by Don Miller
“Good, I am glad you are beginning to realize you need to rethink how you interact with others. My second suggestion is that you stay here while we are gone. You are worried about being alone, but you will not be alone. Pemberley has a very large and friendly staff, and I suggest you get to know some of them. In particular, you could spend time with Mrs. Reynolds. She says she would be willing to work with you, showing you all she does and what the various members of the staff do. I think you will find her a very motherly woman who will be willing to talk to you about your troubles if you want someone with whom to talk. I have also asked Mr. Skilling, who manages the stables and groomsmen, if he would be willing teach you to ride sidesaddle. I think it is something you might enjoy if you give it a chance. He said he would be more than willing if you were willing to work hard at it. Finally I have talked to Mr. Horner, the gardener. He loves to talk about his flowers and shrubs. Again, if you give it a chance, you might find it quite interesting and even be motivated to work with him a bit. All of these activities will allow you to learn things that can prove valuable to you in the future should you be fortunate enough to marry a man with an estate. What do you think?”
Lydia was quiet for a long time. “I have never thought much about my future or what I would need to do as a wife. Even in the excitement of running off with Wickham, I did not really consider what it would mean. It was just the excitement of the moment and the anticipation of being intimate with him that drew me. One of the things I have been thinking about the last few days is what it would have been like, had we married, and I realize I have no idea what I would have done. He was not rich enough to have servants. He did not have a house. He did not even own a horse—he rented the one pulling the buggy. I cannot cook; I cannot sew; I do not know anything about keeping a house clean and organized. Had we married, Wickham would have been gone most of the day working, and I have no idea what I would have done. I do not have much experience with small children. I do not know what I would have done if I had a child. I realize it would not have taken long for me to be miserable. As the days have gone by, I have become more and more ashamed of my actions and now feel my unworthiness to be anyone’s wife—even Wickham’s.”
They had reached the lake and sat down on a bench overlooking the lake. “All is not lost Lydia. Luckily, you are still young and have plenty of time to learn if you apply yourself, and I think these weeks we are gone might give you that opportunity if you stay here and do what I suggest.”
Lydia asked Elizabeth to give her more particulars about what she might be doing with Mrs. Reynolds and what it was like to ride sidesaddle. When Elizabeth told her about all the magnificent sights she could see only by horseback, she became more excited about learning to ride. She admitted she had never been interested in flowers and shrubs, but if Elizabeth thought it might be a good idea for her to learn, she said she would give it a try. Finally she said, “You have not said anything about the library, which I know you think is one of the grandest features of Pemberley. Why have you not encouraged me to spend more time in there?”
“Lydia, I think it would be wonderful if you would spend time in there. But, if you will notice, all of the things I have suggested have been structured activities, where there is someone to guide you, which is what I imagined you would do best. The library is immense and somewhat intimidating and there will be no one here to guide you in finding anything. If you think you might want to spend time there, then by all means, do it. I just do not want you to get so overwhelmed by it that it will discourage you from letting me show you all the wonderful things in it and how you can find them.”
They talked for several more minutes before Lydia finally agreed it would be best if she stayed at Pemberley for the next few weeks. Once she had made that decision, Elizabeth took her by the stables to meet Mr. Skilling and his daughter Martha, who would be teaching Lydia to ride. Lydia was very pleased to learn a girl would be teaching her to ride and although Martha was a very homely girl, Lydia discovered Martha was a very nice person and looked forward to meeting with her the next day to start her lessons. They then went out to the gardens to find Mr. Horner and introduce Lydia to him. Mr. Horner was, by contrast, a very old man. Elizabeth told her that even Darcy did not know how old he was, but it was believed that he was close to 90. He was amazingly energetic for such an old man and was very funny, so she could imagine being with him for a short time each day could be very interesting.
