip, and the team director didn’t want anybody left behind at the border. The fact that he’d sent out daily reminders about what could and couldn’t be taken into Canada had gotten under a few crew members’ skin. He’d confessed to Gabrielle the night before he didn’t mean to be a pain. He was simply excited about returning to the track after the Chicago win.
The cheerfulness he’d been displaying in recent weeks made Gabrielle’s heart melt. It was a side of Brad she hadn’t seen in a decade. He was still all business at the shop, but back at the farm, he joked more and had even taken Amy to the dirt oval down the ravine from the farmhouse. Returning to the track was another step forward for Brad, and the fact that he wanted to share it with his niece had warmed Gabrielle’s insides like nothing else.
At the end of the team meeting, Gabrielle raised her hand. “What’s a passport?”
Amid the snickers, Brad sighed and looked to the ceiling. “Asks the driver who’s raced on three different continents.” He smirked as he glanced her way. “Any serious questions?” When there were none, he adjourned the meeting.
While Gabrielle was updating her Instagram feed, Barbara handed her an envelope. “Here’s our itinerary. We have a Racer Girlz appearance tomorrow morning, a sponsor luncheon, and a visit to the local children’s hospital after that.”
“Wow. That’s a full day.” And an intimidating one, too. Her success on the track and her growing popularity off of it made Gabrielle feel like Wonder Woman. On the other hand, so much had happened so fast, part of her was scared the foundation of her soaring profile was built of sand, and would be swept away with a single rush from an incoming tide.