Thus it was, the next morning shortly after breakfast, Darcy, Elizabeth, Kitty, and Georgiana, Bingley and Jane, along with Ellie, Leila, and Morris entered the Darcy and Bingley carriages and started for London, with Lydia standing on the front steps of Pemberley, waving to them and watching until they drove out of sight. She then hurried in the house and up the stairs to her room, where Daisy, her maid, helped her don the riding outfit which had been fit to her from the large closet of clothing Georgiana had outgrown or discarded for some other reason.
The four day trip to London was uneventful for the travelers, the weather being good and the roads in reasonably good condition. They stopped the third night at Netherfield, and then the next morning, all except Jane and Bingley continued on to London. Kitty and Georgiana, along with the servants, went directly to Darcy House, while Elizabeth and Darcy went to the Gardiner’s, arriving there in midafternoon. When they were shown into the house by the butler, they were surprised to be greeted by Mary—a Mary they hardly recognized. The black dress she was wearing was very fashionable; her hair was done quite attractively, and she was smiling. All in all she looked quite pretty—more so than Darcy had thought was possible.
After all the greetings were over, Elizabeth asked, “Why are you here Mary? I thought you were going to stay in Meryton with Uncle and Aunt Phillips.”
“That was my initial intention, but I was convinced I might be happier here, therefore here I am. It is a somewhat long story which I will relate to you later. Aunt Madeleine will be home from the bookstore in about an hour. She did not expect you for another couple of hours. Unfortunately, Uncle Edward is out of town for the day and will return tomorrow.”
As she finished speaking the two older Gardiner children, Cordelia, who was 10 and Roger, who was 7, appeared at the top of the stairs. When Mary looked at them, Cordelia asked, “Cousin Mary, may we come down?”
“Yes you may. Come and greet your cousin and Mr. Darcy before he goes.”
When the children started to run down the stairs, Mary said, quite sternly, “Cordelia, Roger, you know you must not run. What do we do?”
Clearly abashed, Cordelia and Roger said nothing but turned around and went back to the top of the stairs and then walked down more slowly. When they reached the bottom, Mary smiled at them and nodded her head and they both rushed over to Elizabeth and hugged her and then, quite properly, Cordelia curtsied to Darcy and greeted him and Roger gave a slight bow to each.
“My goodness, I am impressed,” said Darcy. “Have you become their governess?”
“Not formally, but I have taken on the responsibility, at least for the time being, of instructing them in reading and writing and teaching them some decorum.”
“You seem to have done wonders in whatever time you have had.”
“Thank you. Mr. Darcy, will you stay for tea or do you wish to be on your way?
“I think I should be on my way. Tell Mrs. Gardiner I am sorry I missed her, but I believe I will see her and Mr. Gardiner for dinner at Matlock House tomorrow night, will I not? May I assume you will be there also?”
“I am sorry, but my aunt and uncle are unable to come. They have sent their regrets to Lady Matlock. They have been scheduled to go to a dinner at the Savoy hotel tomorrow night with a group of warehouse owners and their wives. However, I will be coming if you will allow me to ride with you and Lizzie, Mr. Darcy.”
“It will be my pleasure.”
Elizabeth walked Darcy to his carriage and then returned to the house. After playing some with the children, she we
nt to her room and took a bath, returning downstairs when she heard her aunt come home. She was in the foyer greeting her children as Elizabeth descended the steps.
“You arrived much earlier than I anticipated. I hope Mary took care of you.”
“Yes she did. Needless to say, I was very surprised to see her.”
As she said that, Mary came out of the sitting room carrying a book she had been reading to the children, followed by Miss Nevers, the nursemaid who was carrying two year old LizaJane. After telling Miss Nevers to take the children up to their playroom, Mrs. Gardiner said, “I can imagine seeing Mary was somewhat of a surprise. Let us go into the sitting room, where we can have some tea and Mary can tell you all about it.”
After they were settled, tea was served and Mrs. Gardiner encouraged Mary to tell Elizabeth why she was at the Gardiner’s rather than the Phillip’s.
Mary had gone to the Phillips as planned and was surprised by the care and affection they showed her. She had never known her uncle well and had always considered Mrs. Phillips much like her mother—rather flighty and a town gossip. But she saw a different side of them when she lived with them and they spent much time with her—talking about how she felt and what she wanted to do with her life. It was something neither her father nor mother had ever done with her. When they asked her about Mr. Thompson, the curate, she admitted her interest in him was not one of affection, but rather one of logic. She thought she was destined to be the wife of a clergyman and he seemed like a pleasant and kind man with whom she would feel comfortable. She thought he appreciated her and might eventually ask her to marry him.
Her aunt and uncle finally succeeded in making her admit her dreams went beyond being the wife of a country clergyman. She admired her Aunt Madeleine and Elizabeth and all they did to help people and how well they were liked by everyone. She would love to help with a place such as Hope Home as Elizabeth did and perhaps be the mistress of a small estate where she would have staff and tenants whom she could help. She would also like to be able to attend concerts and plays and be somewhat more involved in the life of whatever community she lived in. But she realized she had, over the years in the Meryton area, projected an image to people that she was very aloof and somewhat unfriendly and needlessly critical. She had never learned to dress well and resisted attempts to make her look attractive. Because she had so little confidence in herself, she had created an image she thought would protect her from being hurt. She did not like what she had become, but did not know how to change it.
Mrs. Phillips had convinced her she could change and that there were no better persons in England to help her than those two whom she so admired. Therefore, she suggested Mary would be happier living with the Gardiners in London and being able to see Elizabeth often during the Season. Mrs. Phillips was sure the Gardiners would welcome Mary’s help with their children, that she would be a welcome volunteer at Hope Home, and that she might enjoy working at the bookstore, as Elizabeth did. The Gardiners would also probably be happy to take her to concerts and plays with them. While Mary was thinking about it, Mrs. Phillips wrote to her brother and his wife, told them of her conversation with Mary, and asked if they would be willing to have Mary come live with them. When she received a rather enthusiastic affirmation from the Gardiners, she showed it to Mary and convinced Mary to move to London. Six days after moving in with the Phillips, Mary moved to London to be with the Gardiners.
Shortly after her arrival in Cheapside, she insisted on taking responsibility for teaching the older children to read and write better and to help Mrs. Gardiner discipline them. Much to Mrs. Gardiner’s delight, Cordelia and Roger took an immediate liking to their cousin Mary and now treated her almost as a second mother. Mrs. Gardiner also took Mary to Hope Home one day to show her the establishment and to meet some of the girls. Again, somewhat to Mrs. Gardiner’s surprise, Mary showed much empathy for the girls and spent a long time speaking with several of them, requesting she be allowed to return within two days to talk to more of them. After talking with more of the girls, she made several suggestions to Mrs. Gardiner about how the home might better serve the girls, suggestions Mrs. Gardiner thought so good she invited Mary to the next meeting with Lady Matlock, Lady Marshall, and Lady Dumont. They also were impressed with Mary’s suggestions and asked Mary to help the staff implement some of her suggestions, one of which was that she teach some of the young women to read and write. Her involvement in the home and with the Gardiner children took up so much of her time, she hardly had time to even visit the bookstore.
One of the joys Mrs. Gardiner found having Mary live with her, was she had a chance to teach Mary proper etiquette for London society, transform her from the plain looking Mary she had been at Longbourn to the attractive and more confident Mary who was a credit to the example set by her older sisters, and clothe her in a manner befitting a daughter of the Gardiners. She and Mr. Gardiner also found Mary was quite perceptive and they enjoyed evenings with her—conversing, teaching her card games, and listening to her play the piano. They had also hired the same piano master, who had taught Elizabeth for a few weeks, to work with Mary. Once he had managed to correct the many incorrect self-taught techniques she had developed, she became a rather proficient pianist. Mary expressed a hope she could be Elizabeth’s accompanist when she performed at some tea sometime in the future.
“So you see,” said Mrs. Gardiner, “having Mary come to live with us has been a blessing to both of us. I think you will have to admit she is blossoming into a fine young lady and she has certainly been a godsend to me. I was becoming so busy with my many activities, I felt I hardly had time to breathe.” She put her arm around Mary’s shoulders who was sitting next to her on the couch. “She has become the older daughter I did not know I needed to help me until she came.”
Mary returned her aunt’s hug and then turned back to Elizabeth. “I have been blessed by being here with Aunt Madeleine and Uncle Edward. I think I am happier now than I have ever been. But I have to give credit to Uncle and Aunt Phillips who first opened my eyes. It was their sensitivity to my needs that is the reason I am here. I had never realized how much they care for each other until I stayed with them this time, and I know Aunt Rachel would have very much liked to have me stay with them and be the daughter she never had. But she was more concerned with what I needed than what she wanted—an attitude I never experienced at home. I had always classified her as being just like mother, but she is not. I hope I am not tarnishing your image of father, Lizzie, but Aunt Rachel told me Mama had loved Papa very much and was quite a good mother when she was young. But she lost Papa’s affection over the years, often visiting Aunt Rachel and crying on her shoulder, wondering what she had done wrong. I think Papa treated Mama very badly and Aunt Rachel thinks that Mama’s condition in the end was due to her extreme unhappiness because of Papa’s indifference to her and to her indulgence in too many elixirs and smelling salts and other remedies that eventually affected her mind.”
Elizabeth’s face showed her sadness at Mary’s last remark. “I have known for some time much of the problem with their marriage was because of him. In fact, many of the problems in our family are due to his obvious preference for me. It became worse and worse as we aged and it upset me, but I did not know what to do about it. I mentioned it to him once and he just made one of his caustic remarks and dismissed it as not important. I am grateful for his intense desire to educate me and essentially make me the son he never had, but the cost to the family was too high. Jane and I often talked about it, but we felt there was little we could do but help the three of you as much as we could. And if it were not for you, Aunt Madeleine, and Uncle Edward, I do not know how Jane and I would have turned out.”
“Lizzie, you have often told me you like to think of the past only as it gives you pleasure, and I think it is time we followed your philosophy. That was then and this is now. We will just make sure out of the tragedy that was, something good comes.”
Chapter 27: Dinner at
Matlock House
Darcy was pacing in the entry hall of Darcy House, often glancing at the stairway, wondering when the girls would come down. It was not that they were late. It was just that Darcy had not been with Elizabeth all day and he was anxious to see her. For the past few weeks he had been with her much of each day and to have had to go this entire day without seeing her made him realize how important she had become to his life. He wondered if she felt at all the same. Of course, she had been shopping all day with her aunt and sister, while his day has consisted of taking a ride in the park and working on estate business, all of which he did alone.
Finally, he heard Georgiana’s and Kitty’s voices as they came down the hall from their rooms and eventually they reached the top of the stairs. As they descended the stairs, he looked at them in wonderment—almost as if he had never seen them before. For the first time he recognized they were beautiful young women who would draw the eye of any man. He was also impressed with how much they looked like sisters, even with Kitty wearing full mourning clothes. Kitty was slightly shorter and perhaps looked a little more mature, but their hair was much the same color, their figures were similar, they walked in somewhat the same manner, and their smiling faces were not all that dissimilar. He shook his head and pursed his lips, wondering why he had not noticed this before.
He saw that Georgiana had stopped smiling and as she reached the bottom of the stairs, she said, “Will, is there something wrong with how we look? You shook your head and looked as if you questioned our appearance. Or do think we took too long?”
He realized his expression as he watched them descend could easily been taken as disapproval. He had to remember to be more careful about such things in the future. To assure them nothing was wrong, he gave them a big smile and answered, “No, indeed, Georgie. You do not look wrong. In fact, you look very right. The look you saw was a result of me chastising myself for not noticing before what beautiful young women you have become. You are no longer just two adolescent younger sisters”